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dissociation

Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
1,154
youre trapped inside yourself. you can see the outside world but you cant reach it, just watch. you have no control over your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, your words. even what you see is blurred and distorted. everything is wrong. it has a sense of surrealism. you cant tell time anymore. that joint you had just a few minutes before feels like hours away. you forget to do basic things like eating. youre just so.....inside of yourself, all you can think of is your thoughts. the past, the present and the future. its constant, you never get a break from it all. even sleeping feels abnormal. and yet in the midst of this hell i feel calm. the purpose of dissociation is to protect you from yourself. so while on the outside everything is wrong, it couldnt be more peaceful inside, creating this hectic calm. although it may sound in a way.....peaceful and welcoming. its really a hell i want to end. id give anything to feel normal again.
 
Thinking

Thinking

Wise
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
251
I've been trying to figure how to explain the feeling. Your post really does a good job of that. For me it feels a bit like the whole world is made of water and you could just reach out and swipe your hand through it like a reflection in a puddle.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
1,154
I've been trying to figure how to explain the feeling. Your post really does a good job of that. For me it feels a bit like the whole world is made of water and you could just reach out and swipe your hand through it like a reflection in a puddle.
theres different types of dissociation. did you ever look into it? i have depersionalization/derealization.
 
Thinking

Thinking

Wise
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
251
theres different types of dissociation. did you ever look into it? i have depersionalization/derealization.
I don't know much about the different types of dissociation. I know that minded is more about the world feeling fake rather than my own body feeling fake (tho that occasionally happens too)
 
cytokinestorm

cytokinestorm

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
9
I felt like I was on the outside of everything, but watching myself, like in a movie or something. I thought I was going out of my mind. It was frightening.
 
E

EGR92

Veteran
Joined
Jul 4, 2020
Messages
188
When i dissociation i often feel like 'i am not me' and what is happening isn't real. I don't feel in control of my actions/what I'm doing. I'm always perfectly calm also. it's strange.
 
bunny

bunny

保管
Joined
Oct 3, 2018
Messages
362
this was worded really well. i really resonate with you.
 
http-410

http-410

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
32
How do you all deal with depersonalization/derealization?

I have constant derealization, sometimes depersonalization too, and it makes life absolutely worthless and unbearable.

It feels like I'm already dead inside. My body is just a wandering shell.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
1,154
How do you all deal with depersonalization/derealization?

I have constant derealization, sometimes depersonalization too, and it makes life absolutely worthless and unbearable.

It feels like I'm already dead inside. My body is just a wandering shell.
For the most part I "ignore" it. There really isn't much else to do. You can try Grounding techniques. But if you want it gone you have to fix the underlying problems. And I "think" i can vouche for that. I've been working towards recovery and today I'm not feeling too bad.
 
http-410

http-410

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
32
For some reason, grounding and mindfulness exercises make my dp/dr way worse. Maybe because I realize that I have a body that feels disconnected from my mind.

May I ask what caused your dissociation? Are there triggers that worsens your derealization? You don't have to answer or go into details, if you're not feeling comfortable to talk about it. How does recovery look like? Therapy?
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
1,154
everything had become too much for me. i couldnt handle my disorders anymore so my brain basically built a wall between me and them. although i still have to deal with them it is distant to me.

recovery depends on what the initial problem is. for me its my constant thoughts and depression getting worse so i had to change my mindset. when my depression tells me im worthless, even if i dont believe myself i tell myself the opposite. depression is like a bully always trying to put you down by repeating the same thing over and over, drilling it into your head. so you use the same trick but backwards. you repeat the same thing every time. i also try to validate my feelings. if something is bothering me or im not having a good day i tell myself its ok i feel this way for a reason. by telling yourself its ok to feel this way you arent suppressing your feelings and making yourself feel worse for the way you currently feel.
 
http-410

http-410

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
32
This sounds incredibly difficult. How long did it take you to change your mindset? Did you manage this with or without therapy/meds?

Glad you're feeling a little better nowadays.
 
drowningcarcass

drowningcarcass

Carcass, they/them
Joined
Sep 14, 2020
Messages
7
The scene from Get Out, where he is floating and seeing everything get farther and farther away - that's how I describe my dissociation. Being detached. You're so right about it being peaceful and comforting, but a true Hell. It feels like a blanket, it's cozy at first, but after a while you're stifled and can't breathe. Does that make sense?
 
I_love_to_bake

I_love_to_bake

Veteran
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
161
I say this out of love, really. The weed will just worsen the dissociation over time. Even though getting high is the best thing in the world. I'm trying to quit right now. But even just smoking less if you can is an improvement. I smoke less than half a bowl a day right now and I do feel a little bit more connected.

I wish you the best
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
1,154
This sounds incredibly difficult. How long did it take you to change your mindset? Did you manage this with or without therapy/meds?

Glad you're feeling a little better nowadays.
Couple months I think. You should check out CBT therapy. This is basically what I've been doing. Skip down to "steps in CBT"
I say this out of love, really. The weed will just worsen the dissociation over time. Even though getting high is the best thing in the world. I'm trying to quit right now. But even just smoking less if you can is an improvement. I smoke less than half a bowl a day right now and I do feel a little bit more connected.

I wish you the best
Totally not disagreeing lol. I'm cutting back too but every now and again is nice just don't over do it
 
Debro

Debro

Wise
Joined
Dec 19, 2019
Messages
220
It's really helpful to be detached from the world.
How I could best describe it would be that I isolate myself and when I leave the house I take the isolation with me.
However, I only have derealization, how the other part feels, I do not know.
 
BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

Tired of the pain.
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,086
For some reason, grounding and mindfulness exercises make my dp/dr way worse. Maybe because I realize that I have a body that feels disconnected from my mind.
It makes mine worse too! I thought I was just being stubborn or defiant...
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

"So if you love me let me go" -snuff
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
1,154
It makes mine worse too! I thought I was just being stubborn or defiant...
I can't speak for dissociation that comes and goes but with 24/7 dissociation that's not really surprising considering its just there. You have to fix the underlying problem (your other disorders)
 
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