[Venting] Does anyone else don't care about how parents are going to feel when you ctb?

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C

Cook

Member
Oct 2, 2019
58
17
Can't relate, they will be devastated and they did and okay job at caring for me growing up. Maybe a little too overprotective and not strict enough, and spoiled me too much. I am their only child after all, which will make me feel even more guilty when I ctb. At least my dad will finally be able to retire and not worry about money. I hate being a leech, and can't financially support myself because I have no useful skills.
This is me in a nutshell
 
h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n

h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n

Member
Jul 26, 2019
47
103
i've been open and honest. my moms the one who told me no one is actually suicidal or punished me when i was caught in an attempt. shes pretty much just in denial of every thing. i've had to learn that its her not me. my life choices are my own. i used to think there was something wrong with it or me. but i understand my self more. its not always a bad thing.
 
Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

Arcanist
Sep 14, 2019
555
689
I just saw a thread with a video about a grieving mother and thought about this. I mean, I'm not trying to sound heartless, but I simply don't care about how my parents, especially my mother and my father, are going to feel when I kill myself. If anything, it makes me glad that they're finally going to pay for not treating me well.

I've never been close to them because we're just so different, and I always felt like I was born in the wrong family. I thought it would be different with my young brother, but no. He's just annoying and foolish like them and is on the way to become other religious fanatic on the family. Honestly I think that he will be glad when I'm gone, even if he is still a kid, because we always hated each other. I can feel that nobody likes the way I am and wants me to change. They're all disappointed because I'm not a religious sheep like them and I'm just too serious. But I'm not going to change just to please them, and if they are going to disregard my feelings, then I'm going to do the same with them.

The worst offenders, though, are my mother and my father. Not only they dislike me the way I am and never had been close to me, but also they're the ones to blame for all the suffering I went through until now. I never asked to be born. I never asked for this pathetic life. Yet here I am, exclusively because of them. They knew that this life was full of suffering, and still had me and other two kids (one of them who fortunately died after birth and didn't had to live in is hellhole) just to satisfy their egos. My mother openly admitted to me that she had me because she wanted someone to love her and to take care of her when she was old. Well, b*tch, that backfired, huh? Now you've got a son that dislikes you and is determined to kill himself. I just can't believe that people can be so stupid and selfish. Having kids is the worst thing anyone can do in my opinion, specially when the purpose is for them to serve their fathers until they die. It makes me feel so angry. I can't bring myself to care even a little bit about the suffering of them.

Does anyone else feel like this? Not giving a damn about how your parents will feel? Everyone here seems to be very guilty that they're going to make their parents suffer, so I was wondering if I was the only one who didn't care at all.
I care how my mother feels very much. She is an amazing parent and always has been. But I've been physically suffering with such a brutal pain condition for 14 years and I don't think anyone expects me to live the rest of my life out like this. Even though I won't be with her she will have the comfort of knowing I'm not in pain anymore. I'm no longer suffering. She's the reason I've been sticking around. If she wasn't here it would be so much easier. I think it's horrible that your parents said they had you so you could take care of them when they were older. My grandfather told all his children not to have kids and I'm a prime example as of why. I lived my life and at 20 it was stolen from me by Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I've dealt with it for 14 years now and I have to admit sometimes I'm surprised by how much I can take. But this is my life and I can't live it for other people. I hope you find peace. I hate that whole religion Bible belt holy rollers. I can't deal with that and you shouldn't have to either. What could you have done that was so bad that your parents don't like you? A parents love is supposed to be unconditional. And if they're that into religion they should know that. I'm so sorry for all the misery you've been put through. PM me if you ever want to talk.
Hey! At least you have a savings. Unfortunately, my mom will inherit my debt, but if she died before me, I’d be inheriting her debt which is probably a lot worse because she loves credit cards.
If the credit card is under your name why would your mom inherit your death? They just wipe it clean don't they?
I'm sorry you're parents didn't appreciate you. I was fortunate enough to have very loving parents and I wouldn't have made it this far without them. The thought of what me ctb would do to my mother is one of the last real reasons I have left to live.
Same here. I live with my mom because she takes care of my because physically there is little I can do for myself. So we are always together and bsve always been best friends. I'm trying to stick around as long as I can for her. My dad died of alcoholism snd I have no siblings so I don't want her to be alone. I'm glad you have a great mom too.
This is me in a nutshell
I'm my mother's only child too and my dad died 11 years ago. God forbid anything happened to her I wouldn't be there to care for her. She has a sister but that's about it. Her brother disowned both if us because we had s fight with my grandfather over something that was none of this business. So it breaks my heart knowing one day I'll be gone.
 
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Eurus

Eurus

Currently looking to ctb pm’s welcome
Sep 30, 2019
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70
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I love my parents and I’ve told my sister that once they are gone I’m going right after,but lately I dunno,I mean I could go while my mom is still alive but my dad...I dunno what that would do to him so I’m still waiting but it’s SO fucking hard.
 
Hasssssuùuu

Hasssssuùuu

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Sep 18, 2018
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i think over time, my feelings of such a thing are gonna be numb; and ill be at a point soon where i just wont even care anymore about how my parents or anyone feel about my ctb.
 
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Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

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Sep 14, 2019
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Other people like my aunt and uncle who don't take my physical condition seriously and have banned me from their life, I hope they feel a lot of guilt. But we aren't close so I wouldn't really bet on it.
 
LonelyLight

LonelyLight

Wise
May 31, 2019
237
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Deep down I care about how they both feel, despite not having much of a relationship with my mother. My father on the other hand is the greatest person I've ever known and I love him very much and he loves me.
 
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woxihuanni

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Aug 19, 2019
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Nah, they will die of grief. They should count it towards every single time they acted as if it was the end of the world when they could not deal with the minorest things in life and took it out on a child. Now it IS the end of world for you, so what?
 
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onlyinsleep

onlyinsleep

I can see their faces
Jun 3, 2019
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Mine don't care, and have told me such. They said it will release their resentment of having to care for their sick daughter. I really hope at one point they are investigated, because they have outright told me to kill myself, and have harmed me physically, emotionally and psychologically. My mom is a selfish, mentally ill brat and that doesn't even begin to describe the abuse.
 
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woxihuanni

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Mine don't care, and have told me such. They said it will release their resentment of having to care for their sick daughter. I really hope at one point they are investigated, because they have outright told me to kill myself, and have harmed me physically, emotionally and psychologically. My mom is a selfish, mentally ill brat and that doesn't even begin to describe the abuse.
I would do anything in my means to get them to suffer legal consequences. Hell, I'd sue them right away saying I am no longer suicidal now, but when I was they told me to kill myself.
 
SlackJim

SlackJim

Nothing lasts, but nothing is lost
Sep 30, 2019
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I went through a phase of being mad at my parents for bringing me into this world, but I have grown out of that train of thought now. I don't think it's right to place blame on anyone, they were just living their lives, doing what is normal and accepted in this world. I take full responsibility of myself and my actions (and even my existence). My parents didn't ask to be born either, and everyone alive makes mistakes, no one can see into the future. The universe doesn't owe you anything, nor do you owe anything to the universe.

I think it is good to let go of anger towards other people, however much you have been abused/wronged, holding onto that energy doesn't serve any purpose.
 
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onlyinsleep

onlyinsleep

I can see their faces
Jun 3, 2019
81
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I would do anything in my means to get them to suffer legal consequences. Hell, I'd sue them right away saying I am no longer suicidal now, but when I was they told me to kill myself.

Nah, I will leave evidence in delayed email info to family we never had cuz they kept us isolated. And also on CTB day I will self-ban to protect forum.
 
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woxihuanni

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Aug 19, 2019
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I went through a phase of being mad at my parents for bringing me into this world, but I have grown out of that train of thought now. I don't think it's right to place blame on anyone, they were just living their lives, doing what is normal and accepted in this world. I take full responsibility of myself and my actions (and even my existence). My parents didn't ask to be born either, and everyone alive makes mistakes, no one can see into the future. The universe doesn't owe you anything, nor do you owe anything to the universe.

I think it is good to let go of anger towards other people, however much you have been abused/wronged, holding onto that energy doesn't serve any purpose.
Kudos for praying at the shrine of shrinkery. The universe actually does owe us a lot of things, such as care by parents and faithfulness to bonding contracts with people whose behaviour WILL affect us. If you accept anger, it goes through you and leaves you anyway. People don't walk around hating their parents all the time, crazy-eyed and spitting with hatred.

We also owe universe stuff, that's why people here worry about putting towels under them because corpse will shit, or refrain from jumping in front of trains. We are pack animals, we owe and are owed.
 
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Chantal

Member
Oct 5, 2019
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Some people simply can't become parents. And there are still people who want to prevent women from aborting. Is it better to put a child in the world to suffer? Will those who care so much about the lives of fetuses be there to support them after problems come? No! Hypocrites. These are the most negligent with their children.

I am a 'prolifer', but only in favor of decent and healthy life of a born person.
 
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magick'sgone

magick'sgone

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May 16, 2019
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I do care, they're good people. If there was a better option for any of us I'd take it.

At the same time, and I've said this to them, this is the sort of risk you take having kids. There is no guaranteed happy ending, you have no idea who they will be or what they will go through. Just because you wanted kids doesn't mean they owe you anything.
Absolutely
 
SlackJim

SlackJim

Nothing lasts, but nothing is lost
Sep 30, 2019
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"The universe doesn't owe you anything". People in your life do owe you consideration, and not being abusive toward you. Your parents, above all, owe you quite a bit once they have you. You should be top priority to them.
Kudos for praying at the shrine of shrinkery. The universe actually does owe us a lot of things, such as care by parents and faithfulness to bonding contracts with people whose behaviour WILL affect us. If you accept anger, it goes through you and leaves you anyway. People don't walk around hating their parents all the time, crazy-eyed and spitting with hatred.

We also owe universe stuff, that's why people here worry about putting towels under them because corpse will shit, or refrain from jumping in front of trains. We are pack animals, we owe and are owed.
I really don't think we are owed anything by anyone else or the universe... If anything you owe it to yourself if you deem it important. Yes you should be top priority for your parents, but shit parents exist, and people do fine without them. I am not trying to undermine the affect of trauma, especially on children. Being social animals makes no difference, yes we rely on our communities, yes none of us could survive alone, but zoom out from all that and everything we give significance to is a tiny speck in a massive universe. So you are owed something, but you don't get it, then what? go and file out a complaint to a higher power? If an eagle mother decides she can't feed both her chicks, so prioritises fattening up the larger of the 2, the small chick dies and is eaten by his big brother. The small chick didn't ask for any of that, his existence was nothing but misery, but what was he owed? and from whom?

People are largely acting unconsciously, people are made up from their upbringing, experiences, ancestry, ancestral trauma, personal trauma plus so many other complex things. I think you can find great relief when you take responsibility for yourself, when you stop depending on people or things, when you stop expecting people to act a certain way. I have spent a lot of energy trying to change people, hoping for a certain connection with my parents or other people. the only power you have is in yourself. This is kind of what I mean when I say no one owes you anything, in a way I'm saying you can't expect anything from anyone, you are the only player in your life.

I appreciate this may come across differently to how it sounds in my head, this is just a result of my current philosophy, there is no hate or judgement behind it.
 
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woxihuanni

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I really don't think we are owed anything by anyone else or the universe... If anything you owe it to yourself if you deem it important. Yes you should be top priority for your parents, but shit parents exist, and people do fine without them. I am not trying to undermine the affect of trauma, especially on children. Being social animals makes no difference, yes we rely on our communities, yes none of us could survive alone, but zoom out from all that and everything we give significance to is a tiny speck in a massive universe. So you are owed something, but you don't get it, then what? go and file out a complaint to a higher power? If an eagle mother decides she can't feed both her chicks, so prioritises fattening up the larger of the 2, the small chick dies and is eaten by his big brother. The small chick didn't ask for any of that, his existence was nothing but misery, but what was he owed? and from whom?

People are largely acting unconsciously, people are made up from their upbringing, experiences, ancestry, ancestral trauma, personal trauma plus so many other complex things. I think you can find great relief when you take responsibility for yourself, when you stop depending on people or things, when you stop expecting people to act a certain way. I have spent a lot of energy trying to change people, hoping for a certain connection with my parents or other people. the only power you have is in yourself. This is kind of what I mean when I say no one owes you anything, in a way I'm saying you can't expect anything from anyone, you are the only player in your life.

I appreciate this may come across differently to how it sounds in my head, this is just a result of my current philosophy, there is no hate or judgement behind it.
It probably does across differently than that, yes. You must understand that we BEAR giant amounts of responsibility whether we like it or not anyway, but saying that we are not even ENTITLED to anything is devaluing ourselves, not empowering. Yes, I was entitled to functional parents like every human child. Yes, I had to parent both myself and them, and rise above the abuse. Unlike you, I did not even waste energy trying to change them, I got the fuck away and supported myself.

Kudos to me for being a go-getter rather than whiner, because there is no one to file a complaint to. Fact remains that I have been short-changed. The baby eagle is also short-changed. That she cannot complain to an authority does not mean she bears responsibility to be self-sufficient as a baby chick.

I'm writing all this because one of the most evil things in this world is pretending to a self-sufficiency that does not and should not exist. It makes people slaves to sick systems, it does not free or empower them.
 
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SlackJim

SlackJim

Nothing lasts, but nothing is lost
Sep 30, 2019
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It probably does across differently than that, yes. You must understand that we BEAR giant amounts of responsibility whether we like it or not anyway, but saying that we are not even ENTITLED to anything is devaluing ourselves, not empowering. Yes, I was entitled to functional parents like every human child. Yes, I had to parent both myself and them, and rise above the abuse. Unlike you, I did not even waste energy trying to change them, I got the fuck away and supported myself.

Kudos to me for being a go-getter rather than whiner, because there is no one to file a complaint to. Fact remains that I have been short-changed. The baby eagle is also short-changed. That she cannot complain to an authority does not mean she bears responsibility to be self-sufficient as a baby chick.

I'm writing all this because one of the most evil things in this world is pretending to a self-sufficiency that does not and should not exist. It makes people slaves to sick systems, it does not free or empower them.
I really hear you opinion and can completely understand where you are coming from. I think the main point I was trying to make is that to be "entitled" suggests someone (or thing) has authority to give you said entitlement. To me no such authority exists. So I'm asking myself where does the entitlement come from? When you say "a person is entitled to X,Y and Z" who on earth or elsewhere is giving the entitlement, I don't believe it comes as standard from being born. I'm also not trying to promote self sufficiency either, I think my point is separate from that.
 
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Meppitech

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Oct 2, 2019
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I care about how it will affect everyone unfortunately I don't see another option. My mom and grandmother have always done everything they could for me. My wife will be mad because we have kids. The kids will hurt but will be better off without a lifetime of continuous let down and pain I would cause. This way it's more like a bandaid, all at once. I'm sure my wife will miss me but I'm sure it will be the least of her emotions. They are all strong, healthy women who are well adjusted unlike me. I just got myself into a situation that I can't handle and my regret and shame are too much.
 
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woxihuanni

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I really hear you opinion and can completely understand where you are coming from. I think the main point I was trying to make is that to be "entitled" suggests someone (or thing) has authority to give you said entitlement. To me no such authority exists. So I'm asking myself where does the entitlement come from? When you say "a person is entitled to X,Y and Z" who on earth or elsewhere is giving the entitlement, I don't believe it comes as standard from being born. I'm also not trying to promote self sufficiency either, I think my point is separate from that.
Good point, of course. In the case of the eagle, all I can say is tough luck. In our case, however, it is possible to have a society that makes sure everybody does their duty. This happens only to a small degree, for instance CPS is a thing, marriage is a thing. What worries me is that this message of 'own(ed) nothing' is working towards dissolving such structures, when we need to make them stronger.
 
S

snorli

Member
Sep 30, 2019
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98
I know my father would be completely devastated and that's part of what's keeping me here. My mom would suffer too, I'm sure, but I'm finding it harder and harder to care. Our relationship has been complicated since early childhood and she doesn't like having me in *her* house anyway.
 
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Brainpain

chronic pain
Jun 14, 2019
107
251
I do, but at the end of the day they know why I’m doing it, they won’t be thrown off guard. They will be sad but will move on. The more important child (the one that gave them so over kids, I mean grandkids) is still around. I didn’t ask to be born either. So it is what it is. I will tell my mom I’m sorry.
 
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Jengator

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Sep 24, 2019
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I just saw a thread with a video about a grieving mother and thought about this. I mean, I'm not trying to sound heartless, but I simply don't care about how my parents, especially my mother and my father, are going to feel when I kill myself. If anything, it makes me glad that they're finally going to pay for not treating me well.

I've never been close to them because we're just so different, and I always felt like I was born in the wrong family. I thought it would be different with my young brother, but no. He's just annoying and foolish like them and is on the way to become other religious fanatic on the family. Honestly I think that he will be glad when I'm gone, even if he is still a kid, because we always hated each other. I can feel that nobody likes the way I am and wants me to change. They're all disappointed because I'm not a religious sheep like them and I'm just too serious. But I'm not going to change just to please them, and if they are going to disregard my feelings, then I'm going to do the same with them.

The worst offenders, though, are my mother and my father. Not only they dislike me the way I am and never had been close to me, but also they're the ones to blame for all the suffering I went through until now. I never asked to be born. I never asked for this pathetic life. Yet here I am, exclusively because of them. They knew that this life was full of suffering, and still had me and other two kids (one of them who fortunately died after birth and didn't had to live in is hellhole) just to satisfy their egos. My mother openly admitted to me that she had me because she wanted someone to love her and to take care of her when she was old. Well, b*tch, that backfired, huh? Now you've got a son that dislikes you and is determined to kill himself. I just can't believe that people can be so stupid and selfish. Having kids is the worst thing anyone can do in my opinion, specially when the purpose is for them to serve their fathers until they die. It makes me feel so angry. I can't bring myself to care even a little bit about the suffering of them.

Does anyone else feel like this? Not giving a damn about how your parents will feel? Everyone here seems to be very guilty that they're going to make their parents suffer, so I was wondering if I was the only one who didn't care at all.
I am sorry you feel this way. It sounds similar to me. I have a theory. I think they do hurt but I think they use it to garner sympathy and attention from others. They get to be victims and get the attention about what martyrs and great people they are. I don't think it makes them bad peoole. I just don't think they are aware what egos they have and the superiority complex they have over myself and others. Very judgmental and narcissistic. Had to deal with this abuse my whole life. Again, I don't even think they are aware and yes they will hurt but they will twist it to get attention.
 
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mynameispaige

mynameispaige

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Sep 1, 2019
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154
I care even if my dad doesn’t deserve it. I feel like part of him might even be grateful to finally get rid of the daughter he never wanted. I wish I didn’t care.
 

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