FIRST EVER SN DOCUMENTATION

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Chronicillness

Chronicillness

Veteran
Jun 19, 2018
121
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People are known to choke and gasp for air during an apneic event while asleep (without waking up). Vomiting and gasping for air are also common during opioid overdose, but the user is unaware of this occurring. I think it's likely she was unconscious during the most visibly distressing parts of the video.

The racing heart beat, isn't peaceful, I guess some people deal with that differently than others though. If she gasped for air and then sat up at the same time, then i'd say she was definitely aware of that. If she was gasping for air while lying on her back then I would say she was unconscious or unaware of what was happening.

It still doesn't sound peaceful to me. It's probably more peaceful than most natural deaths, but some of us have been scarred by long-term panic and torture and need a superior anxiolytic to cradle us to sleep like N.

I hope that it was peaceful to her and I hope that she's in a better place now. R.I.P.
 
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angie

angie

need to exit
May 25, 2018
454
711
@angie I thought you had already decided upon your method... Just wondered what was causing you to reconsider ?
(Feel free to PM me if you prefer not to discuss here....)

..
 
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WhyIsLife56

WhyIsLife56

Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
Nov 4, 2019
1,079
2,991
I thought it may be easier SN method because it’s a lot less to drink than N . But reading about the SN seems scary i’m such a coward , and worry how painful it actually is , there’s no going back once you take it . so the burning etc worries me .


I had decided but i couldn’t go through with it . done the regime fasted , tea n toast , 3x10 meto then waited 45mins but couldn’t get past the fear of what the taste would be like ! plus scared because of the taste not being able to drink it all . and 200ml is a lot . thought SN may be easier due to it being much smaller amount , but that post has put me right off sn too now .

Thought SN seemed easier method .
You drink it in 50ml water not 200ml
 
angie

angie

need to exit
May 25, 2018
454
711
@angie I thought you had already decided upon your method... Just wondered what was causing you to reconsider ?
(Feel free to PM me if you prefer not to discuss here....)
I was considering it but not so sure now . doesn’t sound peaceful , gasping for air ,!!!! that’s my reason for me ctb i struggle to breath already and my fear is dying gasping for air ,And wanting to ctb peacefully instead of me dying gasping for air .
So SN doesn’t seem so peaceful after all .
I have decided am going to have to try raise money to go to lifecircle somehow ,
 
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N

NotOfThisEarth

Member
Jul 6, 2019
48
69
Thank you for posting. I have SN but my first choice was N. It’s great that you documented it. We should all pair up with someone to do this? And at the same time, no one is alone:)❤
Anyone who's concerned about this method possibly involving some suffering after all, as I am, may want to look into benzos. My new plan is to take some benzos first, then when they start to kick in I'll drink the SN. Hopefully then I'll be guaranteed to fall asleep and not suffer
Do you think Zolpidem would work as well as the benzo’s? I’m thinking they would?
I was considering it but not so sure now . doesn’t sound peaceful , gasping for air ,!!!! that’s my reason for me ctb i struggle to breath already and my fear is dying gasping for air ,And wanting to ctb peacefully instead of me dying gasping for air .
So SN doesn’t seem so peaceful after all .
But it does happen fast from start to finish & in the beginning Moonicide said pain was 3.5 out of 10. That seems tolerable. I was scared of taking this too, I’m a big wuss when it comes to pain but this post helped. I will however, take some sleeping pills , Zolpidem-they work fast so hopefully won’t feel too much?
 
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Return2Dust

Return2Dust

Wise
Sep 28, 2019
248
446
RIP @Moonicide. I hope you found the peace you were so desperately seeking. And @Lotus1818 , thank you for honoring her wish to be with her as she made the transition so she wasn’t alone. I’m sure having you there made it less terrifying for her. I’m sorry it was so devastating for you. Please seek out someone to talk with if it feels right for you. If there is anything anyone in this community can do for you, please let us know.
 
angie

angie

need to exit
May 25, 2018
454
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You drink it in 50ml water not 200ml
N is 200ml not SN
That's horrific, I can't even imagine going through that while conscious. Up until now we'd been told with SN, you pass out first and don't feel anything. If that's not the case I wouldn't really consider it a peaceful method, or at least not as peaceful as we previously thought. I'd rather jump than suffocate while conscious. I'm really rethinking this method now as I was going to use it in a few days
Thing is there isnt a video of anyone taking SN .so we will never know truthfully what it is like , may be different for different people ,but ,once you have drunk it whether theres pain or anything else you just have to go with it ,thats the worry for me now .yes lots have passed using it but what was it like. ? we wont ever know .Just have to make that decision ourselves
 
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NextSummer

NextSummer

Wise
Mar 28, 2019
232
677
There's a video of Michael Marin, a man who was accused of insurance fraud, taking cyanide in court after he was found guilty. At some point before he passes out he goes into this horrific episode of snorting, choking, and violent shaking and he is most certainly conscious through the event. I hope SN doesn't produce that. What's troubling is that there was a canister of potassium cyanide found in his car - the same potassium cyanide that the PPH considers a "peaceful pill". Does this look peaceful to you?
I think if she would have felt that she was suffering during gasping for air, she could clenched her hand to a fist or hold her neck, shake violently or give another clear sign of suffering. Lotus hasn't written any of these signs, so there weren't any, but she did write when she put her hands were on her stomach. It might be that Moon was more preoccupied with her stomach. She might also said "fuck fuck fuck" because she puked and didn't think she would be successful.

Note that there are some reports of survivors and none have talked about "gasping for air".
 
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Divine Trinity

Divine Trinity

Pugna Vigil
Mar 20, 2019
296
538
I took SN and other than the burning sensations (minor to me), I can't remember much after laying down. The burning is similar to acid reflux in the esophagus and stomach, slightly worse since it lingers. Like multiple people have stated it taste pretty bad, but if you've had hospital cocktails before it's a minor drawback.

I'd have like to hear if stomach coating meds like Sucralfate could work with SN, but Stan and Ginger are gone. Meto and SN are a bit rough on the stomach.

Compared to blowing my skull open, 100 runs of extreme hangman, parachuting w/e the parachute, drinking round-up, kissing moving transport vehicles, snorting excessive quantities of water, or a 9-5, SN was pretty peaceful. Only reason I survived was because someone called the cops after I was under, woke up handcuffed to the hospital bed.
 
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voyager

voyager

Don't you dare go hollow...
Nov 25, 2019
454
910
can you let us know if the noises she made were loud enough to possibly alert anyone if they were in an opposite room ?
@trynacbt did it in her appartment with her dad and sister sleeping near her door from what I understood. But, ofc, it's situational and how one might react to pain, panic and vomiting etc.

I'm fine with discomfort but gasping for air is on a whole different level for me. It's strange this is the first time it's mentioned. If she was conscious during that moment, that sounds horrific. Hopefully she wasn't
That's horrific, I can't even imagine going through that while conscious. Up until now we'd been told with SN, you pass out first and don't feel anything. If that's not the case I wouldn't really consider it a peaceful method, or at least not as peaceful as we previously thought. I'd rather jump than suffocate while conscious. I'm really rethinking this method now as I was going to use it in a few days
That's my issue, as well. If one is unconscious, okay, but is one? Especially if one vomits it might get complicated. Suffocating is something which scares me, it's why I hesitated at first with hanging (which won't happen if done right) and it's why I'm shelving drowning for further thought. I've done it before, so, it appeals to me and is extemely quick, but it can be pure agony until one overcomes the need to hold one's breath.

Nevertheless, I don't think it sounded so bad considering it's not the gold standard. Moonicide achieved what she wanted, as did many before her. BB and JT were even together and none of them panicked, so, I think the risk and reward ratio is reasonable given the fairly easy access for the moment.
 
J

JSauter

Wise
Oct 14, 2019
209
493
@trynacbt did it in her appartment with her dad and sister sleeping near her door from what I understood. But, ofc, it's situational and how one might react to pain, panic and vomiting etc.
To be fair, we have no idea what happened to her after she said she was dizzy. It's possible that she was found.
 
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Roger

Roger

I Liked Ike
May 11, 2019
976
1,679
There's a video of Michael Marin, a man who was accused of insurance fraud, taking cyanide in court after he was found guilty. At some point before he passes out he goes into this horrific episode of snorting, choking, and violent shaking and he is most certainly conscious through the event. I hope SN doesn't produce that. What's troubling is that there was a canister of potassium cyanide found in his car - the same potassium cyanide that the PPH considers a "peaceful pill". Does this look peaceful to you?
PPeH is quite balanced about the pain and discomfort caused by cyanide. Check the sub-heading "Can Cyanide Provide a Reliable and Peaceful Death ?" in the section on Lethal Inorganic Salts. I don't think it is fair nor accurate to state that PPH unequivocally considers potassium cyanide to be a "peaceful pill."

Reliable ? Yes

Peaceful ? Umm, errr, well . . . . . . . . . . . .
 
S

SerenitySeeker

Member
Jun 29, 2019
84
221
If nothing else, I hope that this thread and others alike about SN will stop the comparison to N. It is not the same thing or even comparable by a long shot. It’s important to know the facts and not rely on what you hope will happen.
 
P

PDAnnie2610

Waiting for my bus.
Oct 27, 2019
214
327
Thanks for sharing, Lotus, do take care... and hope Moonie is in a good place now.
 
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Lostbetweenworlds

Lostbetweenworlds

I'm coming home soon my darling..
Jan 9, 2020
25
74
To be fair, we have no idea what happened to her after she said she was dizzy. It's possible that she was found.
Well lotus stayed on call almost 45 mins after the last breath, sure it is possible that she was found.. but if she wasn't found in the first 45 minutes where she stopped breathing, it's pretty safe to say that she ctb'd successfully.. and hopefully she will experience the peace she was seeking..
 
J

JSauter

Wise
Oct 14, 2019
209
493
Well lotus stayed on call almost 45 mins after the last breath, sure it is possible that she was found.. but if she wasn't found in the first 45 minutes where she stopped breathing, it's pretty safe to say that she ctb'd successfully.. and hopefully she will experience the peace she was seeking..
Oh, I was referring to trynacbt. Was someone on call with her? It was my understanding that she was alone.
 
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Readytogo#Broken

Readytogo#Broken

❤️You’ll never walk alone❤️
Jan 1, 2020
86
393
Dear everyone,

This thread will be about the documentation of the cbt of user @Moonicide (29 years old) Who took her life on Jan 12th at 00:30 EST.

She was a dear friend of mine that I met on this forum. She loved this forum and it's users. The forum helped her allot during her last days. And the support she got during her goodbye thread was almost overwhelming for her. It made her really happy. Her last wish was to document her death to thank everyone on the forum and to educate people who are uncertain about this method. As far as we know nobody has done a full documentation about this method. I will go through everything that I saw and give my honest opinion about the method.

I will cover everything before she took the sn and after taking the sn. After the documentation I will do a Q and A and do some afterthoughts. If anyone has a question please feel free to write me a pm or leave a comment here. I will try to reply to as many people as possible. But I will also be taking a break from this forum after witnessing all this.

Moonie's goodbye thread
Please read through her goodbye thread to get all the information needed about the medicine she took and how her regime looked like. Also please check Stan's Guide On SN If you have any questions about this method.

Before taking the SN
00:06 "I'm feeling pretty okay. Hungry as fuck. Stomach is making noises. A little bit drowsy. Perhaps because of the not sleep. But maybe because of the pills. But i'm calm."

00:10 Started making the sn drink. Moonie is suprised how much a table spoon (+/-25gram) is.

00:15 "Doesn't smell like anything." used luke warm water. Clear white liquid. I dont see any clumps.

00:17 The liquid started to get more clear and clear

00:21 "I'm feeling okay and calm. I'm looking at the forum."

After taking the SN
00:31 Moonie took SN in a chair with a straw "oh fuck its really bad"
"it tastes like really salty seawater. It's burning my thoat." She says the straw helps allot.

00:32 Making SN dosage 2. And she took a mint to mask the taste of the SN.

00:33 Moonie says her throat still burns. And gives it a 3.5/10 on the pain scale. "not really that bad." She says her stomach burns.

00:34 "i need to lay down."

00:35 She says her heart is beating fast. Throat burns It's salty. Getting really warm. She says there is no pain. But I feel heavy stomach burns.

00:36 Moonie puked once (I couldnt see how much. But she puked 2 times)

00:37 Second puke. And she is breathing very heavy. Almost trying to gasp for air.

00:38 She took her headset off. I couldnt talk to her anymore. But I could still listen to her.

00:39 Her eyes are closed and she is breathing very heavy.

00:40 Breathing slowes down. laying on her side

00:41 She coughs a bit and says fuck 3 times in a low voice. (perhaps theres some pain/ discomfort?) (this could also be the last time she was consious)

00:42 Really slow breathing. Almost looks like normal breathing

00:43 Still consious, legs spasms. She makes some grunting sounds.

00:44 eyes are open for a brief second (this could perhaps be a possible small seizure?) she closed her eyes immediately after that though.

00:45 Hands on stomach, Groans. load groans sounds like snoring. kinda like chocking

00:46 throws up a little bit. while laying on her stomach.

00:47 trying to gasp for air. making loud snoring sounds.

00:48 less snoring / gapsing for air sounds.

00:49 I think she's asleep

00:50 Def sleeping.

00:52 still same breathing. It is getting slower though

00:55 breathing becomes really slow

00:56 even slower

00:58 last breath

01:05 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:15 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:30 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:40 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:44 nothing changed. shes still laying. closed videocall.

Q And A

Was this method peacefull?
First what is peacefull? Is it immediately falling asleep and not moving?
If we compare this to N then this method is partially peacefull In my opinion. There was allot of groaning and gasping for air. However in the grand scheme of things. This method is quick and she was laying on her bed very beautifully. Completely at peace. Again this is different for everyone. So don't think this documentation is how it is for everyone. But the reason why people choose this method is because of how "easy" it is to get all the stuff to CTB. And because of how cheap it is. To me it's stil strange that you can puchase this stuff online.

Did it look painfull?
During her time being consious she told me it wasn't really painfull. Her throat burned and she felt like her stomach was really heavy. But it wasn't unbearable pain or anything. I think you could compare it to feeling sick in the stomach? Ofcourse there's some pain. But overall its not unbearable.

How long did it take untill she was unconsious?
If I look at my notes. She took the SN at 00:31 and at 00:41 she was still consious and saying "fuck fuck fuck" in a really low voice. To me it sounded like she said this because there was some slight discomfort. And at 00:50 I was sure she was unconsious. So for her it took around 10-20 min untill she was unconsious.

Did it look like she was suffering?
I'm gonna be honest here. At first glance it did look she was suffering. There was allot of groaning and load noises. Allot of gasping for air. It kinda looked liked she was chocking. But this was very brief. It mostly looked like she was unconsious and her body was desperatly trying to get more air in her system. Which makes sense if you know how this method works. Ofcourse your body will try to get more air by inhaling very heavily. But this obviously does not work because the SN is depriving your body of oxygen

One thing I am unsure of is was she consious during all this? In general I was really suprised how fast this stuff worked. Only a few min after taking the SN she needed to lay down. And she def looked very peacefull after about 15-20min. i am sure she was consious up untill 00:41. So that means it took about 10-20min for her to fall unconsious.

Edit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_rattle A forum user noted that this was what i was seeing/hearing. After reading this. I think the method is even more peacefull then I orignally thought.

How did she look after you closed the videocall?
She had some make-up on. So I didn't see her skin or lips turn blue. Perhas it was the quality of the webcam. But her skin color looked normal. This could have changed after I ended the call.

Afterthoughts
A few notes we need to consider is that allot of methods are messy. If we look at jumping infront of a train, jumping off a building or shooting yourself. Then it's gonna be messy. I think in general this method is pretty quick and relatively peacefull. Suicide will always be a bit messy. And using this method atleast your body will be in one piece. If possible I would suggest getting N. But I think everyone knows that by this point.

You're reading this because getting N is not an option. And allot of people seem to be using this method. Originally I wanted to hang myself. After founding this forum and learning about SN. I wanted it to be my choice of CTB. After witnissing Moonie's CTB. I would still use this method. Unless I can magically get N. I think this method isn't the best. But if you look at how easy it is to all the stuff and how fast it is. Then this is def a method to consider.

Moonie if you're reading this. Thank you so much for being my friend during your last days. I had allot of fun with you. And I will remember forever. As promised I will set up the wishing balloon tonight and watch it fly to the moon.

Kind regards Lotus1818,
Was talking to her on here, and she cared more about what I was going through read the first part in tears, but happy for her at peace, I’ll not forget that soul on a hurry, the documentation is just so thoughtful for the rest of us, bless & rest now @Moonicide ❤❤
 
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Lotus1818

Lotus1818

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Nov 4, 2019
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I wanted to do a quikc update on some research i found.


moonies last moments looked like this. But in the video the man is not doing snorting noises like moonie did. I don't wanna do more research about this. I have no idea of its painful or if you are suffering during this.If somebody could help me out with this. That would be much appreciated
 
S

SerenitySeeker

Member
Jun 29, 2019
84
221
I wanted to do a quikc update on some research i found.


moonies last moments looked like this. But in the video the man is not doing snorting noises like moonie did. I don't wanna do more research about this. I have no idea of its painful or if you are suffering during this.If somebody could help me out with this. That would be much appreciated
You’ve done more than enough as contribution and honoring your friend. I’m by no means an expert on any of this but just from your description of her last moments and this description and video, I honestly believe by that point she was deep enough into unconsciousness where these were involuntary reactions weren’t causing her any pain.

I’ve experienced a few instances of syncope (fainting, unconsciousness) where I couldn’t tell you anything that happened once lights out. It’s not the same thing by far, but my point is once that consciousness (brain disconnect) goes.. you aren’t aware of anything.
 
WhyIsLife56

WhyIsLife56

Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
Nov 4, 2019
1,079
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Wouldn't "gasping for air" meant that it was working though? The shortness of breath and all.. Since SN deprives you of oxygen in the first place.
 
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NextSummer

NextSummer

Wise
Mar 28, 2019
232
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I wanted to do a quikc update on some research i found.


moonies last moments looked like this. But in the video the man is not doing snorting noises like moonie did. I don't wanna do more research about this. I have no idea of its painful or if you are suffering during this.If somebody could help me out with this. That would be much appreciated

Was it more like this? Fentanyl overdose is one of the most peaceful methods available, and you see, you hear weird snoring sounds too. It's normal.
 
S

SugarbushMtn

Veteran
Dec 15, 2019
151
146
Very informative thread. Just ordered my SN..but also going to look into Nitrogen gas. But where to get a tank of nitrogen?
As for pain. Is the possible pain for a few minutes worse than the endless severe pain of living further? Seems like an easy trade.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

I almost always edit my posts.
Jan 11, 2020
4,573
9,690
[QUOTE="SugarbushMtn, post: 543868, member: 13049"
As for pain. Is the possible pain for a few minutes worse than the endless severe pain of living further? Seems like an easy trade.
[/QUOTE]

What you're saying makes sense, but in my experience, SI is powerful and overcomes that logic. That's why methods that are disabling so that there is a loss of consciousness or restriction of physical ability to back out are so desirable.
 
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nitrogen

nitrogen

Schrödinger's cat
Nov 5, 2019
336
1,427
Ew that seems like a horrible way to go! With the TV on? No thank you!
What you don't want to die watching ads for luxury cars, antidepressants, progressive Flo, insurance lizards, peloton bikes and teeth whitening products?
If I see any of these 3 insurance ads on TV during my last moments, I'd crawl back from the other side and smash my TV.
Screen Shot 2020-01-13 at 10.20.25 AM.png

Geico lizard & delirious Progressive lady & Aflac duck on crack: You can hate me but you can't ignore me
 
Lotus1818

Lotus1818

Wise
Nov 4, 2019
237
804

Was it more like this? Fentanyl overdose is one of the most peaceful methods available, and you see, you hear weird snoring sounds too. It's normal.
it was kinda like this. tho this person is breathing way faster. i guess its different for everybody. Man this whole experience really messed me up. im so scared right now. freaking sucks that i have to go to work and pretend that everything is okay. i want to take a break from this website but i cant. everytime i keep going back. i keep deleting my history and logging out but its not working.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

I almost always edit my posts.
Jan 11, 2020
4,573
9,690
it was kinda like this. tho this person is breathing way faster. i guess its different for everybody. Man this whole experience really messed me up. im so scared right now. freaking sucks that i have to go to work and pretend that everything is okay. i want to take a break from this website but i cant. everytime i keep going back. i keep deleting my history and logging out but its not working.
I really appreciate that you replied to this. It helps so much.

I'm also so, so sorry that you're having such a difficult time. It's completely understandable, not that it makes it any better. I hope you find some successful ways to do some self-care. Would it help to start a new thread focused on the community supporting you through this? Do you know what you would need? I'd be glad to start a thread titled Support for Lotus1818.
 
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TowerUpright

TowerUpright

Arcanist
May 26, 2019
515
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[QUOTE="SugarbushMtn, post: 543868, member: 13049"
As for pain. Is the possible pain for a few minutes worse than the endless severe pain of living further? Seems like an easy trade.
What you're saying makes sense, but in my experience, SI is powerful and overcomes that logic. That's why methods that are disabling so that there is a loss of consciousness or restriction of physical ability to back out are so desirable.
[/QUOTE]

I've always thought you could get nitrogen either from a welding supply store, or a craft beer brewing supply place.
 
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Lotus1818

Lotus1818

Wise
Nov 4, 2019
237
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I really appreciate that you replied to this. It helps so much.

I'm also so, so sorry that you're having such a difficult time. It's completely understandable, not that it makes it any better. I hope you find some successful ways to do some self-care. Would it help to start a new thread focused on the community supporting you through this? Do you know what you would need? I'd be glad to start a thread titled Support for Lotus1818.
thats really nice of you. but thats not nessecary. ill try again to take that break and atleast leave the forum for a week. thank you so much everyone for being so nice to me.