How did you spend your paycheck as a suicidal person if you live with family/parents?

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EricRoche

EricRoche

-
Apr 7, 2018
75
285
I often have wondered this. I am looking for a job and most likely going to get one in a week and a half. Despite that though, I am NOT happy at this and am very careful at being optimistic because I know that sooner or later, the same old shittiness of life will creep back in to the job; bad customers, bad employees, bad boss..(you get where this is going)

I was considering three options.

1.) buy heroin and on the street benzos. I know in other posts I've probably talked about how this will cause respiratory depression but the other thing I want to do is just enjoy one day of my life in such a way that isn't possible in a short period of time due to how evolution and the brain works (we live for survival, not necessarily for happiness). I don't doubt heroin is addictive but I'm planning on just treating myself. Buy pizza, champagne, high quality beer and also pretty much every drug. After enjoying myself and being chatty with people outside I'll slowly start doubling the dose of benzos, alcohol, and heroin to finally kill myself. I was thinking at the end of hiding all my drugs and deceiving any paramedics that may come with poisons like arsenic or antifreeze which they'll try and treat but of course, that won't be the issue.

2.) buy stimulant drugs (meth, OTC pseudoephedrine, Adderall) to stay awake and actually enjoy my job. Maybe I don't have to die in the next two weeks, next two months. I can enjoy myself and then postpone it for a year.

My mother tells me that ''Your life will be over if you buy drugs'' but that is the only reason why I'm searching for a job. I can't be a wage slave for the rest of my life. I need recreational drugs to both work and enjoy life. Luckily I live in a country that doesn't do drug tests for most jobs (low skilled, office jobs) because if I did, I would quit. Don't care if I could be a programmer earning €70,000. If I can't spend at least 40% of the week while being at work under some thing, no point whatsoever. At least that's what I think.
 
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M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,037
5,298
I don't have a paycheck as I don't work. Well, I work on a personal project, but who knows if I will profit with it once it is released. If I released it this week and it was somehow a success, I really have no idea what I would do. Like, I spent most of my life having next to no money to spend on stuff other than food and meds, so that is tricky.

Drugs don't sound like such a bad idea, I always wanted to try, but I am too lazy to look up how to actually get my hands on them. I do have a cousin who smokes more weed than I drink water, so she probably knows her ways.
 
Malice1

Malice1

-
Apr 6, 2018
287
699
I'm on SSI. I dont have anything else to use my money on so I dropped 500 on nembutal. The rest i just give to my parents or use for food. Like you i would just use it on drugs to entertain myself abit but my parents dont approve of drug use and i still live with them despite being an adult so i cant use drugs.
 
Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
1,759
I wouldn't go down the drug road unless I was damn sure I was going to kill myself, personally.

Iron is good as a distraction for medical personnel, they'll be busy with the positive tox screen and it's not as hard to get down as antifreeze, I'd imagine.
 
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,037
5,298
I wouldn't go down the drug road unless I was damn sure I was going to kill myself, personally.

Iron is good as a distraction for medical personnel, they'll be busy with the positive tox screen and it's not as hard to get down as antifreeze, I'd imagine.
Agreed. That is why I haven't touched drugs yet. While I am absolutely sure I am committing suicide, I am not sure when yet. It would suck staying years as a junkie being even more of a burden for my family.
 
EricRoche

EricRoche

-
Apr 7, 2018
75
285
I wouldn't go down the drug road unless I was damn sure I was going to kill myself, personally.

Iron is good as a distraction for medical personnel, they'll be busy with the positive tox screen and it's not as hard to get down as antifreeze, I'd imagine.
Why exactly wouldn't you go down the drug road? Addiction issues?

Also regarding the iron, what exactly happens? If you for example consume arsenic, will iron hide that in the blood tests?
 
Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
1,759
Why exactly wouldn't you go down the drug road? Addiction issues?

Also regarding the iron, what exactly happens? If you for example consume arsenic, will iron hide that in the blood tests?
No, I've never been addicted to anything. I used to try to get addicted to things as a teen, in fact, to help keep me in the life game. Looking back it was an incredibly dangerous and foolish thing to do. I've known addicts since then, and the addiction will change your perspective, but not in a good way. You can become too driven to get that fix, at the expensive of everything and everyone else. Yeah, it might've kept me in the game longer, but my quality of life as an addicted would be even lower and I wouldn't be able to kill myself as the addiction would be so strong. I'd be even more trapped than I am now. So if I were going to try drugs again I'd make absolutely sure that it would be my last day.

I don't know much about arsenic poisoning, I'll look in to it and get back to you...
 
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Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
1,759
^^^ I don't know if it would work with arsenic anyways. If you take it with benzos/barbs that'll mask the extreme side effects/pain from the iron overdose, arsenic won't do that.
 
M

MAIO

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2018
802
2,402
I often have wondered this. I am looking for a job and most likely going to get one in a week and a half. Despite that though, I am NOT happy at this and am very careful at being optimistic because I know that sooner or later, the same old shittiness of life will creep back in to the job; bad customers, bad employees, bad boss..(you get where this is going)

I was considering three options.

1.) buy heroin and on the street benzos. I know in other posts I've probably talked about how this will cause respiratory depression but the other thing I want to do is just enjoy one day of my life in such a way that isn't possible in a short period of time due to how evolution and the brain works (we live for survival, not necessarily for happiness). I don't doubt heroin is addictive but I'm planning on just treating myself. Buy pizza, champagne, high quality beer and also pretty much every drug. After enjoying myself and being chatty with people outside I'll slowly start doubling the dose of benzos, alcohol, and heroin to finally kill myself. I was thinking at the end of hiding all my drugs and deceiving any paramedics that may come with poisons like arsenic or antifreeze which they'll try and treat but of course, that won't be the issue.

2.) buy stimulant drugs (meth, OTC pseudoephedrine, Adderall) to stay awake and actually enjoy my job. Maybe I don't have to die in the next two weeks, next two months. I can enjoy myself and then postpone it for a year.

My mother tells me that ''Your life will be over if you buy drugs'' but that is the only reason why I'm searching for a job. I can't be a wage slave for the rest of my life. I need recreational drugs to both work and enjoy life. Luckily I live in a country that doesn't do drug tests for most jobs (low skilled, office jobs) because if I did, I would quit. Don't care if I could be a programmer earning €70,000. If I can't spend at least 40% of the week while being at work under some thing, no point whatsoever. At least that's what I think.
Ironically almost every drug overdose is labeled as an accidental death rather than a suicide.If only drugs make you happy you could try drugs from a psychiatrist, ofcourse it probably won't work they may just waste your time with antidepressants.
 
ChizuruN

ChizuruN

Failure at Living, Failure at Dying
Mar 20, 2018
88
279
Currently unemployed, but when I've had money, I've used it to buy video games and shit that may help the time pass more quickly.
I really don't want to get into drugs, knowing my addictive tendencies.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
210
961
Save it, since I don't have anything to spend it on. I'm on disability, so I get a cheque every month. I mostly just give it to my parents, so they can fix up the house. Last thing I bought was some Phoenix Tears (THC concentrate) for $40 a couple months back. Had some of it once, but now I'm too afraid to take any more. I think I might have taken too much the first time, though. Thought it might help me relax a bit, but I don't know. It made me feel good sort of, but also really anxious. I even felt like I was gonna die in the beginning, which you think might've made me feel great, but sadly no. The warped perception got me scared and I couldn't let go and just enjoy it. I kept trying to fight it and somehow claw my way back to being sober. I've also tried vaping some Charlotte's Web (CBD strain), but that did nothing for me unfortunately. I had someone else recommend that I try some indica edibles, or light opiates. Still trying to muster the energy to move forward with whatever it is I try next, but somehow it's easier to just do nothing. I do wish I had a better taste for drugs, though, and that I wasn't so frightened by their effects. Ideally, I'd like to go out the same way Layne Staley did, even though I'm sure it must've been painful for him and his friends/family. It's just, death by lethal addiction sounds like something I could do, as opposed to other methods. Anyway, sorry for the drug tangent. Probably shouldn't be bringing it up.

Heh, I just noticed there was already talk about drugs in this thread. Hmm, how about that. Nevermind then, I guess.
 
Monoxide

Monoxide

New Member
Apr 11, 2018
2
0
I just buy a shitton of junk food or otherwise just don't spend it. I've got about $2,000 in savings and for some reason keep telling myself I'm saving up for something that I'm not, lol.
 
LooneyBin17

LooneyBin17

I spit fire
Apr 20, 2018
2
12
Honestly-nembutal.

But I don't make enough to even last till the next paycheck.
 
M

Maya

Member
Apr 24, 2018
29
63
The thing with drugs like that, as some one who has struggled with them, is they alter the way you see and experience the world. Itll warp what you think you want. Youll honestly live a longer darker road if you do this. I promise you this trip wont end the way you think it will. But its your choice if you want to do this.
 
drake4871

drake4871

The restless
Sep 10, 2019
170
197
I used to do stocks for fun and for extra spending money. My shares have jumped 500%+ but quite frankly I don't care about money they can keep it
 
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hatelife

Wise
Oct 13, 2019
235
311
I used to do stocks for fun and for extra spending money. My shares have jumped 500%+ but quite frankly I don't care about money they can keep it
they are addictive at time rights, me too, but lost in first year then won some next,but anyways I dont have enought mental health to do anything really, my anxiety gets too bad and sleep, specially now spring is on its way here where I live I think, and yeah I dont like it, my mental health has been at its worse these past 3-4 years, would give anything to be like pretty girl witth normal mind and body and be happy with who I am n function in life like Kobe Bryant did