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Venting I thought being depressed is bad enough. Hello, physical illness no1curr about!

BridgeJumper1994

BridgeJumper1994

The Arsonist
Joined
Apr 7, 2019
Messages
856
Yeah.
Thought my world has ended when I first became depressed. Badly depressed. To the point where I refused food and water, refused to wash myself, could only rock myself or lie facedown in my bed crying. Depression so bad I needed rehabilitation to learn to walk on my own again. All day all night completely zoned out, just fantasizing about making that jump. I thought this was the absolute worst I could ever feel
Haha, nope! Life will always find a way to fuck me over sideways. Physical illness has entered the chat. And not even one that gives you sympathy points, no. No cancer, no missing leg. No questions if Im alright, just that Im a drama queen. Because guess what, if you cant see my illness that means it doesnt exist.
I wrote on here about how I effectively destroyed my ears, but I cant get help because nobody cares. Psych docs said Im fine and Im making myself sick on purpose for attention, regular docs dismissed me cause of my mental health record, 'shes mental so its apparently in her head' lol.
Vertigo sucks. I cannot even begin to describe how much this fucking sucks, I cant even. And no, its not normal people dizzy. Im not overdramatic when I ask my parents to pick me off the ground cause I cant walk because my room is a whirlpool and everynight I cry myself to sleep throwing up in plastic bags, so sick Im breaking out in sweat, but no, nothings wrong with me. Nobody cares. Im too sick to even leave my room yet alone plan ctb. Im too sick to exist. And being put down by my parents who believe Im making shit up for attention is breaking my heart, and Im so angry at this world because my balance is gone and even a stupid short walk to grocery store is a struggle, and I just wish someone deleted me because after all the gaslighting from doctors Im not gonna try to get help for this anymore.

That was it. Thank you for listening. Words cannot describe how much I hate my life.
 
Last edited:
BridgeJumper1994

BridgeJumper1994

The Arsonist
Joined
Apr 7, 2019
Messages
856
Wish I could. But I have no job, and my parents are stealing my disability. I have tried sleeping in some guys house and you can guess where it led to. Nobody in my family will take me in, they only allow me to wash myself and eat and tell me to leave. And sleeping under the bridge is cold, painful and lonely. And being taken to ER cause I got sick in the middle of the street and being told by emt Im on drugs hurts
 
almost_dead

almost_dead

Master
Joined
Aug 7, 2020
Messages
476
thats a terrible situation and i see no way out , do you ?
 
BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

Mod
Joined
Dec 1, 2019
Messages
2,283
Sorry you're feeling so low. I know what it's like to be told by doctors there isn't anything wrong etc. I have Crohns disease and when I was first sick I was dismissed as looking for attention, all in my head etc. Took almost a year for an official diagnosis and by then I was so sick they had to remove part of my bowel. I would say don't give up, keep going to different doctors. Have you tried anti sickness medications for the vomiting?
 
clayp

clayp

-
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
143
Don’t worry, you’re not alone, doctors aren’t able to help me neither. And I’ve spent fortunes on them.
 
simones

simones

Veteran
Joined
Sep 18, 2020
Messages
178
I understand you, I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, headache, back and stomach all the time. Yesterday I fainted for a few seconds. I am no longer productive at all.
it just makes me happy to know that I'm going to ctb and stop suffering.
Wish I could. But I have no job, and my parents are stealing my disability. I have tried sleeping in some guys house and you can guess where it led to. Nobody in my family will take me in, they only allow me to wash myself and eat and tell me to leave. And sleeping under the bridge is cold, painful and lonely. And being taken to ER cause I got sick in the middle of the street and being told by emt Im on drugs hurts
Why don't your parents want you to be at their house?
 
clayp

clayp

-
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
143
I actually over heard 2 shrinks talk among themselves once and they were saying that they don’t see any cure for the depression in the next 10 years or so.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone, doctors aren’t able to help me neither. And I’ve spent fortunes on them.
@Hanna Backer you here too? Lol
 
BridgeJumper1994

BridgeJumper1994

The Arsonist
Joined
Apr 7, 2019
Messages
856
Why don't your parents want you to be at their house?
Fuck if I know? They need a human doormat to take everything out on I guess

Sorry you're feeling so low. I know what it's like to be told by doctors there isn't anything wrong etc. I have Crohns disease and when I was first sick I was dismissed as looking for attention, all in my head etc. Took almost a year for an official diagnosis and by then I was so sick they had to remove part of my bowel. I would say don't give up, keep going to different doctors. Have you tried anti sickness medications for the vomiting?
I take anti sickness really often, I never leave anywhere without having 1 or 2 pills on myself. But I dont want to overuse them so I only take them when Im legit too sick for words. Especially since they made me black out for hours when I took them with my psych meds. But no matter what I do I still get 2 - 3 attacks everyday when Im off them, I dont want to do this anymore.

Also. My heart bleeds for all people on this forum that are experiencing what Im experiencing. Its not right. I want to hug you real tight. I used to talk to a guy here with similar issues with his ears, hes gone now. Maybe he would still hang around if someone believed him. Its tragic :(
I feel like nobody really is interested about how Im doing, they just want my money.
 
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