Discussion Hate being awake

I'm fragile

I'm fragile

Arcanist
Joined
Sep 10, 2020
Messages
532
I love sleeping, but I find it so hard to go to bed at night. I am staying up til around 7am, then going to bed and sleeping til 12/1pm. But I could sleep longer. I also drink through the night.
 
Gromit-CTB

Gromit-CTB

Master
Joined
Nov 14, 2020
Messages
429
Sleep for max 2 hours generally broken sleep for 30 mins at a time. My dreams will torture me as much as the day time does
 
RoseyBird

RoseyBird

Angelic
Joined
Jan 20, 2020
Messages
4,355
I love sleeping. I love how comfy and warm my bed is, and I love how I get to rest and close my eyes and it’s dark and quiet. It’s definitely one of my favorite activities it might even be better than weed.
 
UnaccompaniedJourney

UnaccompaniedJourney

You told me think about it, well I did...
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
118
I feel that. Gotta smoke just to stay asleep.
 
k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
Joined
Jun 27, 2019
Messages
2,382
I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. If I had it my way, I'd just stay in bed and sleep all the time. But I'm incapable of sleeping for very long without interruption. And I have weird, unpredictable sleep patterns.

The sleep I get is extremely broken. Sometimes I manage to fall asleep for 3-4 hours straight, but it's usually after I'm so exhausted my body just quits at the least convenient times. Mostly I wake up every hour or two, usually in an absolute panic. I suffer from PTSD flashbacks in dreams, so there are a lot of nightmares.
 
violetsaturn

violetsaturn

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
29
I honestly hate them both equally. Yes, being awake is miserable in every possible way. But so is sleep. For me at least. Every night is the same: fall asleep around 9, wake up every hour or so until 2am, and then I’m awake for the rest of the day until the cycle repeats. Even when I do get some sleep, I have nightmares. If they aren’t nightmares, they’re just random, off dreams that make me feel uneasy for no discernible reason.
 
MindFog

MindFog

I'm not even having a good time
Joined
Nov 19, 2020
Messages
122
Oh boy do love to sleep but damn, I hate those night terrors.

Lol i was just gotta post that. Sometimes i just have this vivid dreams about living a different life, then bamn! I woke up.

You can count it as nightmare if i cry when i woke up, right?
 
W

Wisdom3_1-9

he/him/his
Joined
Jul 19, 2020
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1,137
This is horrible, but I've been dealing with insomnia for the past three weeks. I'll admit, it's entirely my fault. I decided to stop taking my meds, and I knew this would be a side effect of doing that (since it's happened before). Normally it stops after two weeks though. This has persisted, which has me a bit worried. At one point last week, I managed a total of 8 hours of sleep over the span of 5 days. It is currently 5:30 am here and I still haven't gone to bed. Being awake is painful. I would much rather sleep and not have to think about the world. My body aches. My brain aches. My inner monologue is relentless. I feel completely exhausted, but my body can't make that final step. Not even my Trazodone is helping. Wish I could just sleep forever...
 
Gnip

Gnip

Bill the Cat
Joined
Oct 10, 2020
Messages
365
9-12 benadryl will always solve your problem.
No, it won't, not if you have biological Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. With AD/HD, diphenhydramine acts like an alertness drug the way caffeine pills do, rather than making those of us who have AD/HD sleepy.

This paradoxical systemic response is so sharply defined and acute that I advise people who suspect they might have AD/HD to use their response to Benadryl as a diagnostic indicator. If they do NOT have AD/HD, then Benadryl will make them sleepy. But if Benadryl, ZzzQuil, or any other OTC sleep medication revs them up and leaves them wide awake all night, then I strongly recommend that they get themselves an evaluation for AD/HD. (If Benadryl does make them sleepy, then I automatically rule out AD/HD and tell them not to bother seeing any medical doctor or psychologist about it.)

For years, i used Benadryl to keep myself wide awake during overnight shifts, because diphenhydramine is a far more potent alertness medication for me than Jolt Cola was.
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Joined
Apr 27, 2019
Messages
801
I wish I could sleep, and when I do manage to I have constant nightmares or wake up every 30 minutes...still better than being awake though.
 
Gnip

Gnip

Bill the Cat
Joined
Oct 10, 2020
Messages
365
I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. If I had it my way, I'd just stay in bed and sleep all the time. But I'm incapable of sleeping for very long without interruption. And I have weird, unpredictable sleep patterns.

The sleep I get is extremely broken. Sometimes I manage to fall asleep for 3-4 hours straight, but it's usually after I'm so exhausted my body just quits at the least convenient times. Mostly I wake up every hour or two, usually in an absolute panic. I suffer from PTSD flashbacks in dreams, so there are a lot of nightmares.
"Broken sleep." You see, I have this double whammy of classic AD/HD which causes diphenhydramine to act like a central nervous system stimulant, and severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea which remained undiagnosable through the salvageable portion of my life, and remains essentially treatment proof. (Positive airway pressure equipment, when used as directed every night for a torturous year and a half is the most decisive failure of any prescribed treatment I have ever complied with precisely as directed. All it ultimately did was give me a two and a half month bout of bronchitis which nearly killed me, despite my correctly cleaning it daily with obsessive diligence. Every medical doctor who is retarded enough to glibly claim, "CPAP always works!" deserves not only to have medical licensing stripped, but also thrown in jail for fraud.)

Regardless, as I type here wide awake because i haven't dosed myself with 20 mg crushed zolpidem, I strongly urge anybody with this kind of experience with sleep to get evaluated by an overnight sleep lab study. Then, if OSA is confirmed, REJECT any attempts to immediately get prescribed CQUACK equipment in favor of a diagnostic evaluation (typically called a surgical evaluation, but many surgeons in otolaryngology are money hungry and incompetent hacks, quacks and charlatans). Topical anesthesia is applied, then a fiberoptic camera laryngoscope is placed up a nostril and down your throat, often as you have an opportunity to watch on the monitor.

Fuckhead sleep physicians will often tell you this horseshit that the best way to reduce the severity of sleep apnea is to lose weight if you are heavy, but my evaluation revealed a severely deviated septum in the first second which every single health care provider who ever previously shined a light up my nose completely missed. Not one of those medical degree cocksuckers has ever been able to explain to me how weight loss can somehow magically correct a septum severely deviated from birth, and these assholes have nothing to say about the enormous number of anorexic girls who have severe sleep apnea.

Never forget when dealing with any medical doctor that "doctor" is an abbreviation for "indoctrinated," that they are called quacks and charlatans for excellent reasons, and that their ability to kiss ass for high grades combined with a strong stomach is what enabled them to get through med school, as most of them are actually quite stupid. You are the boss and they are your servants. They work for YOU! (On the other hand, while I've known some nurses who went to jail, and a lot of other awful ones, they're called "The Noblest Profession" for valid reasons. Medical doctors need to actually EARN your respect, while nurses deserve the benefit of a doubt until they've proved themselves unworthy.)
I wish I could sleep, and when I do manage to I have constant nightmares or wake up every 30 minutes...still better than being awake though.
I keep reading classic obstructive sleep apnea in these posts. Nightmares and waking up frequently are definitive symptoms of OSA.
 
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k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
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"Broken sleep." You see, I have this double whammy of classic AD/HD which causes diphenhydramine to act like a central nervous system stimulant, and severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea which remained undiagnosable through the salvageable portion of my life, and remains essentially treatment proof. (Positive airway pressure equipment, when used as directed every night for a torturous year and a half is the most decisive failure of any prescribed treatment I have ever complied with precisely as directed. All it ultimately did was give me a two and a half month bout of bronchitis which nearly killed me, despite my correctly cleaning it daily with obsessive diligence. Every medical doctor who is retarded enough to glibly claim, "CPAP always works!" deserves not only to have medical licensing stripped, but also thrown in jail for fraud.)

Regardless, as I type here wide awake because i haven't dosed myself with 20 mg crushed zolpidem, I strongly urge anybody with this kind of experience with sleep to get evaluated by an overnight sleep lab study. Then, if OSA is confirmed, REJECT any attempts to immediately get prescribed CQUACK equipment in favor of a diagnostic evaluation (typically called a surgical evaluation, but many surgeons in otolaryngology are money hungry and incompetent hacks, quacks and charlatans). Topical anesthesia is applied, then a fiberoptic camera laryngoscope is placed up a nostril and down your throat, often as you have an opportunity to watch on the monitor.

Fuckhead sleep physicians will often tell you this horseshit that the best way to reduce the severity of sleep apnea is to lose weight if you are heavy, but my evaluation revealed a severely deviated septum in the first second which every single health care provider who ever previously shined a light up my nose completely missed. Not one of those medical degree cocksuckers has ever been able to explain to me how weight loss can somehow magically correct a septum severely deviated from birth, and these assholes have nothing to say about the enormous number of anorexic girls who have severe sleep apnea.

Never forget when dealing with any medical doctor that "doctor" is an abbreviation for "indoctrinated," that they are called quacks and charlatans for excellent reasons, and that their ability to kiss ass for high grades combined with a strong stomach is what enabled them to get through med school, as most of them are actually quite stupid. You are the boss and they are your servants. They work for YOU! (On the other hand, while I've known some nurses who went to jail, and a lot of other awful ones, they're called "The Noblest Profession" for valid reasons. Medical doctors need to actually EARN your respect, while nurses deserve the benefit of a doubt until they've proved themselves unworthy.)


I keep reading classic obstructive sleep apnea in these posts. Nightmares and waking up frequently are definitive symptoms of OSA.
Thanks for that info. I'm so sorry you suffer from that, though. But I found it helpful. I actually do also have sleep apnea. My last sleep study showed up to 90 obstructions per minute. It's not weight related for sure. My mom told me she can remember when I was very little having to sometimes stay up and watch me sleep because they were terrified I'd just stop breathing! I have no clue why I was never diagnosed until well into my 30s...

I absolutely hate the CPAP. I never got bronchitis from it thankfully (had no idea!!) but it doesn't seem to help my sleep quality. So I rarely bother. Anyway, that combined with my PTSD makes for pretty shit sleep. That's actually the cause of the major sleep disruptions for me. My flashbacks mostly manifest as vivid nightmares, and I'll wake up in a panic a lot. I'm sure not breathing probably makes a lot of that worse, but I don't really notice that normally.
 
Tinhoo

Tinhoo

I want to sleep forever, let me die in peace
Joined
Dec 16, 2019
Messages
15
This is horrible, but I've been dealing with insomnia for the past three weeks. I'll admit, it's entirely my fault. I decided to stop taking my meds, and I knew this would be a side effect of doing that (since it's happened before). Normally it stops after two weeks though. This has persisted, which has me a bit worried. At one point last week, I managed a total of 8 hours of sleep over the span of 5 days. It is currently 5:30 am here and I still haven't gone to bed. Being awake is painful. I would much rather sleep and not have to think about the world. My body aches. My brain aches. My inner monologue is relentless. I feel completely exhausted, but my body can't make that final step. Not even my Trazodone is helping. Wish I could just sleep forever...
I'm suffering from insomnia too, I also take Trozodone and Zolpiden but nothing :/ it is pretty painful not to sleep
 
TheSoulless

TheSoulless

Company's okay, solitude is bliss
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
851
Same... Just woke up to and the difference is like night and day, or heaven and hell.
 
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