Do you think you deserve your misery?

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M

millefeui

Illuminated
Mar 31, 2018
1,049
5,197
Only if reincarnation is a thing. If so, I must have been the worst wretch alive in my past existence, because hot damn. Surely I was racist and a bigot of all kinds. Maybe a murderer and rapist on top of that. Surely?

In this life, I didn't do all that much harm to others. I was prejudicial towards someone once (really, just once — I wish I could meet him again to apologize) and I killed a fish as a kid (and people say kids are innocent), but that is that. I don't think that justifies all that crap I go through in this life, so 1. whether we suffer or not in life is simply random or 2. I am paying for crimes I don't even remember committing.

I have tried to make sense of why some people have it easy and others suffer so much, but it doesn't make sense no matter what possibilities I consider.
 
A

Asthenia

Member
Aug 6, 2018
49
115
I have many faults, but there used to be years where I really gave all I had in a huge attempt to leave a positive mark on the world.

Now after many vicissitudes I've understood that I don't care about being recognized, people are too chaotic and eventually what I'll do will get erased, ignored or misinterpreted at some point in history. I just sit and wait.

I try not to do harm, neither at myself not at others, I won't make our situation as human beings worse than it is.

I don't feel like I deserved all of these limitations, however. Well, not that I can complain about it since the universe is not here to satisfy petty requests. "My" misery is "our" misery as people.

We have failed, as for now, to rearrange the natural Chaos of the universe and here's the real reason why life as a collective species is a bare mess and the worst things happen indifferently to the "good" and the "bad". The universe is indifferent, we are malicious.
 
L

Life sucks

Visionary
Apr 18, 2018
951
3,231
I only think about one thing. Which is quitting my job, I could take more money and distract myself. But I'm tired of life and already quit in order to ctb. nobody understands this, I'm tired of life and all kinds of bullshit within it not to mention the deep mental problems I have.
Maybe it looks like I fucked up or shoot in the foot but I really don't want to stay anymore.
 
Midnight

Midnight

Arcanist
Jun 30, 2018
523
2,062
Not at all. On the contrary many of the assholes i know are doing far better and they don't seem to deserve a shit life.

You play the cards you are dealt. Some get shitty cards, others just play bad, some cheat and some get good cards ... I guess most of us tried to make the best of it but it didn't work out.
 
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Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,618
6,609
Not at all. On the contrary many of the assholes i know are doing far better and they don't seem to deserve a shit life.
I think everybody around me should suffer my fate. Their actions are completwly inhuman, you wouldn't like to hear things I see everyday here...

Me too, as I am almost as despicable as them.

Sigh, at least there is a person having what he deserves...
 
Midnight

Midnight

Arcanist
Jun 30, 2018
523
2,062
I think everybody around me should suffer my fate. Their actions are completwly inhuman, you wouldn't like to hear things I see everyday here...

Me too, as I am almost as despicable as them.

Sigh, at least there is a person having what he deserves...
What is it that you think made you deserve this? If you don't want to talk about it np man.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,618
6,609
What is it that you think made you deserve this? If you don't want to talk about it np man.
I can't avoid doing things that harm other people. I do it constantly and sometimes I don't notice it until it's too late.

I used to harm animals intentionally when I was young and bully others in the school. It happened a lot time ago but the damage is irreparable.

I'm the kind of person who could have caused the problems of a lot of people here, specially when I used to be extremely homophobic and transphobic.

I constantly tried to make the world an even worse place and living in the ignorance without helping anybody because it was the easiest thing for me.

One day, I opened my eyes and I noticed what I was doing but still I tried to close my eyes and pretending things weren't happening.

Now, there is no backtrack. I know exactly the kind of person I am. I became everything I hated: a predator, a bully, in Judas...

I simply hope if for some reason I live time enough and I grow, I hope I could decide to fix all what I did.
 
EternalSanction

EternalSanction

Ex-Staff Member
Jun 7, 2018
251
890
Depends. On the one hand I know that I made some wrong decisions in the past and they are related to some issues that are now plaguing me. Obviously I deserve the consequences as I was in charge taking these decisions; on the other there are some factors/decisions I can't/couldn't influence at all.
 
Midnight

Midnight

Arcanist
Jun 30, 2018
523
2,062
I can't avoid doing things that harm other people. I do it constantly and sometimes I don't notice it until it's too late.

I used to harm animals intentionally when I was young and bully others in the school. It happened a lot time ago but the damage is irreparable.

I'm the kind of person who could have caused the problems of a lot of people here, specially when I used to be extremely homophobic and transphobic.

I constantly tried to make the world an even worse place and living in the ignorance without helping anybody because it was the easiest thing for me.

One day, I opened my eyes and I noticed what I was doing but still I tried to close my eyes and pretending things weren't happening.

Now, there is no backtrack. I know exactly the kind of person I am. I became everything I hated: a predator, a bully, in Judas...

I simply hope if for some reason I live time enough and I grow, I hope I could decide to fix all what I did.
Well fwiw there is still time to do good in life. It's impossible to undo the past but look at it this way .. people have done far worse and lived their lives in ignorance afterwards... At least you realised it and changed your behavior.
 
agreement

agreement

Master
Mar 26, 2018
439
1,385
Nope.
I don't believe there's a reason for my existence (or for life, everything etc), so there isn't a reason for my pain.

I've been in really dark places some years ago where my pain was so incommensurable that I thought that it should have been for sure a reason for that.
Maybe I was deserving it for some obscure reason or, enduring it, I was saving my loved ones or even the whole umanity from a sad fate.
The pain was so huge that I was convinced that even suicide wouldn't have been enough to get rid of it.
 
Rex

Rex

Lonely af
May 25, 2018
177
1,152
No I don't, I've made some bad choices but a lot of my issues stem from things out of my control, not all; but most.

On that note I don't think many deserve anything like this, there is a select few in history we could all agree (or mostly) that X, Y or Z deserved what they got, or even deserved more.
 
Justanotherconsumer

Justanotherconsumer

Visionary
Jul 9, 2018
987
3,012
If there is any kind of intelligence ruling the universe's it must delight in pain,misery and fear, and imposing it on everything in existence, the only thing that makes human life bareable is our own inventions, once you are unable to afford these inventions your life becomes miserable and not worth living.
 
M

millefeui

Illuminated
Mar 31, 2018
1,049
5,197
I have had this same thought. I am a little “worried” that my first attempt actually worked. And when I “woke up” I actually woke up in hell or some kind of fucking purgatory. Which means that nothing I do to escape will work ....
Maybe if you kill yourself from hell (here) you wake up in a better place. One can dream.
 
Final Escape

Final Escape

Old and tired
Jul 8, 2018
2,613
9,221
42
Probably yea lol! I was never what I would say a really great person or exceptional. People tell me I’m a nice person but if I was so great I doubt I would be alone with few friends and a loner. I think I was pretty lazy, self centered, and reckless in my life. It’s surprising I’m not dead yet or severely ill at 41 because of self destructive life.
 
Lrdhlpme

Lrdhlpme

Veteran
Aug 2, 2018
141
257
Today I don't even want to talk about anything, I only want to ask if some of you is here for bad decisions, because you harmed somebody or simply because you are just a bad person and you think you deserve this.


My answer is yes.
I think I'm a bad person and deserve this, I alway thought I was a good guy who made some mistakes until recently everything came crashing down and I analysed my choices and saw that I really am the bad guy and i didn't relise until it was too late.
 
T

typx

Specialist
May 4, 2018
397
1,361
I can't avoid doing things that harm other people. I do it constantly and sometimes I don't notice it until it's too late.

I used to harm animals intentionally when I was young and bully others in the school. It happened a lot time ago but the damage is irreparable.

I'm the kind of person who could have caused the problems of a lot of people here, specially when I used to be extremely homophobic and transphobic.

I constantly tried to make the world an even worse place and living in the ignorance without helping anybody because it was the easiest thing for me.

One day, I opened my eyes and I noticed what I was doing but still I tried to close my eyes and pretending things weren't happening.

Now, there is no backtrack. I know exactly the kind of person I am. I became everything I hated: a predator, a bully, in Judas...

I simply hope if for some reason I live time enough and I grow, I hope I could decide to fix all what I did.
A lot of this really resonates with me. Especially the part about trying to pretend things weren’t happening. As well, being a betrayer. I hate myself and I do deserve this for the same reasons.
 

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