How do I increase my chances of death?

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The.End

The.End

The walking dead
May 18, 2019
34
149
How do I increase my chances of (accidental) death in everyday life. I really want to die but suicide would effect my family in a very bad way. An accidental death on the other hand would be a lot easy for them to accept, they would more or less consider an act of god.

I don't have many resources, like a vehicle or the ability to start a new dangerous sport or hobby like sky-diving. what I do have going for me is, I live in a very dangerous city in a 3rd world country. Life is very cheap here and lots of people get killed here everyday. This place is hell and its exactly where I belong.

I yearn for death, its the first thing I think about when I wake up and its the last thing I think about before I sleep.

I feel like blowing my brains out right now, as I type this, but every time I put the barrel in my mouth, all I can think about is how bad my family would take my suicide. and if i'm being completely honest, I don't want to be remembered as that guy that couldn't handle life and committed suicide. I know that is a very vain way to think but I can't help myself, i'm only human.

I really don't want to wake up tomorrow and do this all over again. I wish somebody could wake me up from this very long and detailed dream/nightmare called life.
 
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DreamCatcher

DreamCatcher

Still searching
Jun 18, 2019
219
486
Michigan
Humans are actually remarkably resilient, it's hard to die accidentally.

If you're serious you should go over the methods on this forum and pick one. Something like a CO method or shallow water blackout method might be the least apparent as a suicide and might easily seem accidental. I'd suggest searching the forum for specifics, it's all here.

Good luck on finding some peace.
 
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D

dark_thoughts

Member
Jun 29, 2019
5
7
ODing on something like Fentanyl or heroin would always leave them wondering. Also hiking in an area where there are really high cliffs will have them think it may have been accidental perhaps.
 
Laststop

Laststop

Veteran
Jul 9, 2019
167
278
I was a soldier. A combat one. For most of the time since I left I was cautious of anything that looked remotely threatening. But since I've been wanting to CTB, when something comes up I'm like, "OK, let this guy kill me." Like tonight. I sold something through a local listing online, and met a guy in a parking lot after most of the places were closed to make the transaction. In the past there was no way in hell I would do that without being armed. I mean, concealed...but still armed. I went out completely weaponless tonight. If the guy tried to rob me I would have kicked his ass so bad he would of had to use a weapon if he had it. I too would like to go, and have it look like...not something I did to myself. It seems really hard to do. we've had a couple suicides in our family. One member just didn't want to believe them. One OD, and another where he shot himself with a rifle. This person just struggled to find a way to believe they were no intentional. But everyone knew they were, and this person was the lone exception. I figure if I put a gun in my mouth everyone is going to know, and there's just nothing I can do about it. I've always been a loner, and a lot of the time, a loser. I don't think people will be surprised. After the initial shock wears off.
 
L

LivingToLong

Veteran
Feb 23, 2019
108
370
@Laststop There are times when I read a post on here and it reminds me of just how little I know about the world, how naive I am and how protected and privileged I am. Your post was one of those posts. I am (to use the American word) a pussy. I can't imagine what it is like to be a combat soldier, or what it is like to point and shoot a gun - or even own a gun. I have never been in a real fight. There are no tragedies in my family, there are no secrets nor hardships (beyond what is to be expected) I sometimes feel that I have no justification for wanting to die.

I come on to this forum to read other peoples stories and to share, when and where appropriate, my own. Sometimes the stories people tell hit me hard. Sometimes they tell me that I should shut up and listen to people who have experience, people who know.

Yet I see that one of the things the stories often share is the desire to CTB. It makes me ask myself why so many people, from such differing worlds and with such differing experiences, should want to end their lives. Are some people just wired that way?
 
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riverstyx

riverstyx

Veteran
May 31, 2019
188
375
Secret moonbase
You could just think creatively about it I guess. It wouldn't be hard to get into an "accident".

How about sky diving? Some times the parachutet doesn't deploy correctly. You could even sabotage your own gear before jumping.

People get run over by cars, trucks and buses all the time. You could make it look accidental.

Drowning is another method. People also drown all the time.
 
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Roger

Roger

Arcanist
May 11, 2019
506
837
UK
How about sky diving? Some times the parachutet doesn't deploy correctly. You could even sabotage your own gear before jumping.
A friend of mine died in a parachuting accident (?) over 40 years ago. He had packed his own parachute incorrectly in a manner considered inexplicable by the Board of Enquiry, and did not deploy his reserve during his final jump.

He was a recovering alcoholic and was having marital problems, so there was, and is, a significant element of doubt as to whether he did it deliberately.

I attended his funeral.
 
Laststop

Laststop

Veteran
Jul 9, 2019
167
278
@Laststop There are times when I read a post on here and it reminds me of just how little I know about the world, how naive I am and how protected and privileged I am. Your post was one of those posts. I am (to use the American word) a pussy. I can't imagine what it is like to be a combat soldier, or what it is like to point and shoot a gun - or even own a gun. I have never been in a real fight. There are no tragedies in my family, there are no secrets nor hardships (beyond what is to be expected) I sometimes feel that I have no justification for wanting to die.

I come on to this forum to read other peoples stories and to share, when and where appropriate, my own. Sometimes the stories people tell hit me hard. Sometimes they tell me that I should shut up and listen to people who have experience, people who know.

Yet I see that one of the things the stories often share is the desire to CTB. It makes me ask myself why so many people, from such differing worlds and with such differing experiences, should want to end their lives. Are some people just wired that way?
@LivingToLong I appreciate your sentiment. I really do. I think we both owe those feelings towards the men and women that have done it for real. It's so hard to believe they're still over in the Middle East now, after all this time. I was in during peace time; although, people can, and do, get seriously hurt and killed in training. A guy got hit in the head with a chopper blade (I wasn't in the area at the time) when we were in another country on a large exercise. We saw a guy almost make it off a balcony on our first day of Basic Training. The Drills got a hold of him before he could jump. The next day guys were carrying a kid all messed up (never found out why, different platoon) and crying to the Aid Station. But it was in the barracks, and not a training area, so it looked self made. Maybe the one that sticks closest to me was the bayonet assault course. The week before we were there an officer trying to be hard-charging jumped over a berm, not knowing there was a trench on the other side. He let go of his rifle with the bayonet fixed on it to break his fall, and the butt of the rifle landed ahead of him, and sent the bayonet into his head, killing him. So they had us do the course at half speed for safety. Son of a bitch if our Senior Drill Sergeant didn't pull up in a Humvee right as I finished my go, completely exhausted. When he saw what we were doing he asked why. They told him, and being a Vietnam Vet, he got really angry, said we wouldn't be going half speed in real combat, and made us all start over again! I had to do it twice, and I thought I'd die, lol.
With that said, I carried all my problems with me during my tour. I always have. The most trauma I have is from my childhood. Going into the Combat Arms was a mistake, because it made me more edgy and aggressive, making dealing with things all that much harder. Also, having other people understand and relate to me. I've tried to let it go, like it didn't happen, but it's there. But it only searved to add to the problems that were already there. My point being, if you have problems, you just do. No matter what they are, or how you got them. And like you said; maybe we're just wired that way? So, if you were doing something like acting like a bad-ass, like wearing, or showing off the Military stuff you've collected, never having served. Or, worse yet, stolen valor (not saying you would ever.) Then other people's Military service is something that should make you ashamed. But you're not that person. How you got to where you are is as unique as you are. Any reasons anyone else has is unique to them. If I could rip out the things that make me want to CTB I would. If I could, all my reasons why I want to CTB wouldn't matter. Same for you. If you want to CTB, you have reasons why. Even if you don't know them. And they're every bit as real, and valid.
 
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GeorgeJL

GeorgeJL

Mod
Mar 7, 2019
1,491
1,861
Humans are actually remarkably resilient, it's hard to die accidentally.
That is what I told my alcoholic brother because of comments like this on the forum and now he's dead at the age of 35. He wanted to live he wasn't suicidal.
 
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