- May 29, 2020
Everyday I want to take my life. Every. Day. But my plan isn't ready and the time and place aren't concrete enough. Every day I have to cope with the fact that I'm still here and seeing my pathetic face in my mirror ruins my already horrible day. I put on a fake smile and persona around my peers and I act pretty joyful overall. It's painful. I'm so tired. I just want to go to sleep. This is inhumane. Why do I have to be subjected to such a meaningless and pathetic life? How do you guys cope? I'm struggling keeping up this facade any longer but if I slip up and people suspect something is wrong, I'll be sent to the ward again which will only backtrack my plan by months. I know I sound very pathetic right now, but I feel lost. This place is really the only place where I can express my true emotions. No one else quite understands what this feels like. I'm hoping that by the end of November I'll be gone, but I can't make any guarantees until my plan is perfect.