[Venting] Do you deserve to survive

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Admont

Admont

Bleeding
Mar 25, 2020
17
26
Hey, I would like to write about my self hate, I really hate the person who is writing this thread he is not satisfying to me I hate his physical shape I hate his skin I hate his gynecomastia I hate his chubby ugly body I hate his bold head and his face lines I hate his small penis I hate thinking this person is me. I'm tired of people saying you should love yourself you know fu*** myself doesn't deserve to be loved even I have a quite reasonable mindset but I also hate it. I decided to commit a suicide years ago I'm only delaying it to find a painful way for this person to die maybe burning or throwing away from a high building would be satisfying, but guess what also this shitty ugly person is a coward. So maybe he would join kind of military campaign to get himself in the middle of danger and bullets to make himself get what it deserves.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
2,033
6,417
No I don't. I had it good and to have thrown it away is unforgivable. I would have to do something amazing now like cure cancer to ever be able to live with myself and even then I'd still be thinking about what I didn't do. It's an obsession, a recurring nightmare. I hate that person so much that at times I don't think it should be peaceful but he is me and I don't want to feel it. My punishment is having to live with it
 
Icarus

Icarus

Member
Jul 25, 2019
69
105
No I don't. I had it good and to have thrown it away is unforgivable. I would have to do something amazing now like cure cancer to ever be able to live with myself and even then I'd still be thinking about what I didn't do. It's an obsession, a recurring nightmare. I hate that person so much that at times I don't think it should be peaceful but he is me and I don't want to feel it. My punishment is having to live with it
This sounds so familiar @Mr2005
 
N

NotMeant2B

Member
Sep 26, 2019
72
180
Wow. We think very a like, it's like I'm saying all of that to myself, even the part of deserving to die painfully but being afraid of doing so.
Thank you for posting this, I don't know you, but I feel like you know me well, even if we have never talked before.
 
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TStorm

TStorm

Fading Light
Mar 18, 2020
21
33
I don't think I ever deserved to be alive in the first place, but I'm here as a cruel joke who can only disappoint other. An ugly, horrible woman who can't even take care of herself, nevermind anyone else. That's why I need to die. I hate me.
 
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RottenDeer

RottenDeer

Rotten to the core.
Feb 29, 2020
42
61
Does anyone deserve to be alive? Look what humans did to this world. Completely destroyed it.
 
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Admont

Admont

Bleeding
Mar 25, 2020
17
26
Wow. We think very a like, it's like I'm saying all of that to myself, even the part of deserving to die painfully but being afraid of doing so.
Thank you for posting this, I don't know you, but I feel like you know me well, even if we have never talked before.
I feel the same about you and all people who suffer like me ❤
I don't think I ever deserved to be alive in the first place, but I'm here as a cruel joke who can only disappoint other. An ugly, horrible woman who can't even take care of herself, nevermind anyone else. That's why I need to die. I hate me.
I hate me that much welcome to "I hate myself club"
 
PhilosOfDoom

PhilosOfDoom

Veteran
Nov 22, 2019
178
138
Deserve is a foreign concept to living. Human creatures are living beings independent of "value." The universe cannot, and does not judge you, discriminate you, nor make value judgements. You are your own enemy. I'm not going to go on the speel of self-love, because value you attribute yourself is subjective in nature, but if you hate yourself, why not make a change? Go to the gym, change your fashion, get a personal trainer, and whatever else it takes to improve. The human body isn't stagnant, it is subject to changes of its environment. You say you don't "deserve love," so you're saying you're loved? If so, then people value you. Value is made by a group of people, a judgement of worthiness, and they made a positive judgement, they have spoken. Moreover, value is not the end all be all, value like economics, change. People are fallible, value is subjective, perspectively. I cannot change anyone, they must be willing. However, I wish you the best.
 
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Admont

Admont

Bleeding
Mar 25, 2020
17
26
Deserve is a foreign concept to living. Human creatures are living beings independent of "value." The universe cannot, and does not judge you, discriminate you, nor make value judgements. You are your own enemy. I'm not going to go on the speel of self-love, because value you attribute yourself is subjective in nature, but if you hate yourself, why not make a change? Go to the gym, change your fashion, get a personal trainer, and whatever else it takes to improve. The human body isn't stagnant, it is subject to changes of its environment. You say you don't "deserve love," so you're saying you're loved? If so, then people value you. Value is made by a group of people, a judgement of worthiness, and they made a positive judgement, they have spoken. Moreover, value is not the end all be all, value like economics, change. People are fallible, value is subjective, perspectively. I cannot change anyone, they must be willing. However, I wish you the best.
I like your words so much thanks, also I know I could change myself to the version I need but it costs a lot of money though and to get money in this world you got to work hard and be creative and patient which is really hard and emotionally exhausting for someone who hate himself especially physically. So going CTB is a great solution I just hope I could do it as soon as possible.
 
PhilosOfDoom

PhilosOfDoom

Veteran
Nov 22, 2019
178
138
I like your words so much thanks, also I know I could change myself to the version I need but it costs a lot of money though and to get money in this world you got to work hard and be creative and patient which is really hard and emotionally exhausting for someone who hate himself especially physically. So going CTB is a great solution I just hope I could do it as soon as possible.
Running is free, and lockdown usually allows you to use the sidewalks or road, or do physical activity. Heck, you don't even have to change the diet. It's better, but not necessary. As long as you burn more than you gain, you're good, unhealthy, but good. Standard and body weight exercises are all free without a gym membership, and you can easily work your way towards it if you cannot do them yet. If you don't feel like it, then that's perfectly fine. But you can do it for free if you do want to. Pushups work your chest, your shoulders, triceps; squats workout glutes, calves, knees, and more. The core body weight exercises workout most, if not all of the important muscles; squats, pushups, situps/crunches, planks, laterals/lateral raises, etc. If you just want to lose weight, all you have to do is run. If you decide to do so, good luck. Otherwise, best of luck on your journey.
 
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Admont

Admont

Bleeding
Mar 25, 2020
17
26
Running is free, and lockdown usually allows you to use the sidewalks or road, or do physical activity. Heck, you don't even have to change the diet. It's better, but not necessary. As long as you burn more than you gain, you're good, unhealthy, but good. Standard and body weight exercises are all free without a gym membership, and you can easily work your way towards it if you cannot do them yet. If you don't feel like it, then that's perfectly fine. But you can do it for free if you do want to. Pushups work your chest, your shoulders, triceps; squats workout glutes, calves, knees, and more. The core body weight exercises workout most, if not all of the important muscles; squats, pushups, situps/crunches, planks, laterals/lateral raises, etc. If you just want to lose weight, all you have to do is run. If you decide to do so, good luck. Otherwise, best of luck on your journey.
I'm into fitness and nutrition fields for 5 years already lost 95lbs but still hate myself
 
C

Cadō

Member
Mar 26, 2020
6
20
Each individual that is brought into this plain of existence deserves to survive. Survival is the thesis of life. However, the thesis may sometimes bring that much pain and suffering, that some choose to shun survival. If I was to choose between surviving and existing with an intolerable amount of angst and despair following me from darkened forest to darkened forest - or bringing to an end a life which saw both the crystal nature of breathing and the perils of existence, I am brought to the awareness of the potentiality of ones destined fate.
 
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PhilosOfDoom

PhilosOfDoom

Veteran
Nov 22, 2019
178
138
I'm into fitness and nutrition fields for 5 years already lost 95lbs but still hate myself
My fault for assuming, apologies.. So you've lost the will to live, right? I guess I can only wish you the best then, and good luck.
 
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Isittimetogonola

Isittimetogonola

Kind
Oct 22, 2019
107
126
No, I dont. I have done some good in this world and also some bad things as well. That is enough. Long forgotten is the best I can hope for.
 
Csmith8827

Csmith8827

"It's all just a dream"
Oct 26, 2019
106
126
No I don't. I'm a stupid guy who watches porn movies. Pathetic TRASH.
 
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