[Venting] Does it ever just hit you all at once that you're a pathetic fucking loser?

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squee

squee

trash
Apr 26, 2018
2
19
22 no friends, no high school, no car, no s/o, I live with my mom and work in a fast food restaurant for $9/hr. The only thing keeping me alive are my constant fantasies about a future life where I'm a happy, successful artist with lots of friends... and then I snap out of it and I just can't fucking handle the reality of where I am. I start freaking out and crying and having a fit.

It's so fucking hard. Today I was researching how to get my GED so that I can try to go to college but I learned that there isn't a testing center in my city, the closest one is in the next county. I don't have a car and my mom wouldn't drive me. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I'm tired of getting advice from pieces of shit who've never had to dig themselves out of a hole. I'm tired of the entire fucking world.
 
Lion

Lion

Zzz
Apr 18, 2018
65
97
I wouldn't even bother if you plan on ending the suffering but does your county have uber?
 
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M

Machonne

Member
Apr 25, 2018
78
112
That's what I was thinking...Uber or Lyft. Your mom won't drive you? I am amazed at that. That would change your life. You are still young enough to make it happen. Get motivated and figure it out. I wish I could go back to that point and change some things.
 
FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
378
1,033
It's sad that you don't have the GED. From how you write, you seem pretty smart to me. In either case, I definitely know college graduates who can't string together a sentence.

Uber seems expensive for such a long trip. Are there any buses in your area? Know anyone who would be willing to drive you? I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do but troubleshoot. It's too bad there aren't any charities I know of that could help.

Where are you?
 
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FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
378
1,033
Oh, in addition to my Captain Obvious advice, I also wanted to say that I empathize with you. I'm living with my parents too and feel like a loser. It's very demoralizing. I would definitely lose the contest if we competed in an Oppression Olympics, but I know how it feels to think you're a shitstain.
 
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oxymoron

oxymoron

-
Jul 19, 2019
439
595
Ya. All the time. Hits me like a 10 ton brick.
 
Mort

Mort

No use to know one
Feb 15, 2019
600
1,078
22 no friends, no high school, no car, no s/o, I live with my mom and work in a fast food restaurant for $9/hr. The only thing keeping me alive are my constant fantasies about a future life where I'm a happy, successful artist with lots of friends... and then I snap out of it and I just can't fucking handle the reality of where I am. I start freaking out and crying and having a fit.

It's so fucking hard. Today I was researching how to get my GED so that I can try to go to college but I learned that there isn't a testing center in my city, the closest one is in the next county. I don't have a car and my mom wouldn't drive me. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I'm tired of getting advice from pieces of shit who've never had to dig themselves out of a hole. I'm tired of the entire fucking world.
After 45 years of life got no job cant drive local buses are a joke and back living with my parents. Life seem joke to i put in a lot of hard work and life still turn to shit to top it all i have arthritis in most of my joints. So being on my feet all day is impossible but try to tell them at my local job centre they just want you back in work as soon as possible. They way things are falling apart in my body dont think got long left well i hope any ways.
 
V

Vegrau

Wizard
Nov 27, 2018
668
1,752
Everything are worthless at its core. Trying to assign meanings and reasons to it will only beget misery. There's no correct way to live. There's no wrong way to live. People live life the way they can according to their own limitations. According to causality. Worthless and worthy are just words. Its us who gave it meaning. Its us who choose to bind ourselves with it. Why let such thing define our existence? Why live for the view of others?
 
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thrw_a_way1221221

thrw_a_way1221221

Angel of Choice - on borrowed time.
Aug 30, 2018
4,811
15,075
Yeah my life isn't great either. I'm 28, soon to be 29 years of age and while I have a car, a college education, I'm not financially well off nor am I socially successful either. My living situation will change soon as the place I am renting from will no longer allow me to rent there anymore (the landlady gave me a long notice so I am not unprepared) so I need to find a new place to rent from. The city that I'm from the rent is expensive so even with my current job, I won't be able to afford rent alone so I would need to relocate. My life sucks as well, just in different aspects and I'm just passively wanting to CTB at this moment. However that may soon change depending on how things play out in the coming months.

So for me, it is a matter of whether I am able to live comfortably, not go homeless, and pursue my goals. Failing that, it would be really difficult for me to justify continuing life.
 
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Ladylethal

Ladylethal

-
Jun 16, 2019
92
264
My mom isn't supportive either. I completely understand. Every hole I had to dig myself out of I did it alone. Now I'm in the deepest hole I've ever been in and I don't have a shovel...
 
TheFinalCountdown

TheFinalCountdown

Veteran
Mar 25, 2019
136
425
Yeah, I'm such a loser I can't even believe it. Realising that I will never be successful in any meaningful way was what cemented my decision to CBT
 
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Darkhaven

Darkhaven

Scheduled for Deletion
May 19, 2019
935
2,355
Oh that's been my constant mind state for the whole past year...
 
Theon

Theon

Wise
Jun 20, 2019
243
345
I was a "winner" had a great career, money, tons of friends, good looks and body...and meth took it all away from me. Now I'm a pathetic loser with no friends, a career hanging by a thread, money running out, brought my mom out to live with me nine months ago so she could take care of me. I never would've thunk.
 
HGL91

HGL91

Elementalist
Jul 2, 2019
721
1,736
I was a "winner" had a great career, money, tons of friends, good looks and body...and meth took it all away from me. Now I'm a pathetic loser with no friends, a career hanging by a thread, money running out, brought my mom out to live with me nine months ago so she could take care of me. I never would've thunk.
Yup. I didn’t do meth but I had all that too until a few months ago. Doesn’t matter how good you have it one minute, everything can be taken away.

Best to CTB when you have enough resources, mental clarity, and health, because life eventually steals all ones’ freedom, whether sooner or later.
We only have the present moment, and eventually the future becomes the present and we have to deal with it.

For example, what does it matter to an old person, who’s bedridden in a nursing home, that they had a great life? All of that is over and now they’re in a bed, in pain, and forgetting everything. I’ve seen this and it really devalued the goal of a long life for me.
 
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Theon

Theon

Wise
Jun 20, 2019
243
345
I guess if you're old and had a great life, you'll probably have friends, family there with you and you're not dying alone.
 
S

stoney126

Member
Jul 18, 2019
24
63
I guess if you're old and had a great life, you'll probably have friends, family there with you and you're not dying alone.
Everyone dies alone Alfie. Some people just have their brain decay to the point where they don't realize it, but no one goes with you.
 
Theon

Theon

Wise
Jun 20, 2019
243
345
True. But more comforting if you're surrounded by people you love and not alone in a dirty cramped apartment
 
S

stoney126

Member
Jul 18, 2019
24
63
That's also true, but people die in dirty cramped apartments by their own choice. Hospitals are not free, neither are assisted living facilities. If you don't want to die in your apartment, working (or even begging) for enough money to afford a taxi ride to a nearby park or forest shouldn't be a huge issue.

IMO, if you aren't willing to work 8 hours to fund your decision, you probably need to do more thinking about your decision. There are exceptions of course however.
 
HGL91

HGL91

Elementalist
Jul 2, 2019
721
1,736
I guess if you're old and had a great life, you'll probably have friends, family there with you and you're not dying alone.
Yeah, my family and I gave good care to my grandmother and kept her at home. I still don’t envy that though. I guess having people around during death at old age is good enough for some though. :)
 
Eagle Elle

Eagle Elle

Member
Jun 18, 2019
5
10
Yes, it hits me every day. I have no friends, not doing well financially and I have no SO. She dumped me and told me I was a mistake-which affirms my thoughts about myself. I am a loser. I am 53 and I am not willing to go make new friends. It's tedious and they probably won't like me anyway. So I think about CBT daily. I've decided on a tentative date and I just have to get everything in order. I can't wait for the peace of it.
 
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HGL91

HGL91

Elementalist
Jul 2, 2019
721
1,736
Yes, it hits me every day. I have no friends, not doing well financially and I have no SO. She dumped me and told me I was a mistake-which affirms my thoughts about myself. I am a loser. I am 53 and I am not willing to go make new friends. It's tedious and they probably won't like me anyway. So I think about CBT daily. I've decided on a tentative date and I just have to get everything in order. I can't wait for the peace of it.
How long were you with your SO? Break ups are so traumatic, especially when you lived with the person. The whole process of separating stuff, living arrangement, and one person wanting to break up when the other doesn’t, and coping with the loss. Sucks so much. I went through that a few months ago :/
 
Xaphous

Xaphous

hikikomori
Nov 11, 2018
555
1,734
Utterly lost and have nothing in life except a roof over my head which I don't even own and no social life so yes for sure. Tired of existing only and not living.
 
Seven

Seven

Rebirth
Jul 9, 2019
33
104
I'm a pretty big loser, 24 no job, etc. I just use hobbies to fill the void same with self improvement. I used to be much worse, drug addict alchoholic, would spend hours chatting on people online each day. I'm clean but I have nothing to cope with so I just draw my life away. Thankfully at worst I got a year left or a few months. I cant wait to die, it will be so peaceful and nice. No more pain, I can finally be free
 
J

JoeFailure

Arcanist
Apr 29, 2019
549
1,400
I'm a pretty big loser, 24 no job, etc. I just use hobbies to fill the void same with self improvement. I used to be much worse, drug addict alchoholic, would spend hours chatting on people online each day. I'm clean but I have nothing to cope with so I just draw my life away. Thankfully at worst I got a year left or a few months. I cant wait to die, it will be so peaceful and nice. No more pain, I can finally be free
You're only 24. You have plenty of time to turn it around if you want to.
 
mathieu

mathieu

Visionary
Jun 5, 2019
902
1,548
Yeah, it does hit me all of a sudden that I'm a loser. 28, no friends, single, live alone in a terrible city, none of my family have time for me, no high school either, too anxious to work or volunteer.

About your situation, could you catch a bus or train to where the test is? save up and uber? save for a car? (don't know how realistic that is)
 
not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,135
6,535
I guess if you're old and had a great life, you'll probably have friends, family there with you and you're not dying alone.
lol.