There's a difference between existing and living.
- Sep 3, 2018
... then try to find something online that can describe it but sometimes still can’t? It’s indescribable for me to pin down what I’m feeling like words alone doesn’t do any justice for what I’m experiencing. I feel dark and empty, but it’s more than that and I just can’t express it. I’ve been trying to search up on things like just for example ‘life is depressing’ but the search results doesn’t go in-depth enough about the numerous reasons as to why life is fucking depressing. To me I can find something depressing or negative in almost everything or maybe I’m just too sensitive, but all I feel is that everything feels wrong. I try to read up on philosophy and pessimism to get some in-depth answers, but it’s like searching for a needle in a haystack especially with trying to find that niche author (for me it’s Schopenhauer, Camus, Cloran, etc.) and the topics they’re discussing given how difficult philosophy can be at times since it’s not in layman’s terms. It honestly makes me feel even more isolated feeling like no one really understands besides the people here and even then it’s just not enough. This short post alone took me close to an hour just trying to describe what I’m thinking and what I want to say.