[Discussion] Do you think parents and family can cope with the loss ?

  • Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.

    You can close this box by clicking the top right "X".

A

Ange_Fatigue

Member
Jan 20, 2020
62
155
As I was reading the fotum I ve found posts were it's said that parents tend to grieve a lot the death of children. Even if it's not young children.

Never found a video where a mother should say for example, he was suffering for years, he did it, it hurted me but as time goes by I think that he made his choice and I'm at peace with that.

The bound here is not rationnal, we can expect parents to really miss someone because it's their child.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Noisette
RayoSinSol

RayoSinSol

I can’t ignore the abyss. It is real.
Mar 26, 2020
112
251
Personally, I hold too much bitterness toward my blood family to really worry about how they feel about my death. Haven’t talked to them in a while, intentionally, as I believe having some distance from them might make it easier if/when I finally follow through.

We never really had more than a superficial relationship anyway. I can’t speak for people who actually have a deep bond with their family.

Only person I worry about hurting is my lover. He’s had a hard life with a lot of losses. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about hurting him with my suicide, but I can’t live just for him. Outside of him, my life is pretty empty and I don’t rationally think it’s worth preserving, personally.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Bct and Cutepoison
SuiSqueeze92

SuiSqueeze92

Self Saboteur
Jan 15, 2020
396
549
Tbh idk. My mom accepts she’s fucked up and feels guilty... but I don’t want that. But I think deep down she sees my father and is scared I’m going to go down the same path.. ending in CTB.
 
BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

I'm a BPD Barbie Girl living in a suicidal world
Dec 1, 2019
1,362
3,943
I try and tell myself that in time they will recover from it and the pain will get a little easier to handle. If it will or not, I don't know.
 
P

PDAnnie2610

Waiting for my bus.
Oct 27, 2019
194
301
Their ‘loss’ doesn’t bother me. I tend to think that people learn to cope. Well, except for the elderly..
 
disabledandhopeless

disabledandhopeless

Wise
Mar 2, 2020
218
473
Depends on the parents. My family would love that I’m gone. No coping strategies needed.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Exitforme
A

Alexerini

Member
May 11, 2020
9
30
I know for certain that people in my family would suicide if I did it. If I did it, I'd be killing them as well.
 
  • Hug
Reactions: jrums and nnnerve
in_the_end

in_the_end

Argentino
May 6, 2020
15
17
I worry a little more about my father. he doesn't know how to handle certain emotions well

my mother instead, I think she could even understand why I do it
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Pensively Prolific
Jan 11, 2020
3,360
6,526
Some people are able to overcome major losses, some are not. Not just the loss of a child by any manner, but a significant other due to breakup or death, or the loss of income, or the loss of a home, or the loss of one's country due to war and having to become a refugee.

Major loss happens to everyone if they live long enough, and some losses are harder than others to recover from. Some do not have the inner resources and/or outer support to overcome such losses, but we can't be responsible for what others have nor lack, it's impossible to own that.

It's a dual challenge for the one considering ctb: knowing the pain others will experience, and considering their resources, abilities, and support, yet also knowing one's own situation, and not having the resources, abilities, and support to go on in order to not harm others. If we can't overcome, we know that a consequence beyond our control is that others will have to figure out if they can overcome the loss.

It can be a never-ending cycle: I hurt/have no hope, my best/only option is to end it, and when I end it, another will hurt, and it hurts to know that, and I feel responsible for causing that pain, so I can neither bear what is nor the knowledge that another may not be able to bear what comes after.

I think suicide in many circumstances is a form of self-preservation, and that's maybe one place where the amorphous and condemning idea of selfishness comes in. But to survive can be too high of a cost, and it gets twisted around that others have to pay that cost, which is gaslighting in a way, that is, telling a different story than what is actually happening. The costs are separate but related, just as the child is separate from but related to the parent.

Major losses happen in life, and the suicide of a loved one can be one of those losses. If we don't have the foundations to support our own lives, we cannot take on the burden of responsibility for others' well-being, the foundation simply can't support it. If they also do not have the foundation to manage the loss, we cannot own that. It's already all too much. Yes, humans have social responsibilities to one another, but if we cannot manage our own lives, we certainly cannot take on the responsibilities for others' lives, most especially if they are adults, which parents are. As many have said on this forum, if you really want to save someone, then you should perhaps have to take on the responsibility for their life and their problems. If you can't own that, then let them do as they choose with what is theirs to own.
 
Last edited:
rue89

rue89

Veteran
Feb 10, 2020
110
433
My mom told me that if I kill myself she will too. I feel guilty but I also think it's time to do what's right for me. Realizing the hypocrisy that she'd be doing the same thing to my brother and her parents and siblings has made my decision easier.
 
tiredofsuffering

tiredofsuffering

Veteran
Apr 4, 2020
142
248
It won't be easy, I'm the only company and the only person who's related to my mom that she consider as family. But she'll deal with it. It may even free herself from the burden that's my existence.
 
Rlly

Rlly

Tired.
Sep 11, 2019
51
187
I have a really close relationship with my dad and he would most likely kill himself if I did.

It’s a bit of a catch 22 because if/when I live to see him die, it would 100% push me over the edge. I’m just dreading that moment.
 
NekoNomNom

NekoNomNom

One drop of love from him and my hearts in ecstacy
May 3, 2020
141
463
Dear God, I have no idea. My son just asked me to help him. I asked him with what. He said, "I need you to be okay."

This subject has been a real struggle for me these last few months, and my decision to go through with ctbing. Fucking hell...
 
  • Hug
Reactions: FriendofDeath
T

Talokin

Member
May 17, 2019
72
152
Some of our families have given up on us. It's a variety of selfishness and need.
But I will say this: if any family member has said they forgot to respond to your request for help because they went on vacation, whatever pain they feel is not enough.

Note: they took 3 devices with them, have been using email since the 1990's, and had been back for a month before saying this. Also...they had already emotionally abandoned you because you were too depressed to vote in 2016 election - and they hate you so much, they lazily assumed it was because you now support the other (evil) party.
 
R

Ritter

Member
Aug 30, 2019
76
150
It all depends but I've seen firsthand what a suicide does to a family. It's devastating. The grief, the pain, the guilt....and it stays with them.

Sure, some people learn to cope, some people manage to continue with their lives, but I can tell you it never goes away. There's no "getting over it" or "moving on" they just learn to live with that pain and that loss as part of their life....

It's what has kept me here so far, even tho I feel very often the urge to CTB. Not sure if it's worth doing it to them, what if they do the same...I'm here because of suicide, it's a terrible awful pain.
 
  • Like
Reactions: FriendofDeath
nnnerve

nnnerve

im so depressed i cant even blink
Jun 19, 2019
265
533
It wouldn't ruin my mother's life or even probably disrupt it that long if I ctbed, but it would tear her up and she'd talk to nobody about it. It'd be her own little private tragedy and she would carry it alone for the rest of her life.

(I hope to kind of haunt my abusers though.)
 
Last edited:
AlreadyGone

AlreadyGone

Taking it day by day
Jan 11, 2020
589
838
Parents? Maybe not, but other family will move on. I moved on after members of my family passed away.
 
S

suicideintended

Exhausted
May 6, 2020
9
8
I worry about my children. My girls. Noone else. I don't have family except my mother anyway and our relationship is.... it doesn't exactly exist. I don't want to burden her with any logistics from me ctb but I do believe she would heal just fine...

My girls though...Fuckin shit... that thought is why I'm still here. However, its turning from "I cant leave them here with that pain" to "They will be better off" and "After almost 33 years, even though I love them so very much, i can't f****** do this anymore..I cant".

I don't even want to post this post because I see how selfish it looks to typical people but I have to remember this is not a judgmental site and you guys have no idea of my life. Obviously if I'm spending my late nights here trying to plan properly amd appropriately then my demons are winning..

But yes, my children.
 
mathieu

mathieu

Elementalist
Jun 5, 2019
767
1,247
I think my parents and family will cope but they will grieve.
 
B

Bct

Veteran
Apr 20, 2020
196
240
In my case, perhaps yes, perhaps no. I'm not close enough with my family to know what's on their minds.
 
E

Exitforme

Deceased
Oct 3, 2019
87
133
The pain, if any, my family will feel is temporary and will diminish with the passage of time.

My pain, however, will continue to be with me for the rest of my life until the day I die.

My family have shown on numerous occasions that they couldn't care less about my afflictions. In fact, they disregard them all together.

May they disregard my death in similar manner.

Everyone dies at the end of the day, regardless of how "soon" or "early". There will never be a perfect time to die.

With this in mind, it is logically foolish to mourn the occurence of an eventuality (death).

In any event, if the grief they feel over my death is soo great then they too can escape their pain much like I have, through death.
 
FriendofDeath

FriendofDeath

Member
May 22, 2020
71
59
Parents grieve the loss of a child, and for a very high percentage of them, it never goes away. The first year is spent in shock, the second hurts worse, because it's starting to sink in that your baby (no matter the age) is gone. The loss leaves a huge hole in a parent's heart. Some can't go on; some only survive, some use the loss of their child to try and help others. I speak from experience. And yet I'm here. I don't know how I have survived the loss, but after my son was gone, the thought of suicide took up residence in my brain. Growing up I wanted to die. As a mother, I did not. Now that he's gone, it's a struggle.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Justinian
N

Noisette

New Member
Mar 13, 2020
3
3
As I was reading the fotum I ve found posts were it's said that parents tend to grieve a lot the death of children. Even if it's not young children.

Never found a video where a mother should say for example, he was suffering for years, he did it, it hurted me but as time goes by I think that he made his choice and I'm at peace with that.

The bound here is not rationnal, we can expect parents to really miss someone because it's their child.
For my part I think nobody cares. They will just pretend to be grieving to have sympathy from others
 
FriendofDeath

FriendofDeath

Member
May 22, 2020
71
59
For my part I think nobody cares. They will just pretend to be grieving to have sympathy from others
No one wants to be around a grieving parent, and most lose many of their friends. I'm basing this on my experience as well as those of many who post their stories online. Yes, there are those that will use a tragedy, but I choose to believe it's not the majority.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Noisette
N

Noisette

New Member
Mar 13, 2020
3
3
No one wants to be around a grieving parent, and most lose many of their friends. I'm basing this on my experience as well as those of many who post their stories online. Yes, there are those that will use a tragedy, but I choose to believe it's not the majority.
Maybe you're right.
Anyhow on my end, they will probably feel relief that I'm gone. Nobody will be really upset about it
 
jrums

jrums

Member
Apr 14, 2019
71
142
My mom will never get over it. It will basically be killing her too. But this condition is a nightmare and I've done the best I can to prepare everyone for the likely outcome. It's all I can do.
 
  • Love
Reactions: FriendofDeath
Green Destiny

Green Destiny

We will fade.
Nov 17, 2019
271
432
Unfortunately no. But at a time you have to consider what's more selfish, living in perpetual misery for the rest of your days so your family can remain somewhat happy or putting an end to your own pain while they have to grieve for your death. I'll sound cruel for saying this but since I don't have a deep relationship with my siblings and the rest of my family I honestly don't care anymore about what they'll deal with, just ending my own suffering.