Fentanyl secret

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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
I have no quality of life but for now I have to live until my mother dies. She is 70. I have a stash of fentanyl patches in various doses up to 100 mcg/hour. These were prescribed in 2014. They are generic, not the gel based type. Right now my tolerance is close to zero. Do these old patches have a shelf life? Would this plus maybe alcohol or benzodiazepines be the way to go? I stopped using them originally because I ended up on a ventilator from accidental overdose. Funny they didn’t take off the patches or try narcan at the emergency room of a major metropolitan hospital. Anyway, I want to feel like I have my “out” for someday. Had enough.
 
Morphosis

Morphosis

Veteran
Sep 22, 2019
133
206
I have no quality of life but for now I have to live until my mother dies. She is 70. I have a stash of fentanyl patches in various doses up to 100 mcg/hour. These were prescribed in 2014. They are generic, not the gel based type. Right now my tolerance is close to zero. Do these old patches have a shelf life? Would this plus maybe alcohol or benzodiazepines be the way to go? I stopped using them originally because I ended up on a ventilator from accidental overdose. Funny they didn’t take off the patches or try narcan at the emergency room of a major metropolitan hospital. Anyway, I want to feel like I have my “out” for someday. Had enough.
The outer covering or packaging should have an expiry date on there. Might become slightly less effective if expired but there would still be enough medication in the patch to do the job, even years later.
Can't believe they left the patches on after your overdose? Or give Naloxone?
 
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Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

-
Sep 14, 2019
1,341
1,872
My friend killed herself and one thing she used are fentanyl patches but they have a year shelf life.But who knows if they would still work after that? Maybe they will and maybe they won't? I don't know how many you had but my friend had a lot of pain meds as she had the same condition I do as well as seconal which is a very powerful drug that they don't give out anymore at least not in America due to the opiod crisis we are having here. You know the real drug addicts who do it just to get high so people like me and my friend and everyone who is in serious pain has to suffer. How many patches do you have and how many milligrams if benzos do you have and what kind are they? My friend out them all over her chest.
 
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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
Far as I know they didn’t. The whole thing is weird. I went unresponsive on an airplane (Delta I think) and somehow end up as a John Doe in a major hospital in my connecting city. My Id was in my wallet. A friend tracked me down when I didn’t land at my final destination. My friend told me the doctors were worried taking off the patch might harm me since they didn’t know what it was. In retrospect that seems kinda sketchy. You’d think they could identify it even after application. Plus I am pretty sure I would have packed spares. My backpack was basically an addict’s paradise.
Maybe 1200-1300 mcg/hour total, 10-15 patches total? Valium, clonipin, ambien, xanax but only a few pills of each. For what it’s worth I’m glad for anyone who has found that opioids help with long term pain. For me they didn’t. I adapt to each new dose in days. I have polyneuropathy and I take only lyrica, which frankly doesn’t do much either but at least reduces the addiction risk.
 
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realjunes

Wise
Oct 1, 2019
232
350
Far as I know they didn’t. The whole thing is weird. I went unresponsive on an airplane (Delta I think) and somehow end up as a John Doe in a major hospital in my connecting city. My Id was in my wallet. A friend tracked me down when I didn’t land at my final destination. My friend told me the doctors were worried taking off the patch might harm me since they didn’t know what it was. In retrospect that seems kinda sketchy. You’d think they could identify it even after application. Plus I am pretty sure I would have packed spares. My backpack was basically an addict’s paradise.
Maybe 1200-1300 mcg/hour total, 10-15 patches total? Valium, clonipin, ambien, xanax but only a few pills of each. For what it’s worth I’m glad for anyone who has found that opioids help with long term pain. For me they didn’t. I adapt to each new dose in days. I have polyneuropathy and I take only lyrica, which frankly doesn’t do much either but at least reduces the addiction risk.
Welcome Locutis. I see you just joined us. Sounds like you have quite a story here. When you do over 5 posts (I think 5) you will be able to send and receive private messages with other members (PM). I think we would have a lot to learn from you and hopefully, in return you will find this forum to be a fount of knowledge.
 
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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
weakened perhaps.
but the idea
1) apply half of my patches at once to skin, then a couple where the sun don’t shine for quicker absorption. Save the rest for another attempt if I wake up.
2) take every benzo I’ve stored in the house and any phenobarbital I’ve used for tapers. Love pheno — lets me get out of trouble without going through withdrawal. might try to get more of this.
3) turn on some good tunes and wait

Sorting out how to handle friends and relatives is hard. I want to do it at home, but am thinking I may need to drive to a river, toss my phone in it, then find somewhere else where I can’t be traced. People worry when they don’t hear from me, it’s not just about suicide but also my general health.

sort of hard to believe I’m writing this — no that i CAN write this and nobody has an reporting obligation.

nobody has a reporting obligation, right? I don’t want somebody telling me why I should stay alive. I think if that were true I’d Agee. It’s not that I don’t value life. Life is beautiful. But pain makes every thing but a distraction from the pain, at best. Sorry but I can’t take the physical pain any longer. I’ve spent most of the last 3 years in one room in pain. Once my mother is gone, so is my reason, my excuse, for continuing to live. I wish things were different. I tried to make the best of it. But I can’t go on this way. I used to hint at this with my p-doc etc. but now I don’t talk about it at all. The reason: I realized they couldn’t help and once that happened I no longer wanted to discuss it at all. I’m not sure why I’m writing this here. Partly it’s a big burden to hide it which I’ve done now for a few years. So I’ve posted it here and I wonder: what do I want from this? I used to be a teacher and now I am basically useless.
 
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realjunes

Wise
Oct 1, 2019
232
350
No one here is going to tell you what to do, This forum is strictly pro-choice where the individual decides for themselves what is best for them. Have you looked through the forum, to the resources page, and the different threads? You will see many here in a similar situation, pain-wise, as you are, and you can post and people will comment and you will get a feel for the forum. I think I told you earlier after 5 posts you can get involved in conversations with individual members, there are many here willing to talk over all subjects, and lots of support for one another.
 
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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
That’s good. I think the problem with the “pro-life” position is that those who subscribe to it must “turn in” those of us that don’t. This fear makes it so that the only way to keep your freedom is to lie. Or to dance around the issue in a way that feels like I am being manipulated. When my father took off his oxygen mask and said he was done I was so angry at him for “giving up.” Now I realize I was being selfish. I believe from looking around a bit that a lot of people on this forum have chronic pain just as I do. I am told by Mayo Clinic it’s just mind over matter meditation etc. in some imaginary total Person rehab program they purport to have before offering me up like a sacrifice for various injections performed without skill by residents. But the more I complain the more I can feel them giving up on me, and once I was someone you don’t give up on. Someone who had a future, and this bright future was clear even when life was at its darkest. But that future is gone now and I exist so that my mom doesn’t have to feel the pain of my death. Every once in a while I check my stash of fentanyl patches because i don’t think I could ever get that many —or maybe any— again. I always feel comforted when I find them waiting for me in their usual spot. Seconal would be terrific but i think unobtainable. I could probably get more phenobarbital though, and I imagine the combination with the fentanyl patch would be powerful. Pheno is pretty amazingly useful. Doesn’t really seem to make you feel “high” but really seems to potentiate other CNS depressants. I like this combo (fentanyl patches/pheno/Benzo) and probably would add an anti-emetic in case of nausea/vomiting. Maybe ondansetron. That way, plus fasting, and hopefully I won’t aspirate.
How many out there, I wonder, like me: forced into silence about my condition by the very people who are supposed to help? You can’t help me if my views get me committed. I’m tired of all the lies. But telling them the truth almost feels worse, they just don’t understand.
 
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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
Top 10 reasons I wish I were dead
1) old age is not for the weak. I’m not old yet but if I ever get there things will only get worse.
2) chronic pain
3) starting to think a lot of people are simply not good people
4) supernatural and Star Wars are coming to an end
5) television is all I have to live for
6) I have no children and nobody who cares about me to leave my money to
7) i can’t do the things I l love to do. Except watch tv as previously noted
8) I lost my cat and it was heart wrenching. My mom is 70 and I’m staying alive for her. But why should I? Do I really owe her that?
9) this list is dumb and so
10) all things, like this list, must come to an end.
 
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realjunes

Wise
Oct 1, 2019
232
350
That’s good. I think the problem with the “pro-life” position is that those who subscribe to it must “turn in” those of us that don’t. This fear makes it so that the only way to keep your freedom is to lie. Or to dance around the issue in a way that feels like I am being manipulated. When my father took off his oxygen mask and said he was done I was so angry at him for “giving up.” Now I realize I was being selfish. I believe from looking around a bit that a lot of people on this forum have chronic pain just as I do. I am told by Mayo Clinic it’s just mind over matter meditation etc. in some imaginary total Person rehab program they purport to have before offering me up like a sacrifice for various injections performed without skill by residents. But the more I complain the more I can feel them giving up on me, and once I was someone you don’t give up on. Someone who had a future, and this bright future was clear even when life was at its darkest. But that future is gone now and I exist so that my mom doesn’t have to feel the pain of my death. Every once in a while I check my stash of fentanyl patches because i don’t think I could ever get that many —or maybe any— again. I always feel comforted when I find them waiting for me in their usual spot. Seconal would be terrific but i think unobtainable. I could probably get more phenobarbital though, and I imagine the combination with the fentanyl patch would be powerful. Pheno is pretty amazingly useful. Doesn’t really seem to make you feel “high” but really seems to potentiate other CNS depressants. I like this combo (fentanyl patches/pheno/Benzo) and probably would add an anti-emetic in case of nausea/vomiting. Maybe ondansetron. That way, plus fasting, and hopefully I won’t aspirate.
How many out there, I wonder, like me: forced into silence about my condition by the very people who are supposed to help? You can’t help me if my views get me committed. I’m tired of all the lies. But telling them the truth almost feels worse, they just don’t understand.
I can tell you used to be a teacher. Your story is told and written by a "teacher' and we will all learn from you.
I hope you don't mind, but I am snatching a line from you and creating a thread, because I think it is a useful question that should be answered by the
group. Question: I wonder, like me: forced into silence about my condition by the very people who are supposed to help?
 
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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
Sure! it feels good to believe I can still be useful. The problem is that being useful alone isn’t enough to be worth all this pain. Or at least I keep telling myself that. My condition could be improved some, maybe quite a bit, with extensive rehab. But it would take a huge amount of effort on my part. And for the last couple years I’ve chosen to rot instead.
 
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Hennessy

Veteran
Jan 14, 2019
189
416
Suicide by fentanyl patches is my nr 1 choice! Here is a very interesting article about someone who ctb by fentanyl patches. Six patches was enough.

 
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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
Thank you for the article. Very interesting. Wondering for how many of us severe insomnia contributes to suicidality? My psychiatrist is a total douche. But sometimes a douche is just what the doctor ordered. For instance he gives me three times the recommended max dose of a sleeping pill. I called the manufacturer to ask about this and they literally freaked out. They wanted his name. Forget that, I like my 3 hours of sleep per 24 hours thank you very much. Thank god for the douche who cares so little it actually helps me. The chronic pain is even worse when you are sleepless. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to dream. I’m bored and my blackout curtains blend my nights and days together into one long depressing 24 hour bore. I have 3 cats and I do love them but the more I feel connected to them the more I experience the pain of their loss, sometime in the future. So the love is bitter sweet. Fortunately, they don’t sleep through the night either, so we play fetch or the please-don’t-bite-my-fingertips-when-you-are-hungry-spoiled-kitten game, or the tear my calendar to shreds and eat them game, which must be particularly yummy. It’s 1:45 in the morning. A long road ahead to the next day. Next, oh is there a tennis match I can watch? An old football game? Has a new series dropped on Netflix or Hulu or Disney plus or Prime Video or DC Universe? Yes I have them all. What can I binge? Sad, but what ever gets you through the day. And night. And day. And night. Christ, I’m supposed to spend 1/3 of this hell asleep and it’s been months since I slept more than 3 hours in a row. It’s too much time to think. God, if you are listening, put me back. Back before the pain. Let me try again. I can do better. I know that sometimes I lied. Sometimes I was selfish. As a child, I cheated on occasion. But I never intentionally hurt anyone or wished anyone to come to harm. So let me try again and I will give my life in service to you. I pray, then I wait. Nothing happens. The clock ticks a few more seconds. I check the time, it’s almost 3:30. This is when it’s worst — too late to call anyone, and still many hours until the 24 hour cycle is complete and a new one begins. I’m so tired but I cannot sleep. Took a nap from 8 to 9 and I can feel that’s going to be all I get this cycle. I haven’t left my room other than to go to the kitchen and bring back food to eat in my bed since April. It’s December now. Not good. Somebody I trusted stole $100,000 out of my retirement account. I found out in April. No sleep, pain, boredom, no future. No more good days. Thank god for those fentanyl patches. I’m worried that they will get found and taken from me. I dwell on this. I look at the clock. It’s 8:00 am. I finally made it to another day. How will I get through the next?
 
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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
Anybody know if fentanyl patches would make somebody with zero tolerance nauseous? I do fine with Vicodin but oxy in any amount makes me sick. Fentanyl in past didn’t make me sick but I was tolerant. Not sure it matters since it’s not like there are pills to puke up. Still, dying in a pool of vomit is not part of my plan. I want an easy painless type of death.
 
APharmaDestroyedLife

APharmaDestroyedLife

Your RX drugs are likely your real problem
Nov 4, 2019
155
255
nobody has a reporting obligation, right? I don’t want somebody telling me why I should stay alive.
I am in a similar situation, I am terminally I'll, and while I dont have a ton of pain, I have a ton of unbearable neurological symptoms that will only progress over the next year.

I never thought I would end up considering suicide , its funny (not really)... maybe astounding is a better word... how quickly a person who has a full happy life can end up in a situation they never imagined... I only try to talk people into living that are young and here for reasons like : my girlfriend dumped me, I hate my parents, I have no friends, life is pointless... Etc...

People have no idea how bad chronic Sleep deprivation is.... it's like everyday is an eternity of suffering and there os no relief from it.

I would prefer to use fentanyl as an exit method but its impossible for me to get.
 
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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
Wow your words could be my own. And nerves hurt in a way that nothing else can. Burning, stabbing, itching, deep ache, skin on fire, it’s hell. Sleep, if you can get a little, is never deep enough that the pain is gone.

and yes from a full life to nothing, like falling off a cliff. I built a business, a relationship, and I lost it all. On home care now.

that fentanyl I have is an enormous comfort and I am truly sorry you don’t have the ability to stop the hell if that’s your choice and if there is truly no chance of recovery.
But I also have loss of function, from myopathy. Just severe weakness. I’m not sure specifically what your neurological sx are but if it involves loss of function I know it’s scary as hell. My hands shook so much I couldn’t write, and I wasn’t strong enough to turn a doorknob with one hand. I cannot make sense of a world that puts us through this. Or the douche bag doctors who don’t do every last thing in their power to make our lives such as they are more tolerable. I feel bad how much I have it in for doctors given my father was one. But when I say over and over please just give me something to sleep. I can’t be awake in my bed day after day. And they say I’ve tried everything. They just shrug. I just want to scream, not good enough!!!
 
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APharmaDestroyedLife

APharmaDestroyedLife

Your RX drugs are likely your real problem
Nov 4, 2019
155
255
Wow your words could be my own. And nerves hurt in a way that nothing else can. Burning, stabbing, itching, deep ache, skin on fire, it’s hell. Sleep, if you can get a little, is never deep enough that the pain is gone.

and yes from a full life to nothing, like falling off a cliff. I built a business, a relationship, and I lost it all. On home care now.

that fentanyl I have is an enormous comfort and I am truly sorry you don’t have the ability to stop the hell if that’s your choice and if there is truly no chance of recovery.
But I also have loss of function, from myopathy. Just severe weakness. I’m not sure specifically what your neurological sx are but if it involves loss of function I know it’s scary as hell. My hands shook so much I couldn’t write, and I wasn’t strong enough to turn a doorknob with one hand. I cannot make sense of a world that puts us through this. Or the douche bag doctors who don’t do every last thing in their power to make our lives such as they are more tolerable. I feel bad how much I have it in for doctors given my father was one. But when I say over and over please just give me something to sleep. I can’t be awake in my bed day after day. And they say I’ve tried everything. They just shrug. I just want to scream, not good enough!!!
Same... I guess there are a lot more of us... we think we are the only ones... I wonder how many people go from everything to nothing... I also had s successful business , a great relationship, friends, I always felt successful in life in general, I was lucky. I was never rich but I was my own boss and I never whent without... now I'm on disability and living on about 1/6th of the money I once made... I'm not even allowed to drive anymore... I am lucky that my sister owns 2 homes and I get to stay in her 2nd home rent free... otherwise I'd be on the street...

I do have a way out, and it's fairly peaceful, I would just prefer fentanyl because my understanding is it takes you out quicker than almost anything.
 
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Locutis

Member
Dec 2, 2019
10
21
I think from a physical standpoint going to having everything to nothing happens unfortunately a lot. I wonder if what is more unusual is to be mentally stable and then lose your memory and focus, even your sanity, from a combination of symptoms and the drugs they use to treat those of us with neurological issues. Or maybe that depression is common too. It’s just a feeling of “I can’t go on like this” that I repeat in my head. I wasn’t rich either but I was comfortable enough. About the same time I became disabled my father passed away and he left me the resources to continue — minus the 20 percent stolen from me by my caregiver. That’s the other part I hate — the vulnerability. Feeling in debt to others for helping me do the things I feel I should be doing for myself but can’t. And i have to be so careful with money but then i wonder what the hell am in saving it for? So many changes going from being a person who can run your own life to not even driving (me too). Makes me feel so useless. Even lazy. Guilty.