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Venting How does wanting to be pretty make me a bad person?

L

LifeAfterDeath00

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
74
I was always okay with my skin colour, happy even. I am on the bulkier side but I am trying to lose weight and even if I feel I won't ever be super model attractive I constantly try to improve my appearance.
But recently I found out I get treated differently because of my dusky skin. I am light brown, I will post an image for reference but I want to be lighter.
No white guy will ever look at me other than their perceived conception of thinking me as savage. I am saying this because I recieved comments like this from them in a dating site. I get it I am horrible to look at because of my skin colour. Black/brown guys are even worse. I lived in a community where there were more brown guys in general but they were also from the beginning making comments about my skin and what not.
I get it , trust me, I get it I am not fuckable for you and you won't even pretend to be nice to me.
I understand I am supposed to be lonely and miserable. But why can't I at least do things to improve my overall appearance. Why do people have a problem with that?
why is skin lightening such a big deal? I have good features and pretty beautiful eyes, but I do not have very good skin as it is dull and dusky on top of that.My legs are for some ungodly reason too light and people think I bleach them lol.
I know I should not care but my dating and professional life is heavily influenced by my appearance more so as I am a girl. This world is a twisted place. I used to think appearance should not matter but I don't meet certain quotas and fall below average.
Should I just go ahead and change things if I can? Cause I am not strong enough to take the judgement and attitude I receive from people.
 
Lilacmoon

Lilacmoon

Raven riding Eagle
Joined
Sep 23, 2020
Messages
754
I was always okay with my skin colour, happy even. I am on the bulkier side but I am trying to lose weight and even if I feel I won't ever be super model attractive I constantly try to improve my appearance.
But recently I found out I get treated differently because of my dusky skin. I am light brown, I will post an image for reference but I want to be lighter.
No white guy will ever look at me other than their perceived conception of thinking me as savage. I am saying this because I recieved comments like this from them in a dating site. I get it I am horrible to look at because of my skin colour. Black/brown guys are even worse. I lived in a community where there were more brown guys in general but they were also from the beginning making comments about my skin and what not.
I get it , trust me, I get it I am not fuckable for you and you won't even pretend to be nice to me.
I understand I am supposed to be lonely and miserable. But why can't I at least do things to improve my overall appearance. Why do people have a problem with that?
why is skin lightening such a big deal? I have good features and pretty beautiful eyes, but I do not have very good skin as it is dull and dusky on top of that.My legs are for some ungodly reason too light and people think I bleach them lol.
I know I should not care but my dating and professional life is heavily influenced by my appearance more so as I am a girl. This world is a twisted place. I used to think appearance should not matter but I don't meet certain quotas and fall below average.
Should I just go ahead and change things if I can? Cause I am not strong enough to take the judgement and attitude I receive from people.
It's very normal to want to be pretty. I struggle with that all the time too, starving myself to be happy with myself and how I look. No one should shame you for trying to improve your appearance, there are many people who fight with that. Do whatever you need to do to be happy in your own skin, okay? And I'm glad you are able to vent here and hopefully get some of it out to relieve some of the pain that you're suffering.
 
Maxtothemax

Maxtothemax

Meow.
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
1,264
There really is nothing wrong with the colour of your skin. If you feel like you need to go down the road of skin lightening, do it because it’s what you want and not because you feel forced to do it as a result of people being assholes. And please be careful, you don’t want to damage your skin/health
 
death137

death137

Specialist
Joined
Jun 25, 2020
Messages
368
I’m sorry you are suffering from this. The truth is appearance do really matter and if you think bleaching can fix things then yeah I think you should do it. Or you could change your environment to where ppl aren’t heavily or at all discriminated by their skin color. I’m proud of my black/brown skin and I do think its largely because I live in Ethiopia. Environment plays a big factor in how we feel. I wish you peace.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Joined
Sep 25, 2018
Messages
2,945
I was always okay with my skin colour, happy even. I am on the bulkier side but I am trying to lose weight and even if I feel I won't ever be super model attractive I constantly try to improve my appearance.
But recently I found out I get treated differently because of my dusky skin. I am light brown, I will post an image for reference but I want to be lighter.
No white guy will ever look at me other than their perceived conception of thinking me as savage. I am saying this because I recieved comments like this from them in a dating site. I get it I am horrible to look at because of my skin colour. Black/brown guys are even worse. I lived in a community where there were more brown guys in general but they were also from the beginning making comments about my skin and what not.
I get it , trust me, I get it I am not fuckable for you and you won't even pretend to be nice to me.
I understand I am supposed to be lonely and miserable. But why can't I at least do things to improve my overall appearance. Why do people have a problem with that?
why is skin lightening such a big deal? I have good features and pretty beautiful eyes, but I do not have very good skin as it is dull and dusky on top of that.My legs are for some ungodly reason too light and people think I bleach them lol.
I know I should not care but my dating and professional life is heavily influenced by my appearance more so as I am a girl. This world is a twisted place. I used to think appearance should not matter but I don't meet certain quotas and fall below average.
Should I just go ahead and change things if I can? Cause I am not strong enough to take the judgement and attitude I receive from people.
What you shouldn't do is sit around waiting for other people to sort it out while you play the victim. Then one day you wake up older and everything you wanted it for has gone, all your opportunities have gone and your friends have left you. If you do this you won't be able to look yourself in the mirror anymore at all but you won't because no ones that stupid. No one except me
 
L

LifeAfterDeath00

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
74
Something I should mention. My parents don't want to invest in me undergoing any kind of surgery. The next part might sound shallow but it is true, my mother never said I was beautiful nor did my sister. If anything they always made fun of my weight, I know I am pretty in some angle because everyone looks pretty in some angle. It
I was always okay with my skin colour, happy even. I am on the bulkier side but I am trying to lose weight and even if I feel I won't ever be super model attractive I constantly try to improve my appearance.
But recently I found out I get treated differently because of my dusky skin. I am light brown, I will post an image for reference but I want to be lighter.
No white guy will ever look at me other than their perceived conception of thinking me as savage. I am saying this because I recieved comments like this from them in a dating site. I get it I am horrible to look at because of my skin colour. Black/brown guys are even worse. I lived in a community where there were more brown guys in general but they were also from the beginning making comments about my skin and what not.
I get it , trust me, I get it I am not fuckable for you and you won't even pretend to be nice to me.
I understand I am supposed to be lonely and miserable. But why can't I at least do things to improve my overall appearance. Why do people have a problem with that?
why is skin lightening such a big deal? I have good features and pretty beautiful eyes, but I do not have very good skin as it is dull and dusky on top of that.My legs are for some ungodly reason too light and people think I bleach them lol.
I know I should not care but my dating and professional life is heavily influenced by my appearance more so as I am a girl. This world is a twisted place. I used to think appearance should not matter but I don't meet certain quotas and fall below average.
Should I just go ahead and change things if I can? Cause I am not strong enough to take the judgement and attitude I receive from people.
I can't believe I will never be happy and have my own family. I am too scared to pass on my ugly genes. I fucking hate my family. My parents and my siblings are the fucking worst. I hope they all rot in hell.
I really wanted a fucking family of my own where there was love and laughter. Fuck. I am shaking. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Out of everything I had to be an unattractive girl in a shitty fucking third world country.
What you shouldn't do is sit around waiting for other people to sort it out while you play the victim. Then one day you wake up older and everything you wanted it for has gone, all your opportunities have gone and your friends have left you. If you do this you won't be able to look yourself in the mirror anymore at all but you won't because no ones that stupid. No one except me
Hey,
Sorry but I am in no position of tough love. I need a lot of affection, care and love. I never had any of i growing up so I always carried that void with me. I get where you are coming from and I can assure you my life is already hell. I will never get fraction of the thing an average person seems to get because I am fucking ugly and even if I do things to improve it I still remain ugly and unconfident. Guys treat you a certain way when you aren't attractive, there is a certain resentment in them and will do anything to avoid you and make it apparent. I get it I am hideous to look at. No one in my family tells me otherwise either. They all value looks but they will lie to you straight on your face and that is the thing that hurts me. They will be silent when I do complain about my looks.
I understand that I may seem like I am complaining but I am incapable of earning money as I am still too young so I have to rely on them for everything. When I try to CTB it seems unfair because in my head I think there might be something I can do about it. I can as I know the way. But I will never be given the money to do it.
 
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C

Coolchicka

Member
Joined
Jul 20, 2018
Messages
62
I am a dark skinned woman, and I know what you mean. No man has ever hit on me, or asked me on dates or anything. It probably has to do with my ugliness and shitty personality, but I'm sure my dark skin color is apart of that too.

Have you considered seeing a dermatologist and discussing your options? I think women with dusky skin can be gorgeous without lightening their skin. Have you considered trying to brighten your face by getting rid of any blemishes and/or hyperpigmentation you have instead of skin lightening? If you want to even your skin tone between the color of your face and legs, I know that there are treatments for that as well. As another poster said, if you want to lighten your skin you should do it if it's what you want, not so that a bunch of assholes will take a second look at you.

You mentioned you have nice facial features, so I'm sure that you are very attractive to the opposite sex; I think you're just surrounded by shitty people.
 
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L

LifeAfterDeath00

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
74
I just know I shouldn't be jealous of people who have it better than me. Trust me I am aware of pretty privilege and white privilige and smart privilige. I know of course I know not all people are bad, but most often good people also avoid people like me. I react to my surroundings. I always did because I saw other people having it better than me. I know being of a certain race, having certain look and being rich isn't everything in life. But in order for me to escape I would still eventually need to have someone put faith in me. I have no one like that. None. My family is the biggest scum in the world. They are and they act like they aren't. Now when I do speak out against everything they did, all the abuse I had to go through silently, I am called delusional and manipulative. They can rot in hell all of them for all I care. I wanted a family so bad just so that I could give my children what I never had. I wanted someone I could marry who would be my best friend. I know for a lot of people this becomes a possibility. I don't want to know who has it worse than me. 10 ft or 30 ft deep in water still drowns you. I am tested all the time for my patience, my temper, my everything only to be given nothing. I do not want to commit suicide but I have to. I don't have anything. Nothing at all.
I fondly remember Sulli, girls would kill to look like her, however, she had to take her own life because of her narcissistic parents. I remember what her father did after she died. Maybe after I die I can visit her in heaven and tell her how much she helped me to go through dark days, her demeanour, her persona everything was wonderful.
Hey <3,
I honestly think if I had mature people in my surrounding I would feel a lot safer and less anxious. My surrounding is definitely a major part of it, but the thing is I will never be able to change it. I guess, acceptance is the key.
 
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pannazidofski

pannazidofski

Veteran
Joined
Aug 31, 2020
Messages
182
You can change, as you said, you're insecure about your weight but who cares? Weight is one of those superficial things that can be changed. What really touched me though was your comment about skin, wishing how you could change it. It's the worst feeling huh, something that you cant change that hurts so much that you partly wish to die because of it. I'm in a similar boat, guy who wishes he was born a girl, but knows that death is the only way that I could ever be happy, since I can never be one body and soul. But I keep trying to find ways to make life enjoyable because of it. You should too, your family sounds like scum and those idiots who mock you because of skin are simply trash. Spite them by trying to be happy regardless of what they said. You might get lucky and have that family you deserve somehow.
 
L

LifeAfterDeath00

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
74
You can change, as you said, you're insecure about your weight but who cares? Weight is one of those superficial things that can be changed. What really touched me though was your comment about skin, wishing how you could change it. It's the worst feeling huh, something that you cant change that hurts so much that you partly wish to die because of it. I'm in a similar boat, guy who wishes he was born a girl, but knows that death is the only way that I could ever be happy, since I can never be one body and soul. But I keep trying to find ways to make life enjoyable because of it. You should too, your family sounds like scum and those idiots who mock you because of skin are simply trash. Spite them by trying to be happy regardless of what they said. You might get lucky and have that family you deserve somehow.
Lots of love to you my friend. I know how you feel, I really do. I wish society was more accepting. I feel this everyday honestly and I know that we could have lived a much happier life only if society would have been understanding.
 
W

Wisdom3_1-9

he/him/his
Joined
Jul 19, 2020
Messages
1,037
I am going to sound cheesy and it’s going to sound like a cliché, but I don’t care, because it’s worth saying.

You are beautiful.

You’re skin color is beautiful.


Society’s fascination with lighter skin (in many cultures) as it relates to beauty is rooted in systemic issues of race, privilege, and class. Concepts of beauty are largely defined by people in power. I grew up almost ashamed of my dark skin and always wished I could be lighter. I know life on the whole would be easier.

But you deserve someone who appreciates you for your beauty as you are. And you do your thing so you become one of those powerful, dark-skinned humans who shows that beauty comes in all shades.

I understand that desire to change and to be considered more attractive to more people, but the underlying reasons for those desires are rooted in societal flaws and I believe we should strive to overcome them.

</2 cents>
 
N

netrezven

Wise
Joined
Dec 13, 2018
Messages
229
Men in dating sites are losers. The only reason a man will go there is because he wants to go cheap with women. So why care and listen to those s*ckers? I don't know how you look, chances are that you are more pretty than most women. Combine this with self esteem and confidence and you won't look back anymore. :) And ya, beeing pretty and smart makes you a bad person in the eyes of worthless people.
 
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