Emotional Abuse/Gas Lighting

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Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

self destruct activated
Jul 10, 2019
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If I go into this further Ill do it further into this on another post in this thread, but I want to hear from people who have experience emotional abuse, or even given it as a way to get what they want from a relationship, I am in a fucking hard place right now and was starting to think I am emotionally abusing my husband, but have recently been told about gas lighting and too look into that.
There must be people here who understand it, I have many a reason why my life is no longer worth living, and this is just a very small part of that....!!
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

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Aug 19, 2019
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It is my new-found belief that emotional abuse happens only if you allow it. People tried to gas-light me a lot, but I trust my memory and my mind. I was given the silent treatment, I didn't take it seriously most of the time. So on and so forth.

That being said, don't abuse your husband. Why do you think you are doing that?
 
Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

self destruct activated
Jul 10, 2019
443
757
F**k Knows
It is my new-found belief that emotional abuse happens only if you allow it. People tried to gas-light me a lot, but I trust my memory and my mind. I was given the silent treatment, I didn't take it seriously most of the time. So on and so forth.

That being said, don't abuse your husband. Why do you think you are doing that?
My story is long and complicated I could break it down, but I don't want to be seen seeking attention or wish to be seen as something trying to play a victum when i have fucked up royally, I know this forum doesn't give bullshit advice and support hence asking this here,
BUT if I need to break down shit then I so will in bullet points as short as poss whilst giving as much info as I can!
 
woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
1,873
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Very small trap
My story is long and complicated I could break it down, but I don't want to be seen seeking attention or wish to be seen as something trying to play a victum when i have fucked up royally, I know this forum doesn't give bullshit advice and support hence asking this here,
BUT if I need to break down shit then I so will in bullet points as short as poss whilst giving as much info as I can!
Go for it, then.
 
thrw_a_way1221221

thrw_a_way1221221

Angel of Choice
Aug 30, 2018
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I've experienced it plenty, on short and long term, as well as large and small scale. I would say most people I come in contact with, they dismiss my grievances and/or talk down/patronize me (treat me like a child/lecture me/tough love) and I fucking hate it. I've gotten so tired and sick of people not taking my claims seriously, doubting me, downplaying me that I simply just never talk about it anymore. It is just a waste of time and energy to be dismissed and at best, given banal advice, and going absolutely no where. Also, therapists and counseling is even worse, a joke rather, because it's just the same shit with the added possibility of being locked up (for expressing danger to self or others or saying something that they would deem dangerous - sometimes it's like they are waiting for me to say the magic phrases or admit to suicidality/danger so they can just lock me up and play hero, fuck them, I won't give them chance to do that) and the waste of money spent doing that.

For me, I'm just living life on my own terms, enjoying copes whenever and if I had enough fight in me to see that voluntary euthanasia is legalized someday if I live long enough to see that day a reality. In short, I've given up on most people, they're just NPC's in a video game to me at this point. This forum is in a sense like my only society, safe haven away from gaslighting/emotionally abusive people in this sick world.
 
Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

self destruct activated
Jul 10, 2019
443
757
F**k Knows
I am currently writing a blog post which will explain more Ill link that when done but for now:

- 2007 I met my husband, we fell in love or so I thought
-due to be married June 2008, just days before the wedding I found him heavily flirting with another women, including online sex, he gave me bullshit reasons, I forgave and we married
-2009 pregnant with our first child, email from a women stating he had been mailing her and flirting heavily, I questioned, forgave we moved on
repeat this over and over, the flirting not the pregnancy!! When times got hard he turned to women for comfort, he finally admitted this to me
- 2013, he turned to an X and informed her that if he had had his way hewould hvae married her as she was his idea of a perfect women
-flirting continues, It hurts but I love this doofus and turn a blind eye to it all
- Dec 2018, a so called mate of his and god parent to one of our children (by now 4 of them)forces me into a very uncomfortable situation which turns to rape, I freak out, try and pretend it never happened.
-Until it happened again, I got mental at the bloke, and he leaves me alone, it never happened again
-around this time I find my husband talking to women again, joining FB dating groups etc, he claims he was just looking for friends, I stupidlly turned to a different bloke asking for advice,saying why would men do this, help!
-bloke I turned to was in my eyes a friend, gave advice, helped out and supported, we met for a coffee
-Big mistake, said bloke had alterier motives but at time my mindset was navie and I saw no harm in shit, until he put me in a uncomfortable place, I wanked him off to put it bluntly in the hope I wasn't forced further.
- i wasn't, but by then my husband was searching my phone, accused me of having an affair etc all bullshit, but he wouldn't listen
- I had a massive breakdown, thing's have been downhill since then, I am struggling daily, my past catching up with me, this, the rapes, the feeling my husband doesn't want me
- He has still turned to women for support, but he doesn't know I know
-he has threatned me recently
-he ignores emails from men offering advice but answers all wome
-when I was on a bridge about to end it, he mailed women, but ignored the men, men who offered to be in person with him to help him, but he claimed to women he had no one

Fast forward to now, today, i am struggling, don't see the point of moving forward in life, he clearly wants a women who isn't me, I self harm often, I am fighting to keep my children, I hate my past, I hate myself, and so forth
There is more but I don't wish to say for privacy reasons, he claims I make him out to feel like just a friend not a husband....I struggle as we need to put our children first so they don't land in the system, i don't feel loved because if he loved me why has he always sought comfort from other women, he states its because of how I am that's why he does it, but it's only this year the shit has fallen, it doesn't ever explain him saying to another women she was his perfect women, when his excuse of he was trying to make her feel good doesn't wash or am I wrong

Apparently me threatening to kill myself is emotional abuse, apparently me stating I have had enough is emotional abuse, hence asking the question of what actually is it from the point of view from someone who may have experienced it?

Yes I am not the nicest person in the world, I scream, I flip easily, I can be volatile, I struggle understanding normal to non normal, reality means nothing right now, I am lost, and scared I am fucking up my husband, my children and I jsut cant see it

All I know is I am done with this shit and can't take much more!!!
 
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Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

self destruct activated
Jul 10, 2019
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How is the health care system where you are? Do you have any support system?
since my last CTB attempt I have been seen by the mental health team just twice.. the last attempt was 14th Oct!! they don't give a shit in the UK!
 
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wendydong1

Specialist
Jul 31, 2019
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I think you are the one being gas lighted by your husband.

But it's a toxic relationship. You and your husband. You need to be away from him a bit, you and your children need to be away from this unhealthy environment.
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

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Aug 19, 2019
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Very small trap
since my last CTB attempt I have been seen by the mental health team just twice.. the last attempt was 14th Oct!! they don't give a shit in the UK!
Argh, fuck this! It's really a shambles. But anybody who is actually helpful, and I mean beyond calling your husband an asshole and giving you corny girl power pep talk?
 
Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

self destruct activated
Jul 10, 2019
443
757
F**k Knows
I think you are the one being gas lighted by your husband.

But it's a toxic relationship. You and your husband. You need to be away from him a bit, you and your children need to be away from this unhealthy environment.
If I leave I have to leave the children with him, he is deemed as safe I am not
 
woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
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Very small trap
If I be completely honest, parties to a 'toxic' relationship don't become an entirely different person magically and partner with an entirely different kind of person. It is useless to repeat that line.
Question is, what do you want? Do you want to be with him? Do you want your kids to grow with both parents? Apart from the STD risks in cheating, there is nothing he can do to you by acting mean. You have the choice not to take it seriously, treat him like a drunk person or a kid whenever he acts abusive.
 
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wendydong1

Specialist
Jul 31, 2019
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543
I disagree somewhat. If you are in a negative environment day in and day out, it gets to us. You can say don't take it too seriously, but just like telling other people to "move on", it's hard to do
 
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noaccount

Member
Oct 26, 2019
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He should never have agreed to be in this relationship if he was planning to act like this, it was beyond horribly irresponsible of him, don't listen to anyone telling you to ignore abuse they're doing his work for him, also it's not at all your fault that his friends are predators, I'm just going to leave this here
 

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