Forum members who have ctb?

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Vox

Vox

Member
Mar 28, 2018
55
209
I wasn't a regular at reddit, but I've always been curious about online people who ended up going through with it. Probably because they leave a trail of thoughts I can relate to, and closure. Does anyone know any names (irl or online)?

And on that subject, if/when you ctb, would you want others to read the posts you've left behind, or would you rather delete it all and be forgotten?

Me, I guess I'd want everything to come out about me, so maybe people will start to realize what's fkd up about this world and maybe try to fix it. So it doesn't happen to anyone else. Yea keep dreaming right? Well anyway, when I ctb I'll probably schedule a delayed email to go out to all contacts, revealing who I was online, in the real world, etc. Not a suicide note, just sort of like: here's everything.
 
ChizuruN

ChizuruN

Failure at Living, Failure at Dying
Mar 20, 2018
88
279
Yeah, I'd like people to read the posts I've left behind. As much as I know I won't care when I'm dead, I don't really want to be forgotten. I don't want all of the suffering I've been through to just disappear and never be revisited in the short term. Yeah I know that in the end nothing matters, but at least during these next hundred years or so, I wish to be remembered.
 
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millefeui

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Mar 31, 2018
1,037
5,299
A few years ago I watched some videos on YouTube about YouTubers who passed away and quite a few of them, if my memory serves me right, killed themselves. Also, there is r/DeadRedditors, some posts are about folks who killed themselves.

As for me, I am not deleting anything. In fact, I am writing an autobiography which is less of a suicide letter and more of a final vent; After reading the document, it will be easy to find my accounts in several sites. I am fine with people reading my posts and stuff. They are all part of me, in a way. It won't matter for me since I will be either wherever or nowhere after I die, but perhaps the stuff I leave behind might serve of consolation for the people who supposedly like me.
 
Vox

Vox

Member
Mar 28, 2018
55
209
I read somewhere that suicide notes weren't common until around 1900. My guess is before newspapers & the information age, there wasn't any point in sharing your last words because only 1 or 2 people would ever read it, the person who found your body/note and your next of kin. Nowadays your last words go all over the world, so it's worth saying something. Maybe that also explains why people sometimes live stream their suicides. You can't get any more "last words" than that.

Also, like in the case of that 14 year old girl who live streamed her suicide last year, it's a way of calling attention to an injustice or crime that no one listened to you about while you were alive (in her case I think it was abuse by her father). Too bad you gotta die before anyone takes you seriously.
 
M

millefeui

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Mar 31, 2018
1,037
5,299
I read somewhere that suicide notes weren't common until around 1900. My guess is before newspapers & the information age, there wasn't any point in sharing your last words because only 1 or 2 people would ever read it, the person who found your body/note and your next of kin. Nowadays your last words go all over the world, so it's worth saying something. Maybe that also explains why people sometimes live stream their suicides. You can't get any more "last words" than that.

Also, like in the case of that 14 year old girl who live streamed her suicide last year, it's a way of calling attention to an injustice or crime that no one listened to you about while you were alive (in her case I think it was abuse by her father). Too bad you gotta die before anyone takes you seriously.
Indeed. Nowadays suicide notes are more common thanks to the internet. I am writing an autobiography myself, though I don't expect people other than those who know me personally to read it. It just feels kinda good (and sad, at the same time) being able to express so many things I couldn't voice before, in one final letter. It also serves the purpose of hopefully freeing people from guilty over my death, as in my case, it isn't their fault.

Really sad that the girl had to go as far as committing suicide for someone to listen to her plea. All the abusers, of all kinds (sexual, verbal, physical — all of them) are part of why I detest living in this world. No one with even a little bit of decency harms the other intentionally and/or for their own gain. For me, there is no crime worse than sexual abuse. It just makes my blood boil.
 
Vox

Vox

Member
Mar 28, 2018
55
209
I am writing an autobiography myself, though I don't expect people other than those who know me personally to read it. It just feels kinda good (and sad, at the same time) being able to express so many things I couldn't voice before, in one final letter. It also serves the purpose of hopefully freeing people from guilty over my death, as in my case, it isn't their fault.
An autobiography is an awesome idea, probably the best thing anyone can do at the end of their life (suicide or otherwise). Ok I'm gonna get all sunshine and unicorns for just a sec... what if, in writing your autobiography and getting a different perspective on your life, you realize you have to keep living?

I would say anyone who has a strong sense of social justice (fighting back against sexual abuse, etc) should stay in this world, to even out the odds against the predators. One severe glitch in the evolution scheme is that people who are morally/ethically/spiritually evolved tend to kill themselves more than cro magnon savages who think the meaning of life is to steal, kill & rape.

Well golly maybe it is.

Anyway, I guess if we have something to say we might as well say it as clearly as possible before we ctb. I'm not organized enough to write a coherent autobiography, so I'll just leave scraps all over the place and hope someone gives a damn enough to piece it all together haha
 
M

millefeui

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Mar 31, 2018
1,037
5,299
An autobiography is an awesome idea, probably the best thing anyone can do at the end of their life (suicide or otherwise). Ok I'm gonna get all sunshine and unicorns for just a sec... what if, in writing your autobiography and getting a different perspective on your life, you realize you have to keep living?

I would say anyone who has a strong sense of social justice (fighting back against sexual abuse, etc) should stay in this world, to even out the odds against the predators. One severe glitch in the evolution scheme is that people who are morally/ethically/spiritually evolved tend to kill themselves more than cro magnon savages who think the meaning of life is to steal, kill & rape.

Well golly maybe it is.

Anyway, I guess if we have something to say we might as well say it as clearly as possible before we ctb. I'm not organized enough to write a coherent autobiography, so I'll just leave scraps all over the place and hope someone gives a damn enough to piece it all together haha
Yes, actually one of the purposes of my autobiography is to, perhaps, help someone in a similar position. Maybe, just maybe, someone could show my biography to a bigotted parent, sibling, friend or whoever and they could change their mind. Or I don't know. My life wasn't all about gender issues, though they definitely play a gigantic role on to why I want death.

That is a possibility, but so far it hasn't happened. The writing has been going for a couple of months now, as I only write when I am feeling really sad (in that way, it also works as a coping mechanism), plus, as long as I am alive, there is stuff to write.

That is a good point, and I have considered going full SJW (as people in the internet call them these days), but honestly I don't have the energy. I have the ultimate respect towards people who not only face prejudice, but also directly fight against abuse, as well as going as far helping the victims directly. Those people are some of the best things (for a lack of better word) in this world. I think, in general, my baggage is just too heavy, there is so much stuff I carry on with me, that for me to help others, I would have to heal myself first. Thing is, I tried and it just doesn't work... The effects are temporary.

That said, I have been learning how to draw so I can have something to do with my time while I am still here (not killing myself for as long as my dog lives and she is only 6, a dachshund, so she might have quite a few years ahead yet) and any works I produce will naturally be directed towards people in need, minorities, etc.

That was a good post, thanks.
 
Vox

Vox

Member
Mar 28, 2018
55
209
Yes, actually one of the purposes of my autobiography is to, perhaps, help someone in a similar position ...

I have considered going full SJW (as people in the internet call them these days), but honestly I don't have the energy.
Totally the same here. And +1 for sticking around for your dog ... that's currently my only reason for living.

As for going full SJW, hell yeah me too, but not if I'll end up fighting & losing another battle all by myself. Most of the causes I would fight for are such losing battles it's not even worth thinking about. I know that's what everyone says but it's a valid excuse. No war was ever won by 1 warrior.

This got me thinking of the latest news story about the girl who shot up Youtube headquarters and then herself. She was sort of a SJW without any guidance, and we see how that ended up. Sucks because I support a lot of the views she had (her website is still up: http://nasimesabz.com ) like healthy living, animal rights, exposing corporate greed, and of course youtube sucks... but look where that ended up for her. You wonder if there were an organized group she could've joined that would guide her in a productive way, could that have stopped her from flipping her lid?

Anyway, yeah she's an example of someone who killed herself and left her story for others to see. Who knows if it'll do any good, or if people will just dismiss her as another whack job. I figure it's better than leaving no explanation at all...
 
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M

millefeui

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Mar 31, 2018
1,037
5,299
Totally the same here. And +1 for sticking around for your dog ... that's currently my only reason for living.

As for going full SJW, hell yeah me too, but not if I'll end up fighting & losing another battle all by myself. Most of the causes I would fight for are such losing battles it's not even worth thinking about. I know that's what everyone says but it's a valid excuse. No war was ever won by 1 warrior.

This got me thinking of the latest news story about the girl who shot up Youtube headquarters and then herself. She was sort of a SJW without any guidance, and we see how that ended up. Sucks because I support a lot of the views she had (her website is still up: http://nasimesabz.com ) like healthy living, animal rights, exposing corporate greed, and of course youtube sucks... but look where that ended up for her. You wonder if there were an organized group she could've joined that would guide her in a productive way, could that have stopped her from flipping her lid?

Anyway, yeah she's an example of someone who killed herself and left her story for others to see. Who knows if it'll do any good, or if people will just dismiss her as another whack job. I figure it's better than leaving no explanation at all...
Thanks, that is wonderful. I wouldn't be able to leave my dog behind. She is the definition of a velcro dog and I am sure she would suffer too much if I disappeared.

Hmm. I agree. Some battles can't be fought alone.

It doesn't seem like that girl was playing with a full deck judging by her rather creepy website. Also, I am totally against harming others, no matter how much you want to die. Do as you wish with your life, but don't kill others. As for your question, I definitely think the right person, at the right time, could have guided her into a different direction. Perhaps she would still have taken her life, but in different circumstances, without harming others.

I don't know if that kind of story can leave anything of worth behind. It is bathed in violence. Perhaps. What do I know?
 
Vox

Vox

Member
Mar 28, 2018
55
209
I don't know if that kind of story can leave anything of worth behind. It is bathed in violence. Perhaps. What do I know?
Yeah after thinking about it, I think her story does much more harm than good. It definitely makes her seem totally insane in light of what she did. Feels weird to say this, but if she had just posted her videos and then killed herself without hurting others I bet people would be much more sympathetic to her cause.

Suicide (without harming others, as that distracts from the issue) is really an effective tool for activism... the monk who lit himself on fire to protest Vietnam, what a powerful way to end and otherwise insignificant life. You can protest something your entire life and never get noticed, but torch yourself and you're world famous. I should really shut up now, I doubt I'm helping anyone's will to live, much less my own
 
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M

millefeui

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Mar 31, 2018
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Yeah after thinking about it, I think her story does much more harm than good. It definitely makes her seem totally insane in light of what she did. Feels weird to say this, but if she had just posted her videos and then killed herself without hurting others I bet people would be much more sympathetic to her cause.

Suicide (without harming others, as that distracts from the issue) is really an effective tool for activism... the monk who lit himself on fire to protest Vietnam, what a powerful way to end and otherwise insignificant life. You can protest something your entire life and never get noticed, but torch yourself and you're world famous. I should really shut up now, I doubt I'm helping anyone's will to live, much less my own
Your posts are interesting, though.

But yeah, suicide can be a powerful tool for activism. The moment you kill others, though, it just becomes murder.
 
ChizuruN

ChizuruN

Failure at Living, Failure at Dying
Mar 20, 2018
88
279
Yeah after thinking about it, I think her story does much more harm than good. It definitely makes her seem totally insane in light of what she did. Feels weird to say this, but if she had just posted her videos and then killed herself without hurting others I bet people would be much more sympathetic to her cause.

Suicide (without harming others, as that distracts from the issue) is really an effective tool for activism... the monk who lit himself on fire to protest Vietnam, what a powerful way to end and otherwise insignificant life. You can protest something your entire life and never get noticed, but torch yourself and you're world famous. I should really shut up now, I doubt I'm helping anyone's will to live, much less my own
Damn, I wish I could leave the world like that. But eh, what I would end up saying wouldn't change the world anyways. Not that I should care even.
 
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RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Staff
Jun 12, 2018
1,046
6,155
My suicide will be a final act of activism. The suicide rate among transgender people is very high compared to the rest of the population and I'm gonna be a part of the statistics soon. I hope my death is gonna raise awareness and I plan to exactly describe that me comitting suicide has a lot to do with the mistreatment of transgender people. I'm not gonna ctb purely for political reasons. I've told my story in the past and fact is, me being transgender contributes a lot to my desire to dissapear forever and to cease existing. Nobody cares about us. There is no conversation going on about the struggles we face. They only listen when we kill ourselves. That's when people pay attention for a quick moment until our voices get pushed behind again. I notice that pattern every time a trans person takes their life. It's the same every single time. I'm so sick of this society and it needs to change. I'm gonna make sure people know my reasons.
 
StarDust

StarDust

Arcanist
Aug 21, 2018
509
1,960
I read somewhere that suicide notes weren't common until around 1900. My guess is before newspapers & the information age, there wasn't any point in sharing your last words because only 1 or 2 people would ever read it, the person who found your body/note and your next of kin. Nowadays your last words go all over the world, so it's worth saying something. Maybe that also explains why people sometimes live stream their suicides. You can't get any more "last words" than that.

Also, like in the case of that 14 year old girl who live streamed her suicide last year, it's a way of calling attention to an injustice or crime that no one listened to you about while you were alive (in her case I think it was abuse by her father). Too bad you gotta die before anyone takes you seriously.

Are you speaking about the girl in GA...she was 12 actually...assuming that is whom you are referring to...not that it matters. She asked for help, had an online blog detailing her abuse and yet...no one did anything about it. This world is a sick place and honest at times I think it would be better off if we all started over again. Or rather the Earth did. Maybe an asteroid of sorts might do humanity some good.
 
O

Oyashiro-sama

Veteran
Aug 16, 2018
170
723
My suicide will be a final act of activism. The suicide rate among transgender people is very high compared to the rest of the population and I'm gonna be a part of the statistics soon. I hope my death is gonna raise awareness and I plan to exactly describe that me comitting suicide has a lot to do with the mistreatment of transgender people. I'm not gonna ctb purely for political reasons. I've told my story in the past and fact is, me being transgender contributes a lot to my desire to dissapear forever and to cease existing. Nobody cares about us. There is no conversation going on about the struggles we face. They only listen when we kill ourselves. That's when people pay attention for a quick moment until our voices get pushed behind again. I notice that pattern every time a trans person takes their life. It's the same every single time. I'm so sick of this society and it needs to change. I'm gonna make sure people know my reasons.
It hurts me a lot to read that, in general it bothers me a lot when someone suffers discrimination of some kind, partly I think it's because I've lived it myself (not transgender, other types of discrimination), I have a transgender friend and I know what happens badly In fact, even with his own parents he has major problems because of that.

I just hope it goes well for you whatever your path.