Do you ever sometimes feel like not existing?

DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
799
This is a bit of a vent but here goes
There ae so many things on my mind. So many things bothering me and things that drive me to the brink of suicide
From my family and school, to people failing you who you thought were good
Feeling under pressure from everything and everyone
Feeling that at 22, I am failing at life
I watched a video about things you should do before your 20. I don't even have a credit card yet, which I should, and other things I should have done by now
I was never allowed to grow up thanks to my abusive mom
But I guess its ok for this to be the end
Realistically if I do commit suicide I would rather jump from a bridge
SN might be a better method but something about a jumping from a bridge is very alluring
Its attractive to imagine my body falling from a great height. My survival instincts will kick in a few second into falling but
I guess thats normal
I dont think I was meant to be born. I was born for the wrong reasons and death seems to be a lot easier
 
SelfLiberation

SelfLiberation

Thinking about ctb ever since I can remember
Joined
Oct 8, 2020
Messages
35
I think I understand you. I don't know why I was born and I wish I would not exist.

I do hope that someday you'll find some comfort. I'm wishing you well :hug:
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
799
I think I understand you. I don't know why I was born and I wish I would not exist.

I do hope that someday you'll find some comfort. I'm wishing you well :hug:
Many people are born into this world unloved. I was one of those people
Society is dissapointing.

Sad to see you care about it so much without getting anything positive in return.
Thats my sin lol. I have always cared too much only for it to blow up in my face.
 
T

trappedenergy

New Member
Joined
Oct 20, 2020
Messages
3
Yea, it feels like you are just a big rat lab in this world.

About the credit card, I can assure you money just gets you more troubles.
It's like another obsession that comes into your mind when you start earning well.
But when that period finish, and you don't know how to earn money anymore, here things start getting bad and you want more and more and more, and this hunger it's basically impossible to satisfy, especially when you lost so much money into bs and family taking them to you like they are parasites.
I can assure you that the only thing that can save you in this world is studying and reading, if you lose this path early and never come back, you're automatically a slave easy to trick and fool by bad humans who only care about their interests even at the cost of destroying and using you.

Money can not save you without knowledge.
 
doesheevencare

doesheevencare

She lie to your face, I really don't get it.
Joined
Sep 30, 2020
Messages
208
I constantly get scared of the thought of not existing, it's just because our brains aren't wired to think of what that's like, they're all about AVOIDING just that.

But honestly it's quite peaceful. I wouldn't have to deal with stress anymore.
 
RedRed

RedRed

Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2020
Messages
64
This post made me tear up a little lol. I feel the same! I don't want to be here anymore. I HATE it here. I wish...I wish that I'll never wake up again from my next nap. I just want to sleep all day and forever :'))
 
Tsundere

Tsundere

Member
Joined
Oct 6, 2020
Messages
23
Hey I'm 22 too!
Almost everyday I think I shouldn't be here because I was literally an accident and I've had a hellish existence since then.
Just constant physical and emotional abuse and being bullied in school for so many years and being lonely.
It's been so tempting to find a really tall building to jump off, but I haven't prepared myself yet for that.
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Elementalist
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
799
Hey I'm 22 too!
Almost everyday I think I shouldn't be here because I was literally an accident and I've had a hellish existence since then.
Just constant physical and emotional abuse and being bullied in school for so many years and being lonely.
It's been so tempting to find a really tall building to jump off, but I haven't prepared myself yet for that.
I relate 100%. I think my mom loved the idea of me and not me. And she saw herself in me and so she abused me because she hates herself. My dad wasn't there for me and I was alone. bullied by students and teachers, I had no one to turn to. no on who cared. I was bullied even in freakign college and barely anyone can relate to that. I want to jump off a bridge. I know one not too far from where I live
 
Tsundere

Tsundere

Member
Joined
Oct 6, 2020
Messages
23
I'm so sorry you had go through all that and it's brought you to this point. I mean, same here ehe. Shitty people, shitty friends, and shitty family all took turns making life a nightmare. No one to turn to. I don't feel right being alive anymore.
For the first time, I feel welcomed by being a part of this community. I do wanna say though that when or if you decide to, I wish you peace.
I live in a small town so no tall building or bridge for me to attempt from. I really do want a scenic view.
Btw, what is your avatar from?
 
specklenought

specklenought

Internet Cry Baby
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
45
I constantly feel like this, i am sorry you do too. any relief from it makes me fall harder right back into it the moment it comes back
 
EssenceFocus

EssenceFocus

Veteran
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
132
I cannot make your problems vanished. I would love to do it for everyone...
I can only say:
Please let the thought of "not having done enough in life" go. Nobody has to do everything, that society says it's normal to do it by this or that age.
You live your life and other people their's and you aren't less worth than other people. There is no failing in life. You are perfect as you are in this moment. It's only a belief of many people that you have to be successfully in school, job and having a partner and so on. :)
 
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