F*cked up too many times..

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wutsthepoint

wutsthepoint

Member
Aug 5, 2018
10
59
Anyone else feel like living with the knowledge of their crucial mistakes, is worse than ctb.. Ive tried for five months to be alone and work through the shit storm, but at this point im ready to put the Nitro tank to use and forget for good. Am I alone in this?
 
wutsthepoint

wutsthepoint

Member
Aug 5, 2018
10
59
I've made a lot of mistakes, I have been believing that I deserve to die, it makes the decision to ctb feel right.
me too friend. nother few weeks maybe ill see my sister and moms last birthdays then go. sad
 
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letmeseethedeath

letmeseethedeath

catching the bus
Aug 4, 2018
305
2,534
23
Anyone else feel like living with the knowledge of their crucial mistakes, is worse than ctb.. Ive tried for five months to be alone and work through the shit storm, but at this point im ready to put the Nitro tank to use and forget for good. Am I alone in this?
nope, you're not alone. im living this hell with all of you.. i hope this life ends for everybody soon
 
E

EternalSleep

Member
Jul 4, 2018
35
130
I have made a terrible mistake which led to me developing a horrible illness called bipolar disorder.

I can't wait to die so my memories of all my mistakes vanish.
 
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Vicepuma

Vicepuma

Member
Jul 16, 2018
19
78
Too many memories.

No matter how hard you try, they're always there to remind you what's wrong in your life. It's not fair, but life doesn't care. The world will still keep on going no matter how shitty you feel. That's just reality.

Life is a cruel joke, but it can also be a beautiful thing if everything goes right.
 
C

can'tdecide

Specialist
Jun 29, 2018
341
1,372
You're right man regret and shame is the worst feeling like after a night of hard drinking. Hopefully I make it through my current situation of physical problems
If I do I promised myself that I'm gonna be the biggest scumbag around. I spent my whole life being generous and kind just to get fucked in the end. People are animals and I want to be the biggest one just short of going to prison. Everyone is crooked and corrupt all the way up from the president down to nurses aids anyway.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,618
6,621
I did and unfortunately I still do bad things and I'm not proud of it. I harmed a lot of persons who will never be recovered and animals too. Some months ago before entering here I was the kind of person you would hate or could caused some of your problems.

I think this is what I deserve, honestly.
 
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Dead_Inside

Dead_Inside

Wizard
Jul 2, 2018
627
2,254
USA
You're right man regret and shame is the worst feeling like after a night of hard drinking. Hopefully I make it through my current situation of physical problems
If I do I promised myself that I'm gonna be the biggest scumbag around. I spent my whole life being generous and kind just to get fucked in the end. People are animals and I want to be the biggest one just short of going to prison. Everyone is crooked and corrupt all the way up from the president down to nurses aids anyway.
Oh I feel this.... I am so tired of being that one friend/person who will give you some money or listen to you when no one else will. But now that I am fucked up .... oh well now people just say -“you need help” and leave me alone or fight with me. But even right now if they have a problem they come tell me about it then disappear.
When do I get to be a fucking asshole too?
 
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C

can'tdecide

Specialist
Jun 29, 2018
341
1,372
Oh I feel this.... I am so tired of being that one friend/person who will give you some money or listen to you when no one else will. But now that I am fucked up .... oh well now people just say -“you need help” and leave me alone or fight with me. But even right now if they have a problem they come tell me about it then disappear.
When do I get to be a fucking asshole too?
I hate that shit. I have always been kind and helpful to people as ive always been the one to reach. Then when I need something it's like I'm a complete stranger. These are people that ive done a lot for and have left me at my worst times where I've been completely. Again as ive said before I could kill these people if it wasn't illegal or wouldn't care at all if they died and ugly violent death. Most people are animals and should be treated that way
The only supposed courtesy you see nowadays is from employees whose job depends on it.
 
Final Escape

Final Escape

Old and tired
Jul 8, 2018
2,639
9,320
42
What exactly happened? Or like a short version, main issues? Just curious is all.
 
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wutsthepoint

wutsthepoint

Member
Aug 5, 2018
10
59
What exactly happened? Or like a short version, main issues? Just curious is all.
welp i ruined an absolutely heaven sent marriage with the most beautiful girl on earth. she adored me for all my faults, till i pushed to far. now its all gone and never to come back, every single second of my life since has been worthless.
 
wutsthepoint

wutsthepoint

Member
Aug 5, 2018
10
59
Too many memories.

No matter how hard you try, they're always there to remind you what's wrong in your life. It's not fair, but life doesn't care. The world will still keep on going no matter how shitty you feel. That's just reality.

Life is a cruel joke, but it can also be a beautiful thing if everything goes right.
read your post, similar but im to blame. i hate myself like a jewish person hates hitler
 

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