[Story] I tried to kill myself last night

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Josef2000

Josef2000

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
43
145
So on Tuesday I started drinking from 11am, fed my lizard, and then kept drinking listening to sad songs and feeling sorry for myself, around 6pm I headed out for a walk, I was pretty drunk at this point, I just sort of wandered off, climbed up onto the train tracks and sort of sat there for a while, had another drink, took out my blades and cut my forearms, got darker and I went a bit crazy and headed up to the mountains, however I fell about 10 foot off the train track and fucked my foot up, was still drunk not to feel it but it’s so sore now, pulled myself together and then wandered off again and got stuck in a field with horses and started talking to myself for some reason, got out of the field, up into the mountains and it was pitch black, I had nobody to talk to and at this point I realised I had no actual way of killing my self, rang lifeline and talked to one of the staff from 9pm to 12am, had deep conversations with her and life and all that, cops were called at this point, headed back down the mountain. They had torches and guns out, a helicopter was out looking for me, about 12 cops were there, had to put my hands behind me and was handcuffed and strip searched, said I wasn’t in any trouble it’s just that I had a blade on me, sat in the car and talked to them waiting for an ambulance to come take me to Craigavon a&e, did all that, had a chat and things, went into bluestone and talked to the girls in there and they deemed me safe to go home, so brother came and picked me up and now I’m at home in my bed
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Josef2000

Josef2000

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
43
145
12 cops?!? That's crazy
Yeah they had their guns pointed at me when they heard that I was carrying a blade
Where did that take place? How are you now?
This was in the mountains nearby my home in Ireland. I’m better today, regretting telling anyone about my location and things although they used a drone and a helicopter to track my heat. I think if I were to do it next time I’d drink more alcohol and bring a rope. I only had 9 tablets on me and that was just enough to hurt my stomach so I never took them
What a wild story. I am glad you are OK and safe home now.
Thankyou, I’m stuck in bed because I sprained my foot falling on the mountain so just staying in my room and getting monitored by my parents atm
 
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Evermore

Evermore

Member
Apr 20, 2020
48
72
That sounds insane , I would've been shitting bricks if I had a helicopter and armed police out looking for me . I live in the south of Ireland so i don't really have to worry about guns here . I hope you're alright , your night sounded both emotionally and physically exhausting.
 
mittensxx

mittensxx

Time to go
Nov 12, 2019
12
30
That’s such a crazy story! I never realised they’d call the gardaí if you’re in trouble. I’ve had adventures like that myself wandering around Dublin but nothing close to your situation.

if I can ask how come they just sent you home? I always thought you’d get admitted to a psych ward.
 
I

I screwed up

Wise
Sep 11, 2019
259
304
That was a wild night u had ... Were u trying to ctb ? I really envy u in a way where u have access to the woods . wish I would be living in a place like urs with woods and mountains around... Living in a city like Mumbai , I can only dream of going to places like that...
 
Josef2000

Josef2000

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
43
145
That sounds insane , I would've been shitting bricks if I had a helicopter and armed police out looking for me . I live in the south of Ireland so i don't really have to worry about guns here . I hope you're alright , your night sounded both emotionally and physically exhausting.
Yeah the Gardai sound a bit more relaxed than the PSNI, I’m feeling a lot better today compared to last night
That’s such a crazy story! I never realised they’d call the gardaí if you’re in trouble. I’ve had adventures like that myself wandering around Dublin but nothing close to your situation.

if I can ask how come they just sent you home? I always thought you’d get admitted to a psych ward.
Honestly I’m still asking myself how I got home instead of being admitted to be honest, I told them “I still have suicidal thoughts but I’ve accepted that they are only thoughts, I have no plan on harming myself nor do I want to” and the lady just talked about life and death, not that she could sway my thoughts but I sort of played along. I know myself I didn’t need to be admitted, it was just the alcohol that did thid
That was a wild night u had ... Were u trying to ctb ? I really envy u in a way where u have access to the woods . wish I would be living in a place like urs with woods and mountains around... Living in a city like Mumbai , I can only dream of going to places like that...
I left the house with the intention of just going for a walk but the alcohol messed up my judgement and I got a little bit crazy. I was trying to ctb but I had no means to do so, I thought I had a rope in my back pack. Yeah we have plenty mountains and forests nearby it’s lovely. I’m sure Mumbai has its perks!
Wow, rough night! Glad you are back and safe. 9 armed officers for one guy who might have knife? What, were they holding each others hands or something?
Hahaha, I know it was a bit overkill and it was pretty nerve wrecking seeing the lasers pointed on you but I think it’s because they got called out to some guy with mental health issues carrying a knife just Incase they thought I might lunge at them. I co-operated anyway, I knew I hadn’t got the means or the items to ctb so I didn’t want to waste the cops time, the paramedics time and the search&rescue’s time any longer
 
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Underscore

Underscore

Moebius Potato
Jul 31, 2018
3,847
7,553
Yeah the Gardai sound a bit more relaxed than the PSNI, I’m feeling a lot better today compared to last night

Honestly I’m still asking myself how I got home instead of being admitted to be honest, I told them “I still have suicidal thoughts but I’ve accepted that they are only thoughts, I have no plan on harming myself nor do I want to” and the lady just talked about life and death, not that she could sway my thoughts but I sort of played along. I know myself I didn’t need to be admitted, it was just the alcohol that did thid

I left the house with the intention of just going for a walk but the alcohol messed up my judgement and I got a little bit crazy. I was trying to ctb but I had no means to do so, I thought I had a rope in my back pack. Yeah we have plenty mountains and forests nearby it’s lovely. I’m sure Mumbai has its perks!

Hahaha, I know it was a bit overkill and it was pretty nerve wrecking seeing the lasers pointed on you but I think it’s because they got called out to some guy with mental health issues carrying a knife just Incase they thought I might lunge at them. I co-operated anyway, I knew I hadn’t got the means or the items to ctb so I didn’t want to waste the cops time, the paramedics time and the search&rescue’s time any longer
Did you feel embarrassed? How are you doing now?
 
KiraComplex

KiraComplex

Cream Soda
Aug 31, 2019
101
168
of course cops had to be pointing their guns. what else would they do.
 
Josef2000

Josef2000

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
43
145
of course cops had to be pointing their guns. what else would they do.
I completely understand that for their own safety as I had mentioned above
Did you feel embarrassed? How are you doing now?
I could feel the alcohol wearing off, I couldn’t look anyone in the eye and just kept my head down. I could feel the stares at me but I know that everyone was glad to see me alive and not zipped up in a bag. I’m feeling much better today honestly, still disappointed to be here but I guess it’s back to the old way of feeling terrible and having suicidal thoughts. I don’t think anything has changed in that aspect
That's crazy. Glad you're at home now and they didn't put you somewhere into a mental hospital.
Once I left A&E they got security to escort me over to Bluestone (a mental hospital). A lovely woman assessed me while the other typed up my answers on a computer. She said I was quite mature about it and she felt confident enough to send me home, she said “what will you do once you get home?” And I just told her I wanted to sleep and forget about all of this, I told her I still feel suicidal but I have been for years and this was just a result of drinking alcohol
 
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Underscore

Underscore

Moebius Potato
Jul 31, 2018
3,847
7,553
No wish to belittle your amazing and traumatic experience, but I suspect you may actually have been lucky least in so much as how the police and the doctors dealt with it. That could have gone really badly in a few ways. Glad you are safe,though ofc I realise you still face the same feelings.
 
Josef2000

Josef2000

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
43
145
No wish to belittle your amazing and traumatic experience, but I suspect you may actually have been lucky least in so much as how the police and the doctors dealt with it. That could have gone really badly in a few ways. Glad you are safe,though ofc I realise you still face the same feelings.
Don’t worry it’s not belittling at all. I’ve been told I’ve been quite lucky although I don’t feel it but I’m sure looking back in a while on this experience I may have been lucky. I think everyone was just glad I walked down instead of being carried in a body bag down the mountain.
 
S

schopenh

Veteran
Oct 21, 2019
121
192
What 'mountain' was it that they took you to Craigavon?
PM me if you don't want to make it public but don't mind telling me
 
KiraComplex

KiraComplex

Cream Soda
Aug 31, 2019
101
168
Don’t worry it’s not belittling at all. I’ve been told I’ve been quite lucky although I don’t feel it but I’m sure looking back in a while on this experience I may have been lucky. I think everyone was just glad I walked down instead of being carried in a body bag down the mountain.
especially the fact that cops are so trigger happy. i would say im glad a cop didnt do it for you, but then again it is an easy death??
 
Josef2000

Josef2000

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
43
145
What 'mountain' was it that they took you to Craigavon?
PM me if you don't want to make it public but don't mind telling me
I was up the Camlough mountain I think it was however daisy hill in Newry is closed because of Covid 19 so the closest a&e is craigavon
especially the fact that cops are so trigger happy. i would say im glad a cop didnt do it for you, but then again it is an easy death??
In Northern Ireland the police aren’t trigger happy, I had guns pointed at me but I’m sure they would have tazered me before shooting, however your right I’m that it would be an easy death but I’d prefer to die on my own somewhere and involve as little people as possible. I have to say I don’t like being involved with the cops but they handled the situation great
 
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E

Exitforme

Deceased
Oct 3, 2019
87
133
So on Tuesday I started drinking from 11am, fed my lizard, and then kept drinking listening to sad songs and feeling sorry for myself, around 6pm I headed out for a walk, I was pretty drunk at this point, I just sort of wandered off, climbed up onto the train tracks and sort of sat there for a while, had another drink, took out my blades and cut my forearms, got darker and I went a bit crazy and headed up to the mountains, however I fell about 10 foot off the train track and fucked my foot up, was still drunk not to feel it but it’s so sore now, pulled myself together and then wandered off again and got stuck in a field with horses and started talking to myself for some reason, got out of the field, up into the mountains and it was pitch black, I had nobody to talk to and at this point I realised I had no actual way of killing my self, rang lifeline and talked to one of the staff from 9pm to 12am, had deep conversations with her and life and all that, cops were called at this point, headed back down the mountain. They had torches and guns out, a helicopter was out looking for me, about 12 cops were there, had to put my hands behind me and was handcuffed and strip searched, said I wasn’t in any trouble it’s just that I had a blade on me, sat in the car and talked to them waiting for an ambulance to come take me to Craigavon a&e, did all that, had a chat and things, went into bluestone and talked to the girls in there and they deemed me safe to go home, so brother came and picked me up and now I’m at home in my bedView attachment 35262
View attachment 35261
12 cops?! A bit excessive for a suicide call. I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that you are a white man.

I don't always experience premature ejaculation but sometimes even I COME faster than 911 in white neighbourhoods...
 
Josef2000

Josef2000

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
43
145
12 cops?! A bit excessive for a suicide call. I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that you are a white man.

I don't always experience premature ejaculation but sometimes even I COME faster than 911 in white neighbourhoods...
I am in fact white, however I'm sure the number of cops was related to the fact I was missing on a mountain in the freeze cold trying to kill myself
 
I

Iwantoutrightnow

Wise
Jun 27, 2019
201
510
It sounds like a traumatic night for you, I'm glad you're ok and feeling a bit better.

I think you were lucky with how the police treated you, the last time I was caught in public with still bleeding wounds I heard a cop say that if I had a blade on me I'd be arrested for carrying a blade in public (luckily I had disposed of the blade already).

In the UK an attempted suicide doesn't always result in a psych hospital admission.
 
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A

adios

Member
May 13, 2020
27
46
So on Tuesday I started drinking from 11am, fed my lizard, and then kept drinking listening to sad songs and feeling sorry for myself, around 6pm I headed out for a walk, I was pretty drunk at this point, I just sort of wandered off, climbed up onto the train tracks and sort of sat there for a while, had another drink, took out my blades and cut my forearms, got darker and I went a bit crazy and headed up to the mountains, however I fell about 10 foot off the train track and fucked my foot up, was still drunk not to feel it but it’s so sore now, pulled myself together and then wandered off again and got stuck in a field with horses and started talking to myself for some reason, got out of the field, up into the mountains and it was pitch black, I had nobody to talk to and at this point I realised I had no actual way of killing my self, rang lifeline and talked to one of the staff from 9pm to 12am, had deep conversations with her and life and all that, cops were called at this point, headed back down the mountain. They had torches and guns out, a helicopter was out looking for me, about 12 cops were there, had to put my hands behind me and was handcuffed and strip searched, said I wasn’t in any trouble it’s just that I had a blade on me, sat in the car and talked to them waiting for an ambulance to come take me to Craigavon a&e, did all that, had a chat and things, went into bluestone and talked to the girls in there and they deemed me safe to go home, so brother came and picked me up and now I’m at home in my bedView attachment 35262
View attachment 35261
Dang, I’m not sure what I’d do in that situation... sounds terrifying. I hope you’re okay now!
 
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