Venting Here we go again.

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Grav

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This doesn't really help your situation but bringing him back is probably just pouring gas on a small fire to make a bonfire. I was "kinda" in a situation like that and I had to cut all ties and get movin' on. They weren't my kids though so that's not something I had to deal with.
 
RoseyBird

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At the worst, there's DV shelters. You would technically qualify even if there's no physical violence. The next step is transitional housing. Then some kind of housing assistance. Maybe it would be helpful to talk to a shelter just to feel out your options, how long waiting lists are, etc. I know keeping the kids in the same schools is a goal, but there may be higher priorities. Like, if you were at the point of homelessness and had to go to a shelter in another area, getting housing stability would have to come first.

I'm curious about your family not stepping up. Would it put a great financial strain on them? It doesn't sound like they'll do anything, I'm just curious what their deal is. Mine wouldn't be supportive either, they're not the type to step up, only project that they are.
My family has the assets to help. They have properties worth a couple million dollars. When it comes down to it they’re selfish assholes who don’t care about anyone but themselves. The thing is my sister was an H addict, and basically sucked the family dry in a lot of ways. They don’t want to help anyone anymore even though this is the first time I’ve ever asked for anything.

is it really fair to make the children live in shelters and bad neighborhoods? right now they have a life where they financially want for nothing, and they will go down to a life where they have absolutely nothing. I’m struggling with justifying that my existence is worth putting them through this.
Is there a chance that he might just put them up for adoption and be done with it? I had seen a interview with a homeless woman who had her ex take the kids out of spite, and then put them up for adoption as soon as he had custody.
No, a narcissist would never get rid of his little puppets. He’s only doing this to me because he realized that there’s no chance of him getting what he wants out of me anymore.
 
Symbiote

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Document, get a lawyer, especially one that is for special needs kids, they may even do it pro bono. Guy sounds like a jackass and doesn't want to compromise for shit. If you're in the US, you will gain full custody of the children, and most times the father will have to pay child support and alimony.
 
Rn110bg101

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Is there any way you could report him as an unfit parent, or keep tabs? I'm worried he'll request custody or something once you're leaving to force you to talk.

Plus, that way, if something does happen the children wouldn't go to him.
 
RoseyBird

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Is there any way you could report him as an unfit parent, or keep tabs? I'm worried he'll request custody or something once you're leaving to force you to talk.

Plus, that way, if something does happen the children wouldn't go to him.
No, he’s no unfit he’s just a narcissist.
 
k75

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Most of my income is from SSI. I applied for the kids but they told me it might be 3 to 5 months before it goes through and only if it gets accepted. Because I have Medicare I don’t qualify a lot of the state poor people stuff. Food stamps and stuff won’t help I need straight cash in order to rent an apartment. For some reason they expect you to make 2.5x The rent, and if they didn’t have that stupid requirement I could afford the rent. I will keep looking and I’ll keep trying but the clock is ticking and honestly I was just running out of options. my family has the financial means to cosign but they’re absolutely refusing to do so because my ex has shown himself to be a bad person and they don’t want financial responsibility if he walks away. Without the kids I can’t even afford to live because I would lose the 2000 a month in child support. My income will be brought down to like $750 a month and the average rent here is 2500. it is such a fucking losing game. I really get the impression he’s trying to back me into a suicide corner.
I don't understand why Medicare is an obstacle. Why is that, if you don't mind telling? Maybe it varies by state? Because of my disability, I was forced to have it, but it didn't affect my other insurance (other than dropping it to secondary) or other assistance I had been eligible for.

If your kids are special needs, they should definitely qualify. Did you apply just in case?

I'm just brainstorming... Forgive me if this is stuff you know already.

Have you looked into section 8 and housing vouchers? There are two types. One has a longer waiting list but lets you pick your apartment. The other is faster but a really shitty option because you have to take whatever they give you or forfeit. But if you qualify and can get on the federal list, I'd recommend it. Even if it takes a year or more, at least you'll eventually get it.

Where I live, there are organizations that will assign people to help families. I used to work with one when my son was a teenager, and it was a life saver. They helped me with things like disability and managing appointments, community resources, even helped with transportation when I needed it. If you want more info on that, feel free to PM me.
 
woxihuanni

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See if you can sue him. He has to go live with his 'friend', or die.
 
RoseyBird

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I don't understand why Medicare is an obstacle. Why is that, if you don't mind telling? Maybe it varies by state? Because of my disability, I was forced to have it, but it didn't affect my other insurance (other than dropping it to secondary) or other assistance I had been eligible for.

If your kids are special needs, they should definitely qualify. Did you apply just in case?

I'm just brainstorming... Forgive me if this is stuff you know already.

Have you looked into section 8 and housing vouchers? There are two types. One has a longer waiting list but lets you pick your apartment. The other is faster but a really shitty option because you have to take whatever they give you or forfeit. But if you qualify and can get on the federal list, I'd recommend it. Even if it takes a year or more, at least you'll eventually get it.

Where I live, there are organizations that will assign people to help families. I used to work with one when my son was a teenager, and it was a life saver. They helped me with things like disability and managing appointments, community resources, even helped with transportation when I needed it. If you want more info on that, feel free to PM me.
I can’t get to specific without revealing what state I live in, but there is state poor people insurance, and then there is Medicare. I might need to try to switch to the other one to qualify for services. I will look into HUD today too, but the nature of my disability means I need an accessible area since I can’t drive or use public transit well.

My son has a parrot. a lot of places won’t take the bird since no pets, and that would destroy my son to lose him. I’m seeing less and less options for me to exist in this situation.....
See if you can sue him. He has to go live with his 'friend', or die.
6-8 weeks for child support order, and even then cost of living here is high, he won’t let me live out of state. Blocking it though courts to take kids out of state. My like the trash you live with my ex is just a covert murderer.
 
woxihuanni

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I can’t get to specific without revealing what state I live in, but there is state poor people insurance, and then there is Medicare. I might need to try to switch to the other one to qualify for services. I will look into HUD today too, but the nature of my disability means I need an accessible area since I can’t drive or use public transit well.

My son has a parrot. a lot of places won’t take the bird since no pets, and that would destroy my son to lose him. I’m seeing less and less options for me to exist in this situation.....

6-8 weeks for child support order, and even then cost of living here is high, he won’t let me live out of state. Blocking it though courts to take kids out of state. My like the trash you live with my ex is just a covert murderer.
Yeah sounds like him, murderers both. Law is useless, too. It should be a close and shut case that these creatures have to leave the house if they fuck up living there with the wife thry defrauded and tortured.

I should've told him to go live with the Abomination if he doesn't like it here with me. See if she would feed him, clean his shiy and shut up when she is not spoken to like me. Not to mention the other thing.
 
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Spitfire

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I am sorry to hear about you dealing with all of these difficult things, and you not feeling well from it.. It sounds like a very tough situation. I hope you make it through it RoseyBird.

I feel upset hearing your family will not help you. I wish this could change and be different and better for you?
 
RoseyBird

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I am sorry to hear about you dealing with all of these difficult things, and you not feeling well from it.. It sounds like a very tough situation. I hope you make it through it RoseyBird.

I feel upset hearing your family will not help you. I wish this could change and be different and better for you?
All family had to do was cosign. I didn’t even ask for money. They won’t take the risk since ex cheated and left, so why wouldn’t he financially screw us over too? They feel they would be setting themselves up for being financially liable.
 
k75

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My son has a parrot. a lot of places won’t take the bird since no pets, and that would destroy my son to lose him.
I bet you could get it qualified as a support animal. I've seen crazier. Loopholes.
 
k75

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I will look into that. thank you for the suggestion.
Good luck! I thought of it because one time I had a therapist bring up the possibility of making my cat a support animal when I was having issues apartment hunting. We didn't end up doing it, but apparently that would have helped.
 
Sinkinshyp

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@RoseyBird our life is somewhat similar in regards to an ex. My ex made AMAZING money. We weren't married. He cheated through out our relationship. I stopped caring, stopped checking his computer because I just threw my hands up.

I've lived in some umm yeah not great neighborhoods. While I let him and his last ho keep my house. I'm going to send you a link to your message box pm im whatever box.. It's a company who has income restricted apartments. I lived in one back in 2015-2017. It was amazing- granite counter tops, the managers were beyond amazing, quiet, well kept, pest control beautiful roomy apartments. Income restricted- as in they dont REQUIRE 2.5-3x the income to get in the income level is a max like you can only make 24k a year or under to get in. I do not know what the max income limit is. This link you can see if they have anything near you. I know for my boys, it was better my ex & I split up. I do not regret leaving him. Yes, it was a huge culture shock you can no longer get $200 nikes for Joey and now we get $10 walmart shoes but he adjusted after a while. My ex is my younger sons dad he paid pennies for child support. I never took him to court. I didn't EVER want him to throw to my son well your mother took all my money so I couldn't even come see you son.. it was no you didnt come see your son because that witch you married didn't like your son. I have more but brain is foggy still I will add later..
 
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Spitfire

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All family had to do was cosign. I didn’t even ask for money. They won’t take the risk since ex cheated and left, so why wouldn’t he financially screw us over too? They feel they would be setting themselves up for being financially liable.
I feel I can relate in ways. It is somewhat similar and I felt like sharing.

There is a long set of stories from out of my life involving my nephew with the department of social services, the courts and lawyers, dealing with his mom and dad, and the grandmother. It was a mess for years! I ended up being the main player, or target, or whatever that was at the time, as his legal caretaker.

I saw the father deliberately back his mother into a corner in many ways. It was full of heroin and jail, and unimaginable other things. He kicked her out of her rented condo by switching the lease to his name secretly and kicking her out when she was six months pregnant.. back when it all really started.

I tried to help her for years. I remember there were a lot of resources and programs for her, as a single and an abused mother. This was true even after she was in and out of jails and rehabs, and as a recovered addict (at times), there were always still some people with the power and ability to help her in her situation, even for free.

I was amazed later for myself after being homeless. I found there was available low rent housing for short and long-term, and transitional options. I did not need a cosigner. They would pay most all of the bills and the deposit (a percentage for up to 12 months). It could be renewed again at the 12 month mark. The program was taylor made specific for my case, but it came from a much larger housing program, which also helped to provide affordable housing to families who needed it... Plus, homeless people, recovered drug addicts, single mothers, abused woman, and veterans... I believe these different groups of people being helped all had specific housing authority guidelines made for them, as it was for me?

If needing to change things around a lot, hopefully the pet bird is kept alright too.
 
RoseyBird

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I feel I can relate in ways. It is somewhat similar and I felt like sharing.

There is a long set of stories from out of my life involving my nephew with the department of social services, the courts and lawyers, dealing with his mom and dad, and the grandmother. It was a mess for years! I ended up being the main player, or target, or whatever that was at the time, as his legal caretaker.

I saw the father deliberately back his mother into a corner in many ways. It was full of heroin and jail, and unimaginable other things. He kicked her out of her rented condo by switching the lease to his name secretly and kicking her out when she was six months pregnant.. back when it all really started.

I tried to help her for years. I remember there were a lot of resources and programs for her, as a single and an abused mother. This was true even after she was in and out of jails and rehabs, and as a recovered addict (at times), there were always still some people with the power and ability to help her in her situation, even for free.

I was amazed later for myself after being homeless. I found there was available low rent housing for short and long-term, and transitional options. I did not need a cosigner. They would pay most all of the bills and the deposit (a percentage for up to 12 months). It could be renewed again at the 12 month mark. The program was taylor made specific for my case, but it came from a much larger housing program, which also helped to provide affordable housing to families who needed it... Plus, homeless people, recovered drug addicts, single mothers, abused woman, and veterans... I believe these different groups of people being helped all had specific housing authority guidelines made for them, as it was for me?

If needing to change things around a lot, hopefully the pet bird is kept alright too.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry your family was put through such hardship. It seems a lot of people end up in this situation when someone stops loving someone. It’s disgusting how people treat one another when they no longer get what they want.
 
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Spitfire

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Thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry your family was put through such hardship. It seems a lot of people end up in this situation when someone stops loving someone. It’s disgusting how people treat one another when they no longer get what they want.
It is difficult to watch or go through it. It is heartbreaking enough to ruin my souls perception of love. If that makes any sense? Thank goodness I still know the opposite...

And there are many similar experiences happening to a lot of other people just makes me sad.
 
RoseyBird

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I’m following a lot of leads. I just need to wait to hear back from people now. Thank you so much to everyone that shared ideas, resources, love, and support. Hopefully life will take mercy on me and let these leads work out.
 
pannazidofski

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My son has a parrot. a lot of places won’t take the bird since no pets, and that would destroy my son to lose him. I’m seeing less and less options for me to exist in this situation.....
Have you looked into getting it registered as a emotional support animal? Once registered it could vastly open up places. The only thing they'd worry about is if a emotional support animal could "destroy" property. However since it's a parrot you're good to go.
 
RoseyBird

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Have you looked into getting it registered as a emotional support animal? Once registered it could vastly open up places. The only thing they'd worry about is if a emotional support animal could "destroy" property. However since it's a parrot good luck there.
I called my therapist. She says she will very likely be able to get me the letter needed. In my state you just need a specific letter from a mental health professional stating the animal is required for emotional wellbeing.
 

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