[Discussion] Does anyone think that romantic relationships are superior to familial relationships?

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nigelhernandez

nigelhernandez

Veteran
Apr 14, 2020
104
181
I've never liked my family and been in a relationship once. For these reasons, I thought it was more superior than the relationship I had with my family.

1. Element of Choice In Romantic Relationships - You don't choose your family, you're just born into it. This means that there are more likely to be personality clashes as in almost every other relationship, people choose others based on their personality/interests.

2. Power Imbalance - When it comes to the relationship between your family, there'll be most likely a power imbalance because it's socially expected that you obey your parents, aunts/uncles without question. Even if they're the most incompetent fucks around. Many parents expect no "back-talk" from their children. What kind of relationship is that where you can't reason with people? In a romantic relationship, you and your partner are on a level of parity when it comes to making decisions.

3. Breaking Apart - It is socially acceptable to break apart from your romantic partner if you don't like them, it's not as acceptable to break apart from family members because you don't like them which means that people just stay together even if they don't like each other. That makes things worse.

Anyone agree with this?
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
483
1,551
No.
I think romantic and sexual relationships are the most shallow, conditional, superficial relationships of all...and yet they are put up on a pedestal as a way to stomp out all others. Marriage and children compound the problem.
Besides, most relationships have power imbalances, not just family. And what you describe is only an age imbalance, which again, occurs in many other relationships. Friends, partners, coworkers, etc.

There is some merit in not getting to choose who you grow up with, it prevents you from discriminating or singling anyone out. Even if your reasons for doing so would be good ones-which in my experience, they are not-it can at the very least help you to build a tolerance or understanding for people you would otherwise not hang out with. It gives everyone a chance (to bond and cement loyalties, make memories, etc.)
And if you are ever thinking that you didn’t choose these people, well they didn’t exactly choose you and your personality either.
(Although parents did bring you into this world so they can’t really blame you there.)

Unless you abeing abused, neglected, or just plain old treated poorly, there’s not really any reason to abandon your family. As it is people rarely see them because they are spending all their time with their SO’s, or even their friends, working , etc.
And unfortunately breaking apart from your family of origin seems pretty socially acceptable from what I can tell, people who don’t are often mocked. Everyone abandons their old families to make new ones, and the cycle continues.
It makes little sense to me, as someone who wouldn’t do that, but that’s the way of the world.

This is all coming from someone who has major issues with their own family members, most of whom don’t even care to know me or my suffering. But somehow I still do not agree.
Most people probably do agree with you though, if not in words, than in their actions. People will throw their family to the wolves if it means they can use their bodies to cross over to a romantic partner. So who is really responsible for one relationship coming out on top over the other here?
I think anyone who wants to put one type of relationship above another really needs to ask themselves why. Not just in a one sided blame game way, but some self reflection as well.
 
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