- Sep 14, 2019
Do you ever tell anyone how badly you want to die? And when you do, does anyone say.....well if you were serious about it you would have done it already. People in my family have said that to me. I don't think any of them know how serious I am about it. I had to wait a while to save up enough drugs that would kill me. I'm sure they're going to all be very surprised when they get a phone call that I'm dead but honestly, with the physical pain that I'm in every day and the guarantee that I'm never going to live any quality of life, do they think I'm going to go on like this forever? It's already been 14 years since I've gotten complex regional pain syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history at 20 years old. I'm 34 now and have not lived a day of my life since that pain started. I've just been existing while I've watched others fall in love, go to work, travel, get married, have babies..?even though I never wanted babies haha. But do they think we can keep this up forever? I love that line. If you wanted to die you'd have done it already. I've even been told to kill myself by members of my family. I know they don't mean it but they just get aggravated with me.