Does anyone know you're suicidal?

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Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

Arcanist
Sep 14, 2019
555
689
Do you ever tell anyone how badly you want to die? And when you do, does anyone say.....well if you were serious about it you would have done it already. People in my family have said that to me. I don't think any of them know how serious I am about it. I had to wait a while to save up enough drugs that would kill me. I'm sure they're going to all be very surprised when they get a phone call that I'm dead but honestly, with the physical pain that I'm in every day and the guarantee that I'm never going to live any quality of life, do they think I'm going to go on like this forever? It's already been 14 years since I've gotten complex regional pain syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history at 20 years old. I'm 34 now and have not lived a day of my life since that pain started. I've just been existing while I've watched others fall in love, go to work, travel, get married, have babies..?even though I never wanted babies haha. But do they think we can keep this up forever? I love that line. If you wanted to die you'd have done it already. I've even been told to kill myself by members of my family. I know they don't mean it but they just get aggravated with me.
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
1,027
2,777
I did tell a buddy of mine a few years ago I want to die. He doesn't know how serious I am. I haven't said anything in a long time.
I don't want him to get in any trouble if I eventually do CTB.
 
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dreamsofdestruction

dreamsofdestruction

Everywhere I look is chaos
May 9, 2019
315
557
I did tell a family member. She was very understanding and supportive, didn't panic, didn't say anything dumb or threatened me in any way.

But I did make her sad. But I don't know how to avoid that. She's the only person I'm going to write a note too.
 
ronigail9

ronigail9

existential isolation kills
Oct 5, 2019
27
38
Phoenix AZ
Yes. I’ve told every one of my immediate family members and short of laughing and saying you’re not going to do it or ignoring me they all do not realize they are going to be sorry they didn’t take it seriously. While my mother is being unnessarily impatient with me and annoyed at me being myself if only she knew that I am not going to be here. I would appreciate having a farewell but no one would actually take it seriously.
The only other friend I have knows and understands.
 
Erin Inari

Erin Inari

Member
Sep 9, 2019
72
100
Yea, my family knows now when I was first sent to the hospital. It's faded into the background now I think but I don't think that it will really be a surprise if I do end up going.
 
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BobbyPellitt

BobbyPellitt

Member
Sep 4, 2019
32
152
I hinted being suicidal to my mom years ago and she just laughed it off. I don't bother hiding my general distaste towards life anymore. The funny thing is, on the event of my death, my family would probably say the same cliche about how they NEVER see it coming and I was always happy. Really? 7 years of anxiety and total isolation and they NEVER see any signs? rofl
 
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Lethe

Lethe

Just forget about it
Sep 19, 2019
194
268
My grandma and mom know. That said, I don't think it would come as a surprise to anyone who knew me, if I were to go.
 
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Rachel74

Rachel74

Illuminated
Sep 7, 2019
1,229
1,734
44
United Kingdom
Yes, my partner, my sister and niece, my step dad and a colleague at work and all of Facebook. My pity posts are rather pathetic.
 
Rachel74

Rachel74

Illuminated
Sep 7, 2019
1,229
1,734
44
United Kingdom
Yes, my partner, my sister and niece, my step dad and a colleague at work and all of Facebook. My pity posts are rather pathetic.
My only problem is the effect it will have on my 18 year niece who is also very fragile with MH. Seeing her the end of October to see a private Dr as my sister couldn’t be arsed to do it and only thought of the money! Arghhhhhhhhhh
 
GeorgeJL

GeorgeJL

Mod
Mar 7, 2019
1,676
2,358
All my family and friends know that I'm going to end in when I'm an old man and they have accepted it
 
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jacob6767

jacob6767

Specialized in Dying..or trying.
Oct 3, 2019
44
72
21
USA
My girlfriend, my ex-step father, my mother, my uncle, a few friends, & my twin brother all know.

I get asked if "I'm okay" every hour of every day; I'm grateful for them but sometimes I feel they look at me like I'm untrustworthy or..even crazy.
 
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JTG1972

JTG1972

Tired of fighting in OR
Oct 2, 2019
31
37
Oregon
Probably every other day I catch myself joking to my wife about wanting to “just sleep forever and never wake up”. Once I even started to put her hands on my head with my face in the pillow, as if to ask her to smother me. She usually just swats at me and tells me we have to get up, teases me gently because she thinks I’m just sleepy/being silly. I don’t think she knows that I mean it, and that aside from SI kicking in I really wouldn’t mind if in the end she just did it. No more suffering and I’d be right next to her until the end, you know?
 
TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Illuminated
Aug 27, 2018
1,342
4,754
Nope I talked a lot about suicide years ago to some people close to me and they both told me to stop because it made them depressed so I learned the lesson to never speak of it again and pretend I am fine.
 
KiraLittleOwl

KiraLittleOwl

Lost in transition
Jan 25, 2019
177
585
Yes. They don't care. They used to love me, noe they hate me so they don't care anymore...
 
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JimFord99

JimFord99

Elementalist
Aug 18, 2019
763
1,022
52
United Kingdom
Yes. They don't care. They used to love me, noe they hate me so they don't care anymore...
:heart: Sorry.
To the OP, no, nobody knows. I quickly realised the importance to put a false ‘mask’ on my face. As long as you smile they believe you are Ok. Good believe.
 
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mynameispaige

mynameispaige

Member
Sep 1, 2019
55
154
One person outside of here knows. But he said I can’t talk about it with him. That it’s depressing, makes him uncomfortable and he doesn’t want to feel responsible if I die. That conversation didn’t end well and I learned my lesson about telling people anything about this.
 
C_F

C_F

Member
Jul 31, 2019
30
48
California
It's sad when our close friends and family aren't there for us more when we tell them. Personally this has made me more suicidal.
 
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