I know none of you know my story, but... (last post)

dropdeadfred

dropdeadfred

Boarding the bus to Everlasting Dreamland ♡
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
258
I lurked for quite a while before joining & I know a lot of your stories. I see your triggers, your pains, your confusions, & frustrations... who’s like the mother(s) in threads, who always gives sound opinions, who gives love, who always jumps in with logic/speaks their minds when things get derailed. I have so much respect for so many of you. & To be honest, many of you inspire me.

Today is the perfect day for a bus ride, as I hoped it would be. I will be boarding later this evening & will check in. I am not going to reveal my method due to internet privacy reasons, but I can assure you that SI is going to be a bitch. The difference between my attempts in the past & now is that I know that I have to keep reminding myself of why I am CTB all throughout.
I completed what I believe is what I was meant to do in this life & now I just suffer. My decision is sound. It’s time for me to lie down.
I found this video last night (I love AW) & I hope it gives you the comfort like it has me, no matter where we end up after our bodies are no longer... we are all the universe: everything.
You’re It- Alan Watts

Endless love, beautiful community. Your contribution & vulnerability is healing in many ways for many others.
 
W

whywere

Arcanist
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
533
I to am so sorry that you feel this way. My wish for you is a safe, fast, painless journey. All the love, caring and empathy in this world and the enxt to you my global family member!!!:heart::hug:
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Angelic
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
2,906
I lurked for quite a while before joining & I know a lot of your stories. I see your triggers, your pains, your confusions, & frustrations... who’s like the mother(s) in threads, who always gives sound opinions, who gives love, who always jumps in with logic/speaks their minds when things get derailed. I have so much respect for so many of you. & To be honest, many of you inspire me.

Today is the perfect day for a bus ride, as I hoped it would be. I will be boarding later this evening & will check in. I am not going to reveal my method due to internet privacy reasons, but I can assure you that SI is going to be a bitch. The difference between my attempts in the past & now is that I know that I have to keep reminding myself of why I am CTB all throughout.
I completed what I believe is what I was meant to do in this life & now I just suffer. My decision is sound. It’s time for me to lie down.
I found this video last night (I love AW) & I hope it gives you the comfort like it has me, no matter where we end up after our bodies are no longer... we are all the universe: everything.
You’re It- Alan Watts

Endless love, beautiful community. Your contribution & vulnerability is healing in many ways for many others.
I noticed you Fred and you were always someone I admired. The forum will be losing a good member. Wishing you peace and I'm sorry to see you go.
 
Shan32

Shan32

Shan32- Suicide is only for the brave.
Joined
Oct 24, 2020
Messages
2
It's all good as I know your journey will be awesome. I'm just waiting 4 my turn when things really spiral.
 
Infinite Conscious

Infinite Conscious

Wise
Joined
Aug 18, 2020
Messages
217
I completed what I believe is what I was meant to do in this life & now I just suffer.

we are all the universe: everything.
You’re It- Alan Watts

Endless love, beautiful community. Your contribution & vulnerability is healing in many ways for many others.
Ah... Alan Watts, "we are all ONE", endless love (I especially love the song, but also the "truth" it symbolizes)...
All trigger words which show me - we're "One" :wink: , kindred spirits.

If this is your last day, I am glad I got a chance to find out you were here (and address you), realizing you were far but yet so close, at the same time and with similar thoughts, listening to Alan Watts' reassuring and relaxing voice, getting to the same conclusions and realizations about life, and choosing to end the story on our own terms... despite - everything.

As just one of the 7,8 billion "comrades", but also one of those who lived a life not so different from yours, and going through similar thought patterns, hurting and suffering until the end (excuse the repetition, but it has a purpose)... I wish you a blast of a journey... Not "a peaceful, safe, pleasant, painless" experience, because death is the same for all regardless of method (with the feeling of discomfort so short that it could hardly be called "pain")... but rather I hope you get where you desire. It's the destination (or a state of mind) we should be looking forward to, and not be concerned about the brief moment of passage, those few seconds which do not even exist outside of our microscopic perspective on time.

The brief process of dying is irrelevant, it's the destination that holds the whole truth...

I think people like us don't reincarnate immediately, like souls that die from natural causes... Comparing the "process" with - school, we could say that we (people who take own life) would have to go through a special course (like failing a class and losing a year in middle school) before eventually getting the new "opportunity" with the new rent-a-body roller-coaster ride with a specific mission and lessons to be learned and lived through. So the Infinite Consciousness could evolve through all of our emotions, primarily love and suffering.

That's pretty much it.
Thought it wouldn't hurt to remind you before you go.

Not a usual "have a safe journey and may you find peace" kind of reply to a goodbye thread.
Didn't even know we existed a few minutes ago.
But now - we do know.
And it's comforting to know we are not alone.

Good luck, man.
I will be heading into the same direction in a few months.
 
Last edited:
Emily_Numb

Emily_Numb

Arcanist
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
544
I lurked for quite a while before joining & I know a lot of your stories. I see your triggers, your pains, your confusions, & frustrations... who’s like the mother(s) in threads, who always gives sound opinions, who gives love, who always jumps in with logic/speaks their minds when things get derailed. I have so much respect for so many of you. & To be honest, many of you inspire me.

Today is the perfect day for a bus ride, as I hoped it would be. I will be boarding later this evening & will check in. I am not going to reveal my method due to internet privacy reasons, but I can assure you that SI is going to be a bitch. The difference between my attempts in the past & now is that I know that I have to keep reminding myself of why I am CTB all throughout.
I completed what I believe is what I was meant to do in this life & now I just suffer. My decision is sound. It’s time for me to lie down.
I found this video last night (I love AW) & I hope it gives you the comfort like it has me, no matter where we end up after our bodies are no longer... we are all the universe: everything.
You’re It- Alan Watts

Endless love, beautiful community. Your contribution & vulnerability is healing in many ways for many others.
I adore Alan Watts. A wonderfully flawed human being with such a capacity for understanding And sharing that with us.

I used to listen to his talks while taking a medium dose of Psilocybin. Pure bliss.

If you decided it wasn’t a great day to CTB, no pressure. Hope you stick around to chat more and not lurk. Any fan of Alan Watts must be a pretty good melon.
 
dropdeadfred

dropdeadfred

Boarding the bus to Everlasting Dreamland ♡
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
258
Hey all. Time is near. Soaked up your love all day- thanks so much for it. Had my last meal under an amazing sunset tonight. Feeling strangely calm... maybe it’s because I’m actually all out of the desire to survive, knowing I simply cannot function anymore & wake up to another day of “unstable head.” You all mean a lot to me. I hope you all get what you came to this life for. Ciao.
 
Silver

Silver

The 21st century is when everything changes
Joined
Aug 8, 2020
Messages
530
Hey all. Time is near. Soaked up your love all day- thanks so much for it. Had my last meal under an amazing sunset tonight. Feeling strangely calm... maybe it’s because I’m actually all out of the desire to survive, knowing I simply cannot function anymore & wake up to another day of “unstable head.” You all mean a lot to me. I hope you all get what you came to this life for. Ciao.
Glad you had a peaceful evening. I hope you find peace.
 
pannazidofski

pannazidofski

Specialist
Joined
Aug 31, 2020
Messages
330
Loved that post, even though you probably won't see this, I really enjoyed it. Having the members of the forum taking on the roles as you described and essentially becoming a nice dysfunctional family is just so wonderful and comfy. Thanks for the smile and I hope you find peace on the other side.
 
dropdeadfred

dropdeadfred

Boarding the bus to Everlasting Dreamland ♡
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
258
Hey everyone. I obviously failed. I fought against my SI very hard, but I guess I didn’t have enough of the gas I was using- it ran out. I got close & was very determined. Funny, because I followed the instructions of a method I have proof of working for someone else on another site. I am going for another method.
Thanks for the extra replies & reactions! Really nice to come back to that. :heart:
 
MiseryLovesMyCompany

MiseryLovesMyCompany

Master
Joined
Oct 8, 2020
Messages
490
Hey everyone. I obviously failed. I fought against my SI very hard, but I guess I didn’t have enough of the gas I was using- it ran out. I got close & was very determined. Funny, because I followed the instructions of a method I have proof of working for someone else on another site. I am going for another method.
Thanks for the extra replies & reactions! Really nice to come back to that. :heart:
Welcome back, stay as long as you want to. :hug:
 
TattiQueen

TattiQueen

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
95
I lurked for quite a while before joining & I know a lot of your stories. I see your triggers, your pains, your confusions, & frustrations... who’s like the mother(s) in threads, who always gives sound opinions, who gives love, who always jumps in with logic/speaks their minds when things get derailed. I have so much respect for so many of you. & To be honest, many of you inspire me.

Today is the perfect day for a bus ride, as I hoped it would be. I will be boarding later this evening & will check in. I am not going to reveal my method due to internet privacy reasons, but I can assure you that SI is going to be a bitch. The difference between my attempts in the past & now is that I know that I have to keep reminding myself of why I am CTB all throughout.
I completed what I believe is what I was meant to do in this life & now I just suffer. My decision is sound. It’s time for me to lie down.
I found this video last night (I love AW) & I hope it gives you the comfort like it has me, no matter where we end up after our bodies are no longer... we are all the universe: everything.
You’re It- Alan Watts

Endless love, beautiful community. Your contribution & vulnerability is healing in many ways for many others.
I can’t think of anyone better to send all my love, positivity, and huge warm, comforting hugs to at this moment. A little odd, but I just saw the update you posted. It seems this message was absolutely for a reason. I hope we can remain steady for you no matter what comes from here. Any support, advice, or even just a willing ear, will always be right here for you! XOXO
 

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