Does anybody else self harm instead of ctb?

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nzdarkshark

nzdarkshark

The Loved Mistake
Sep 4, 2018
402
1,597
I was similar last year, guess I still am.
When I don't have urges I feel suicidal.
Doesn't have to be cutting either, anything to make myself suffer.
 
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Burzolog

Elementalist
Apr 5, 2018
781
1,085
When i don't have the opportunity to self harm i get so suicidal. Usually i can distract my suicidal impulses by self harming.
Hahaha, for me it's the opposite. I start harming my body after a failed attempt. My body is a country and I'm terrorizing it's citizens. Payback, motherfuckers!!!
 
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scorpiooo2

scorpiooo2

saddest grl
Aug 23, 2019
97
181
I
When i don't have the opportunity to self harm i get so suicidal. Usually i can distract my suicidal impulses by self harming.
I’m the same way. It’s like when I can’t self-harm I just get thrown back into the same suicidal phases I’ve felt for years. To the point where when I do self-harm again it’s so stress relieving
 
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hache.cicatrizes

hache.cicatrizes

« Brilla, mientras estés vivo.»
Aug 10, 2019
5
4
Es cruel, aunque me hace sonreír. O calmarse. Pero tengo más miedo de ser feliz con toques de distorsión. Cuando soy feliz, me hago daño. Para soportar mi alegría. Jajaja me atrevo, salgo con polo o ropa corta a veces me da la gana, pero yo
 
Rocksandsand

Rocksandsand

-
May 26, 2019
396
1,373
Oh god yes.

I got quite fond of bloodletting recently. I’d put a cannula in my arm and let the blood flow. It felt like a half-suicide. Afterwards I’d be so heavily dissociated. It was like getting high without actually needing a drug

Fast-forward two weeks. I’d lost a total of around 2L of blood. I needed a transfusion from blood loss. It felt like I was inching closer and closer to death.

I’ve been trying not to do anything since I had the transfusion. I crave it literally every day
 
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EmptySteph62

Veteran
Aug 4, 2019
170
521
I self harm to cope with my suicidal urges, like it makes me focus more on the physical pain than the emotional pain and at least I know the physical pain will get better in time.
But yeah I try not to so often in the summer so I can wear short sleeves without fresh cuts showing (idc about scars but fresh makes me uncomfortable) and as a result I get waaayyy worse in terms of urges when I can't self harm at least 2 or 3 times a week.
 
Ness

Ness

They/Them pronouns, please
Aug 28, 2019
186
1,041
I do self harm, but it's usually for the sake of the pain. I punch myself, snap hairties on my wrists and when I know I won't be around people for at least a day there's a big chance I'll go for cutting. I try to keep it contained under where I put on lots of bracelets and hairties so I can wear short sleeves and that's worked very well so far in making people not look any closer.
 
Ness

Ness

They/Them pronouns, please
Aug 28, 2019
186
1,041
I really don't see the point in self-harm.
It depends on the person. Some do it for the control it gives them over their own body, some (like me) do it to feel the physical pain for whatever various reasons (such as it being easier to handle, it being a distraction, it being proof of being alive and so on).
 
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Bathsheba

-
Aug 31, 2019
318
428
Yes! I’ve been self harming for over 20 years. Part of it is like practicing to ctb in a way. Like taking the pain. Recently I’ve been cutting more on my wrists even though I know that would be a bad choice for a successful method to ctb, but it just feels more serious as a form of self harm. Nothing compares to when I see the blood. It’s a release, a buzz, it’s calming and soothing. It keeps me going till I ctb for real.
 
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Soulless_Angel

Soulless_Angel

existence is futile
Jul 10, 2019
2,228
3,928
I am self harming until I get to the point of trying to CTB again. It used to ground me but not as much anymore, which is so frustrating, I either cut my arms or use something to beat my leg with, my upper thigh is currently one very large bruise.
 
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Zer0

Zer0

Nem sempre se pode ser Deus
Sep 14, 2018
108
214
I used to cut myself to ease my suicidal thoughts 2 years ago, now I'm afraid I won't pass medical exam to work because of the scars and that makes me want to cut myself again. Self harm is a cycle to me.
 
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deathislove

deathislove

Member
Sep 2, 2019
19
26
I'm glad I found this site then. Self harm is so tabooed, if you mention it around I guess normal people they want to send you to a doctor. But you guys are right. Self harm is relieving. The sound of my skin slitting open and the sight of my blood oozing out creates an amazing feeling. When I dont cut, I often get suicidal too. Usually that happens when I'm in public places and I deal with it by climbing to high places and sitting on high edges just to get my blood flowing.
 
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