Venting Fed up with being the prey

WornOutLife

WornOutLife

Just what is LIFE?
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These hunters (depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar disorder, LIFE, etc) keep trying to hunt me down.
I'm fed up with being the prey, running away from them and looking for my only saviour: CTB.

Can't we at least, for once, be the hunters? Enjoy life? Have a nice time? Is it really impossible?

I don't know but...I'd rather be the hunter than the prey.

I've killed one of my enemies: alcohol. The next one should be depression but that's a tough bi*ch!

Anyone can relate?

Thanks for reading me,

Hugs,

Matt
 
StateOfMind

StateOfMind

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I don't understand.
Are you planning on ctb or recovery?
 
WornOutLife

WornOutLife

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I don't understand.
Are you planning on ctb or recovery?
Me neither! lol
I try to recover every day but it only gets worse so I simply don't know what will happen with me.
I wanna kick depression's ass but I'm the one who keeps being defeated.

Don't know when, but it seems I'll ctb sooner or later if this goes on like this.
 
Burzolog

Burzolog

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Kind of the opposite. Instead of personifying and antagonizing depression, I'm doing the same with my survival side, with the drive to stay alive at all costs no matter what.

I feel like a gladiator forced to fight in the arena, where neither me nor my opponents get to choose which weapons to pick, who to fight, when to fight, or if we want to fight in the first place. Those who organize fights are more worthy of my hostility. My own biology pulling the strings in the background, both of me and my opponents. I feel like a gargoyle who has grown too disobedient to continue to serve its Tremere creators. I feel like an AI created by humans to do the dirty work for them. I feel like a circus bear who was born into slavery and trained from early years to perform silly tricks for human amusement, and to generate profits for my owners.
 
WornOutLife

WornOutLife

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Kind of the opposite. Instead of personifying and antagonizing depression, I'm doing the same with my survival side, with the drive to stay alive at all costs no matter what.

I feel like a gladiator forced to fight in the arena, where neither me nor my opponents get to choose which weapons to pick, who to fight, when to fight, or if we want to fight in the first place. Those who organize fights are more worthy of my hostility. My own biology pulling the strings in the background, both of me and my opponents. I feel like a gargoyle who has grown too disobedient to continue to serve its Tremere creators. I feel like an AI created by humans to do the dirty work for them. I feel like a circus bear who was born into slavery and trained from early years to perform silly tricks for human amusement, and to generate profits for my owners.

That's another great metaphor too! We're inspired today! lol
 
W

WaitingForTheBusInTh

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Sometimes I start to think about making plans as if I was going to live, and then I get bitchslapped so hard I go flying by reality/depression x2 combo. Most days I just keep reminding myself a few more months and it'll be over.
If you become the hunter I hope you hang depression over your hearth like a trophy.
 
T

The Bell Jar

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These hunters (depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar disorder, LIFE, etc) keep trying to hunt me down.
I'm fed up with being the prey, running away from them and looking for my only saviour: CTB.

Can't we at least, for once, be the hunters? Enjoy life? Have a nice time? Is it really impossible?

I don't know but...I'd rather be the hunter than the prey.

I've killed one of my enemies: alcohol. The next one should be depression but that's a tough bi*ch!

Anyone can relate?

Thanks for reading me,

Hugs,

Matt
These hunters (depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar disorder, LIFE, etc) keep trying to hunt me down.
I'm fed up with being the prey, running away from them and looking for my only saviour: CTB.

Can't we at least, for once, be the hunters? Enjoy life? Have a nice time? Is it really impossible?

I don't know but...I'd rather be the hunter than the prey.

I've killed one of my enemies: alcohol. The next one should be depression but that's a tough bi*ch!

Anyone can relate?

Thanks for reading me,

Hugs,

Matt
Soooo relate to this.
 
readytogo

readytogo

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Me neither! lol
I try to recover every day but it only gets worse so I simply don't know what will happen with me.
I wanna kick depression's ass but I'm the one who keeps being defeated.

Don't know when, but it seems I'll ctb sooner or later if this goes on like this.
Do you try and engage in anything that gives you joy or pleasure like painting music reading etc. I know you gave up alcohol which was fueling your depression did you replace it with something healthy.

The more we dwell on the void the bigger it gets, surely you had a way of filling the void in the past.

I am physically too sick to work but enjoyed working and it kept my depression at bay, 90 percent of depression stems from my physical ailments which are incurable. I miss the respite working used to give me those 10 hours made the other six bearable.
 
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WornOutLife

WornOutLife

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Do you try and engage in anything that gives you joy or pleasure like painting music reading etc. I know you gave up alcohol which was fueling your depression did you replace it with something healthy.

The more we dwell on the void the bigger it gets, surely you had a way of filling the void in the past.

I am physically too sick to work but enjoyed working and it kept my depression at bay, 90 percent of depression stems from my physical ailments which are incurable. I miss the respite working used to give me those 20 hours made the other six bearable.

Yes, that's a good idea! Fortunately, now that I'm sober, I feel like studying japanese again and going out for walks! The next step will be to run and finally lose some weight (I hope lol)

Thanks a bunch for your comment!
 
readytogo

readytogo

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Yes, that's a good idea! Fortunately, now that I'm sober, I feel like studying japanese again and going out for walks! The next step will be to run and finally lose some weight (I hope lol)

Thanks a bunch for your comment!
Good for you Japanese is one of the most formidable language to learn.

In this country in the 80s when Japan and Germany were considered tiger economies these languages were in high demand because at that time this country was the third world country of Europe.

And jogging is good healthy body will if ancient Greeks and most doctors are correct lead to healthy a mind.
 
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L

lost_soul83

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Yes I can, she's the bitchiest bitch I've ever seen tbh.

Great metaphor btw.
I think opioids are also one of the bitchiest bitches ever seen, and yes, I love the metaphor as well.
Yes, that's a good idea! Fortunately, now that I'm sober, I feel like studying japanese again and going out for walks! The next step will be to run and finally lose some weight (I hope lol)

Thanks a bunch for your comment!
Good luck honey! I really hope that you’re able to defeat the beasts that haunt you. ✌️❤️
 
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