[Venting] I'm a piece of shit

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shango

shango

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Sep 9, 2019
70
178
I ordered SN today and meto, I sent it to my mothers house and I told her that I needed them because of nausea and the SN is just a dietary supplement. She believed me...Am I a piece of shit for what I'm about to do? Idk how she's going to feel when I use them to ctb...What the fuck is wrong with me guys? I really can't live anymore if I'm this much of a piece of shit and only fucking hurt people because of my actions. I really hate myself, I just want to end it. What the fuck can I even do?
 
shango

shango

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Sep 9, 2019
70
178
You are not shit you are protecting yourself from her finding out. What are your reasons for CTB?
Everyone I know is turning on me, I recently lost my job, and honestly I have severe social anxiety and don't know how to connect with people. All the friends that now hate me, I've known since middle school and I don't think I can function anymore without their support.
 
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Astral316

Astral316

Specialist
Aug 26, 2019
316
825
In my book, ending suffering takes precedence over maintaining status quo... you just have to determine if you're that miserable.
 
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Rachel74

Rachel74

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Sep 7, 2019
1,733
2,595
Everyone I know is turning on me, I recently lost my job, and honestly I have severe social anxiety and don't know how to connect with people. All the friends that now hate me, I've known since middle school and I don't think I can function anymore without their support.
If you got a new job would your outlook change?
 
shango

shango

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Sep 9, 2019
70
178
If you got a new job would your outlook change?
Probably not, I have massive brain fog at this point and can't function properly at all. I have no attention span anymore
In my book, ending suffering takes precedence over maintaining status quo... you just have to determine if you're that miserable.
Yeah, I'd like to think that too, but it still kinda burns inside. I just really want to die
 
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Dawn0071111

Dawn0071111

Hungry Ghost
Dec 9, 2018
572
1,369
You sound like your in utter despair & so alone... your not the kind of person to be dishonest so your conflicted on top of your exasperated state... and of course the self judgement and self loathing... cause you have a moral standard. You want good things but they seem out of reach. And so your considering the bus. Only you can know whats right for you to do... at least on ss, you wont get bullshit, we know what its like... take some time to figure out what you really want.... keep checking in with us... you will find your way to relief..

Huggzzz
 
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