[Venting] Does anyone else don't care about how parents are going to feel when you ctb?

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Oblivion Lover

Oblivion Lover

No life, no suffering
May 30, 2019
367
1,116
23
Brazil
I just saw a thread with a video about a grieving mother and thought about this. I mean, I'm not trying to sound heartless, but I simply don't care about how my parents, especially my mother and my father, are going to feel when I kill myself. If anything, it makes me glad that they're finally going to pay for not treating me well.

I've never been close to them because we're just so different, and I always felt like I was born in the wrong family. I thought it would be different with my young brother, but no. He's just annoying and foolish like them and is on the way to become other religious fanatic on the family. Honestly I think that he will be glad when I'm gone, even if he is still a kid, because we always hated each other. I can feel that nobody likes the way I am and wants me to change. They're all disappointed because I'm not a religious sheep like them and I'm just too serious. But I'm not going to change just to please them, and if they are going to disregard my feelings, then I'm going to do the same with them.

The worst offenders, though, are my mother and my father. Not only they dislike me the way I am and never had been close to me, but also they're the ones to blame for all the suffering I went through until now. I never asked to be born. I never asked for this pathetic life. Yet here I am, exclusively because of them. They knew that this life was full of suffering, and still had me and other two kids (one of them who fortunately died after birth and didn't had to live in is hellhole) just to satisfy their egos. My mother openly admitted to me that she had me because she wanted someone to love her and to take care of her when she was old. Well, b*tch, that backfired, huh? Now you've got a son that dislikes you and is determined to kill himself. I just can't believe that people can be so stupid and selfish. Having kids is the worst thing anyone can do in my opinion, specially when the purpose is for them to serve their fathers until they die. It makes me feel so angry. I can't bring myself to care even a little bit about the suffering of them.

Does anyone else feel like this? Not giving a damn about how your parents will feel? Everyone here seems to be very guilty that they're going to make their parents suffer, so I was wondering if I was the only one who didn't care at all.
 
Rose

Rose

ad finitum
Nov 11, 2018
98
1,021
I don't really care how my death might effect anyone. Especially my family, but even the few people that I care about.

I've never been too connected or felt too much sympathy/empathy for my family, though, except for at a very young age.
As for otherwise, I don't really have an explanation. Maybe I've just given up on caring.
 
HGL91

HGL91

Elementalist
Jul 2, 2019
723
1,676
Utah
I just saw a thread with a video about a grieving mother and thought about this. I mean, I'm not trying to sound heartless, but I simply don't care about how my parents, especially my mother and my father, are going to feel when I kill myself. If anything, it makes me glad that they're finally going to pay for not treating me well.

I've never been close to them because we're just so different, and I always felt like I was born in the wrong family. I thought it would be different with my young brother, but no. He's just annoying and foolish like them and is on the way to become other religious fanatic on the family. Honestly I think that he will be glad when I'm gone, even if he is still a kid, because we always hated each other. I can feel that nobody likes the way I am and wants me to change. They're all disappointed because I'm not a religious sheep like them and I'm just too serious. But I'm not going to change just to please them, and if they are going to disregard my feelings, then I'm going to do the same with them.

The worst offenders, though, are my mother and my father. Not only they dislike me the way I am and never had been close to me, but also they're the ones to blame for all the suffering I went through until now. I never asked to be born. I never asked for this pathetic life. Yet here I am, exclusively because of them. They knew that this life was full of suffering, and still had me and other two kids (one of them who fortunately died after birth and didn't had to live in is hellhole) just to satisfy their egos. My mother openly admitted to me that she had me because she wanted someone to love her and to take care of her when she was old. Well, b*tch, that backfired, huh? Now you've got a son that dislikes you and is determined to kill himself. I just can't believe that people can be so stupid and selfish. Having kids is the worst thing anyone can do in my opinion, specially when the purpose is for them to serve their fathers until they die. It makes me feel so angry. I can't bring myself to care even a little bit about the suffering of them.

Does anyone else feel like this? Not giving a damn about how your parents will feel? Everyone here seems to be very guilty that they're going to make their parents suffer, so I was wondering if I was the only one who didn't care at all.
I know what you mean. I’m 27 and whenever I’m around my mom, it takes so much energy because I have to smile and be peppy and excited about everything.

She says phrases like,” You can sit down, hun!” which really means, “I want you to sit down” and I have to say “Oh, thank you for your consideration!” when I’m thinking “Damn it! I just want to stand up.”

or

“Carry these bags, will you? It’ll make you strong, like lifting weights!” Which translates to “I don’t want to carry this. You do it.” And I say “Haha! You’re right! I should probably strengthen my arms.” When in my head I’m thinking “I know what trick you’re trying to pull...”

Then again, it’s the same at work, and I don’t think I can take too many more years of faking that I give a shit about being kind or loving life in general. Being fake happy is exhausting.
 
A

Allegory

Member
Sep 10, 2018
19
59
My parents are a significant reason why I want to CTB in the first place. Their mistreatment was a big factor in me growing into such a messed up person. I'll leave them my savings but I don't care what they think about my death.
 
foreverbroken28

foreverbroken28

Dust with a brain.
Jul 11, 2019
32
140
Hell.
Nope...Just my dad because he lost his father 2 year ago...I believe my dad loves me in his own way....and he would be in shambles...

My mom on the other hand...Well I had been crying once due to Depression...and I made the mistake of telling my mom.

Me: I'm just really depressed :(
My Mom: Well, being depressed isn't gonna help you

Nobody in my family even likes/cares about me anyways except my dad and younger sister....but my younger sister is also just as moody and depressed.

She understands me.
 
Leesap

Leesap

Member
Jul 5, 2019
43
71
Eh as a parent if one of my kids ctb d I’d follow ASAP. They’re kids. As far as me ctb nah. I’m old, I don’t think anyone will be that bothered especially if it doesn’t cause them to have to do anything.
 
Darkhaven

Darkhaven

Teeth Grinding 24/7
May 19, 2019
513
1,191
Salem
Well no doubt that they would suffer a lot...
But it's my pain i'm concerned about.
Life sucks for me and it's very hard to find joy in being alive for me so i don't see why their pain matters more than mine.
So No, my parent's pain would be one of the last things i would consider before ctb.
 
Intelligent_Lobster

Intelligent_Lobster

I knew taking this picture would come in handy
Mar 30, 2019
88
135
I just saw a thread with a video about a grieving mother and thought about this. I mean, I'm not trying to sound heartless, but I simply don't care about how my parents, especially my mother and my father, are going to feel when I kill myself. If anything, it makes me glad that they're finally going to pay for not treating me well.

I've never been close to them because we're just so different, and I always felt like I was born in the wrong family. I thought it would be different with my young brother, but no. He's just annoying and foolish like them and is on the way to become other religious fanatic on the family. Honestly I think that he will be glad when I'm gone, even if he is still a kid, because we always hated each other. I can feel that nobody likes the way I am and wants me to change. They're all disappointed because I'm not a religious sheep like them and I'm just too serious. But I'm not going to change just to please them, and if they are going to disregard my feelings, then I'm going to do the same with them.

The worst offenders, though, are my mother and my father. Not only they dislike me the way I am and never had been close to me, but also they're the ones to blame for all the suffering I went through until now. I never asked to be born. I never asked for this pathetic life. Yet here I am, exclusively because of them. They knew that this life was full of suffering, and still had me and other two kids (one of them who fortunately died after birth and didn't had to live in is hellhole) just to satisfy their egos. My mother openly admitted to me that she had me because she wanted someone to love her and to take care of her when she was old. Well, b*tch, that backfired, huh? Now you've got a son that dislikes you and is determined to kill himself. I just can't believe that people can be so stupid and selfish. Having kids is the worst thing anyone can do in my opinion, specially when the purpose is for them to serve their fathers until they die. It makes me feel so angry. I can't bring myself to care even a little bit about the suffering of them.

Does anyone else feel like this? Not giving a damn about how your parents will feel? Everyone here seems to be very guilty that they're going to make their parents suffer, so I was wondering if I was the only one who didn't care at all.
I don't really care about what anyone is going to think.

Maybe it's because my standards are too high, but there's not one person that I would feel like I've "mentally tortured".
It's more likely, because I understand deeply what it means to be suicidal, and I know that once it's time to go, that person is already in a better place.
 
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HGL91

HGL91

Elementalist
Jul 2, 2019
723
1,676
Utah
My parents are a significant reason why I want to CTB in the first place. Their mistreatment was a big factor in me growing into such a messed up person. I'll leave them my savings but I don't care what they think about my death.
Hey! At least you have a savings. Unfortunately, my mom will inherit my debt, but if she died before me, I’d be inheriting her debt which is probably a lot worse because she loves credit cards.
 
S

Sh00

-
Jul 3, 2019
42
63
I do care, they're good people. If there was a better option for any of us I'd take it.

At the same time, and I've said this to them, this is the sort of risk you take having kids. There is no guaranteed happy ending, you have no idea who they will be or what they will go through. Just because you wanted kids doesn't mean they owe you anything.
 
Going Home

Going Home

Wise
Sep 21, 2018
227
686
SHITORIAVILLE
The person I consider a parent died and I cannot wait to be with that person again.

If you call yourself my parent but isolate me, devalue me because I am fat, tell others to terrorize me because I’m fat, give the ok for anybody to mistreat me because I had two beers two weeks ago and you consider me“soooo not relevant” then fuck you “parent” and those who follow you.

I don’t need fair weather family who consider me a toy and a lush. No wonder people were calling me Cinderella. It’s so true. Fuck that parent and those “ family members” feelings. They can find another toy.

I pray to be reunited with real family in the next part of my existence.
 
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Laststop

Laststop

Wise
Jul 9, 2019
238
455
Like a lot of people here, my parents have been a big part of my troubles, and their treatment of me doesn't exactly lend itself to me worrying about if it'll bother them. My mother will actually get a lot of use out of it. Whenever I did something she could show off to people she cared about impressing she was all over it Other than that, any sign of self esteem was seen as threatening to both my parents. Neither of them have really even liked me for who I am, have said and done terrible things to me, and have been just terrible parents.
 
HGL91

HGL91

Elementalist
Jul 2, 2019
723
1,676
Utah
Death is natural, they'll get over it.
When my mom hears of a parent losing a child, she’ll say, “I can’t imagine what they’re going through. It’s not supposed to be that way.” And I think, “Since when is life fair and when was it supposed to be fair?”
 
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Empty Smile

Empty Smile

I'm just a dreamer, who dreams of better days
Jul 13, 2018
1,535
6,817
49
In the deepest depths of hell
My dad died in 99, and mom is still around and in her mid 70s. My brother loves to try and lay the guilt trip on me using my suicidal tendencies as an excuse...

Brother: Parents aren't supposed to bury their children.

Me: I'm not going to be buried.

Brother: If you kill yourself, do you know how bad this will kill mom?

Me: I'll be dead. What do I care?

Brother: Fuck you, you selfish fucking piece of shit.

Me thinking to myself: Looks like I win again!


This is why I don't give a fuck who it affects. We get treated like shit due to depression, or whatever issues you are dealing with, and we are the selfish ones?
 
V

vulturecyclop

Member
May 23, 2019
71
159
Can't relate, they will be devastated and they did and okay job at caring for me growing up. Maybe a little too overprotective and not strict enough, and spoiled me too much. I am their only child after all, which will make me feel even more guilty when I ctb. At least my dad will finally be able to retire and not worry about money. I hate being a leech, and can't financially support myself because I have no useful skills.
 
wanttodie

wanttodie

Visionary
Apr 19, 2018
944
2,749
no a my
My parents have passed on
 
xXSarac3nSlay3rXx

xXSarac3nSlay3rXx

“Leaving this world is not as scary as it sounds.”
Mar 3, 2019
159
324
United States
I’m in a similar situation where I am the sole secular person in a religious family. My family does still care about me however, though I sometimes think the religious indoctrination I experienced as a child is part of why my head is so fucked now. I don’t blame them for that, however, because the same thing was done to them by their parents and so on. I just wish I could have a word with all the ancient con-artists who came up with this shit in the first place.
 
joshe

joshe

Wanderer
Jun 1, 2019
60
118
My parents are a significant reason why I want to CTB in the first place. Their mistreatment was a big factor in me growing into such a messed up person. I'll leave them my savings but I don't care what they think about my death.
Pretty much this verbatim. They can be happy after I'm gone. It doesn't really concern me either way
 
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ScorpiusDragon

ScorpiusDragon

Arcanist
Mar 25, 2019
502
1,546
Terabithia
I truly don't give a shit. Their perfect little Ivy League daughter committed suicide and is making them lose face in front of all their friends? Yawn. Boo-hoo.
Just to show how little I care about how my parents feel, I am actually far more worried about how my death would affect my close SS friends than how my death would affect my parents.
 
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SuicidalDream

SuicidalDream

Member
Jun 1, 2019
20
73
I care too much about how my parents will feel. I love them so much and I know they love me too. It’s one of the biggest reasons I have stayed alive this long. I feel fortunate to have them but sometimes I wish I could emotionally detach myself from how I feel about them so I could ctb in peace without the feeling of guilt that gets worse every time I get a step closer to my ctb plan.
 
k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
Jun 27, 2019
508
1,071
I care too much about how my parents will feel. I love them so much and I know they love me too. It’s one of the biggest reasons I have stayed alive this long. I feel fortunate to have them but sometimes I wish I could emotionally detach myself from how I feel about them so I could ctb in peace without the feeling of guilt that gets worse every time I get a step closer to my ctb plan.
This is exactly how I feel. They don't deserve what I'm planning on doing to them.
 
C

c824767

Member
Sep 2, 2019
45
60
My friend lost her daughter in Nov 2018, for a few months she just wanted to curl up and die. She came out of it understanding that her daughter did not want to be here any more. She has gone back to work from compassionate leave last week.
 
JulienSorel

JulienSorel

-
Aug 28, 2019
69
209
It was abuse and malevolence by family that put me in this position, and rendered me unable to feel anything in a positive light.

I want to leave mostly because I can't stand the terror of knowing that people would bear such ill will towards me since I was 8 months. There's always this air of I'm supposed to be a hated person from my family, and this self resentment has stayed with me all my life. Everything I do if not in opposition of what they want for me is meaningless.

My only regret is losing the battle to them. I had periods in my life where I fought the pain beautifully.
 
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W

welshie84

-
Jul 17, 2019
181
148
uk
Both of mine have passed , but my mum knew how much I suffered to live, I think she would be ok with it if she was still here
 

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