How are y’all doing?

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nnnerve

nnnerve

Veteran
Jun 19, 2019
135
219
Earlier I got a flat tire and my world came crumbling down. Thoughts about ending it all came back. I’m back to normal now though.
I hate this part of life. Sometimes it feels like my brain is so sensitive and raw, it's just looking for any reason to completely break down and get some catharsis or relief. Everything is so inconvenient when you don't even want to be here.

Glad you were able to climb out of that. :heart:
 
highlyvolatile

highlyvolatile

I don't know anymore.
Feb 14, 2020
266
576
Its nice to hear you're feeling ok. Have being on meds helped you?

I'm angry, hungry and sad most the damn time. Upset with life and my family in general and generally feeling useless. Biding time til the end.
 
PoisonedJuliet

PoisonedJuliet

You saucy boy!
Feb 12, 2020
836
913
An achievement or everyone to hear you’re doing okay! I’m so glad. Little wins still count

On the other hand, I am not doing so hot. Not in a very good mental state right now. I want to end it so bad. I need to end it. It’s just so annoying trying to resist all the urges
 
C

Compodulator

Visionary
Nov 8, 2018
947
2,463
An achievement or everyone to hear you’re doing okay! I’m so glad. Little wins still count

On the other hand, I am not doing so hot. Not in a very good mental state right now. I want to end it so bad. I need to end it. It’s just so annoying trying to resist all the urges
I'm resisting the urge too.
"Resisting" is probably not quite the right word. I acknowledge the urge, but at the same time remember the vow I took - I will try my best to get the brain surgery done. If that doesn't work, I will do my damn best to outlive my father. Once that happens, I will ctb either on the same day, the day after, but the ABSOLUTELY best day would be yom kipur. No cars, no people outside, very little chance to be found.

Edit: a word. "Vow", not "cow". Wtf, autocorrect?
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
1,482
3,592
my psychiatrist switched my meds and I changed jobs and I feel OK. Not great or back to normal but OK. Earlier I got a flat tire and my world came crumbling down. Thoughts about ending it all came back. I’m back to normal now though.

How are y’all doing?

Well … I'm here on S.S. Does that tell you anything ??? :devil:
 
D

defeated

New Member
Mar 27, 2020
4
7
I'm beyond frustrated. Anxiety has rooted itself deep within me. My addictions have stunted whatever growing I may have had. I'm a colossal disappointment and a laughing stock. I'm poor. I'm ugly at best. And all I can really do is sit and watch others lives get better and better impotently. Society is an unsolvable Rubik's cube. It's less of a human life and more of a static existence like a doormat. Posting here probably isn't going to do much for anyone either.
 
NotMeantForHere

NotMeantForHere

I want to go like Marilyn Monroe
Feb 6, 2020
98
88
Its nice to hear you're feeling ok. Have being on meds helped you?

I'm angry, hungry and sad most the damn time. Upset with life and my family in general and generally feeling useless. Biding time til the end.
When do you think you'll do it? I'm sort of biding time too..
 
B

BlackPoppet

Wise
Mar 7, 2020
225
271
my psychiatrist switched my meds and I changed jobs and I feel OK. Not great or back to normal but OK. Earlier I got a flat tire and my world came crumbling down. Thoughts about ending it all came back. I’m back to normal now though.

How are y’all doing?
:hug:
 
Marktheghost

Marktheghost

Member
Feb 20, 2020
97
80
I'm doing awful thanks! I can't even make an appointment with the doctor at the hospital! No new appointments during the "current situation"! Isn't now just when we need health services even more?! If the community mental health team or whatever they're called aren't seeing patients, what are they doing!? Surely the mental health people haven't been re-located to deal with the Covid 19 patients?!?
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Illuminated
Aug 27, 2018
1,649
5,749
During horrible I went to my hometown to try and ctb but as I pulled the trigger in I was afraid it would hurt even though I know from countless studies and videos it won´t so now I am getting drunk and hopefully will kill myself later it´s not the way I wanted, earlier today was perfect I was at my hometown with beautiful sunny weather and 10 degrees celcius.

But I just want this overwith I am tired of repeating the same emotionless day over again like some form of Groundhog Day without emotions, friends, passions or any hopes or dreams the real me died years ago I just need to kill the body.
 
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Conker

Conker

Veteran
Oct 22, 2019
101
155
Despair, anger, and confusion..

Waiting to see if things are ever gonna change in a good way. Seems that nonexistence will be my inheritance, can't say that it bothers me at all since this world has been turned into a nightmarish hell devoid of much of its original color. I wonder why I'm even here in the first place.. Well, hopefully I will at least be able to have a few fun times before I dematerialize.
 
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218x

218x

متيم
Apr 9, 2019
326
660
I feel miserable like I always do. I mean, I’m on this forum so that pretty much says it. I feel regret and constant despair. I’m waiting to see how things turn out but CTB is always in the back of my mind, no matter how much I keep this facade going on...
 
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D

defeated

New Member
Mar 27, 2020
4
7
Despair, anger, and confusion..

Waiting to see if things are ever gonna change in a good way. Seems that nonexistence will be my inheritance, can't say that it bothers me at all since this world has been turned into a nightmarish hell devoid of much of its original color. I wonder why I'm even here in the first place.. Well, hopefully I will at least be able to have a few fun times before I dematerialize.
Black metal poetry
 
Lost in a Dream

Lost in a Dream

Veteran
Feb 22, 2020
179
412
Earlier I got a flat tire and my world came crumbling down. Thoughts about ending it all came back.
That is the same thing that I experience whenever things go wrong. It doesn't seem to matter if it's something that was my fault or out of my control, it totally destabilizes my mental state and then leaves me feeling like I don't have what it takes to live in this world and then I want to just disappear. I'm glad that you are feeling better now though.

Anyway, I've had better days, but today could be worse, so I guess it isn't terrible. What happened is I started a new med a few weeks ago and I totally forgot to take it yesterday, so my thoughts have been a bit fucked up since then, even though I took it again today.

It didn't help that I watched a debate about religion on youtube and I ended up obsessing over the topic, which led me down a slippery slope of wondering about what may or may not happen after my life ends. It caused me to become paranoid about the possible existence of a thug-like god wanting to squash me like a bug because of thought crimes. It made me want to die again, but then I was suddenly afraid of dying, and so I have started to wish I hadn't existed in the first place, so that I wouldn't have to think about this stuff.

The last couple of days have sucked, is all I can say, but things could be much worse.
 
NotMeantForHere

NotMeantForHere

I want to go like Marilyn Monroe
Feb 6, 2020
98
88
April for sure. I refuse to reach May. Its a lot i know will be going on and I don't want to be around for any of it. What about you?
I don't know, could be months or years. I'm mostly afraid of becoming homeless(I couldn't handle that) since it's so hard for me to work full time. Living with family right now and my mother's always home which is another reason I'm scared to do it cuz I do NOT want to be caught and end up in the psych ward..:hihi:
 
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