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Does anybody here wants to ctb due to their looks?

R

Reach

Member
Joined
Jun 28, 2020
Messages
50
One of my reasons to ctb in the future is because I find myself a disgusting ugly person. Regardless what people told me, or even though I had relationships before.
Is there anybody here who feels the same?

I'm also curious good looking people's stories here. I just find it interesting that an attribute in someone's life might be totally irrelevant, but in others' it can cause ctb.
 
Deathbydemo

Deathbydemo

Specialist
Joined
Feb 15, 2020
Messages
340
Yes, I can relate. I am very unattractive and have a lot of dental issues and that’s partly a reason for my exit, among other things.

im sorry you’re feeling this way too. ❤
 
BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,461
Occassionally I'm so detached that I look into the mirror and can't really recognize myself. Those days are a blessing. On an average day I just feel pure hatred and disgust at the ugly fuck I see looking back. I wouldn't say my looks are why I want to kill myself, but they certainly add fuel to the flame.

It seems like life is so much easier if you're attractive. People seem more friendly and trusting. At the same time, the grass is always greener. It has its own problems.
 
Chupacabra 44

Chupacabra 44

If boredom were a CTB method, I would be long gone
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
565
My late mother CTBed due primarily for her fading looks as the main reason, IMO.
Just given all her comments of not wanting to grow old and having been a beautiful ex model in her youth, has me 95% percent certain this is why she CTBed in her 50s.

My looks have faded drastically over the past 7 years. I'm in my 50s. Before this, I would say using a grading scale from school I would rank my looks as perhaps a B+. But, my grade is inching lower significantly with age.

For myself, my fading looks sucks, but it has no impact on my CTB instincts.
Occassionally I'm so detached that I look into the mirror and can't really recognize myself. Those days are a blessing. On an average day I just feel pure hatred and disgust at the ugly fuck I see looking back. I wouldn't say my looks are why I want to kill myself, but they certainly add fuel to the flame.

It seems like life is so much easier if you're attractive. People seem more friendly and trusting. At the same time, the grass is always greener. It has its own problems.

You mentioned the mirror. Personally, I try as hard as possible not to look at my face in the mirror. Seeing how I'm aging only makes me feel worse, so I avoid noticing as best I can.
 
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nitroautnz

nitroautnz

Specialist
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Sep 11, 2020
Messages
363
I don't know if im good looking, my ex use to say so, I personally think im average. It's only recently I ended up accepting myself though, I use to hate my face.
Low self-esteem is often coming with depression unfortunately. And everyone is ugly for some and good looking for others. I already had a divergent opinion on the look of the person, for example, the first time I see my ex I didn't find her good looking, but now I think its the most beautiful person on earth. Personality can change your opinion on a person look too.
 
BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
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Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,461
My late mother CTBed due primarily for her fading looks as the main reason, IMO.
Just given all her comments of not wanting to grow old and having been a beautiful ex model in her youth, has me 95% percent certain this is why she CTBed in her 50s.

My looks have faded drastically over the past 7 years. I'm in my 50s. Before this, I would say using a grading scale from school I would rank my looks as perhaps a B+. But, my grade is inching lower significantly with age.

For myself, my fading looks sucks, but it has no impact on my CTB instincts.



You mentioned the mirror. Personally, I try as hard as possible not to look at my face in the mirror. Seeing how I'm aging only makes me feel worse, so I avoid noticing as best I can.
Getting older sounds so horrible and scary. I'm sorry, mate.
 
Futile

Futile

Tired of being lonely
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Sep 3, 2020
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167
I've always been very ugly since I was a child and it has led to nobody wanting to be my friend (and of course lover).

The forced social isolation has made me suicidal and brought me here
 
J

jamho22

Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2020
Messages
12
Looks are a depreciating asset. I do know about the pain and frustration that comes with constantly obsessing over a perceived flaw in one's physical appearance. Im also not going to dismiss the fact that looks play an integral role in various different facets of life, and to an extent where someone might even be unfairly considered for a new job or promotion simply because of how attractive they are. However, personality produces life outcomes that are greater in several orders of magnitude than looks. Once you enter adulthood, looks begin to matter far less than they would if you were in high school or college.
 
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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
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Apr 8, 2020
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[TW] I'll blur this out. I'm sorry for posting this but I need to vent this somewhere: I sometimes want to slice my face and body because I'm so disgusting.
This is relatable.
When I feel really bad I want to cut my face and neck, maybe my stomach. I get such bad urges to carve words into myself. I pretty much keep the cutting confined to two areas on my body, but I've been self harming more on my forearms. It helps me numb out, personally. And I feel like I deserve the pain and shame, so there's that. Anyway. You're absolutely not alone with those urges, mate
I'm so so sorry, I thought the quote would stay blurred as I responded. I hope it doesn't trigger anyone.
 
RC90

RC90

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Sep 13, 2020
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No, not me. But I do believe everyone is beautiful inside out no matter what. I’ve met the uglies woman ever at a lecture, in fact she was so ugly the entire audience laughed as she entered the stage. When she was done and we chatted after the lecture, she spoke directly to my heart we became friends during the week she was lecturing in town, and despite the fact that I was much younger than her, I couldn’t stop myself from saying this is the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Not sexually meaning on this, but just the way she was, the caring way she spoke like she knew me, she could see through me. I wonder if she is still alive sometimes. I only remember her first name so it’s hard to try and find something about her.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
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2,945
Sort of. It's not so much what I look like as what it's resulted in. I certainly had issues and I let them destroy my life. Considering I was 17 then and I'm now 34 I don't think I look too bad but in the grand scheme of things it hardly matters anymore
 
F

Forgotten

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Aug 20, 2020
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A decade ago my looks were apparently decent since I had no difficulty in attracting girls, but in recent years my looks clearly started fading away as I don't really get much positive attention these days, after I had a mental breakdown years ago that made me isolate myself completely I apparently got a "dangerous" vibe and "aura" now. My looks aren't really a defining factor in my suicidal desire to be honest I just can't function properly anymore so even If I looked like Brad Pitt or Henry Cavill it wouldn't change anything, if my mind doesn't work, what the body looks like is irrelevant.
 
flatearth

flatearth

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Aug 27, 2020
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yes i know how you feel; no matter how many times people tell you otherwise that doesn't change the way you see yourself, correct?
my opinion does not matter to you and me saying "noooo! everyone is beautiful in there own way!" won't change anything, but i can at least tell you, you are not alone :hug:
 
HappyMstake

HappyMstake

Not so happy as it turns out.
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May 29, 2020
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Well it’s not by any means the only reason, but yes it’s one of the reasons I want to ctb. Not only only my face but I’ve always hated my body as well, and I really don’t want to live like ten or more years just to be ugly but with wrinkles and everything that comes along with aging. :/
 
lighthousekeeper

lighthousekeeper

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Jun 29, 2020
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I hear from others that I'm good-looking but I know it doesn't last & I can't ever actually have a sexual relationship with anybody unless somebody else out of the blue decides to pay for my labiaplasty.
 
Weightoftheworld

Weightoftheworld

Let me burn.
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Apr 19, 2020
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I feel like a lot of my life has been based upon my looks, that’s what I’ve always received comments on and why people have entered my life. So when those begin to fade, what will I have left?
So yes, this does play a part in my wanting to CTB, however it is a lot further down the list than other reasons.
 
R

Reach

Member
Joined
Jun 28, 2020
Messages
50
I feel like a lot of my life has been based upon my looks, that’s what I’ve always received comments on and why people have entered my life. So when those begin to fade, what will I have left?
So yes, this does play a part in my wanting to CTB, however it is a lot further down the list than other reasons.
You mean like people entered your life because the way you look (I assume you're good looking)?
 
Isadeth

Isadeth

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Jun 12, 2020
Messages
691
Body dysmorphia used to play a huge role in wanting to ctb... or at the very least not caring if I died. I'm currently in recovery, but it's still there. I avoid mirrors a lot and photos. Pictures make me look drastically different than in person me in my eyes. I'm still trying to focus on recovery regarding anorexia and body dysmorphia, but it's hard. However, it's not a reason to ctb for me any longer. But it used to be. ♡
 
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Weightoftheworld

Weightoftheworld

Let me burn.
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You mean like people entered your life because the way you look (I assume you're good looking)?
Yes. I wouldn’t consider myself good looking though, that’s just what I’m told.
 
Nature_is_God

Nature_is_God

The cause of suffering is the desire to exist
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Jul 27, 2020
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Not directly but I’m pretty sure the bad perception of myself is one of things that lead to my low confidence, which lead to a multitude of problems that torment me daily.
 
BerryCakes

BerryCakes

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Sep 20, 2020
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I'm also curious good looking people's stories here. I just find it interesting that an attribute in someone's life might be totally irrelevant, but in others' it can cause ctb.
No, people who are conventionally attractive are usually aware of the benefits that this brings. I'm not drop dead beautiful by any means, but I am pretty. This has made receiving positive male attention piss easy. It's also made receiving empathy/sympathy from most people in general easier. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I lost my looks.
 
E

everydayiloveyou

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Jul 5, 2020
Messages
103
I've been fat and ugly my whole life so I feel you. My vision impairment makes me look strange too, and it's completely incurable and unmanageable. So I feel uglier when I have to squint, turn my head, or look really close at things in order to see properly. Plus people like to tell me how weird, ugly, and fat I look. When I was a kid, I was so caught up in this and would cry all the time about how I'm an ugly lesbian and I'll never get anywhere in life and no one will ever love me.

The reality is that there are many really ugly people in the world who are doing just fine. I didn't realize this until I began to work retail and saw all of the different kinds of people out there. People with bodily deformities, super fat people, people who stink, people with horrible teeth, etc... those kinds of people were paying $500 in groceries a week, always had a friend and/or family member around to chat with, and always had something to plan and do. They seemed happier than I am, that's for sure. Of course a beautiful person probably enjoys their life even more than those people do, since being pretty comes with privileges, but it's not like it's impossible to be both ugly and happy.

I don't like to say everyone is beautiful, because its just not true. And you may actually be ugly, maybe really ugly, but the fact is that the impact of looks on the trajectory of your life is minimal. Being sociable, friendly, and neurotypical is all you need to be a happy and successful person. Being pretty is not going to solve all your problems, in fact it may not solve any of them.

Body dysmorphia is a terrible illness, there are people who are absolutely stunning who are thinking the same way as us, all because of some wonky chemicals in their brain or trauma or whatever. Beauty is not enough even for them, it's just not explainable. Even dangerous, damaging surgeries won't change their minds, and in the end the "others" will end up finding them ugly anyways for a variety of different reasons.

What I try to remember is that it's the "normies" who spread around that stuff about how looks don't matter, because to a degree that's how they honestly see the world. And it's true! idk any non-body dysmorphic/non-asshole people who are overly critical of others' looks in the same way we are to ourselves. The rest of the world may look at you and see ugly, but it's within your control to change their perception afterwards. You can be ugly and smart, talented, funny, kind, friendly, etc.. and people would love to have that kind of company more than a beautiful person who does nothing but fixtate on their preceived ugliness and depression all the time. Of course we can't choose to not be mentally ill, but it's a consideration I guess. After all the only real way out of this is robust mental health care (as with all mental illnesses)
 
Illias

Illias

Meh
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Jul 15, 2020
Messages
879
I’m ugly as hell, always wanted to have plastic surgery since I was in elementary school, it’s pretty sad. I don’t have good genes and got my fave from my dad which is kinda the reason why I look this way.. I hate it. People say that looks don’t matter but my personality is shit too and I’m too weak to do anything about it. I’m angry about myself and sometimes it’s hard to only keep the anger in myself and I reflect it on others too... plus good looks is what gets you places even if you don’t wanna believe it, it’s just is that way and I hate it
 

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