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Venting feeling lonely

Lmd

Lmd

Wise
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
252
I've been alone my whole life. Bad familiar relationships, no friends, suffered bullying... A few years ago I decided to stop playing the victim role and start to do things for myself so I can change that. My relationship with my family improved a bit and now I have friends to hang out. I tend to overshare my emotions and worries but I didn't worry about that because I though noone will take me seriously until when I tried to CBT in July. Some of them go away for their own sanity and others are now worried for me. As someone who can't keep things for her own I talked about my breakdown the other day on twitter and after talking with a friend about it he told me "well, that proves that somehow you are still fighting and asking for help" and that pissed me off because I truly don't know how I'm gonna recover for how I feel or if I even want help.

Now I spend my days being cold with whoever aproachs me and keeping distances so I can leave in peace but is so heartbreaking looking how I'm losing everything I worked on. How all my efforts to understand people and the world are now useless. How I have to keep my feelings for myself and fake a smile so they don't call an ambulance. How things are worse than ever because having people caring for me is not enough.

Now I spend my nights alone, crying, looking this forum when what I truly wish is to watch something in company or playing something with someone without faking anything. This totally sucks because I don't know what to do or how to act with people anymore.
 
T

tidalwxves

Veteran
Joined
Sep 8, 2020
Messages
177
Thank you for sharing, that is really brave. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Just try to focus on who is there for you, try to engage in activities that bring you joy. Please be gentle with yourself, let yourself rest. Treat yourself the way you want someone else to treat you.
 
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Lmd

Lmd

Wise
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
252
I've spent 3 hours looking at my mmo character doing nothing. I literally don't know what to do tonight. Feels like I'm the borest person on earth because I can't enjoy or think anything to kill time
 
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