FIRST EVER SN DOCUMENTATION

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Lotus1818

Lotus1818

Wise
Nov 4, 2019
232
676
Dear everyone,

This thread will be about the documentation of the cbt of user @Moonicide (29 years old) Who took her life on Jan 12th at 00:30 EST.

She was a dear friend of mine that I met on this forum. She loved this forum and it's users. The forum helped her allot during her last days. And the support she got during her goodbye thread was almost overwhelming for her. It made her really happy. Her last wish was to document her death to thank everyone on the forum and to educate people who are uncertain about this method. As far as we know nobody has done a full documentation about this method. I will go through everything that I saw and give my honest opinion about the method.

I will cover everything before she took the sn and after taking the sn. After the documentation I will do a Q and A and do some afterthoughts. If anyone has a question please feel free to write me a pm or leave a comment here. I will try to reply to as many people as possible. But I will also be taking a break from this forum after witnessing all this.

Moonie's goodbye thread
Please read through her goodbye thread to get all the information needed about the medicine she took and how her regime looked like. Also please check Stan's Guide On SN If you have any questions about this method.

Before taking the SN
00:06 "I'm feeling pretty okay. Hungry as fuck. Stomach is making noises. A little bit drowsy. Perhaps because of the not sleep. But maybe because of the pills. But i'm calm."

00:10 Started making the sn drink. Moonie is suprised how much a table spoon (+/-25gram) is.

00:15 "Doesn't smell like anything." used luke warm water. Clear white liquid. I dont see any clumps.

00:17 The liquid started to get more clear and clear

00:21 "I'm feeling okay and calm. I'm looking at the forum."

After taking the SN
00:31 Moonie took SN in a chair with a straw "oh fuck its really bad"
"it tastes like really salty seawater. It's burning my thoat." She says the straw helps allot.

00:32 Making SN dosage 2. And she took a mint to mask the taste of the SN.

00:33 Moonie says her throat still burns. And gives it a 3.5/10 on the pain scale. "not really that bad." She says her stomach burns.

00:34 "i need to lay down."

00:35 She says her heart is beating fast. Throat burns It's salty. Getting really warm. She says there is no pain. But I feel heavy stomach burns.

00:36 Moonie puked once (I couldnt see how much. But she puked 2 times)

00:37 Second puke. And she is breathing very heavy. Almost trying to gasp for air.

00:38 She took her headset off. I couldnt talk to her anymore. But I could still listen to her.

00:39 Her eyes are closed and she is breathing very heavy.

00:40 Breathing slowes down. laying on her side

00:41 She coughs a bit and says fuck 3 times in a low voice. (perhaps theres some pain/ discomfort?) (this could also be the last time she was consious)

00:42 Really slow breathing. Almost looks like normal breathing

00:43 Still consious, legs spasms. She makes some grunting sounds.

00:44 eyes are open for a brief second (this could perhaps be a possible small seizure?) she closed her eyes immediately after that though.

00:45 Hands on stomach, Groans. load groans sounds like snoring. kinda like chocking

00:46 throws up a little bit. while laying on her stomach.

00:47 trying to gasp for air. making loud snoring sounds.

00:48 less snoring / gapsing for air sounds.

00:49 I think she's asleep

00:50 Def sleeping.

00:52 still same breathing. It is getting slower though

00:55 breathing becomes really slow

00:56 even slower

00:58 last breath

01:05 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:15 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:30 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:40 nothing changed. shes still laying
01:44 nothing changed. shes still laying. closed videocall.

Q And A

Was this method peacefull?
First what is peacefull? Is it immediately falling asleep and not moving?
If we compare this to N then this method is partially peacefull In my opinion. There was allot of groaning and gasping for air. However in the grand scheme of things. This method is quick and she was laying on her bed very beautifully. Completely at peace. Again this is different for everyone. So don't think this documentation is how it is for everyone. But the reason why people choose this method is because of how "easy" it is to get all the stuff to CTB. And because of how cheap it is. To me it's stil strange that you can puchase this stuff online.

Did it look painfull?
During her time being consious she told me it wasn't really painfull. Her throat burned and she felt like her stomach was really heavy. But it wasn't unbearable pain or anything. I think you could compare it to feeling sick in the stomach? Ofcourse there's some pain. But overall its not unbearable.

How long did it take untill she was unconsious?
If I look at my notes. She took the SN at 00:31 and at 00:41 she was still consious and saying "fuck fuck fuck" in a really low voice. To me it sounded like she said this because there was some slight discomfort. And at 00:50 I was sure she was unconsious. So for her it took around 10-20 min untill she was unconsious.

Did it look like she was suffering?
I'm gonna be honest here. At first glance it did look she was suffering. There was allot of groaning and load noises. Allot of gasping for air. It kinda looked liked she was chocking. But this was very brief. It mostly looked like she was unconsious and her body was desperatly trying to get more air in her system. Which makes sense if you know how this method works. Ofcourse your body will try to get more air by inhaling very heavily. But this obviously does not work because the SN is depriving your body of oxygen

One thing I am unsure of is was she consious during all this? In general I was really suprised how fast this stuff worked. Only a few min after taking the SN she needed to lay down. And she def looked very peacefull after about 15-20min. i am sure she was consious up untill 00:41. So that means it took about 10-20min for her to fall unconsious.

Edit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_rattle A forum user noted that this was what i was seeing/hearing. After reading this. I think the method is even more peacefull then I orignally thought.

How did she look after you closed the videocall?
She had some make-up on. So I didn't see her skin or lips turn blue. Perhas it was the quality of the webcam. But her skin color looked normal. This could have changed after I ended the call.

Afterthoughts
A few notes we need to consider is that allot of methods are messy. If we look at jumping infront of a train, jumping off a building or shooting yourself. Then it's gonna be messy. I think in general this method is pretty quick and relatively peacefull. Suicide will always be a bit messy. And using this method atleast your body will be in one piece. If possible I would suggest getting N. But I think everyone knows that by this point.

You're reading this because getting N is not an option. And allot of people seem to be using this method. Originally I wanted to hang myself. After founding this forum and learning about SN. I wanted it to be my choice of CTB. After witnissing Moonie's CTB. I would still use this method. Unless I can magically get N. I think this method isn't the best. But if you look at how easy it is to all the stuff and how fast it is. Then this is def a method to consider.

Moonie if you're reading this. Thank you so much for being my friend during your last days. I had allot of fun with you. And I will remember forever. As promised I will set up the wishing balloon tonight and watch it fly to the moon.

Kind regards Lotus1818,
 
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Lotus1818

Lotus1818

Wise
Nov 4, 2019
232
676
Pain on the scale of 3.5/5 sounds really painful. Wouldn't it have been a little bit lower if it was just uncomfortable?

Thank you for this beautiful thread. Really helps me over with my fears.
Originally she said 4-5/10. But I also said to her that it seemed pretty high. She then changed it to 3.5. I think in general she wasnt really sure how painfull it was. But it looked like it wasn't unbearable.
 
HelensNepenthe

HelensNepenthe

Wise
Jan 17, 2019
265
1,294
Originally she said 4-5/10. But I also said to her that it seemed pretty high. She then changed it to 3.5. I think in general she wasnt really sure how painfull it was. But it looked like it wasn't unbearable.
Thank you for the quick reply.

Your witness account of your friend (who was brave, let me add that) is merely identical to what Exit publishes. This is relieving.
 
BipolarExpat

BipolarExpat

Accomplished faker
May 30, 2019
628
1,244
Pain on the scale of 3.5/5 sounds really painful. Wouldn't it have been a little bit lower if it was just uncomfortable?
"00:33 Moonie says her throat still burns. And gives it a 3.5/10 on the pain scale."

;)
 
Lotus1818

Lotus1818

Wise
Nov 4, 2019
232
676
Thanks for documenting it . it sounds like , it was not an easy death . Nobody was able to document the SN cbt by this level . it seems , it gets hard after they lose their ability to write
you know this was a thing i was worried about as well. Thats why its good to know what happens after. Only another person can see what happens. But i think this CTB was a bit more messy then others because she puked. CTB will never be clean. And you are basically poisening yourself. So ofc it makes sense that its a bit hard
 
HelensNepenthe

HelensNepenthe

Wise
Jan 17, 2019
265
1,294
you know this was a thing i was worried about as well. Thats why its good to know what happens after. Only another person can see what happens. But i think this CTB was a bit more messy then others because she puked. CTB will never be clean. And you are basically poisening yourself. So ofc it makes sense that its a bit hard
Was she taking the recommended dose of meto prior to the attempt?
 
Lotus1818

Lotus1818

Wise
Nov 4, 2019
232
676
Thank you for sharing.

I'm a bit put off by the loud noises. I was planning on taking SN in a hotel room, but if i'm making loud groaning noises, someone might be alerted and try to interupt me.
well she lived in a house with her parents and sisters. She didnt have her door looked. and the noises she made were brief. it wasnt like she was screaming or anything.
Was she taking the recommended dose of meto prior to the attempt?
Please check the first post of her goodbye thread to get all the information about her regime
 
EmptyArms

EmptyArms

Veteran
Dec 1, 2019
127
346
I'm just going to put this out there early doors.
@Lotus1818 has posted a very thorough thread . She has also been through a very traumatic experience. I'm sure people will have questions, but let's consider her needs right now and be appropriate in giving her time and space.
 
voyager

voyager

Don't you dare go hollow...
Nov 25, 2019
183
344
Thank you, didn't see this coming. You two were really brave. Hope she's in a better place and that you catch a break to recover.

Don't really have any questions, just think it's interesting that things went so well despite her vomiting so much. I think she mentioned a tendency to do so, which is why she went three days with the meto. Still surprising. I do believe that what it is really like can only be judged from the first person perspective, but this was really helpful and didn't sound bad at all.

Thanks again.
 
TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

Everyday you are closer to death
Nov 7, 2019
795
1,662
I'm a bit put off by the loud noises. I was planning on taking SN in a hotel room, but if i'm making loud groaning noises, someone might be alerted and try to interupt me.
That's why I'm planning to put loud music just in case I make too much noise so not to alert my neighbours. And dying with music would be great.
 
E

Emily123

Veteran
May 28, 2019
166
267
you know this was a thing i was worried about as well. Thats why its good to know what happens after. Only another person can see what happens. But i think this CTB was a bit more messy then others because she puked. CTB will never be clean. And you are basically poisening yourself. So ofc it makes sense that its a bit hard
I can imagine how hard it was for you to document this event . thanks for your efforts . At least she is in peace now .
 
S

Scooby-Doo

Member
Oct 10, 2019
23
45
Thankyou for making this documentation, you must be exhausted both mentally and physically. My only question ( which can be answered anytime) is did she drink a second cup of SN? You mention she was preparing SN dosage 2 while having a mint.
 
Lotus1818

Lotus1818

Wise
Nov 4, 2019
232
676
Thankyou for making this documentation, you must be exhausted both mentally and physically. My only question ( which can be answered anytime) is did she drink a second cup of SN? You mention she was preparing SN dosage 2 while having a mint.
no she only drank the first one. She made the second one but never drank it
 
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Quarky00

Quarky00

Master
Dec 17, 2019
468
939
I'm just sad. Know she found peace & you were comfort, but still it's hard... brave of you. :heart:

You posted so soon. I understand it gives both of you some peace. I hope you are taking care of yourself. How are you doing?

If it's any comfort I think she passed away rather peacefully :hug: Not aware of last moments. People fainting often open/close their eyes, not seizure .. Many involuntary things. Groans do not sound alarming noise (I think N got a groan too). Sedatives could be useful. As mentioned gasps-snoring are unlikely to be choking-suffocation or pain. You both did well.
 
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TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

Everyday you are closer to death
Nov 7, 2019
795
1,662
no she only drank the first one. She made the second one but never drank it
I wonder why she didn't prepare the 2nd dose before taking the 1st.
 
Tempeste

Tempeste

Member
Jan 11, 2020
63
148
Videos on hazmat training often show situation where a cop arrives first to a scene where a man is lying in the road next to his truck. There is some vapor seen. The officer rushed forward to assist. In thirty seconds he's on the ground , and his body and dash cams capture his loss of consciousness.within a minute he hasn't moved and a pattern called agonal breathing is heard...what another user referred to as a death rattle.
These are involuntary efforts by the body and are usually short in duration. The person has no awareness

thank you Lotus for being brave, for being her friend, for honoring her wishes.
 
Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

NaN0² Priest
Oct 30, 2019
1,428
3,459
This thread is such a double edged sword. Sure the information is useful but at what cost? I'm so sorry that you had to go through this but atleast you were there to provide some company. We're all going to miss @Moonicide alot!