Got builled on a navy forum :(

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".

FireFox

FireFox

Specialist
Apr 8, 2020
331
830
Lately i have been thinking of joining the navy because i cant find a job and fear the covid 19 recession. I want to make difference and do something meaningful with my life.

UK navy rules are bit more relaxed with depression medical history than the UK army and RAF . In the UK you can join the navy if you are symptom and treatment free of depression for 3 years. Each case is loooked at differently. I am currently not on any treatment and never been prescribed any medication. Most doctors believe i have recovered. I am get away with this .

I signed up to a navy forum chat room and asked for advice. The chat room is mainly full of men currently serving or have sereved

On the forum i mentioned certain things put me off joining the navy like racism and difficulty to leave once you sign
In the UK you must give 3 years serivce if you join the navy before you can leave. I told them a bit about my life.

The men on the forum said things like i need to start "thinking postivity", i "need to relax more" , it is offensive that i suggested the navy has a "racism" issue. Other replies where " people are trying to help you"

They made a seperate thread making fun of me about how i am a "shirking violent" "attention seeker" " they never hope to share a train carriage with me"

It is a well known fact all 3 branches of the military ( navy, army and air forces) have a racism, sexism problem. Being a black female i have a right to be worried.

All workplaces have this problem but the military is whole another level. In the workplace you can complain at least but the military you can just forget it.

The men showed everything that is wrong with the UK. People in the UK complain about america being corrupt . At least americans know how corrupt thier goverement is and institutions are whereas people in the UK dont.

Next month i will be offically unemployed for a year. The pressure is becoming too much.
 
Dead beat dad

Dead beat dad

Elementalist
Mar 5, 2019
762
2,584
Hey sister I'm so sorry to hear about your experience.
Well done for trying to make a go of things in the Navy.
I applied for the Navy (marines) a while ago and fell foul of the rules around disclosing mental illness, if you want to chat more about this in a PM or something drop me a line, Happy to chat about what happened to me and if I could do it differently what I would do.

DBD
 
B

Brokenwithbpd

Wise
Jun 15, 2020
249
319
Lately i have been thinking of joining the navy because i cant find a job and fear the covid 19 recession. I want to make difference and do something meaningful with my life.

UK navy rules are bit more relaxed with depression medical history than the UK army and RAF . In the UK you can join the navy if you are symptom and treatment free of depression for 3 years. Each case is loooked at differently. I am currently not on any treatment and never been prescribed any medication. Most doctors believe i have recovered. I am get away with this .

I signed up to a navy forum chat room and asked for advice. The chat room is mainly full of men currently serving or have sereved

On the forum i mentioned certain things put me off joining the navy like racism and difficulty to leave once you sign
In the UK you must give 3 years serivce if you join the navy before you can leave. I told them a bit about my life.

The men on the forum said things like i need to start "thinking postivity", i "need to relax more" , it is offensive that i suggested the navy has a "racism" issue. Other replies where " people are trying to help you"

They made a seperate thread making fun of me about how i am a "shirking violent" "attention seeker" " they never hope to share a train carriage with me"

It is a well known fact all 3 branches of the military ( navy, army and air forces) have a racism, sexism problem. Being a black female i have a right to be worried.

All workplaces have this problem but the military is whole another level. In the workplace you can complain at least but the military you can just forget it.

The men showed everything that is wrong with the UK. People in the UK complain about america being corrupt . At least americans know how corrupt thier goverement is and institutions are whereas people in the UK dont.

Next month i will be offically unemployed for a year. The pressure is becoming too much.
I find most message boards (besides this one) full of nasty people. Pay those fuckers no mind
 
S

Sprite_Geist

Member
May 27, 2020
44
142
So they talk about positivity yet they make fun of you? I was not there and haven't read the full discussion however: That doesn't sound very "positive" of them. Not only does that sound like bullying, but it's also hypocritical of them. It seems like every job/place has jerks - including the military. Even though the military is supposed to be about dicipline and brother/sisterhood.
 
Vorty27

Vorty27

Freedom or Death
Jun 28, 2020
152
275
Europe
Hey, I 'm also unemployed but... Those navy forums must have been filled with all sorts of nasty and ignorant people.
To think something related with the army should be people that must have your back on the battlefield.
Disgusting. The fact that they mentioned the term " attention seeker " is just further proof they are not any worth at all.
 
ceasetobreathe03

ceasetobreathe03

I don't know what to do anymore
Dec 20, 2019
1,221
1,436
my imagination
I'm sorry you had to endure that kind of behavior from them :( You'd think that since the navy is one of our most precious heroes, they would be more compassionate and kind. You didn't deserve that at all.

I've always had my mind caught between two place of what it is I wanted to do in my future. Joining the military was one. Is it a rule you have to be mentally well to join one of the three? If so, would one have to be free from their diagnosis in psychosis?
 
FireFox

FireFox

Specialist
Apr 8, 2020
331
830
The worst thing was the people on the forum kept saying "i can change my life" and i need to "be more positive". I made this clear that i want my life change.

How can i be positive when my generation will be facing the worst recession in history?

How do you stay postive in these circumstances? I would love to know. The men bring up unemployment in the 1980s that they experienced but not how they coped.

You cant compare 2020 to 1980.
In 2020 there is mass automation which mean there will be fewer jobs in the future espically in low pay manuel jobs.
In 2020 due to the rise of right wing populism and terrorism immigration control are more stricter. In 1980 travel was a bit more easisr

This is something i have no control over. Everyday i feel powerless and trapped in my situation

For every job i apply for the employer, HR will have the final say. During recessions employers are fussy.

How can i be postive when i am constantly hearing on the tv how disadvanteged my racial group is.
I belong in a racial group ( black female) which has higher levels of unemployment, overrespresented in the prison system and psycharitic detentions etc.
I could go on. Once you become aware of the world around you you will feel powerless and have no control.
Thats how i feel
I talk about my issues on online forums as i have no one to talk to
My mum always working and i am not super close with her.
My nan who thinks jesus is the answer to everything . My family taught me about praying my problems away but never to deal with the disappointment of life .i believe in God but i like my problems fixed and managed too.
My family never listen
I wish i had an older sibling to help me through life but i dont.
My friends have lives too
I am lonely hence i found the internent.
 
krsu

krsu

zzz
Jun 10, 2020
67
236
Lately i have been thinking of joining the navy because i cant find a job and fear the covid 19 recession. I want to make difference and do something meaningful with my life.

UK navy rules are bit more relaxed with depression medical history than the UK army and RAF . In the UK you can join the navy if you are symptom and treatment free of depression for 3 years. Each case is loooked at differently. I am currently not on any treatment and never been prescribed any medication. Most doctors believe i have recovered. I am get away with this .

I signed up to a navy forum chat room and asked for advice. The chat room is mainly full of men currently serving or have sereved

On the forum i mentioned certain things put me off joining the navy like racism and difficulty to leave once you sign
In the UK you must give 3 years serivce if you join the navy before you can leave. I told them a bit about my life.

The men on the forum said things like i need to start "thinking postivity", i "need to relax more" , it is offensive that i suggested the navy has a "racism" issue. Other replies where " people are trying to help you"

They made a seperate thread making fun of me about how i am a "shirking violent" "attention seeker" " they never hope to share a train carriage with me"

It is a well known fact all 3 branches of the military ( navy, army and air forces) have a racism, sexism problem. Being a black female i have a right to be worried.

All workplaces have this problem but the military is whole another level. In the workplace you can complain at least but the military you can just forget it.

The men showed everything that is wrong with the UK. People in the UK complain about america being corrupt . At least americans know how corrupt thier goverement is and institutions are whereas people in the UK dont.

Next month i will be offically unemployed for a year. The pressure is becoming too much.
I'm sorry... people are pieces of shit ;w; I'm almost at a year with no job probably too, I've only been making it by from selling my body and all my belongings :(

I wish people can all just get along, hating is so exhausting... there needs to be more love and less discrimination <\3
 
FireFox

FireFox

Specialist
Apr 8, 2020
331
830
I'm sorry... people are pieces of shit ;w; I'm almost at a year with no job probably too, I've only been making it by from selling my body and all my belongings :(

I wish people can all just get along, hating is so exhausting... there needs to be more love and less discrimination <\3
@krsu selling your body . I am so sorry . Please be careful so many sex workers have been killed , raped and subject to so much abuse
But men who pay for sex work need to be ashamed . They are profiting of a womans
vulnerablity and suffering at the end of the day.
If only society did more to help the vunlerable. A society that does not help the vulnerable is a morraly unjust one and call not call itself civilsed.
 
krsu

krsu

zzz
Jun 10, 2020
67
236
@krsu selling your body . I am so sorry . Please be careful so many sex workers have been killed , raped and subject to so much abuse
But men who pay for sex work need to be ashamed . They are profiting of a womans
vulnerablity and suffering at the end of the day.
If only society did more to help the vunlerable. A society that does not help the vulnerable is a morraly unjust one and call not call itself civilsed.
Don't worry I'm not doing sex work, more like just porn ;w; escorting is too scary for me I've seen enough movies to know how that ends >.>

I agree it's very fucked up but people have to do what they have to do to survive sometimes. Life's unfair
 
4eyebiped

4eyebiped

Veteran
Dec 28, 2019
157
471
45
USA
Very strange behavior to open a separate thread like that when they could had used the existing one. To have two threads going with different attitudes in each... Very mind boggling.

I know both black men and women who have served in the military, in the US, and they didn't have anything substantial to say concerning racism. I believe most of it, regardless of race or sex, was proving yourself trustworthy and reliable. They want to know that when the shit gets tough they can count on you. They want to know someone has their back. Same with other high risk jobs like being a cop. If you show weakness they will shit on you hard and try to drive you away because they will then consider you a threat to their life.

Now with that said, there is absolutely never a good excuse to bully someone. I prefer productive conversation. This does partly show you a problem in these different fields and why there needs to be some changes. A lot of people in the military, or in the police force and similar, lack the freedom to seek help, without judgment, when often they need it.

Don't let that experience hold you back if you are truly interested here. Just keep in mind, there are certain things you have to be careful about discussing. You are trying to get work and while that may not seem like much to you, I have to give you credit for putting in the effort.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Ain't it all just ridiculous?
Jan 11, 2020
4,086
8,383
I've been in the US military and I've seen your personal values, and the military would not be a good fit for you. It wasn't for me either, but I wasn't as strong then in my values, many of which are similar to yours.

In my experience, those men were representative of the majority. Better to be bullied in a forum than experience discrimination and, potentially, military sexual assault. It is a culture of violence because it is founded on violence, not altruism and making a difference. They revealed a lot to you from a relatively safe distance.

It has its own shit, and I don't know what the alternative is in the UK, but the Peace Corps would be a far better fit for you, I think.
 
Last edited:
4eyebiped

4eyebiped

Veteran
Dec 28, 2019
157
471
45
USA
High risk jobs tend to pull in certain personality traits which can have certain levels of toxicity in them. It takes very unique people to fit in and fill these roles effectively or it will be a highly miserable experience. Some people join the military or try to become a cop to make a change, but a good percentage of them want to get into the action. You can argue which type of person is better. Ultimately these "negative" traits of some are often needed to efficiently take care of business in extreme situations like war. I wouldn't want hippies defending my country. Overall, there is going to be a certain level of ugliness in jobs like the military.

Other options to Peace Corps, as mentioned by GoodPersonEffed, are teaching jobs in various third world countries. Which I believe you said you had a college education? You also have organizations like Americorps, student conservation association, habitat for humanity and so on. There are plenty of agencies out there. These won't be high paying jobs but they get something on a resume, show you are motivated, some money, some experience, keep you busy and so forth. Sometimes just getting something local to keep you busy is helpful, both mentally and socially. You might make contacts while volunteering for something that actually leads to a good job through a referral.
 
A

Alec

Arcanist
Apr 22, 2019
559
1,146
Lately i have been thinking of joining the navy because i cant find a job and fear the covid 19 recession. I want to make difference and do something meaningful with my life.

UK navy rules are bit more relaxed with depression medical history than the UK army and RAF . In the UK you can join the navy if you are symptom and treatment free of depression for 3 years. Each case is loooked at differently. I am currently not on any treatment and never been prescribed any medication. Most doctors believe i have recovered. I am get away with this .

I signed up to a navy forum chat room and asked for advice. The chat room is mainly full of men currently serving or have sereved

On the forum i mentioned certain things put me off joining the navy like racism and difficulty to leave once you sign
In the UK you must give 3 years serivce if you join the navy before you can leave. I told them a bit about my life.

The men on the forum said things like i need to start "thinking postivity", i "need to relax more" , it is offensive that i suggested the navy has a "racism" issue. Other replies where " people are trying to help you"

They made a seperate thread making fun of me about how i am a "shirking violent" "attention seeker" " they never hope to share a train carriage with me"

It is a well known fact all 3 branches of the military ( navy, army and air forces) have a racism, sexism problem. Being a black female i have a right to be worried.

All workplaces have this problem but the military is whole another level. In the workplace you can complain at least but the military you can just forget it.

The men showed everything that is wrong with the UK. People in the UK complain about america being corrupt . At least americans know how corrupt thier goverement is and institutions are whereas people in the UK dont.

Next month i will be offically unemployed for a year. The pressure is becoming too much.
The fact they they were offended by you bringing up racism in the navy and the way the LITERALLY BULLIED you because you are brave enough to ask questions that matter and that you have EVERY GORIND AND REASON to ask shows that they are still very much racists, even if they don’t want to admit it. And on top of it, they are stupid as fuck which shows by how they started bullying you. Bullying is never the right thing to do obviously but in your case it’s absolutely outrageous and shows what low intelligence they possess. I’m sorry, so sorry you had to deal with it. I can’t know but I imagine for a woman of color it was horrifying to see grown people, especially people in military service act like that and treat you like that. “They hope they won’t have to share a carriage with you” I would be VERY happy to share a carriage with you! They are just people who are stupid and get uncomfortable when you speak and face the truth about racism and sexism because they are a part of those things and they don’t want to do anything to stop them, they just want to pretend to not be a part of them, so they try to bully to quiet down everyone who dares to speak the truth. Fucking assholes. I’m sorry you are in the place where you are considering joining such institutions, I wish they weren’t as rotten, I wish somebody who wanted to help the world and make a difference didn’t have to deal with such shit! I love you so freaking much, please remember that! You are amazing and strong and unique and wonderful in every way!!! I’m sure of it!❤❤❤
High risk jobs tend to pull in certain personality traits which can have certain levels of toxicity in them. It takes very unique people to fit in and fill these roles effectively or it will be a highly miserable experience. Some people join the military or try to become a cop to make a change, but a good percentage of them want to get into the action. You can argue which type of person is better. Ultimately these "negative" traits of some are often needed to efficiently take care of business in extreme situations like war. I wouldn't want hippies defending my country. Overall, there is going to be a certain level of ugliness in jobs like the military.

Other options to Peace Corps, as mentioned by GoodPersonEffed, are teaching jobs in various third world countries. Which I believe you said you had a college education? You also have organizations like Americorps, student conservation association, habitat for humanity and so on. There are plenty of agencies out there. These won't be high paying jobs but they get something on a resume, show you are motivated, some money, some experience, keep you busy and so forth. Sometimes just getting something local to keep you busy is helpful, both mentally and socially. You might make contacts while volunteering for something that actually leads to a good job through a referral.
Did you just try to say that racism and sexism are necessary traits to be able to do what it takes in war? Did you just say you are happy having racists and sexists in your military? Having that kind of power over other people? Did you just imply that racism and sexism is what it takes to be brave? What the fuck? Hippies were standing up to armed officials with empty arms and just flowers because they weren’t afraid of getting hurt and they were ready to get hurt for what they believed in, THATS bravery. Yes, obviously you don’t want someone who’s armed with only flowers in a war zone, this comparison is fucking stupid and makes no sense, what the fuck?
 
Last edited:
FireFox

FireFox

Specialist
Apr 8, 2020
331
830
The fact they they were offended by you bringing up racism in the navy and the way the LITERALLY BULLIED you because you are brave enough to ask questions that matter and that you have EVERY GORIND AND REASON to ask shows that they are still very much racists, even if they don’t want to admit it. And on top of it, they are stupid as fuck which shows by how they started bullying you. Bullying is never the right thing to do obviously but in your case it’s absolutely outrageous and shows what low intelligence they possess. I’m sorry, so sorry you had to deal with it. I can’t know but I imagine for a woman of color it was horrifying to see grown people, especially people in military service act like that and treat you like that. “They hope they won’t have to share a carriage with you” I would be VERY happy to share a carriage with you! They are just people who are stupid and get uncomfortable when you speak and face the truth about racism and sexism because they are a part of those things and they don’t want to do anything to stop them, they just want to pretend to not be a part of them, so they try to bully to quiet down everyone who dares to speak the truth. Fucking assholes. I’m sorry you are in the place where you are considering joining such institutions, I wish they weren’t as rotten, I wish somebody who wanted to help the world and make a difference didn’t have to deal with such shit! I love you so freaking much, please remember that! You are amazing and strong and unique and wonderful in every way!!! I’m sure of it!❤❤❤

Did you just try to say that racism and sexism are necessary traits to be able to do what it takes in war? Did you just say you are happy having racists and sexists in your military? Having that kind of power over other people? Did you just imply that racism and sexism is what it takes to be brave? What the fuck? Hippies were standing up to armed officials with empty arms and just flowers because they weren’t afraid of getting hurt and they were ready to get hurt for what they believed in, THATS bravery. Yes, obviously you don’t want someone who’s armed with only flowers in a war zone, this comparison is fucking stupid and makes no sense, what the fuck?
@Alec thanks your reply cheered me up . I am a lot better now .
Looking back now actually i didnt want to join the navy . I only wanted to join because i cant a find a job.

Being unemployed is so soul destroying and humilating.
Everyday i question all the decisions i have made in my life.
I saw navy life as an escape from it all and fix to all my problems .
I've been in the US military and I've seen your personal values, and the military would not be a good fit for you. It wasn't for me either, but I wasn't as strong then in my values, many of which are similar to yours.

In my experience, those men were representative of the majority. Better to be bullied in a forum than experience discrimination and, potentially, military sexual assault. It is a culture of violence because it is founded on violence, not altruism and making a difference. They revealed a lot to you from a relatively safe distance.

It has its own shit, and I don't know what the alternative is in the UK, but the Peace Corps would be a far better fit for you, I think.
@GoodPersonEffed for how long were you in the military?
Looking back now i didnt really want to join . I only wanted to join because i cant find a job and fear the recession .
Next month i will be unemployed for a year.
What are my values and what are yours?
How are we similar
Thanks everyone for your helpful replies
I am a lot better.
Looking back now i didnt want to join the navy. I only wanted to join the navy because i cant find a job and i fear the recession so much.
The navy was a way for me to escape by life .
I going to be unenployed for a year after next month. I am a loser. I graduated last year
4 years ago when i started university i thought i was going to change the world and make a postive impact on society.
I was expecting to have a boyfriend by the end of my degree and living in a different city with my own appartment( renting).
None of it has come true
Everday i am so depressed and disappointed in my life and myself.

On the navy forum i should have not talked about my life which made it worse.

I have no one i can really talk to on the outside world. This is why i use online forums as i am lonely.
Seeing a doctor is pointless because nhs waiting lists for therapy are 10 months long in my area . You cant move up the list for mental health. This is why i get annoyed when people tell me i "should seek help". The nhs is lovely but if you have mental health problem then forget it. It is a postcode lottery.

I received the following comments on the navy forum which said
" you should volunteer for the samartians( UK sucide hotline) and see how worse off others have it than you"
" see your gp"
" your life is what you make it" i used to believe this idea and shallowed this bullshit. Once you learn how nepotistic and classict society is then you realise this concpet is not always true.
If you work hard you can go far in life that is true. There so many exceptions to this belief.
Lets not forget the fact it is all about who you know and how will connected you are. In some industries hard work alone is not enough look at creative industries, journalism, modelling etc
The UK is a wonderful country overall but it so limited in terms of opportunites . Other countires are worse.
 
Last edited:
  • Love
Reactions: Alec
4eyebiped

4eyebiped

Veteran
Dec 28, 2019
157
471
45
USA
Did you just try to say that racism and sexism are necessary traits to be able to do what it takes in war? Did you just say you are happy having racists and sexists in your military? Having that kind of power over other people? Did you just imply that racism and sexism is what it takes to be brave? What the fuck? Hippies were standing up to armed officials with empty arms and just flowers because they weren’t afraid of getting hurt and they were ready to get hurt for what they believed in, THATS bravery. Yes, obviously you don’t want someone who’s armed with only flowers in a war zone, this comparison is fucking stupid and makes no sense, what the fuck?
To answer your question, no i did not say, nor imply, any of what you said in the above. I believe you missed my point entirely. I will chalk it up to me doing a poor job of explaining myself, which I commonly do.

It is interesting that you assume the attributes that I would think that makes a great soldier is sexism and racism. In wartime that wouldn't be very efficient. What if there were no women in the invading force and they were the same race as us? It would be an instant lost.

To be honest, I am not sure how reply to you as you are so far off base. For now, I will just leave my above answer and my sarcasm. I would be more engaging but I am mentally drained now as I have typed more than usual today. Perhaps, tomorrow I will give you a psychological profile of people who do high risk jobs so that you can have a better understanding of what I was trying to say.
 
  • Like
Reactions: rhiino
A

Aap

Arcanist
Apr 26, 2020
506
612
Perhaps the only thing I can tell you that would be positive would be to reflect on the experience and consider if you would have been happy for 3 years in the military. My guess would be not. Rather than let the negative consume you, focus on how good it was that you realized now, rather than having to spend years trapped in something you hated, that this wasn’t the best Thing for you mentally or physically.
 
FireFox

FireFox

Specialist
Apr 8, 2020
331
830
Perhaps the only thing I can tell you that would be positive would be to reflect on the experience and consider if you would have been happy for 3 years in the military. My guess would be not. Rather than let the negative consume you, focus on how good it was that you realized now, rather than having to spend years trapped in something you hated, that this wasn’t the best Thing for you mentally or physically.
@Aap No i wouldnt because i wont be able to do the things i enjoy doing.
My reasons for joining were never real or genunine.

Once you sign up you cant leave.

The people are still making fun of me on the site.

They wrote about how my grammar is awful and how can I be a law graduate. I type very fast and often dont check. My thoughts are all over the place so i find it difficult to explain clearly how i feel

One of them wrote i am a walter mitty. A walter mitty is someone who is a fantasist.

I got my account deleted anyway and my username no longer appears it all now numbers.
 
A

Alec

Arcanist
Apr 22, 2019
559
1,146
@Aap No i wouldnt because i wont be able to do the things i enjoy doing.
My reasons for joining were never real or genunine.

Once you sign up you cant leave.

The people are still making fun of me on the site.

They wrote about how my grammar is awful and how can I be a law graduate. I type very fast and often dont check. My thoughts are all over the place so i find it difficult to explain clearly how i feel

One of them wrote i am a walter mitty. A walter mitty is someone who is a fantasist.

I got my account deleted anyway and my username no longer appears it all now numbers.
I noticed that people that make fun of someone’s grammar are usually the people who have to try very hard themselves to keep their grammar right and the people who are extremely illogical and can’t find a good reason to argue for something (in this case to make fun of you) so they are grasping for straws just to make themselves LOOK right and keep up self denial and belief that “of course they are right and are justified to say horrible things and make fun of you, hAvE yOu SeEn ThE gRaMmAr” you know that type of shit. I too, sometimes type really fast and make a lot of mistakes and some people to try to make fun of it as to invalidate my point. So pathetic.
 
  • Like
Reactions: GoodPersonEffed
autumnal

autumnal

Illuminated
Feb 5, 2020
1,523
2,795
Australia
Lately i have been thinking of joining the navy because i cant find a job and fear the covid 19 recession. I want to make difference and do something meaningful with my life.

UK navy rules are bit more relaxed with depression medical history than the UK army and RAF . In the UK you can join the navy if you are symptom and treatment free of depression for 3 years. Each case is loooked at differently. I am currently not on any treatment and never been prescribed any medication. Most doctors believe i have recovered. I am get away with this .

I signed up to a navy forum chat room and asked for advice. The chat room is mainly full of men currently serving or have sereved

On the forum i mentioned certain things put me off joining the navy like racism and difficulty to leave once you sign
In the UK you must give 3 years serivce if you join the navy before you can leave. I told them a bit about my life.

The men on the forum said things like i need to start "thinking postivity", i "need to relax more" , it is offensive that i suggested the navy has a "racism" issue. Other replies where " people are trying to help you"

They made a seperate thread making fun of me about how i am a "shirking violent" "attention seeker" " they never hope to share a train carriage with me"

It is a well known fact all 3 branches of the military ( navy, army and air forces) have a racism, sexism problem. Being a black female i have a right to be worried.

All workplaces have this problem but the military is whole another level. In the workplace you can complain at least but the military you can just forget it.

The men showed everything that is wrong with the UK. People in the UK complain about america being corrupt . At least americans know how corrupt thier goverement is and institutions are whereas people in the UK dont.

Next month i will be offically unemployed for a year. The pressure is becoming too much.
I hope you don't let this experience alone put you off exploring the military. I would imagine that the kinds of people who frequent that forum and have such strong opinions are not necessarily representative of the military as a whole. Don't get me wrong, I'm not naive enough to believe all of the cheerful black, female, lesbian, formerly mentally ill soldiers from the PR campaigns are neccesarily representative either. But perhaps the reality lies somewhere in the middle, and that is somewhere you might still discover yourself fitting in?
 
Last edited:
rhiino

rhiino

Wise
May 13, 2020
260
413
Germany
Well, if they can only make fun of your grammar they don’t have much to say against you at all. I think this might be a foretaste of what you would have to expect there so I would not join them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: GoodPersonEffed
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Ain't it all just ridiculous?
Jan 11, 2020
4,086
8,383
@GoodPersonEffed for how long were you in the military?
Looking back now i didnt really want to join . I only wanted to join because i cant find a job and fear the recession .
Next month i will be unemployed for a year.
What are my values and what are yours?
How are we similar
I was in the National Guard for over two years. I went through all of the training that full-time soldiers go through, then went to drills one weekend every month, and for a month every year. It was between wars so I never served active duty, but the culture was the same.

I joined because I was supposed to get a free college education, but my school screwed me out of it, they refused to comply with the law. I chose for my service a field I was interested in, journalism and public affairs, and the military education for that was great, but I didn't really do the job much at drills.

I experienced harassment as a female in training, and at drills by men in higher positions. The worst was a JAG (legal) officer, who was a full-time county judge, 20-30 years older than me. He got my phone number from the unit's records and called me at home and hit on me, super creepy, and I made it clear I wasn't interested and to not call again. Then when I had to write a press release about him, he stood behind me while I typed out the rough draft and demanded I correct my typos immediately, and refused to leave me alone. My own section officer did nothing to protect me from the harassment, he laughed it off. The other worst harasser was our unit's first sergeant, who always claimed my hair, which was short and curly and totally within regulation, was unkempt, and "unkempt hair" was a running joke in the unit, everyone knew he was targeting me. No one stood up for me, but they didn't blame me, either, it was just an accepted part of the culture that such things happened when someone in power didn't like someone who was strong and they wanted to knock them down. He'd let other women slide whose hair and uniforms weren't in regulation. It was all petty shit, but it was constant. I was also close to the unit's chaplain. Years after I left the service, we got back in contact, and he told me he and his wife were polyamorous and wanted to hook up with me; the whole time he'd acted like he'd cared about me and was supportive, he was actually interested in me. I had even done one-on-one counseling with him when I was active. So gross. I also years later got in touch with one of my journalism instructors for a reference, and he hit on me. Again, he'd been a mentor and someone I looked up to. So gross.

I had a friend, who is also an ethical and very gentle person, serve in Iraq. She was sexually assaulted by a fellow unit member, and was stuck being around him for a year. It's so rampant, there's even a term for it: military sexual trauma.

The military is a violent boys' club. It's all about power and domination. They don't want women there because they don't want to behave. They don't like being reigned in and resent it. We were told that there was no gender, that we were all "green," but it's a load of bullshit.

The values I see that we share in common are about social justice and social well-being for all, and in general wanting to help and empower others. I notice how you talk to people, how you can be very perceptive, compassionate, and supportive. You don't knock anyone down but yourself, you are good at recognizing positive things in people, and you reaffirm those things and build people up.

I know your experience on the navy forum was difficult, and that you exposed your vulnerability and that was attacked. I hope when you get some distance from it you can see that, like others here have pointed out, they weren't giving you constructive criticism, they were trying to knock you down. They went on a group attack. They revealed themselves. It would be the same in active service, and you wouldn't be able to get away like you can from a computer. The culture does not take women's complaints seriously. They spout bullshit about support and stopping abuse, but it is bullshit. It is not a good environment for strong women, or women with strong values, because, just as irl (I've seen it so often in bars), dominating men want to knock us down, totally disempower us, try to make us look bad, sneer, negate, and want to chew us up and spit us out and have us be gone so that they and their behaviors can run rampant in their sick clubs. There are always some good guys, but they rarely step out from the pack and step up, and men often only listen to and respect other men. This isn't on you. It's not on me. It's their problems that they try to project onto others who have strength, values, and courage, because they are weak and non-courageous, and don't like the light shone on that, and our very presence can feel like a threat to them, even if we don't call them out.

I personally think that you haven't yet found environments that empower you, that value your good qualities and your strengths. Admittedly, they are hard to find. But it's shame talking that says you're not good enough. It's the same kind of language used by the kind of men I just talked about, who sneer as they ask, "Just who do you think you are?" I see no reason for shame in you. I see good, and I see power. I've only ever sought to build you up and empower the strength and goodness in you. I can't cure anything, I don't take ownership of your troubles, but I always hope that if there is validity and truth in anything I say, that some of it will get through. I have respect for you. You deserve your own respect, too. Of course, that's for you to determine. I don't get to define you. But I fight against the messages that lie and tell you you're not enough of anything. That's what those guys on the forum were doing, and that's what you seem to hear as the message in your perceptions of others' supposed success. I sincerely apologize if this is uncomfortable or feels revealing, I don't mean to expose you, I mean to build up. Because you talk openly about these things on the forum, and are actively seeking support, I respond openly in return. And I don't develop PM relationships for personal reasons. I feel better in speaking publicly to what has been brought up publicly. Again, I apologize if this isn't okay. You're always welcome to ask me to stop, or to send me a PM and ask me to stop or to delete anything that brought up discomfort. I very much respect that and am happy to do so when asked. I don't ever want you to feel unsafe as a result of my actions.

(Edit: I accidentally deleted some PMs, so if you sent me one, please send another.)
 
Last edited:
  • Love
Reactions: FireFox
ithappens

ithappens

Live free or die
Aug 9, 2018
71
187
Willoughby
It's probably for the better that you experienced this through the computer than after joining. I know some men who have had a good experience serving, but most of my experiences interacting with those in the navy/military/air force or similar occupations has been very negative. And I haven't even served!

I've known people who have been raped both while serving and as civilians by those serving, and nothing was done by the military - effectively allowing violent rapists to walk free. A friend of mine from grade school all the way through high school joined after graduating and was harassed and bullied so much by his direct superior that he killed himself. Again nothing done.

The government and the military don't give a shit about making sure the people in service follow the rules or accept one another so they can do their job more efficiently. I am fully convinced that they WANT thugs, psychopaths, and rapists joining the service because then when we (any first world country with a large military force really) invade or go about terrorizing countries we've oppressed the soldiers can do what they're best at - slaughtering, torturing, and raping. Dominating others through force so they can make the world a worse place for 99% of people and a better place for the 1% and their ankle biter lapdogs.
 
  • Like
Reactions: FireFox