[Help] I can't stop thinking about this terrible thing

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Can'tStandAnymore

Can'tStandAnymore

Custom title
Mar 16, 2019
234
604
I found out a few weeks ago that I have a fetish for cuckold. I have low self esteem and I'm very socially avoidant thanks to my autism, so I think that comes from there. The humiliation, inadaquacey, inescepable pain; imagining that somebody is taking my most precious thing in my life, my wife, is making me horny. Actually it's not only about a wife/gf, I also get turn on when I sense an unescapable pain/situation. So I'm unsure that I'm a legit cuck.

This disturbs my mind for a really long time. I really can't do anything at all, always panicking. I'm waking up with a beating heart. I still can't talk with my gf casually. Can't masturbate because this thing is always in my mind. I can't really do anything.

I read so many things and it looks like my life is ruined. This will lead me to willingly share my wife eventually. I don't know how to accept being like this. I don't know how I can resist to start pmo'ing on this. This paragraph destroys my soul even more.

To be completly honest. NTR gives me the most extrem hard ons i can imagine. But at the same time i could fucking die because first i hate myself because of that and second these stories of wifes getting stolen by the neighbour just because the man is working completly destroy me in a "dem feels" kind of way beyond imaginable.
Like one hentai where the guy finds a girl and rescues her and they promise to marry, but she gets eventually kidnapped and gangrapped and becomes addicted to that. He even sees the video and faps to it but they still marry in the end adn even have a child. But she keeps on doing it with like 6 dudes when he is off working. It just completly destroys me emotionally. But i always get back to it.
I need some help. Going to a psychiatrist didn't help as I didn't really understand what she tried to said. Being in control whole my life is a serious thing, I can't live while im thinking about this whole my life.
 
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FusRohDracarys

The Real Edge Lord
Mar 31, 2020
112
155
May I ask why you feel so disturbed about it? Specifically, what about it makes you feel so panicked and trapped?
 
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Can'tStandAnymore

Can'tStandAnymore

Custom title
Mar 16, 2019
234
604
May I ask why you feel so disturbed about it? Specifically, what about it makes you feel so panicked and trapped?
I'm not okay with the thought of sharing my wife and destroying my life. Even im not okay with addicted to cuckold porn
 
K-O

K-O

FU(KOFFEE
Apr 16, 2020
578
1,428
i can relate to that .
but i hate that you and other people are afraid of there feelings and attraction and so called fetishes..
tbh we are all "abomination" . there is no such thing as right sex. or right fantasies.. its much more self destructive to think that you are wrong in having fetishes!
porn (as well as arts) has an important roll in many lives and it doesnt always have to reflect on actual sexual actions..
i wish you'd except that part of yourself and not fight it! and not feel guilt or shame!- it will be the rope around your neck my dear!
and imo its a strait up socially spread decease to think and feel shame about anything regarding sexual behavior! x
 
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FusRohDracarys

The Real Edge Lord
Mar 31, 2020
112
155
I'm not okay with the thought of sharing my wife and destroying my life. Even im not okay with addicted to cuckold porn
That's perfectly okay. You don't have to share your wife, and being into cuck porn doesn't mean you have to destroy your life. I'm into some pretty dark things that I'm perfectly fine with watching in a fictional setting but wouldn't dream of doing IRL. To each their own, but I think you'll feel more at peace with yourself if you accept it's something you're attracted to in your fantasies but also understand it's not part of what you want in your real life rather than trying to suppress it. Honestly, I suspect the more you suppress and deny the attraction, the more taboo and alluring it becomes. Just my two cents.
 
Can'tStandAnymore

Can'tStandAnymore

Custom title
Mar 16, 2019
234
604
That's perfectly okay. You don't have to share your wife, and being into cuck porn doesn't mean you have to destroy your life. I'm into some pretty dark things that I'm perfectly fine with watching in a fictional setting but wouldn't dream of doing IRL. To each their own, but I think you'll feel more at peace with yourself if you accept it's something you're attracted to in your fantasies but also understand it's not part of what you want in your real life rather than trying to suppress it. Honestly, I suspect the more you suppress and deny the attraction, the more taboo and alluring it becomes. Just my two cents.
Then what am I gonna do? What about that paragraph i posted above? What about the people who chosed to live like this? This seems like a loop that I can never escape. And it looks like it eventually will destroy my life, idk. I'm just constantly uncomfortable and panicky because of this. This really turned my life into a nightmare. I'm suppressing it because not suppressing it means m'ing to it and getting addicted/doing IRL in the future.
 
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FusRohDracarys

The Real Edge Lord
Mar 31, 2020
112
155
Then what am I gonna do? What about that paragraph i posted above? What about the people who chosed to live like this? This seems like a loop that I can never escape. And it looks like it eventually will destroy my life, idk. I'm just constantly uncomfortable and panicky because of this. This really turned my life into a nightmare. I'm suppressing it because not suppressing it means m'ing to it and getting addicted/doing IRL in the future.
I guess I'm struggling to understand why fantasy and reality go hand in hand here. What's stopping you from watching cuck porn and drawing the line there, then going home to your girl and enjoying time with her just you two? Why do you assume watching porn means you're going to start inviting guys to bang your girl or that you'll otherwise ruin your life? Sure, there are people who choose that. And you might hear plenty of stories about them. But there are just as many people who watch some cuck porn, rub one out, and go on their merry way living their normal lives. Only you don't hear about them as much because they're pretty unremarkable.
 
nnnerve

nnnerve

im so depressed i cant even blink
Jun 19, 2019
264
521
Then what am I gonna do? What about that paragraph i posted above?

For whatever it's worth, the hentai described in that paragraph is easily one of the most ridiculous & absurdly porn-y things I've ever read, like even as far as pornography goes. It's an overexaggeration designed to dig into people with specific interests and keep us coming back for crazier and crazier stuff as we get desensitized to what we're seeing.

I think plenty of people have these fetishes or kinks that are much more fun to think about than act on. Rape fantasies might be the most obvious example. Like cuckolding, since it's just a fantasy in your head, you have complete control over what happens and that basically makes it the exact opposite of the "real thing."

The fact that you brought up low self-esteem and say you're turned on by inescapable pain in general makes me think this might have less to do with sex and more to do with your opinion of yourself.
 
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terry_a_davis

terry_a_davis

Wizard
Dec 28, 2019
609
751
I found out a few weeks ago that I have a fetish for cuckold. I have low self esteem and I'm very socially avoidant thanks to my autism, so I think that comes from there. The humiliation, inadaquacey, inescepable pain; imagining that somebody is taking my most precious thing in my life, my wife, is making me horny. Actually it's not only about a wife/gf, I also get turn on when I sense an unescapable pain/situation. So I'm unsure that I'm a legit cuck.

This disturbs my mind for a really long time. I really can't do anything at all, always panicking. I'm waking up with a beating heart. I still can't talk with my gf casually. Can't masturbate because this thing is always in my mind. I can't really do anything.

I read so many things and it looks like my life is ruined. This will lead me to willingly share my wife eventually. I don't know how to accept being like this. I don't know how I can resist to start pmo'ing on this.

I need some help. Going to a psychiatrist didn't help as I didn't really understand what she tried to said.
If you don't mind me asking what's the inescapable pain/situation thing about? Is that the cuck thing?

There has been depictions of cuckoldery 1000s of years old it's nothing new. If this is something that you really feel you must do then bring the subject up with your gf. Just say you have this these thoughts and they turn you on. Ask her what she thinks. She'll probably be surprised, might be hurt and think you don't care about her. Explain this is not the case with cuck behaviour, they enjoy it because they do care about the person, it's the jealousy, humiliation, and seeing/knowing their loved one enjoying themselves that's the turn on.

If she is revolted by the idea then stick to your cuck porn and leave it as fantasy, no more. Don't push her into it or you will create big problems, possibly one's you won't recover from. If she seems receptive after the initial shock then it's still a big gamble. Are you strong enough together to do this? She might realize she likes being with someone else and dumps you. But people do do this and stay together. It's a risk though.
 
GoBack

GoBack

Elementalist
Apr 25, 2020
720
618
Why don’t you go to a sex therapist, not a psychiatrist, just to talk about it. They would be more understanding and experienced with this stuff.

It doesn’t sound to me like anything to be ashamed of , but to be healthy sexually we all need to be comfortable in ourself, sometimes we need help with that
 
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Can'tStandAnymore

Can'tStandAnymore

Custom title
Mar 16, 2019
234
604
Why don’t you go to a sex therapist, not a psychiatrist, just to talk about it. They would be more understanding and experienced with this stuff.

It doesn’t sound to me like anything to be ashamed of , but to be healthy sexually we all need to be comfortable in ourself, sometimes we need help with that
Psychologist didn’t say anything remarkable, in fact, i don’t even remember what she said.

It was a mistake to read a forum full of people who have this fetish but it seems there is no go back. I really feel miserable, unhopeless and scared.
 
GoBack

GoBack

Elementalist
Apr 25, 2020
720
618
Psychologist didn’t say anything remarkable, in fact, i don’t even remember what she said.

It was a mistake to read a forum full of people who have this fetish but it seems there is no go back. I really feel miserable, unhopeless and scared.
Yeah it’s scary to try and cope with it alone and that forum is the other extreme, people who are living that life because they want to but that doesn’t mean you have to if you don’t want to.

And feeling out of control is scary , like you said.

Wat kind of psychologist did you see, she maybe just didn’t have experience with it or understand fully
 
Can'tStandAnymore

Can'tStandAnymore

Custom title
Mar 16, 2019
234
604
people who are living that life because they want to but that doesn’t mean you have to if you don’t want to.
that's not like that exactly. If you read the topic, you can understand people are living that lifestyle because they accepted that they couldn't escape or resist. I'm scared becasue of this.

Wat kind of psychologist did you see, she maybe just didn’t have experience with it or understand fully
A regular psychologist. wasn't private.