[Discussion] Holding Two or More Opposing but Equally Valid Points of View

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GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Pensively Prolific
Jan 11, 2020
3,216
6,187
For those who have black-or-white, all-or-none, and/or perfectionistic thinking, it can be really challenging to hold two or more opposing but equally valid points of view. It is so much more comfortable to view something as completely horrible or completely good, but nothing exists that is either one or the other. Some, such as Buddhists, would argue that good and bad don't even exist. That can be highly uncomfortable for those who were, say, raised in an environment of non-acceptance of others or of the self. Even saying something is all good is, at worst, an annihilation of that thing, or at best, an illusion that may eventually sting far more than acceptance of its co-existing bad.

What is, is not always comfortable, but that doesn't change that it is, just as it is.

One of the most difficult oppositions for me to hold is the love and hate/rejection I feel for my parents. They were abusive, but they were not total monsters by any means. There was also a lot of love and laughter and bonding. In some ways I got good foundations, in others, they tried to negate and destroy my inherent foundations. I sincerely care about them, and there are things that I do like, respect, and admire about them, and yet it's best to have zero contact with them as they will always try to fight and annihilate what is about me that they cannot accept.

Because of acceptance, I recognize that it would be folly to try to ease their suffering by writing a letter should I move forward with the choice to ctb, because they are not capable of hearing me or my intentions, only what comes through their distorted filters. I did not cause their problems, I cannot fix them, I cannot ease them, I cannot cure them; I spent a lifetime trying, and a letter would be a final wasted effort, so it's best to leave my last wasted efforts as the final ones and move forward, away from them, their filters, and all that I cannot change. It is difficult to hold this and not fall in the trap of adopting a total "fuck you" attitude to give me strength to follow through, nor a total "I love you" attitude that weakens my hard-earned, rational resolve.

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What about you? What kinds of challenges have you experienced with opposing but equally valid points of view? How do you work through it? Have you already found a way to be at peace and not feel bothered by the fact that there is more than one valid way to view an issue, or to not feel pressured to choose the one that feels most "right"? Are you comfortable with acceptance, and not leaning toward either validating or condemning?
 
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pete_x

Veteran
May 10, 2020
131
98
I recognize my adoptive father was a beaten man with hopes and dreams in spite of his cruelty. My holding pattern exists because of the few decent things he said to me. "You'll be the one to take care of your mother since you're not doing anything anyway and, Protect your mother from your sister. " So, complication. There's another flavor of choice and that is obligation borne of a belief system I think. The dark side is so wet and luxuriant, but ultimately problematic. Still, i would rather have a red lightsaber. As to leaving a note, it's situational. My approach is going to be journaling in my thread. If it's found or not, i'm good with that.
 
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