Does being a good person make you happy?

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".

_Minsk

_Minsk

Behind every Doomer Was once a happy person
Dec 9, 2019
351
1,507
Ger
t.me
i've heard it many times and i think going full on being heart centered might actually really help, im not much into things like karma but i could imagine becoming a truly good person might change life at leas a little. what are your thoughts?
 
GoBack

GoBack

Illuminated
Apr 25, 2020
1,011
1,142
Well yeah it’s better, won’t solve all your problems but it’s better.
Sorry that bit vague but life is better if you’re good to yourself and other people. Karma is a bitch after all

You have to remember to protect yourself though
 
Last edited:
F

FusRohDracarys

But what do I know
Mar 31, 2020
200
318
Having seen it through a friend's life, I'm inclined to say no, at least not in itself. A lifetime of being taken advantage of and never being able to get ahead left her depressed and disillusioned with life. I think it takes a very patient, very humble person to be content with simply doing the right thing and being good, regardless of the impact of their efforts. It's the mentality of "I did my best and that's good enough." For someone more results driven, I don't think it would make them happier. Just my two cents.
 
Last edited:
4eyebiped

4eyebiped

Veteran
Dec 28, 2019
135
423
45
USA
Test it and find out if it makes you happy. Whether it makes us happy is irrelevant. I know being good to another person often makes their life better so I don't see any harm in giving this a trial run!

But, don't be gullible or allow yourself to be used. Being too nice can have its downsides as well... One must find balance!
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Ain't it all just ridiculous?
Jan 11, 2020
4,035
8,253
Depends on what you consider to be a good person. For me, I try to be ethical and considerate of others, to not make everything about me, but neither to take on and own their stuff. The older I get, it's more about my character, and it's more about my posture than my heart. It makes my heart feel good when my character is good and when its efforts are rewarded or appreciated. And when they're not, I remain upright in spite of whatever is thrown at me, and feel good about that even if the throwing feels bad.

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus said the purpose of virtue is for life to flow more smoothly. The Five Precepts of Buddhism are a gift to others so that they are safer. In both cases, it's about reciprocity, sharing the space of life with others, and respect for boundaries. In fact, one contemporary Buddhist source I read said that the precepts are about social order and natural law, and noted that most people who are rightly convicted are punished for having broken precepts -- murder, lying, stealing, sexual misconduct, and intoxication that lowers one's inhibitions against breaking precepts, which also hurts the self.

If someone is not reciprocal with me and does not respect my boundaries, I do my my best to maintain ethics and consideration anyway. It keeps me out of trouble. As far as being "good," I try to rise above feeling offended and wish for their well-being, happiness, and equanimity, because I believe that when someone has those things, they don't need to harm others. It is indeed an act of my heart, but it also strengthens my character. Sometimes I do get offended, sometimes I do react, and sometimes in life I act in error, but in my efforts to be a person of good character, I don't beat myself up. I don't condemn myself to a prison. Instead, I do my best to recognize when I've been in error, learn from it, be more conscientious, and do better moving forward. I think the world would be a better place if everyone tried that, rather than condemning themselves and giving up. We all make errors, both big and small. It is part of life. What we do after our errors is often a reflection of our character. So I try to have good character, and sometimes gently laugh at myself when I do not. Because, really, life and humans are all ridiculous.

And, yes, all of this brings me some happiness when life is otherwise shit. And if not happiness, then equanimity, so I can then better manage the storms. It brings me some sense of well-being in the midst of and in spite of hell.
 
Last edited:
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
2,403
9,152
33
UK
I'm always trying to do the right thing. Doesn't mean I'm always right and it certainly isn't going to win me any popularity awards so I guess what I think of me is more important and I fucking hate me
 
Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
3,868
8,012
In my experience being generous makes people happy. There have been studies that bear this out as well. Maybe that's a good place to start if full-on goodness seems too indistinct or too risky.
 
SoftAndSad

SoftAndSad

Aspiring happy person
Jun 3, 2020
7
26
Cosmopolitan
I try to be a good person initially to all people but if they take advantage of me I cut them out. It's challenging at work since once some people get used to your helpfulness they don't put much thought into their continually increasing demands, and when you finally say no it can create rifts.
My darker thoughts tell me that these people do it in a very calculated way since they see free labour to exploit.

My goal is to be helpful but not a pushover. I believe you can be a good person that is helpful but it's hard to keep boundaries without seeming rude I've found... Maybe my social skills are just not good enough.
 
Pryras

Pryras

...last resort
Feb 11, 2020
381
994
23
Canada
No, it caused more harm than happiness. I essentially made everyone comfortable and happy at my own expense and if i put myself first i wouldn't have a lot of problems that i do now.
 
trouble

trouble

Member
Jan 5, 2020
37
87
Well, for me it's better actually. I just like making people feel better or happy, I check up on my friends, I crack jokes to make others laugh. Seeing them happy makes me happy. But another reason why I do it is so that I don't feel utterly useless.
I haven't really been hurt before and I'm actually really softhearted so if anyone ever did that..I think I would change my mind real quick haha
 
cryptic__egg

cryptic__egg

Wise
May 9, 2020
298
2,859
Not at all tbh. If being good makes you happy it's because you've built up a moral system which makes you feel good about doing certain things. Good is just subjective anyway.
 
lostangel

lostangel

Master
Mar 22, 2019
483
1,004
Ireland
Well, it depends. It kind of dies for a brief period of time but I do like when other people see me do good and give me attention. As bad as that sounds it's nice to receive affection.

But I try to be the person I want other people to be eg a nice person who doesn't screw people over. But it's pointless because it doesn't make a difference.
 
  • Love
Reactions: _Minsk
ghostgirl1995

ghostgirl1995

Delilah the cry baby
Apr 18, 2020
97
645
I feel like I got stuck on trying to be a good person it was almost forced. A lot of people don’t like me anymore because of my BPD and everything that comes with that.
 
  • Love
Reactions: _Minsk
Sensei

Sensei

Illuminated
Nov 4, 2019
1,781
3,724
Personally, I get happy by helping people, and I assume that's one of the components of being good. My work as a teacher is one of the things that keep me alive. It's of course not only a matter of altruism, but also, perhaps even more so, of distraction. When I focus on other people, I forget myself, and when I focus on other people's pain, I don't feel my own.
 
Last edited:
L

lotus11

Veteran
May 18, 2019
113
265
100 percent no. All my life I have tried to be a good person, be kind towards people, etc actually perhaps 'tried' is not the right word because I think that usually being this way comes naturally to me, it's very easy to be a nice person, for be being mean would be difficult. But in return, all it has got me is people treating me like shit, rejecting me and giving me zero respect. Honestly, I think id probably be happier if I was a fucking bitch.
 
  • Love
Reactions: _Minsk
Starcitty

Starcitty

Cloud
Jan 6, 2020
35
76
USA
Being a good person doesn't protect you from anything really which is sad. There's a lot of morally bad people living the good life so I'm not sure if it matters. Doesn't make me happy I guess.
 
  • Love
Reactions: _Minsk
H

HeadPressure

Member
Jun 25, 2020
7
18
I helped a blind person get home by giving him $100, calling a cab and waiting for it with him and felt extreme guilt. I feel bad for doing a good thing, which confuses me since it's suppose to be the other way around. I've helped others and the same thing happens, I feel guilty and bad. I would feel neutral if I walked by, said sorry and moved on.
 
  • Love
Reactions: _Minsk
selfhater

selfhater

Wise
Mar 1, 2020
223
863
personally didn’t do anything to me i just turned from a good person to a total monster becuz of how life was awful and so unfair with me anyway
 
  • Love
Reactions: _Minsk
terry_a_davis

terry_a_davis

Wizard
Dec 28, 2019
692
880
Doesn't guarantee it but you'll have a better chance of being happy if you're a good person than not.
 
S

stillweary

Member
May 15, 2020
21
47
No. It gets you taken advantage of. Nothing you give out will be returned.
 
kaz

kaz

Member
Apr 22, 2020
29
62
21
Limbo
no, but as I don't care about anything, I prefer to do good deeds while I'm still here, in the end, it won't make any difference anyway
 
Philosykos

Philosykos

Veteran
May 30, 2020
119
338
Something which I have found to be rather prevalent is that a lot of people struggling with mental health who are generally kind hearted and good to others find it incredibly difficult to extend that same kindness to themselves. It is very tragic as such self love is extremely difficult to learn especially when it has developed from an impression in early life that they are worthless. It's a shame as the world could use more people like that but in the end being good and kind to others will generally not change much about this lack of self love. A love and acceptance of the self is crucial to happiness in my opinion.
 
  • Love
Reactions: GoodPersonEffed
the box is empty

the box is empty

Sometimes the fall kills you. Sometimes you fly.
Mar 8, 2020
287
469
Canada
It doesn't make me happy so much as I feel less guilty? FWIW I'm not really a good person.
 
Claudia

Claudia

Veteran
Jun 21, 2020
109
126
UK
The people I know who I truly consider ‘good’ would never sum themselves up in that way, as I think an important quality they have in common is modesty.
I’m definitely not a ‘good’ person but doing random kind things for people especially strangers makes me feel nice in the moment, but in terms of karma I think anything good I do is wiped out by all the stupid stuff I’ve ever done.
 
  • Like
Reactions: freya
M

MrBlue

New Member
Jul 1, 2020
3
0
I try to be a good person, or at least as helpful I can be. Unfortunately for me it hasn't made me any happier, or helped me with my loneliness. I'm useful, not valuable to people. I do think it makes people slightly politer towards me which is nice, and I don't feel as guilty being around people who clearly don't want me there if I wasn't helping them.
 
aciidiia

aciidiia

New Member
Jun 28, 2020
4
3
I don't think being a good person is going to solve all my problems and make me feel good enough about myself that my issues will just vanish but honestly yeah, being a good person and helping people does make me feel a bit better. Idk how to explain it very well but it feels like, despite all my problems, I can still help someone else out. Like my life wasn't a total waste, if that makes sense?