[Discussion] Do you feel broken?

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Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,618
6,608
I mean literally broken. I literally feel I have shards of glass inside me which never will be repaired.

After looking at my dreams and being conscient of reality, I decided to get rid of my dreams and goals. The path is too long, the reward was extremely decompensated in comparison. Motivation is a coffin and each goal adds another nail.

Broken means irreparable, when you finally lost all hope definitely. And it's by far better than living on a lie of fake promises. Let's be honest and accept toxic comments and encouragement are harming once at all.

Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you don't notice them. That actitude is harmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.

Feeling broken as I said will make me free.

Personally do you feel broken or you would keep going?
 
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BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
710
3,204
Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you fon't notice them. Thst actitude is halmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.
QUOTE]
I think that's how most of the world is, ignoring their problems, only caring about their perceived idea of happiness, plodding on through the day, possessed by their survival animal instinct to be better than everyone and come out on top, leaving the wounded and broken behind as it no longer serves them. Yeah some people are actually evil, but most don't even know they're doing it.
Compared to others, yeah I'm broken, is there any fixing it, well, I guess I'm trying to figure that out at the moment. But like in my last post, I'm wondering if fixing it will actually change anything, or if I will be another person lying to myself. I'm feeling quite confused at the moment.
 
M

Maggotymaggots

-
Apr 18, 2018
54
380
I feel like I'm defective. Like I was set up to fail from the start.

I know rationally there's no way things are going to get any better for me, but I still can't entirely rid myself of the moronic hope that they just somehow magically will. Hope really is a horrible thing. All it's ever done for me is set me up to be knocked down again.
 
Final Escape

Final Escape

Old and tired
Jul 8, 2018
2,610
9,192
42
Probably more broken than most, some days I feel way way worse than other days. I became trapped in adolescence and never grew up in many ways. It’s not a good strategy to just never become an adult.
 
S

shadow11

Wizard
Aug 1, 2018
618
1,216
I mean literally broken. I literally feel I have shards of glass inside me which never will be repaired.

After looking at my dreams and being conscient of reality, I decided to get rid of my dreams and goals. The path is too long, the reward was extremely decompensated in comparison. Motivation is a coffin and each goal adds another nail.

Broken means irreparable, when you finally lost all hope definitely. And it's by far better than living on a lie of fake promises. Let's be honest and accept toxic comments and encouragement are harming once at all.

Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you don't notice them. That actitude is harmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.

Feeling broken as I said will make me free.

Personally do you feel broken or you would keep going?
Definitely broken,irreparable. Cant live like this.
 
Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
499
1,218
darkuniversewrites.wordpress.com
I mean literally broken. I literally feel I have shards of glass inside me which never will be repaired.

After looking at my dreams and being conscient of reality, I decided to get rid of my dreams and goals. The path is too long, the reward was extremely decompensated in comparison. Motivation is a coffin and each goal adds another nail.

Broken means irreparable, when you finally lost all hope definitely. And it's by far better than living on a lie of fake promises. Let's be honest and accept toxic comments and encouragement are harming once at all.

Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you don't notice them. That actitude is harmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.

Feeling broken as I said will make me free.
I like your view. It is also strongly said. :)

I don't feel anything anymore. But I had that one time when all that you've said have fitted that certain event. And I can't breathe back then.

Well, to put it, I simply see myself as a monster like the one in my profile picture, chained into my throne of thorns that pierces through my body as I sat there, my crown of time running down my head like sand, darkness surrounding me with the only colour visible is red---my blood that drips endlessly from my pierced body. Yet I feel like a king, sitting at that chair, waiting for those versions of me from the lower tiers of this tower I'm in, anticipating for them to come and grab me down my throne in the 590th tier. But I continue to kill them. Until they ceased to come. Now, all that's left for me to do is to prepare for a battle with the real king in the 600th tier, my MIND. And I know exactly how to win. It, too, knows how it will win. We just need to die to claim our victories, our final thrones in this darkness.
 
S

samhelloall9

Specialist
Jul 16, 2018
304
612
Australia
I mean literally broken. I literally feel I have shards of glass inside me which never will be repaired.

After looking at my dreams and being conscient of reality, I decided to get rid of my dreams and goals. The path is too long, the reward was extremely decompensated in comparison. Motivation is a coffin and each goal adds another nail.

Broken means irreparable, when you finally lost all hope definitely. And it's by far better than living on a lie of fake promises. Let's be honest and accept toxic comments and encouragement are harming once at all.

Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you don't notice them. That actitude is harmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.

Feeling broken as I said will make me free.

Personally do you feel broken or you would keep going?
Yes, I sure do. I don't have normal conversation skills, i'm pretty rigid in my daily routines, etc. I've just got a lot of flaws that are not fixable, my choice not to bother trying to either, so yeah. rather than conform to the world, i'd rather just do my own thing and accept it. ah well, i'm broken but i'm only keeping myself going long enough until the bus timetable, cough.
 
Brokenanddeadinside

Brokenanddeadinside

Specialist
Aug 8, 2018
392
1,185
Yes I am broken my life has been one major decline going from one bad thing to the next. Now I just go through life not caring I know I have no good future and my head is too screwed up to ever be fixed. Ive given up on happiness and just try and see how much pain I can handle before I decide to kill myself. I feel completely lost in my life and ive screwed my life up so much.
 
BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Arcanist
Jul 12, 2018
515
6,421
www.furaffinity.net
I feel like I've been broken by others as well as my own realizations about myself and humanity, but like another mentioned in this thread, hope keeps me going, that feeling as well when I get a good day, say, I took the right combination of things, watched my diet, slept fairly well, things can go well in my life for that day. I still have terribly social anxiety and am alone save for some online socializing because I find that to be the easiest, though even to instant message can be overwhelming when I feel I'm losing too much control. Control means a great deal for me, and I find it's true for many others. I've been made more cynical by seeing my own behavior as well as others', but there has indeed been a sort of numbing process of losing my idealism I grew up with to replace it with a sort of depressive realism and rationalism.

Where once I had trouble accepting the idea of many things in this world, if not everything, being based on competition, survival of the fittest, behavior being based on biology and not a reflection of good or bad so much, that perhaps indeed we have far less agency than many religious thinkers and boot strappers seem to like to think (I find this is a sort of self-righteousness people like to exercise, to say, an Inmendham put it in a video I watched of his recently, that if things are okay or worked for me, they should also work for so and so, or because so and so has this condition and does just fine, or came from such and such deprivation and made themselves into a self-made millionaire, everyone else can do it if they just have x, y, or z, or do or believe this, etc.).

I have been able to somewhat rid myself of what I consider these biases people hold which are full of ego stroking of the self and those in one's social circle, and see that we're perhaps biologically and evolutionarily prone to these reasonings, and we like to try to find systems of predictions and patterns and explanations, such as with religions and philosophies, because it helps us put order and control into our lives, and some are better controllers of themselves and others, while many are controlled by a relative few, the classic hierarchical power structure, both real and imagined. Sorry to ramble on without much point, just basically in agreement with others here. I always liked that line from the Don Henley song "End of the Innocence" where he says that we've been "poisoned by these fairytales." Because isn't that what procreation and the perpetuation of life is? A sort of optimism bias, thinking that if we believe and do such and such, we'll be fine. If I tithe God will bless me, or if I practice this meditation or ritual Satan or various guardian demons will protect me and guide me, so on and so forth. Not to say these things aren't true, for I'm unable to disprove them, but the sheer existence of so many beliefs seems puzzling at best, and indicative of the whole affair being an outgrowth of psychological variance as a result of nature and nurture; again, largely factors at least somewhat out of our control, especially the nature aspect.

But I try to see myself as a free agent in this day and age in the ability to learn, always learn, but one has to be of a healthy enough psyche and physical body to find this worthwhile. The real tragedy is how much we as a species judge and condemn one another before we try to empathize and see ourselves as victims of our own ignorance. Almost paradoxically backwards sometimes it feels like, at least from my limited knowledge and at this level of intelligence, that's all the more detail I can put into it, someone else may be able to articulate what I'm trying to say much more accurately and succinctly. Everyone has essentially said in fewer words what I am trying to expound upon, which is why I like this forum for its depressive realism and pessimism, it's very grounding and healthy in a way to me. Sorry to write a book again, I guess my ego waxed hard lol.
 
L

Lavendel

Member
Not broken but dead. Even though I used to call myself broken a lot.
I've had a psychosis and trouble concentrating on things. Realizing that what I want to achieve will never happen for me. Not because I lack the brains but simply the will and strength to keep going and to endure.
When I'm talking to people it's more like only the shell of me is talking. The dead part in me is not getting/ feeling it all. Living a life as an actor. Just to not make anyone worry. Tired.
 
icky

icky

Member
Jun 14, 2018
46
165
USA
I’m incapable of succeeding. Even if I had the resources to live comfortably, it wouldn’t make up for the fact that I’m stupid and lazy and fucked in the head. Some days I still have hope that I can stop being useless, or I wake up agonizing over what I’ll never see or achieve because of myself.

Most days I’m just numb. I’m accepting that I can’t be fixed. Now I’m just shopping around for nice, cheap locales to off myself and distracting myself with books or video games.
 

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