[Discussion] Ever been gaslit by a "friend"?

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Thanatos

Thanatos

Outsider
Mar 23, 2018
57
105
It took me years to finally admit it but this person has made my life worse at every turn and I was already ready to die. Technically lost a friend today but I'm glad to be done with her shit. For those who don't know what gaslighting is I just pulled this off Google
"Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief."
 
not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,012
5,336
Always. it's much more common the past decade because it's so easy now for people to monitor/manipulate each other via technology. Most use of spyware is personal, and even that is not necessary if one is creative/nefarious with facebook, phone spoof, icloud, alexa, etc. People are just fucking nasty, technology has given them a tiny bit of power to manipulate others, and taken their souls in return.

I would post citation articles but not gonna depress myself like that right now.
If you ever get a funny little feeling that maybe people are fucking with your head, they probably are, but you are probably in a situation where talking about it will seem crazy so don't fight it. Lean into it. Play along. They fuck with your head, pretend not to notice and fuck back a little bit. But really, adopt a life of isolation, it's safer. Just extricate yourself.
The things family members have been caught doing to each other would make most of us ctb on the spot. I don't know how people recover. It's a creep-ass world now, Panopticon, eveybody watching everybody. I'm the most isolated person I know but walking to my bank and back I was recorded on 200 different security cameras. I'm at home smoking by my window, myself and my home thru the window are available on about forty security cameras, for anyone who cares enough to zoom in. Soon the skies will all be thick with armies of camera drones for amazon and god knows what other corporate overlords, for what purpose.
In the future every person has/is their own Twitch livesteam channel whether they want to be or not. Audiences of similar slaves will vote on their fates with likes and dislikes.
Charlie Brooker was so right.
 
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Morphinekiss

Morphinekiss

Look out your window and I'll be gone
Jun 8, 2019
344
818
Yep. My last irl friend (who doesn’t live across the country) constantly was gaslighting me. I knew it and kept forgiving her. When she finally told me that asking for mental health help was a sign to others that she was a bad friend I told her I was done with her shit.
 
WinterIsComing

WinterIsComing

Fragile...
May 27, 2019
158
330
Kojima Productions
It took me years to finally admit it but this person has made my life worse at every turn and I was already ready to die. Technically lost a friend today but I'm glad to be done with her shit. For those who don't know what gaslighting is I just pulled this off Google
"Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief."
Mmm i don't know if that exactly that, the who i talked did a lot of manipulation for 4 days in this June/July. Yesterday she sended 74 messages and 35 phone calls. They half truths, she said something my father never said or his uncle which i don't talk said something and used one of his exes that i only talked once to "give me some message"?.
I guess that was kind of gaslighting? because she loves trying to make others think your are a terrible person, people you know or not.
Also said she wanted to hit me a long time ago but she holded back, and brought things of the past that now she is upset bad wasn't at the time.

She did not wanted to discuss the issue which was that i did not went to see a movie with her ¿? whatever you told her she would counter argument and shifting the attention to other irrelevant things.

And i don't like blocking but in this case.......

*She did the same to one of her exes.

As my therapist said: you could be in a bad situation, but you don't have to deal with that. Put the limit.
 
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Thanatos

Thanatos

Outsider
Mar 23, 2018
57
105
Mmm i don't know if that exactly that, the who i talked did a lot of manipulation for 4 days in this June/July. Yesterday she sended 74 messages and 35 phone calls. They half truths, she said something my father never said or his uncle which i don't talk said something and used one of his exes that i only talked once to "give me some message"?.
I guess that was kind of gaslighting? because she loves trying to make others think your are a terrible person, people you know or not.
Also said she wanted to hit me a long time ago but she holded back, and brought things of the past that now she is upset bad wasn't at the time.

She did not wanted to discuss the issue which was that i did not went to see a movie with her ¿? whatever you told her she would counter argument and shifting the attention to other irrelevant things.

And i don't like blocking but in this case.......

*She did the same to one of her exes.

As my therapist said: you could be in a bad situation, but you don't have to deal with that. Put the limit.
Only you can decide when enough is enough it's possible this person is manipulating you but I'm not gonna tell you to cut someone off if you think there still may be a friendship worth salvaging

Edit: if they're making your life worse , talk to them about your concern, if they turn it on you and are super angry suddenly drop them. IMO
 
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ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Wise
Mar 25, 2019
280
758
Hell
I've been gaslit by my parents a million times.
The worst part is if it's a friend who is psychologically abusing you, it's acceptable to cut them off, and most people will tell you that this friend is an unhealthy influence. But if you try to cut off your parents for doing the same exact thing, most people will completely ignore your deteriorating mental health and say bullshit like, "But they are your parents and they raised you!!!!"
 
L

LMFAO FOCKERS

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May 26, 2019
162
460
I've been gaslit by my parents a million times.
The worst part is if it's a friend who is psychologically abusing you, it's acceptable to cut them off, and most people will tell you that this friend is an unhealthy influence. But if you try to cut off your parents for doing the same exact thing, most people will completely ignore your deteriorating mental health and say bullshit like, "But they are your parents and they raised you!!!!"
Not sure who you are listening to but they are likely employing a different system of values in their assessments. Any normal person, including a professional therapist will tell you that it is healthy to establish boundaries even cut off your parents in order to protect your sanity.

I have done that to my parents. I have also tried to crack the door open for reconciliation and I've accepted it's just not possible. I'm proud of myself for doing that. And have been happier in much of my life because of it.
 
ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Wise
Mar 25, 2019
280
758
Hell
Not sure who you are listening to but they are likely employing a different system of values in their assessments. Any normal person, including a professional therapist will tell you that it is healthy to establish boundaries even cut off your parents in order to protect your sanity.

I have done that to my parents. I have also tried to crack the door open for reconciliation and I've accepted it's just not possible. I'm proud of myself for doing that. And have been happier in much of my life because of it.
I actually had a therapist suggest that I reconnect with my parents.
I'm Asian American, and that therapist was a native Chinese. In Chinese culture, parents are always right, and it's the duty of children to always respect their parents because of their "life wisdom."
Also, most of my IRL friends are native Chinese or Chinese American. So that might explain their mindset.
 
Soul

Soul

vroom vroom
Apr 12, 2019
1,492
3,419
I've been gaslit by my parents a million times.
The worst part is if it's a friend who is psychologically abusing you, it's acceptable to cut them off, and most people will tell you that this friend is an unhealthy influence. But if you try to cut off your parents for doing the same exact thing, most people will completely ignore your deteriorating mental health and say bullshit like, "But they are your parents and they raised you!!!!"
The people who say that are too invested in toxic, dysfunctional family set-ups to see *anything* clearly. Steer very clear of them.
 
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Loli

Loli

highly flammable
May 25, 2019
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Yeah, I was gaslighted by my friend when we started to date. Though I'm naive enough to believe he didn't do it on purpose and just chose to stay in his "it's complicated" comfort zone. I should get rid of this ridiculous faith in humanity
 
L

LMFAO FOCKERS

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May 26, 2019
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I actually had a therapist suggest that I reconnect with my parents.
I'm Asian American, and that therapist was a native Chinese. In Chinese culture, parents are always right, and it's the duty of children to always respect their parents because of their "life wisdom."
Okay. Totally understand Chinese culture. That said you have the choice whether to break tradition or not. You also have the ability to choose a different psychiatrist. Psychiatrists often utilize (even manipulate clients with) personal values to "advise" clients even though they are not suppose to. I don't want to suggest he is a "bad person" but you inevitably have the choice to abide by these cultural norms.

Actually psychiatrists are not supposed to tell you what to do. They are supposed to use tactics to allow you to come to the correct conclusion for yourself.

In the end its up to you. If a choice does not resonate with your values, spirit guide, mental thought process or whatever you employ then it is not right for you. Remember decisions can also change. It may be the right thing for you now then you can change your mind once you are in a healthier position in 1 year, heck even 5 years. Its up to you!
 
ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Wise
Mar 25, 2019
280
758
Hell
Okay. Totally understand Chinese culture. That said you have the choice whether to break tradition or not. You also have the ability to choose a different psychiatrist. Psychiatrists often utilize (even manipulate clients with) personal values to "advise" clients even though they are not suppose to. I don't want to suggest he is a "bad person" but you inevitably have the choice to abide by these cultural norms.

Actually psychiatrists are not supposed to tell you what to do. They are supposed to use tactics to allow you to come to the correct conclusion for yourself.

In the end its up to you. If a choice does not resonate with your values, spirit guide, mental thought process or whatever you employ then it is not right for you. Remember decisions can also change. It may be the right thing for you now then you can change your mind once you are in a healthier position in 1 year, heck even 5 years. Its up to you!
oh I broke tradition. I cut off my parents and haven't spoken to them in years. In the eyes of my family and some of my friends, I'm an "ungrateful" person who is unable to appreciate the fact that my mom raised me, but I don't give a shit.
I also stopped all forms of therapy and mental health treatment. None of it really works for me, so I've learned to be "ok" with being depressed.
 
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L

LMFAO FOCKERS

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May 26, 2019
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oh I broke tradition. I cut off my parents and haven't spoken to them in years. In the eyes of my family and some of my friends, I'm an "ungrateful" person who is unable to appreciate the fact that my mom raised me, but I don't give a shit.
Good for you! You also have the ability to choose your friends. New York is a big beautiful delicious playground to find your tribe.
 
ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Wise
Mar 25, 2019
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758
Hell
Good for you! You also have the ability to choose your friends. New York is a big beautiful delicious playground to find your tribe.
Not really....most of the people I come across are pro-lifers who are uncomfortable talking about anything related to depression or suicide.
my IRL friends were mostly friends from college. But I blocked all of them.
Nowadays, the only people I talk to IRL besides my boyfriend are my coworkers at the law firm I work at. But it's a competitive environment, and I feel like I can't really trust any of them.
So the only real friends I have are people from this suicide forum.
 
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LMFAO FOCKERS

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May 26, 2019
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Not really....most of the people I come across are pro-lifers who are uncomfortable talking about anything related to depression or suicide.
my IRL friends were mostly friends from college. But I blocked all of them.
Nowadays, the only people I talk to IRL besides my boyfriend are my coworkers at the law firm I work at. But it's a competitive environment, and I feel like I can't really trust any of them.
So the only real friends I have are people from this suicide forum.
I only said that b/c I am very familiar with NY. I don't live there now but I know if I wanted to go there I can find my tribe (after some time). It takes time to find genuine friends who think for themselves instead of spewing societal views. I have a few friends (some who are not / have never been suicidal) that allow me to express my thoughts and have a general understanding of me enough to accept my experience in life.

Just remember people's response to you says nothing about you, its about them / their experience of you and how you make them feel. Some people can't tolerate a different mindset just because it makes them question their own ideals and their life. Thats a very difficult thing for someone to do who has already preprogrammed himself to accept whatever value system he/she is currently operating under.

Most don't do deep enough thinking to come to really independent decisions. However these people do exist, you just haven't encountered them yet. Keep an open mind. (not suggesting you don't have an open mind, just trying to reassure you that they are out there.)
 
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WinterIsComing

WinterIsComing

Fragile...
May 27, 2019
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Only you can decide when enough is enough it's possible this person is manipulating you but I'm not gonna tell you to cut someone off if you think there still may be a friendship worth salvaging

Edit: if they're making your life worse , talk to them about your concern, if they turn it on you and are super angry suddenly drop them. IMO
I saw one of those manipulation videos, she did almost everything and they suggested doing a list of pro and conseguir of the relationship. The only pro I wrote was: attention.
...
At first everything was good but I heard by friends stupid things she hided. Like saying to her uncle that my bf and I were going out with her when in reality she was seeing a guy alone. She slept with her best friend's bf and then told that the guy cheated with her friend with someone else.
She confesed at the end that she wanted to physically hurt me but she contained.
Then at the end she gave the fault to depressed people that they were the worst she knew and that the friendship was the worst since the start.

Like no accountability at all.

*sorry for keep talking about it...is just she changed or hided too well.
 
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Codieb1

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Jun 18, 2019
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I've been nonstop gaslit by my abusive partner for 3 years straight and it's awful. She's the one with a drinking problem, while I'm constantly trying to avoid fights and fix problems she causes
 
Thanatos

Thanatos

Outsider
Mar 23, 2018
57
105
I've been nonstop gaslit by my abusive partner for 3 years straight and it's awful. She's the one with a drinking problem, while I'm constantly trying to avoid fights and fix problems she causes
May I ask what keeps you with her?
 
I

Invisible 73

Member
Jun 22, 2019
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My ex/daughters father is a narcissist. They're famous for gaslighting. He and his wife's behavior is why my depression led to being suicidal. They put my daughter and I thru he'll from the time she was 2 till they finally won custody. And then they fully alienated her from me and my entire family.

She's just turned 18. I reached out and she hates me. Has been brainwashed to believe nothing but lies about what I was as her mother/our life together was.

I'll never have my baby back and I cant stand the thought, the continued ache of living this life anymore without her.
 
Going Home

Going Home

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Sep 21, 2018
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SHITORIAVILLE
Gaslit by “family” and “concerned” people. They go back and forth isolating me, silencing me. They would keep the ground moving under me if they could just to keep me off balance. My true couple of friends would Never gaslight me.

People think they can insult, degrade and humiliate me but when I speak on it trying to maintain some dignity they claim I hurt them and disregard their disgusting comments.
 
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Alchemist

Alchemist

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Apr 3, 2019
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oh I broke tradition. I cut off my parents and haven't spoken to them in years. In the eyes of my family and some of my friends, I'm an "ungrateful" person who is unable to appreciate the fact that my mom raised me, but I don't give a shit.
I also stopped all forms of therapy and mental health treatment. None of it really works for me, so I've learned to be "ok" with being depressed.
Chinese and Mexicans are pretty similar. You are supposed to worship the ass of whoever bred you no matter how shitty they are and put up with their bullshit no matter what because family.
 

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