I'm hoping it's not just me. The closer I get to my CTB date, the more bitter I feel. Millions of people out there that don't have to come to forums like this. Millions of people preparing for a better life, while people like us have to prepare for death. Sometimes I'm happy because I think about how fucked up the world is, especially how fucked up it can be to people who never deserved it (i've met some amazing people on this site and it infuriates me they'd have to come here), and I think - well I don't want to be in this hellhole anyway. But then eventually I flip back to bitterness and I ponder.. why couldn't I have a 'normal' life like the millions of others that do? I keep going back and forth between acceptance and sadness/rage. Constantly asking myself, why me? Why us?