I know this is vain but I so wish I was attractive

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IwishIwasAttractive

IwishIwasAttractive

im ugly, inside and out
May 15, 2020
16
44
You know, the guy who all the girls look at in the clubs. Those split second stares, the eyes that look at you head to toe, the looks of lust. I want that. I want to know what that feels like
 
L

-L-

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍
Jan 18, 2019
32
117
I don’t think you’re vain for thinking about this as I think everyone does at one point or another... But I have to ask? Do you mean physically attractive or mentally or both?

Because you could be the most physically attractive person ever (Which is always subjective) but if you are a jerk with a shit personality, everyone will eventually see you as unattractive regardless of your outer appearance.
Same goes for shallow people who have no real substance or greater meaning behind them.

Attractiveness at least in my opinion is more about confidence, personal development, and character then just purely looks.
Sure if you’re really good looking you might catch more peoples attention for a split moment, and it could even act as a potential conversation starter in some cases, but does that really mean anything? How much of that will actually go anywhere? And furthermore if any of those people try and talk to you and they realize you are shallow and/or a jerk, how many of them will still want to be around you?

I guess what I’m trying to say is physical attractiveness can get a conversation started or catch peoples attention, but it is really more about your personal charisma and charm that holds relationships together in the long run.

I’ve personally dated some guys who might be considered by some as average looking, I’ve also dated above average looking, however none of that really mattered to me, really what it comes down to for me is personality, because if we are too incompatible or can’t find anything more to talk about where does the relationship go from there? Looks can’t save you at that point.

And if all you want is superficial flings and one night stands that just seems empty and meaningless to me.

Anyway I’m just rambling off thoughts.
This is not directed at you, just to be clear that I’m not calling you or anyone else a jerk, or shallow, I just mean in a hypothetical sense so I hope that is clear.

Hope this all made sense. I’m tired and need to sleep.

PS: also if that’s you in your profile picture, I don’t think you need to worry all that much about physical attractiveness. My suggestion would be to work on your confidence, and do some personal reflection.

Be attractive as a whole being, not just in certain aspects.

EDIT: to add, I'm not religious but this bible verse still popped in my head so I looked it up:
Matthew 23:27:
"
“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity.
"

I guess my final takeaway would be to become a genuinely beautiful and attractive person in all aspects.. And I guarantee you will attract people. Don't try to be physically atractive but neglect everything else that should also be taken into account.

Anyway I think I'm starting to go off the deep end so time for bed lol. Goodnight.

Take care, and best of luck!
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Angelic
Aug 27, 2018
2,075
6,660
You know, the guy who all the girls look at in the clubs. Those split second stares, the eyes that look at you head to toe, the looks of lust. I want that. I want to know what that feels like
I hear you there are plenty of suicidefuel on incels.co where people worship models like him you know the top 1% of males. One of the worst was a male model visiting a foreign country where thousands of girls were waiting for him and screaming for him, the blackpill doesn´t lie.

There has even been experiements been made of guys looking this good on Tinder where they would write disturbing stuff like they use to be a pedo or some sick shit and girls would still brush that aside because of his good looks also called the halo effect meaning that if you are good enough looking it will overshine the bad qualities.
 
W

Whatsthepointanyway

Member
May 14, 2020
14
19
How old are you can I ask? I spent my entire teens and early 20s feeling like this. Then I got to my late 20s and realised that just chatting to people and getting to know them is all it takes. I'm not exactly god's gift to the opposite sex. But after barely engaging with a woman before the age of 24, I don't do so badly these days. I'm 30.

Plus, when you finally meet those beautiful people you realise most of them have no personality anyway. Keep being you. Good personality is much sexier than a rippling six pack
 
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B

Bct

Veteran
Apr 20, 2020
181
225
I know what you mean. I'm quite attractive but shitty in confidence and personality, so sometimes I look at those attractive people and wishing I have a fraction of their charisma. I've been trying to improve it for years, but yeah it's barely improved. Feels like I just hit my cap.
 
GoBack

GoBack

Elementalist
Apr 25, 2020
720
618
In my life I've been attracted to all sorts of men. It's the feeling you get when you see someone. Yeah it could be the stunning looking one, it could also be the dodgy prison escapee lookin one at the end of the bar.

Or it could be the geeky one who somehow steals my heart, or the odd lookin one with that smile that tells me everything is ok. Or the one with the voice that could melt steel. Or the one that no matter what He looks like, he sees something in me that no one else does.

I should write valentine cards .
But yeah fuck it I'm just gonna say it it's what's inside that Counts
 
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Underscore

Underscore

Moebius Potato
Jul 31, 2018
3,811
7,478
I never considered myself attractive. Unless I was drunk of course. So I was drunk lots! As I aged and learned about people and how to behave, I gained confidence due to experience. The drunken bluster left as I sobered up and I actually found I could be quite charming.
Looks do give a surface impression and that's important, we are animals after all and subject to the same rules of attraction. But as humans we are complex and there's ways more to it than the superficial stuff. Confidence is key and that only really comes with experience.
The trouble is, it can be easier for some to be confident if they get positive reactions from people due to their superficial appearance. It's not always the case though. Confidence can be faked, though it's easy to see through as bravado, but generally it has to be learned.
 
Ky204

Ky204

Life is both short but insufferably long
Sep 3, 2019
82
176
Attraction is subjective. What one person finds unappealing another could view it as the total opposite.
Looks are pretty superficial in the end, we all age and lose it gradually at some point.
Being “attractive” has never done much for me if I’m being honest since we’re all going to end up being rotting carcuses once our time passes anyways (although I’m opting for cremation), so don’t feel too bad.
 
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GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Pensively Prolific
Jan 11, 2020
3,287
6,365
I don't think it's vanity so much as envy, which can make people feel less-than, small, bitter, resentful, and mean. It can make them abusive to others and/or themselves.

I'd say work with what you've got. You can't work with what you don't have.

I've been a woman in clubs. I've observed the peacock alphas, and I've observed those with alpha envy. The peacocks are objectified and, to some degree, have their pick of objects. When whatever it is that they desire from an object is satisfied, they discard it and go for the next one.

The alpha enviers hate the objects who they think didn't or wouldn't notice them first, so when they do get attention, they are derisive and cruel, maybe not at first, but it's just a matter of when they unleash it, could take hours, could take years, but it's always underneath and wants to lash out for not being enough, and it's hooked into that envy.

Don't play the objects game and there is no game. If you can like and accept yourself, and have a sense of humor about yourself, and then think and feel the same about others, I think you'll be more likely to draw respect, trust, and good will. When those are connected to attraction, it's far more powerful and lasting than the briefly overpowering lust. That lust you talked about is actually pretty blind, it sees almost nothing, like looking into a microscope, it makes something quite small seem disproportionately huge (that's not a dick joke, grow up! :pfff:).
 
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terry_a_davis

terry_a_davis

Wizard
Dec 28, 2019
609
750
Op is this a wish you're willing to put some long term effort into? If so consider working out. You will hardly change your face but a very good body is attainable.
 
nnnerve

nnnerve

im so depressed i cant even blink
Jun 19, 2019
263
521
I wish so so badly that men would actually notice me and not just as a pillar standing in the way of them seeing actual attractive women. I don't bring it up too much because everyone just tells you not to worry about it, but it's honestly a big reason I want to die.

It drives me absolutely mad to spend hours counting calories and exercising just to look like a fat boy in the early stages of puberty. "Wow you're so lucky men don't harass you in public :^)" and it's girls who have no problem finding men to be with who aren't abusive and who don't secretly resent them for looking like a fat slob. If I was strong enough to be alone and didn't have to rely on people to take care of me, I'd be permanently single and coping with it okay. I don't want anything to do with the men who would be willing to get to know me because there has to be something wrong with them if they can see me there.

It's definitely easier for women to just go out and get laid, but if you want someone to actually care about you as a human being and not just a really gross Fleshlight, you have to cross some level of objective prettiness and if you don't, you better have a fucking amazing personality if you want a man to acknowledge your presence and even then youre just the Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
 
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IwishIwasAttractive

IwishIwasAttractive

im ugly, inside and out
May 15, 2020
16
44
Do you like ugly women? So, why beatiful woman have to like you?
thats why i said ''I WISH I WAS ATTRACTIVE''. i don't like ugly women. would rather be alone then dating with someone i dont love. and i hate being alone
 
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alizee

alizee

Master
Jul 22, 2018
426
731
Most men can be somewhat attractive. Go to the gym four days a week and actually know what they're doing with the machines. Consume protein shakes and eat a lot to make gains. Then go to a professional that can figure out what hairstyle would be best for your face.

Men that are shorter than most women will have a difficult time even with following the foregoing.
 
Pryras

Pryras

...but not for me
Feb 11, 2020
277
715
As cliche as is sounds, looks aren’t everything. I read that you don’t like “ugly” women...I don’t know what that means exactly but if you want to be attractive enough to be awed over by what you consider “beautiful” women then okay, I get it, I think most men would too.

Since I’ve got BDD I really feel uncomfortable and “ugly” so stares aren’t flattering but I’ve been told that I’m “the ugliest thing they’ve ever seen” and also the “most beautiful” by others so it’s really different for everyone. Your personality plays a HUGE role in what you attract. You might be being hard on yourself but try to work on being a good person over worrying about your looks as much.

Women do not care for looks as much as they need to be mentally stimulated. You might attract more stares but can you uphold a conversation? I’d love to be beautiful too, but if someone only liked me for my looks I wouldn’t want that.
 
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Myforevercharlie

Myforevercharlie

Wizard
Feb 13, 2020
641
1,431
I really do think everyone has his /hers own beauty, and believe me, someone with a great personality looks more beautiful then any pretty boy.
I've dated guys who basically look all the same, not overly attractive, but no Gargamel either.
But apparently my taste in men is changing, still no Gargamel, but someone who makes me laugh and just listens when I need it, I think is far more attractive then some teenage dream.

Stop calling yourself ugly, by saying that every day to yourself you'll start to look ugly as well. Find something about yourself what you do not despise about yourself, and try to make it bigger in your head. Start small, really you'll feel much better about yourself. :hug:
 
nigelhernandez

nigelhernandez

Veteran
Apr 14, 2020
104
181
Most men can be somewhat attractive. Go to the gym four days a week and actually know what they're doing with the machines. Consume protein shakes and eat a lot to make gains. Then go to a professional that can figure out what hairstyle would be best for your face.

Men that are shorter than most women will have a difficult time even with following the foregoing.
But then he'd have a "butterface" (everything good looking but-her-face. the term applies to women but in this case men).

I think women prefer a hot face than a hot body.
 
terry_a_davis

terry_a_davis

Wizard
Dec 28, 2019
609
750
But then he'd have a "butterface" (everything good looking but-her-face. the term applies to women but in this case men).
I think women prefer a hot face than a hot body.
Getting buff does alter your face very slightly, having a low body fat makes your jaw line and cheekbones more pronounced. I would guess most women would go for a beautiful man over a man buff man but there is no denying that a good body will add to a persons overall physical attractiveness.
Average looking man in shape > average looking man out of shape in terms of attractiveness.