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Help How do you make peace for leaving loved one behind.

nitroautnz

nitroautnz

Wise
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
293
I really want to ctb, im tired of living with my problems. I have the issue of SI but I will deal with that when I have everything I need to ctb.
My main issue is the idea that I will hurt the people I love and care about(family, friend, ex...), and it's breaking my heart when I think about it.
How can I come to make peace with it?
 
Stick

Stick

Veteran
Joined
Aug 31, 2020
Messages
103
There isn't much you can do to keep them from hurting, but you can do everything you can to make them hurt less. Things like writing them a note, talking to them beforehand about what you will want when you die (assuming it won't make them suspicious), sorting your belongings for them, ect. will hopefully help them cope with it when it comes.
You aren't a bad person, you are a person who is doing their best and unfortunately is succumbing to outside forces. You love them, and I'm sure you would stay here for them if you could. You are dying from a sickness of the mind, and just like someone who dies from a physical illness, that death is not your fault nor is it something you should feel guilty about.
On the other hand, if you are able to use that guilt to improve yourself, or if your worries about their reactions are a sign that you aren't ready to leave, then you should not ctb. But, if you are here then you are probably past that point.
 
peacefuldeath14

peacefuldeath14

Member
Joined
Sep 15, 2020
Messages
20
Always need to come to a state of peace within yourself first , then you can go to others. If you truly feel that the only way to stop your suffering is suicide, imo, be open with everyone. Let them know of your mental situation, and that you’re coming to this decision from a place of truth. Let them try to help, if they go too far, then let them know that, and adjust accordingly. Perhaps all these people can’t be apart of your death process, but you can try first, and again, adjust accordingly.
 
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nitroautnz

nitroautnz

Wise
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
293
There isn't much you can do to keep them from hurting, but you can do everything you can to make them hurt less. Things like writing them a note, talking to them beforehand about what you will want when you die (assuming it won't make them suspicious), sorting your belongings for them, ect. will hopefully help them cope with it when it comes.
You aren't a bad person, you are a person who is doing their best and unfortunately is succumbing to outside forces. You love them, and I'm sure you would stay here for them if you could. You are dying from a sickness of the mind, and just like someone who dies from a physical illness, that death is not your fault nor is it something you should feel guilty about.
On the other hand, if you are able to use that guilt to improve yourself, or if your worries about their reactions are a sign that you aren't ready to leave, then you should not ctb. But, if you are here then you are probably past that point.
Always need to come to a state of peace within yourself first , then you can go to others. If you truly feel that the only way to stop your suffering is suicide, imo, be open with everyone. Let them know of your mental situation, and that you’re coming to this decision from a place of truth. Let them try to help, if they go too far, then let them know that, and adjust accordingly. Perhaps all these people can’t be apart of your death process, but you can try first, and again, adjust accordingly.
I intend to write a note, i already start, im thinking to maybe a voice message too. Thing is, im leaving in a different country, the only person close is my ex so make thing a bit more difficult but yes that a good idea, i will have to make sure everything is sorted or at least explaining what need to be done in a letter.

I didn't talk about suicide, but when i say that i am not doing well, that made them so worried, I feel really bad to say it afterwards. So yeah i still have a lot of work on this part, i can't control it that probably why i struggle to deal with it.

I have autism, so i can work around but in the end, I have some behaviour that I will not be able to change, like the way my brain works, constantly, never giving me peace. Or that social situation stresses me out and give me anxiety but i want a social life. Being lonely as much as want that too, its make me depressed...

Death doesn't scare me, I made peace with it a long time ago. I might miss something that i enjoy doing of course. But i feel like i don't have the energy to live. Im just tired of being miserable and struggling.
 
Cherrypea

Cherrypea

I remember when all this will be again
Joined
May 3, 2020
Messages
270
I'm not sure, it seems to be a combination of making peace with it yourself and denial.
Some people are very organised with getting their affairs in order and packing everything up to make that side of things easier.
 
Xocoyotziin

Xocoyotziin

Imp-ulsive
Joined
Sep 5, 2020
Messages
119
Yeah what other people said about providing closure seems about right. If you can somehow convey that it's okay to let go, and that it feels right for you, it's your time and the idea that it happened before your time is a misconception, I think that helps.

A lot of people are blindsided by it because even if they know you're depressed they're in denial over the fact that suicide is a real possibility, they're too attached. Then they have to come to terms with your death after you die, when I think it's easier to come to terms with it before because you're alive to answer any unanswered questions or resolve any unresolved conflicts.

People talk about how they wish their loved one reached out but it's a catch-22 because in most cases if the loved one did they'd be misunderstood and denied, and the reaction is to control the situation rather than to let it pass. How can you reach out when the gut impulse is to not accept it when you do? The best approach is a gentle one because defenses will instantly go up and you may be the victim of them.

But at some point you might have to acknowledge that you're not responsible for others who fail to understand you or for their attachment to you. And at some point it might get so intolerable it becomes difficult to care, which isn't a great scenario. Miscommunication is a two-way problem, you don't have to bear all the guilt.
 
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