I guess I'm just wondering why anything matters.

  • Thread starter Intelligent_Lobster
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Intelligent_Lobster

Intelligent_Lobster

I knew taking this picture would come in handy
Mar 30, 2019
69
116
I don't have many words. I know this is already sounding dramatic, and I'm already pissed about it.

I just feel like my experiences have ruined me. I feel like I'm becoming too self aware for my own good. I'm existential by nature, and so I can't tell if my time is coming soon, or if I need to look for further adventures.

It's inevitable that I'll die by my own hand, I've understood that from a very young age. It seems the older I get, the more guilt I let cloud my own judgement.
 
Hasssssuùuu

Hasssssuùuu

Master
Sep 18, 2018
439
1,247
20
I don't have many words. I know this is already sounding dramatic, and I'm already pissed about it.

I just feel like my experiences have ruined me. I feel like I'm becoming too self aware for my own good. I'm existential by nature, and so I can't tell if my time is coming soon, or if I need to look for further adventures.

It's inevitable that I'll die by my own hand, I've understood that from a very young age. It seems the older I get, the more guilt I let cloud my own judgement.
nothing that ur feeling is dramatic or overly stupid. its u, its ur feelings, not to be cheesy but that shit matters. heck, i feel the exact same way, which is why i hardly vent or explain myself to people; ill just push them away instead because of my inability to talk about my feelings cause i feel like its stupid.

maybe give some adventures a chance? chase these adventures that you may have a desire for? who knows what adventures are out there for you. if death is inevitable by ur own hands, go out there and chase these adventures, u have nothing to loose regardless. it might be the very thing to turn things around for you? who knows.

again, sorry that you're feeling the way ur feeling. hard to keep emotions in for so long, but i gurantee u venting and talking to anyone here isnt gonna be seen as dramatic or stupid in any manner. if u ever need anyone to talk to, im all ears.

goodluck to you on you're future endeavors, and i wish you all the best.
 
Intelligent_Lobster

Intelligent_Lobster

I knew taking this picture would come in handy
Mar 30, 2019
69
116
nothing that ur feeling is dramatic or overly stupid. its u, its ur feelings, not to be cheesy but that shit matters. heck, i feel the exact same way, which is why i hardly vent or explain myself to people; ill just push them away instead because of my inability to talk about my feelings cause i feel like its stupid.

maybe give some adventures a chance? chase these adventures that you may have a desire for? who knows what adventures are out there for you. if death is inevitable by ur own hands, go out there and chase these adventures, u have nothing to loose regardless. it might be the very thing to turn things around for you? who knows.

again, sorry that you're feeling the way ur feeling. hard to keep emotions in for so long, but i gurantee u venting and talking to anyone here isnt gonna be seen as dramatic or stupid in any manner. if u ever need anyone to talk to, im all ears.

goodluck to you on you're future endeavors, and i wish you all the best.
Thank you very much.
 
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Rocksandsand

Rocksandsand

Wise
May 26, 2019
271
757
Australia
I don't have many words. I know this is already sounding dramatic, and I'm already pissed about it.

I just feel like my experiences have ruined me. I feel like I'm becoming too self aware for my own good. I'm existential by nature, and so I can't tell if my time is coming soon, or if I need to look for further adventures.

It's inevitable that I'll die by my own hand, I've understood that from a very young age. It seems the older I get, the more guilt I let cloud my own judgement.
I feel like I understand you completely. Our experiences are like paint on a blank canvas. Our canvases are covered in horrific images and dark colours. Sometimes I feel like mine has been torn up and shredded in spots, and yeah, you can restore canvas, but why would you in this case? The art isn’t worth saving.
 
shelledone

shelledone

Member
Aug 4, 2019
25
47
earth
I sometimes wish memory wipe was an option, to see what happens. Memories and experiences weight me down sooo much.

It's not like I've even had a "bad" life, just a lonely one with shining moments of stupidity on my part, and I have absolutely no ambition or inspiration at this point.

Too broken to fix myself.

I feel I've accomplished all I can in life.
 
V

Vegrau

Wizard
Nov 27, 2018
669
1,655
I don't have many words. I know this is already sounding dramatic, and I'm already pissed about it.

I just feel like my experiences have ruined me. I feel like I'm becoming too self aware for my own good. I'm existential by nature, and so I can't tell if my time is coming soon, or if I need to look for further adventures.

It's inevitable that I'll die by my own hand, I've understood that from a very young age. It seems the older I get, the more guilt I let cloud my own judgement.
Nah not dramatic at all. Say all that you wish to say. If you dont say it now its same as never existed at all. So say it to your heart's content. Why care what people thinks? They certainly dont care about you much why care about them?

The guilt will never go away. Either we bear it or we let it crush us. No way around it. Even now I am dragging things on. Still not wanting to take the pills yet. Not just guilt but also lingering attachment.
 
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