I want a certain someone who destroyed me completely and utterly to see my suicide

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MaisieWilliamsLover

MaisieWilliamsLover

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Jun 27, 2020
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I realize this is 10 tons of fucked up. I realize that it could be classified as emotional terrorism and mental abuse. This person ruined me. Whenever she tells me to get lost it takes me months and months grief to get over the loss. Then she will come back to me and throw herself at me, once I do what she says and leave her alone and it she will tell me that it was all a mistake and that she messed up and then she will come back again. Then she will leave me again once I have ruin anything new that I have tried to build....getting back with her again. She tells me that my stepchild is my son when she needs help raising him then she was telling me that he's not my son whenever she decides to flip the switch. She tells me she loves me and she leaves me every time. I don't want to be a bad person but I want to die and I want her to see what she did to me
 
M

Meowkin

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May 6, 2020
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Wanting to get something back from someone who wronged you is a very human emotion. Some call it justice or revenge.
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
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Sounds like u are with a borderline personality disordered woman who might also have additional personality disorder. You should start watching some Sam Vaknin. This woman may not be able to help it. She might be damaged.
 
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Chiyuki99

Chiyuki99

a nightmare dressed like a daydream
May 28, 2019
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This woman sounds like a very sick person who, in my opinion would deserve to experience and see how much suffering she gave you. But there are two things to consider :
1) Do you think she will really care if you die? From what you wrote about her it seems like she will probably act likenher death crushed you to receive sympathy from others but in reality she will not care.
2) Do you really want to punish yourself for someone elses mistakes?
 
MaisieWilliamsLover

MaisieWilliamsLover

Member
Jun 27, 2020
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I am not motivated to do this primarily to punish her and that's one thing my conscience is clean on because I can feel it. I've wanted it to end this cycle... this pain and only now after she's done it the fifth time do I feel like I want her to see it
I'm not punishing myself I don't know that this is my fault but I know that it's not something I can live with not just The Break-Up the ending of a relationship but all the complications that go along with The Break-Up having to deal with her to see my daughter and my stepson. I feel trapped in a cycle that I can't get out of.
 
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Meowkin

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May 6, 2020
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It sounds like you want to communicate to her how much she's hurt you and you think that her seeing you ctb would get the message across.
 
MaisieWilliamsLover

MaisieWilliamsLover

Member
Jun 27, 2020
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It sounds like you want to communicate to her how much she's hurt you and you think that her seeing you ctb would get the message across.
Correct. It is not my motive behind ctb but it a secondary motivation or an added bonus; a side-effect I find myself hoping for. I would never leave my daughter and my stepson just to punish her. I dont want to punish her. I just want her to realize how bad it has destroyed me
 
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Acerakis

Acerakis

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Jun 5, 2020
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If she keeps going back to you then she is getting something out of doing so. Just go full no contact and then the next time she needs you she will be left wanting. Simmering over how people have wronged you just has a negative effect on your mental health, better to just stop thinking about them. If she is capable of hurting you to this point then I doubt she is the sort of person who will ever feel regret if you killed herself over her.
 
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MaisieWilliamsLover

MaisieWilliamsLover

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Jun 27, 2020
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I dont really want her to feel any specific emotion. Such as regret. I dont want to live. I want to die. Regardless of whether she sees it or not.
I dont really want her to feel any specific emotion. Such as regret. I dont want to live. I want to die. Regardless of whether she sees it or not. I just want her to grasp what she did to me.
If she keeps going back to you then she is getting something out of doing so. Just go full no contact and then the next time she needs you she will be left wanting. Simmering over how people have wronged you just has a negative effect on your mental health, better to just stop thinking about them. If she is capable of hurting you to this point then I doubt she is the sort of person who will ever feel regret if you killed herself over her.
I went full no contact for three months. She used my daughter to get me to start answering her.
I dont really want her to feel any specific emotion. Such as regret. I dont want to live. I want to die. Regardless of whether she sees it or not.


I went full no contact for three months. She used my daughter to get me to start answering her. My daughter ended up in the hospital and my wife starting messages such as "I love you. I'm sorry you dont love us" and "so now you dont even love your daughter." This woman has me forcefully removed from her life but then when I move on and leave her be she chases after me and literally stalks me
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,131
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Correct. It is not my motive behind ctb but it a secondary motivation or an added bonus; a side-effect I find myself hoping for. I would never leave my daughter and my stepson just to punish her. I dont want to punish her. I just want her to realize how bad it has destroyed me
She won’t realise anything. Best thing to do is cut contact permanently. Sorry u met one of these toxic people. Yes they will destroy u psychologically.
 
SlowMo

SlowMo

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Mar 7, 2020
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Perhaps I'm wrong, but it sounds like you don't really want to hurt this person, you just want her to care, if not about you per se, then for the pain and hurt that she's caused you to matter.
 
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cryptic__egg

cryptic__egg

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May 9, 2020
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A nice sentiment, but as was stated above you don't want to become something she can use for sympathy while not actually caring about your death.
 
H

Hammer

just about gone.
Jun 15, 2020
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If the girl is massie williams then this thread just got a whole lot more popcorny.
 
MaisieWilliamsLover

MaisieWilliamsLover

Member
Jun 27, 2020
94
138
No I'm probably quite too old for her. Yeah I'm in the creep Zone on this one but you know what I think she's f****** beautiful and was looking for a silly Alias Avatar