Failed Fentanyl Attempt

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ronigail9

ronigail9

existential isolation kills
Oct 5, 2019
63
134
sister got suspicious of my posts on FB and came to my house (usually never does) to find me still alive but looking dead after 3.5 hours of being unconcious. Despite DO NOT RESUSCITATE signs around the room, she called the ambulance, upon which I was fully resuscitated, 17 more hours in a coma in ICU, given Narcan IV drip for 30+ hours, hospitalized for 2.5 days in medical, then 8 in involuntary psychiatric hospital.
I am PISSED.
I took the advice of real addicts upon which they told me the amount I was doing (the very powder they provided) would kill a lot of people. Apparently I am an exception. The drug came from the cartel and I did field test and confirm it contained fent. I would estimate it was 1/3 of a gram.

I do not recommend this method if you are in a city, only if you are far away, in the desert or forest or something where you cannot be found.
However, it was the MOST PEACEFUL I have ever felt. I am certain it would be a very peaceful death. Now I am not afraid of death, knowing what it feels like to have a near death experience and knowing its way better than this.
 
B

Backwood_tilt

UnEnlightened
Dec 27, 2019
898
1,655
Sorry to hear about that, i would be pissed as hell too.

Will you be trying again? Thanks for sharing your experience.
 
Briannacondaaa

Briannacondaaa

Become Dust With Me, My Love.
Dec 17, 2019
428
848
I am so sorry you had to experience all of that. That can be so traumatizing :(
I understand being pissed. It sucks and isn’t fair.

At least you got the confirmation and your fear is diminished.
Whether this is a sign you’re meant to stay with us or not, I wish you the best <3

Do you mind discussing your process? You don’t have to; you just went through hell, thank you for sharing !
 
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Squiddy

Squiddy

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
Sep 4, 2019
3,262
5,360
That sucks. Sorry that it didn't go the way you wanted it to
 
BlueWidow

BlueWidow

Angelic
Oct 6, 2019
2,184
4,935
I’m sorry you were not allowed to complete your attempt. The world would be so much better if everyone would just mind their own damn business. No one seems to care that they’re just adding to a person’s trauma.
I’m so sorry for your experience. We are all here for you. :hug: :heart:
 
Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude

Member
Dec 23, 2019
67
151
There are a few people who are opiate-naive that have pretty high tolerance to it regardless, from what I've gathered. Also, fentadope tend to have less fent than straight fent, so the potency can be lowered as well. That's why it's best to mix benzos and/or alcohol to hasten the process and make sure to take a high amount if you want to be absolutely sure. I'm sorry you had to go through that experience though; 5150 are hellish.
 
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AlreadyGone

AlreadyGone

Taking it day by day
Jan 11, 2020
730
1,147
I am very sorry that this has happened, but what did you write on FB that made her come over? Did you give any clues or drop hints that you were planning to ctb?
 
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F

Former-hater-current

Member
Jan 13, 2020
5
8
This is very interesting to me, as a former opiate addict. I O.D.ed on fent and this is after I was no longer looking to ctb but I thought "damn if I was going to, that's the way." As stated, very peaceful. And worst case just be high AF. Well less someone finds you too soon, as happened to this individual.

On another note. I do not know anyones situation, but I know my life experiences. And most of my life I have wished I had never been born, and or wanted to ctb. But here I am 33 years old. and I want to LIVE! I love life it has been several years since I had thoughts about not participating in this life. I totally understand the want to ctb, life is fucking amazingly hard! But with a change of perspective and lots of LSD which may or may not have helped with the change in perspective. I very highly recommend psychedelic drugs some if my faves are mushrooms, LSD, 2cb, 2ci, I know mushrooms and LSD can be hard to come by, but there are gobs of them you can order on line. Do lots of research, and have fun with them. Actually I know people who are way into trying designer drugs, it's like a hobby. They research them, acquire them, use them. This takes up time, gives them purpose. But just like any drug use, weather its prescription, or otherwise. If you don't research and use them with respect they can do great harm. But done properly can do fantastic things. As a former hard drug addict I would usually not advise drug use but here, in this realm of discussion I feel like it may help someone. Especially the ones I have stated. LSD is also once again being researched by the medical community as a treatment for many ailments, including depression. I am not saying any drug is going to make anyone love life. And there is alot I had to do to be in the place I am now. And if anyone would like to know more about all that I would like to share, let me know. I am an open book.

Also isn't there the possibility of a lawsuit considering the
" do not resuscitate "signage?!? I believe that ctb is not the best option for many who seek it. But at the same time. It is a crime against the universe to tell ANY individual what they can and can not do. Trying to control any individual is downright wrong on every level.

Also as being new here and the subject matter, I have to say. I haven't experienced such nice and caring people on the internet. I think you are all amazing individuals. I hope that the pain in anyone's life stops, what ever that takes.

Lots of love

And peace be with each and every one of you
 
B

Backwood_tilt

UnEnlightened
Dec 27, 2019
898
1,655
I am very sorry that this has happened, but what did you write on FB that made her come over? Did you give any clues or drop hints that you were planning to ctb?
To this point, OP do you think it was a cry for help, and that you maybe were looking for a way out?

I am trying to be very careful about this. I'm sure there is plenty i can say to set off alarms among my friends and family prior to my CTB. I think its always advisable to keep it on the down-low as much as possible, even if you are hurting and crying out in pain. You can't fool everyone all of the time.
 
Qverty7455

Qverty7455

Veteran
Sep 28, 2019
196
329
I am sorry it happened to you :( I wanted to go with F or H aswell but then I found out I never used any drug and it will be extremely hard for me to obtain this stuff or buy from darknet (I was scared of being caught) so I decided I will go with SN which is not as pleasant as opioids but whatever...I guess it will do the job.
Just take your time and relax for now. I know how does it feel to wake up after unsuccessful attempt and it does suck but right now you can think about everything and decide what will be your next step.
If you need someone to talk to I am there for you or anyone.
 
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TheOA

TheOA

Veteran
Jan 5, 2020
101
140
I can relate to your frustrations. Thank you for sharing your experience and the feedback on your method (making/taking notes). Blessed be.
 
ronigail9

ronigail9

existential isolation kills
Oct 5, 2019
63
134
absolutely not a cry for help. I had planned for months, my suicide was the size of a 3 ring binder, I had emptied and cleaned my apt as if I was moving even down to throwing away all of my underwear so others wouldn’t have to and wearing my favorite and most expensive clothes which I would have never imagined seeing them cut behind repair due to emergercy crews.

To this point, OP do you think it was a cry for help, and that you maybe were looking for a way out?

I am trying to be very careful about this. I'm sure there is plenty i can say to set off alarms among my friends and family prior to my CTB. I think its always advisable to keep it on the down-low as much as possible, even if you are hurting and crying out in pain. You can't fool everyone all of the time.
alutely not
 
Zoltiel

Zoltiel

We're asleep in life's waiting room
Jan 7, 2020
165
382
I'm sorry this happened to you, I have some questions though. How did you ingest it? Do you think there was a problem with the purity or amount of the powder if you were still alive 3.5 hours later? Do you know if what you got was china white or pure f?
 
ThatIsTheQuestion

ThatIsTheQuestion

Ghost in Waiting
Aug 4, 2019
106
237
The law on suicide DNRs in the US is still mostly gray, but it's extremely unlikely an EMT or ER doctor anywhere would honor it if there's even a hint of ctb (or even just the fact that you're younger than average). They're always more likely to get sued into the ground by your estate for wrongful death than by you for violating your living will. Not to mention, medical boards can revoke their licenses, cops can arrest them, etc. Non-suicidal people will always feel more sympathy for suicidal people who are already dead than for those of us who aren't.
 
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ronigail9

ronigail9

existential isolation kills
Oct 5, 2019
63
134
I did IV. It was pure Mexican produced fent. I used to be a heroin addict 11-13 years ago and had phlebotomy experience there. It’s possible I didn’t do enough to kill me faster, but I am a hardcore anomaly survivor according to doctors, usually one dies after an hour or two max, and narcan will not work. The fact that I have experience living with sleep apnea where my body and brain are used to shallow breathing as commonplace I think that helped me survive. But wen my sis found me she said I looked dead and I do believe I was really close

I'm sorry this happened to you, I have some questions though. How did you ingest it? Do you think there was a problem with the purity or amount of the powder if you were still alive 3.5 hours later? Do you know if what you got was china white or pure f?
 
MaybeMaybeKnot

MaybeMaybeKnot

No ctrl-z when you ctb
Oct 25, 2019
342
603
The law on suicide DNRs in the US is still mostly gray, but it's extremely unlikely an EMT or ER doctor anywhere would honor it if there's even a hint of ctb (or even just the fact that you're younger than average). They're always more likely to get sued into the ground by your estate for wrongful death than by you for violating your living will. Not to mention, medical boards can revoke their licenses, cops can arrest them, etc. Non-suicidal people will always feel more sympathy for suicidal people who are already dead than for those of us who aren't.
In the US if you are unconscious, you automatically give healthcare providers “implied consent” for treatment. Also, a valid DNR has to be signed by a doctor is most places.
I did IV. It was pure Mexican produced fent. I used to be a heroin addict 11-13 years ago and had phlebotomy experience there. It’s possible I didn’t do enough to kill me faster, but I am a hardcore anomaly survivor according to doctors, usually one dies after an hour or two max, and narcan will not work. The fact that I have experience living with sleep apnea where my body and brain are used to shallow breathing as commonplace I think that helped me survive. But wen my sis found me she said I looked dead and I do believe I was really close
You survived IVing .3g of pure fentanyl and were revived using Narcan several hours later? That’s like a nightmare scenario for acute withdrawal symptoms.
 
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Lostbetweenworlds

Lostbetweenworlds

I'm coming home soon my darling..
Jan 9, 2020
25
74
Wow.. I am glad that you confirmed to me that opiates are the way to go.. I guess I will prioritize this method if I ever am ready to ctb, before I was struggling but this seems like the best way to go..., Painless and relatively cheap avaliblity with the right contacts, maybe their F was laced though, that could also be a factor that weighs in..
 
90sAesthetics

90sAesthetics

Pornhub-verified schizo. My head is a DialUp Oasis
Jan 8, 2020
38
63
sister got suspicious of my posts on FB and came to my house (usually never does) to find me still alive but looking dead after 3.5 hours of being unconcious. Despite DO NOT RESUSCITATE signs around the room, she called the ambulance, upon which I was fully resuscitated, 17 more hours in a coma in ICU, given Narcan IV drip for 30+ hours, hospitalized for 2.5 days in medical, then 8 in involuntary psychiatric hospital.
I am PISSED.
I took the advice of real addicts upon which they told me the amount I was doing (the very powder they provided) would kill a lot of people. Apparently I am an exception. The drug came from the cartel and I did field test and confirm it contained fent. I would estimate it was 1/3 of a gram.

I do not recommend this method if you are in a city, only if you are far away, in the desert or forest or something where you cannot be found.
However, it was the MOST PEACEFUL I have ever felt. I am certain it would be a very peaceful death. Now I am not afraid of death, knowing what it feels like to have a near death experience and knowing its way better than this.
I appreciate your knowledge of the experience. I found my ODs very peaceful as well.

However, a rule of thumb for EVERYONE here - unless you're actively attempting to seek help for yourself (which you should always do before coming to this site), stop posting edgy, cryptic depressing lyrics/phrases/quotes on your social media.
Such a 2008 method, and demonstrates an extremely cringe way of begging for attention.

If you need help from social media friends/followers, tell em upfront. If you're in a crisis, call a hotline or emergency number before doing anything.

If you're ready to CTB and nothing/nobody is going to change your mind, then for the love of Christ, don't give any hints away unless you're actively prepared and wanting, to be found and stopped.
 
Throwawaysoul

Throwawaysoul

Specialist
May 14, 2018
338
863
I appreciate your knowledge of the experience. I found my ODs very peaceful as well.

However, a rule of thumb for EVERYONE here - unless you're actively attempting to seek help for yourself (which you should always do before coming to this site), stop posting edgy, cryptic depressing lyrics/phrases/quotes on your social media.
Such a 2008 method, and demonstrates an extremely cringe way of begging for attention.

If you need help from social media friends/followers, tell em upfront. If you're in a crisis, call a hotline or emergency number before doing anything.

If you're ready to CTB and nothing/nobody is going to change your mind, then for the love of Christ, don't give any hints away unless you're actively prepared and wanting, to be found and stopped.
I feel like this needs to be it's own post and a sticky.

@ronigail9 I know you've been through a lot and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Forgive me for asking, what did you think would happen when you posted to social media?

.
 
Lostbetweenworlds

Lostbetweenworlds

I'm coming home soon my darling..
Jan 9, 2020
25
74
I appreciate your knowledge of the experience. I found my ODs very peaceful as well.

However, a rule of thumb for EVERYONE here - unless you're actively attempting to seek help for yourself (which you should always do before coming to this site), stop posting edgy, cryptic depressing lyrics/phrases/quotes on your social media.
Such a 2008 method, and demonstrates an extremely cringe way of begging for attention.

If you need help from social media friends/followers, tell em upfront. If you're in a crisis, call a hotline or emergency number before doing anything.

If you're ready to CTB and nothing/nobody is going to change your mind, then for the love of Christ, don't give any hints away unless you're actively prepared and wanting, to be found and stopped.
Yeah, I second that.. I am currently actively seeking help for the issues I am deal
I appreciate your knowledge of the experience. I found my ODs very peaceful as well.

However, a rule of thumb for EVERYONE here - unless you're actively attempting to seek help for yourself (which you should always do before coming to this site), stop posting edgy, cryptic depressing lyrics/phrases/quotes on your social media.
Such a 2008 method, and demonstrates an extremely cringe way of begging for attention.

If you need help from social media friends/followers, tell em upfront. If you're in a crisis, call a hotline or emergency number before doing anything.

If you're ready to CTB and nothing/nobody is going to change your mind, then for the love of Christ, don't give any hints away unless you're actively prepared and wanting, to be found and stopped.
I have to actually admit this too, since it seems like a great input that maybe helps people who are at my point... I initially registered here, because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, I found this site purely by googling around for methods.. seen it was a active community, lurked... And joined... And I have to admit here... No I didn't come here to seek my demise ultimately... I came here because this place is full of people who are stuck in the same hole.. this site offers a choice, I admit here I have suicide thoughts, and I am currently seeking help in my local enviorment... I told my mother to take away my keys to my room because I feel that it becomes less of a impulse and more as a thought that soothens me.. and right now.. my survival instinct is kicking in.. I know it sounds foolish and maybe you have people here who told themselves it's no use.. but if you feel that your survival instinct is trying to save you in any way.. then give in... Because when you have truly given up.. your survival instinct will fade and you are only left with your end.. that you have accepted by that point.. so people here who think they have given up.. you haven't until your survival instinct has ceased.. not while fighting death.. but by telling people around you what's going on.. I was cryptic at first.. but cryptic is not everyones thing.. I realized people lack so much empathy that people don't realize how bad one is doing.. what I hope to achieve by approaching them is to avoid this force that many people walk through while being institutionalized against their will.. I guess here in Germany it's also troubling to think of a career after that.. but I am honest here.. I don't want to die... If I have a choice to get out then i'll so it.. and so should everyone else here who didn't seek help before because of the stigma.. i gave up on stigma.. and can just pray to whatever.. that this is a way to heal.. because ctbing should absolutely be the last choice you make.. @90sAesthetics Thank you for pointing this out for me again.. I know now that I am not ready to ctb.. and that I can still fight..
 
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90sAesthetics

90sAesthetics

Pornhub-verified schizo. My head is a DialUp Oasis
Jan 8, 2020
38
63
Yeah, I second that.. I am currently actively seeking help for the issues I am deal

I have to actually admit this too, since it seems like a great input that maybe helps people who are at my point... I initially registered here, because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, I found this site purely by googling around for methods.. seen it was a active community, lurked... And joined... And I have to admit here... No I didn't come here to seek my demise ultimately... I came here because this place is full of people who are stuck in the same hole.. this site offers a choice, I admit here I have suicide thoughts, and I am currently seeking help in my local enviorment... I told my mother to take away my keys to my room because I feel that it becomes less of a impulse and more as a thought that soothens me.. and right now.. my survival instinct is kicking in.. I know it sounds foolish and maybe you have people here who told themselves it's no use.. but if you feel that your survival instinct is trying to save you in any way.. then give in... Because when you have truly given up.. your survival instinct will fade and you are only left with your end.. that you have accepted by that point.. so people here who think they have given up.. you haven't until your survival instinct has ceased.. not while fighting death.. but by telling people around you what's going on.. I was cryptic at first.. but cryptic is not everyones thing.. I realized people lack so much empathy that people don't realize how bad one is doing.. what I hope to achieve by approaching them is to avoid this force that many people walk through while being institutionalized against their will.. I guess here in Germany it's also troubling to think of a career after that.. but I am honest here.. I don't want to die... If I have a choice to get out then i'll so it.. and so should everyone else here who didn't seek help before because of the stigma.. i gave up on stigma.. and can just pray to whatever.. that this is a way to heal.. because ctbing should absolutely be the last choice you make.. @90sAesthetics Thank you for pointing this out for me again.. I know now that I am not ready to ctb.. and that I can still fight..
Very well-stated. Good to hear you have and are taking those measures to keep yourself going. Certainly, a lot of people (if not everyone) you know are glad you're still here and kicking. (everyone in this thread included!)

SI can be a blessing or a curse. It seems to happen juuuust as the lowest points bring us to wanting the eternal release. Or at the very least, an emotional/logical overload that can't stop screaming at one to stay alive, even in the face of genuinely impossible odds. It keeps some in check, and allows them to take a step back from death and embrace the good; and to others it's a huge hindrance to peace.

Dying is the final thing anyone ever does. Since life itself, billions of years ago, the final action that happens, is death. If we're able to deliver it to ourselves prematurely, I think it should only be employed in the event of a complete life catastrophe; if the only other option through life is complete and endless suffering, then it's only fair to have "emergency exits" on this grand "ride" we call life. But until then, we should hold on a little further if we can't find meaning today. Maybe tomorrow things can turn around!

Until such endless suffering brute-forces our hand, may we all be healthy, happy, and fulfilled in life!
 
Chronicillness

Chronicillness

Veteran
Jun 19, 2018
121
292
Opioids are very peaceful but can be overwhelmingly uncomfortable when used at OD doses IME. Iused to be addicted to black tar heroin several years ago (unironically the happiest time of my life). Opioids definitely beat SN though. I only OD'd one time on opioids, and it was when I used it in conjuction with clonazepam. Clonazepam was to help me get through the day without heroin, but being an addict, as long as there is a will, there is a way to get more heroin, and I ended up getting some heroin that same day and OD'd while sitting up in a chair. Woke up to being violently shaken by someone. It was embarrasing as fuck.
 
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F

fficiallyjawshh

Member
Sep 14, 2019
79
166
sister got suspicious of my posts on FB and came to my house (usually never does) to find me still alive but looking dead after 3.5 hours of being unconcious. Despite DO NOT RESUSCITATE signs around the room, she called the ambulance, upon which I was fully resuscitated, 17 more hours in a coma in ICU, given Narcan IV drip for 30+ hours, hospitalized for 2.5 days in medical, then 8 in involuntary psychiatric hospital.
I am PISSED.
I took the advice of real addicts upon which they told me the amount I was doing (the very powder they provided) would kill a lot of people. Apparently I am an exception. The drug came from the cartel and I did field test and confirm it contained fent. I would estimate it was 1/3 of a gram.

I do not recommend this method if you are in a city, only if you are far away, in the desert or forest or something where you cannot be found.
However, it was the MOST PEACEFUL I have ever felt. I am certain it would be a very peaceful death. Now I am not afraid of death, knowing what it feels like to have a near death experience and knowing its way better than this.
"it was the MOST PEACEFUL I have ever felt" is exactly why I want to use fentanyl as my method to ctb . This was very reassuring to read .