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Venting Does anyone truly feel out of place in life?

Coping Wizard

Coping Wizard

Member
Joined
Sep 15, 2020
Messages
15
Sorry if this is somewhat of a venting/brainfart thread but I'm making this thread because I have always felt out of place in my life. This thread can probably be turned into some sort of discussion thread, regardless here is my experience with feeling out of place in life.

I have felt like I've been out of place in my entire life even when I was a small child living in my Father's house at the time, I would be dragged over to the neighbour's house to make friends and play with their kids. Every single time that they would try to interact with me I would look at them confused because I didn't understand what they were doing and why they considered it fun, obviously this lead me to being disliked by the neighbour kids and me not gaining any sort of friends during that time. After a while I moved to the city where I attended elementary school and where the feeling starts, this feeling eventually starts at elementary school where I would rather play by myself than play with the other kids. Eventually puberty starts kicking in and all the kids in my class would start being interested in succubi while I would rather play video games and play with my imagination, imagining that I was performing a move that I've seen in an anime that I thought was cool at the time.

Then in middle school is where I start to have this feeling, initially I felt somewhat normal compared to the other kids but after a significant event where a succubus said that one of her succubi friends was interested in me at the time considering that this is middle school and that I was in the "6th grade", the succubi probably thought about handholding or hugging each other. I decided to ask a friend I had at the time if dating her was a good idea and he said that she was probably one of the most attractive girls in the school. In my ignorant middle-schooler mind I thought she was a slut of some sorts and because I have a tendency to speak out my mind I told him this and he said that was true and we started to make insults and jokes surrounding this succubus at the time. Obviously that was a lie and I've seen him dating this exact succubus during the next year of my middle school life, when I look back on it now I think he just wanted to take advantage of me for his own personal gain because I really didn't know better at the time.
The majority of my time was spent on the internet and my parents really didn't bother to parent me back then, because of this the internet and public school essentially raised me.

Where it begins
After middle school I entered high school and it was complete fucking hell compared to middle school. This is where I started to feel truly feel out of place in life and this is the time where I started questioning alot of things in my life such as my worldview and questioning all of my actions up until now. In the classrooms my peers would be blatantly disrespectful to the teacher along with their fellow peers they would just get up and leave class whenever they want, they would throw shit across the room, not do the work that has been assigned to them and they would make a shit-ton of noise in general, even if they arrive to class they would arrive 10-15 minutes late with Subway or KFC.

This is only inside of the classroom because outside of class I've seen these kids fight each other over little to no reason at all, they would smoke all kinds of drugs on school property and would even have sex in the stairwells on some odd occasion, mainly because I hear grunting and moaning noises. I quickly realized that I disliked this environment and would hide under my hoodie and do my work just so I wouldn't get noticed by my peers and get home safely, I told my Mom that I didn't like the high school environment that I was forced into and I told her multiple times that I wanted to get away from the horrible environment and move away from the city so I can go to a different school but she didn't have the money to move out to a different city so I was forced to tolerate this type of shit for another 2 years until I graduated high school, at this point I truly feel out of place amongst my high school peers because they would have relationships, have sex, do drugs, be extroverted, active in sports, good self-esteem, positive worldview, etc.

While I was an introverted kid who truly hated drugs and hated relationships at this point because of the amount of information I have received and processed from social media along with them having sex in every place that they could without being caught. I wasn't active in any sort of sports and I had very low self-esteem for someone my age and unfortunately for me this would cause depression, anxiety, frequent spouts of anger and on top of that, I had numerous suicidal thoughts and methods pop up into my head pretty much almost every day in my life.

Right now
After I somehow graduated high school I wanted to drop out of society and become a NEET and I tried to tell my parents this but my mother refused and said that any "self-respecting" parent would put their kids in college and pray to some sort of demiurge that they get a good job with good pay. I tried to tell her to please let have another year off at least or let me become NEET and let me drop out. It is because of the high school I used to attend along with extended time on the internet, I now hate most people and I hated the idea of interacting with them much less becoming a wagecuck and getting a minimum wageslave job at Walmart or at a McDonalds somewhere.

After a while of having a breakdown about starting college and trying to get to used to the fact that this is my life now and I have to accept it or I get shit on by my family. I have started college recently and its only been a couple of weeks and guess what, that feeling is back where I feel out of place amongst my peers again. Not because my peers are future criminals who do drugs and are violent sex-addicts, it is during my orientation and in one of the college courses that I'm currently taking is that we're supposed to introduce ourselves as an assignment. I remember seeing a classmate's introduction post and this person mentions in detail about what they wanted to do along with their hobbies, specifically about how they made a guitar band with their friends how they're interested in music, origami, philosophy and their dream is to work in the STEM field and become a chemist that helps others and all of that shit, wouldn't be surprised if they went to a half-decent school too. Then there is someone like me who has no dream besides from working out and playing video games all day, little to no friends, did jack shit outside of school work, mediocre grades, went to a shitty high school, introverted, etc.

Its because of our different environments that this feeling has come back again but it has worsened at this point because simply looking at this, specifically where I compare myself to my classmates just makes this feeling return at an increasing rate as it continues to make me feel worse and worse every single day.

I am 18 years old and actually turned 18 a few months ago so please don't ban me mods.

I'm also not exactly sure if this is the right board to be posting this type of thread on, mods if I'm posting on the wrong board you have my permission to move it to the right board.
 
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Racon

Racon

Veteran
Joined
Aug 29, 2020
Messages
134
Hello Mr Wizard. If it makes you feel better the environment probably didn't play too big a part in how you turned out. You were born to be like this. You can take solace in that fact and stop ruminating on it
or feel worse that there is no real changing things.

Also lol at the use of the word succubus
 
pannazidofski

pannazidofski

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Joined
Aug 31, 2020
Messages
118
It's one of those things that bothers me as well, I can't understand others in any form or capacity. My brother who says he loves me and yet I cant see why, parents who want me to stay here yet I don't know why. In college I try talking to my three other roommates from day one and despite us all being new to the dorm they all hit it off and do things all semester long while I sit in my little room and hear them through the walls. Every day for the most part going out on nightwalks to get away from them and to think, usually ending with me resting at the top of the local car garage, probably the most peaceful place in the whole town. I've found that when I have no one around me to remind me of what im potentially missing, life is the best it can be. It's easy enough to tell yourself that you're not missing out on anything, being loud, having sex and screwing yourself with debt when you get her pregnant, losing your time when she wants it all and so on, but at the same time your brain just won't accept it. It's definitely very annoying.
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Illuminated
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
1,285
It's painfully obvious I am out of place everywhere including on this site. People can sense it and feel it and see it. I know that and I'm used to it.
 
Wayfaerer

Wayfaerer

JFMSUF
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
1,594
Yes, I've felt like an outsider for the longest time. For one I grew up in a place where I was a minority and I had a synthesis of traditional along with progressive views which didn't match the majority's. My years of homeschooling throughout late middle school to all of high school had changed a lot about myself too, as I transitioned into a NEET lifestyle at 13. Before that, I was perfectly normal, I had lots of friends and I loved to play outside esp. to skate(board) which was my favorite activity. It's really sad the more I look back on that time.

I became more outgoing again at the beginning of 18 but then the problems really started for me there. Before, I had intended 18+ to be my recovery period from years of NEETing but I would maintain my reclusive tendencies for years because of some awful luck I had for an event to happen to me then and it would have ripple effects from then on until age 25.5. I felt like I was paralyzed throughout those years and it was similar to what came before except worse mental health, I had a car and one friend who was flaky. 25 was a year of major change for me but it would all come crashing down at 26 and two years later, here I am.

It didn't have to be this way. There were around a couple dozen different things that could either have happened or not happened to me in my past and things would've turned out much more differently, It's super frustrating.
 
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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

Tired of the pain.
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,292
I've always been an outcast. It's been a trend through school, work, and college.

Even on here, I still feel like I don't deserve to be here and I'm just annoying, always saying the wrong thing. It doesn't matter what people say or how delusional the thoughts are. I still don't quite fit in and my brain is just convinced.
 
Pimeä

Pimeä

Alien in human skin
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
53
Oh I am definitely out of place here. Despite not doing too bad throughout my life when it came to friends and relationships, I never felt like I *actually* fit in. I was always studying and copying social behaviour from others, but felt like a fraud doing it. An alien in human skin.

I still observe and question every social interaction after thirty years on this planet, and I'm still weirded out by most of them. Not being able to understand other humans and their motivations has made me very cynical over the years and I've reached the point where it's one of my major motivations to end my life.
 
BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

Tired of the pain.
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,292
Thanks.

Your quote of me inspired me to update my title. :heh:
I like it. It just sucks that it's a feeling that we and so many others share.
 
Raven Moon

Raven Moon

See my heart I decorate it like a grave
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
1,094
I have always been out of place as a child, teen and now as adult in 20s. My lack of social skills along with my extreme introverted nature, asperger's, bpd and ptsd has made life a living nightmare. I have met a few here who I share almost identical life stories with but lately I feel out of place here too. It's why I have no friends...I'm just a negative, looser who failed at every aspect of life..I guess I don't blame people for not wanting to be around me.
 
DarkWolf

DarkWolf

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2020
Messages
28
Yeah I've always been an outsider and a loner in school, college, every job I've had, even online and within my own 'family' I will always be an outcast. I wouldn't mind so much if it didn't make life so damn difficult!
I do not belong here I feel like I'm from another planet. This world makes no sense to me people think I'm weird or strange but I think they're the strange and weird ones.
 
BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

Tired of the pain.
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,292
Yeah I've always been an outsider and a loner in school, college, every job I've had, even online and within my own 'family' I will always be an outcast. I wouldn't mind so much if it didn't make life so damn difficult!
I do not belong here I feel like I'm from another planet. This world makes no sense to me people think I'm weird or strange but I think they're the strange and weird ones.
Yesss I'm an outcast with my family too. My own parents hardly ever talk to me. I think my sibling only interacts with me out of pity and obligation. I've been told my family members that I'm draining and bad to be around. So many just don't seem to give a fuck that I exist.
 
Sensei

Sensei

Angelic
Joined
Nov 4, 2019
Messages
2,161
Hello Mr Wizard. If it makes you feel better the environment probably didn't play too big a part in how you turned out. You were born to be like this. You can take solace in that fact and stop ruminating on it
or feel worse that there is no real changing things.

Also lol at the use of the word succubus
You sound hostile.
 
M

MrBlue

Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
46
I should really just get on with ctb so I'm not diluting other people's existence with my presence. I've been an outcast everywhere I've been, even among other outcasts. I know I don't really fit on this site as well tbh, everything I comment is redundant/pointless.
 
Leech

Leech

ꜱᴜʙꜱɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴄᴇ ɪꜱ ɪɴᴇxɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴛ
Joined
Aug 8, 2020
Messages
147
Eeeeyup. It's like I'm an alien from another planet and everyone just feels it. As dumb ass of a comparison this is; in the Twilight rewrite from Edward's perspective he describes how people don't really approach him because, although they don't know consciously that he is a being higher on the food chain, they know to stay away from him. Their subconscious knows they are in danger around him. That's kinda how I feel. I don't really look all that weird. I don't think I act all that weird either, until you really get to know me. But there's something about me that tells people not to approach. This is something I've always experienced. It has even cost me promotions at jobs because although I was more focused and successful at my tasks, and cared more than a majority of the people I worked with, I was not friends with anyone there and did not socialize with the managers at all so my existence kinda just like faded into the background and I watched dozens of people who started after me get promoted before I did.
 
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Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Joined
Sep 25, 2018
Messages
2,669
I don't even feel like I'm in the right year. I've totally lost my place in the world
 
ExitTheMatrix

ExitTheMatrix

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2020
Messages
8
I often wondered if I would feel less of an outcast. If I was born in another country, had a different family, different body and looks. Then I realize this world was always and is rotten build on social status fake relationships and not genuine ones. The people who are outcasts see the absurdity of this world and want to be free of this insanity.
 
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