- Feb 13, 2020
I'm only alive right now due to 'luck.' I can't stand being alive and havent since I was young yet I have the fear of death that overwhelms me. I hate life and fantise about killing myself everyday. When I have tried to kill myself in the past my SI has kicked in and I've survived. I hate the face part of my brain is too scared to die yet the rest of my brain wants to die and hates life. I'm stuck in limbo and don't want to live yet that small part of my brain that tells me I'm scared of death always kicks in, I hate life. I don't understand life or the point of it. I don't want to continue getting older and suffering even more pain, just to die in pain myself. I can't understand the point of life no matter how many people try to explain it to me. For me all I see is: we live. we suffer, we die. Honestly what is the point in any of the suffering when we're going to die anyway?