How can people sleep at night knowing they ruined someone's life?

G

Gamja

for personal reasons, i’ll be passing away
Joined
Aug 27, 2019
Messages
40
Maybe I'm dealing with a sociopath or something else, but secretly I wish that person cares.
I'm frantically looking for signs that she's worried about me... but there's none. No mention, nothing. As if I never existed or were part of her life.
I told my friend I'm suicidal and she didn't want to help or hear about it. When I told her that I'm crying, she made it look like I'm asking for pity. All I asked for was compassion and understanding... I guess pity is another way to put it, albeit derogatory.

I can already see the people telling her it wasn't her fault, that it was my decision, that she's not responsible for my actions and the wishes for her recovery from my ctb. People will worry about her mental well-being from my "sudden" ctb while she chose to ignore mine.
She could've done something. I only asked for one little compromise that could've brought me back my purpose in life. The person who raised my hopes and crushed my dreams in the same month can give it back. Someone told me I shouldn't let a person have so much power and control over my fate, but the thing we're talking about (I can't say what it is) is very important to me. I'm more sensitive and emotional than I'd like to admit and fit into the stereotype of the tortured artist.
I no longer have dreams or a purpose. Although I was the one who got hurt, I'm the one who can't sleep at night. My heart and my head hurts.

To the average person, it's not comprehensible how I could cry myself to sleep over a person and ctb because of my passion & purpose. I don't have any other passions, talents or skills.
On the day I leave this world, I will come back with the paintings I created in my last months and then leave. I hope the world becomes a better place without me who's been nothing but a huge burden to people. I didn't expect to die so soon, but I'm evil and will take myself out so everyone can be happy.
 
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Rn110bg101

Rn110bg101

If I could become a comet
Joined
Apr 18, 2019
Messages
341
Those people are truly horrible. Even though my situation is much different, I know how it feels to lose sleep and even your life/strength over someone. Sending virtual hugs as well.
 
W

Wisdom3_1-9

he/him/his
Joined
Jul 19, 2020
Messages
1,137
I think about this every
fucking
night.

Has he just moved on? Does he even care what he did to me? Did he ever feel bad? When I’m gone, will he feel responsible? Will he know his part in all this? Even if he does feel responsible, will he even care?
 
MiseryLovesMyCompany

MiseryLovesMyCompany

Master
Joined
Oct 8, 2020
Messages
490
I see many people here who are in a similar situation as myself. I don't know how to feel about it, as it is not something I would want others to feel. It's just too fucking much.
 
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J

Johnshed3103

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2020
Messages
12
It is not really fair to threaten suicide to get someone's attention. imo
I don't even mention how i am feeling to my wife who has left me, Why would i want someone to give me attention because i am going to cbt (what does that mean)
 
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G

Gamja

for personal reasons, i’ll be passing away
Joined
Aug 27, 2019
Messages
40
It is not really fair to threaten suicide to get someone's attention. imo
I don't even mention how i am feeling to my wife who has left me, Why would i want someone to give me attention because i am going to cbt (what does that mean)
Can’t speak for anyone else but I don’t tell anyone that I am. It took me a long, long time to finally tell someone I thought I can trust and be frank to- probably me being desperate and crying for help but help didn’t come so I regret saying anything at all
 
OopsIdidntwanttodie

OopsIdidntwanttodie

I can’t feel anything
Joined
Oct 11, 2020
Messages
88
oh god is it torture. I hate it so much. I know that they don’t even deserve to be thought about after all that they’ve done to me, but I can’t help it. I know they’ll be laughing at me and I can’t stop breaking down every moment he creeps into my thoughts. My mind is so tired and I want it all to just go away because I don’t deserve this. All I did was love genuinely. What’s worse is that he knew I was suicidal. He said it was a mistake to tell me that he cared about me still and was always going to be there for me. He was my sweet baby and if he could suddenly turn into such a cold hearted asshole, who’s to say that anyone and everyone won’t turn on me like that as well. I wouldn’t want to risk it, my life is already on the line.
 
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clocktower

clocktower

what time does the bus arrive?
Joined
Jun 25, 2020
Messages
59
i’d imagine my bullies are living their lives blissfully unaware of the mess they made of me.
 
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