- Feb 19, 2020
After all of the threads I have been posting lately, eager to find answers to how the SN method in particular works I have decided not to utilise it to take my own life. I figured my reasons wasn't what I saw as truly justifiable as to why I should do it. It was more unrationable thinking. The truth of the matter is, being a 19 year old I let not having a girlfriend and being ghosted all the time with everyone, to my limited social life and friend options lead me to suicidal thoughts. I find that social media and online dating greatly contributed to me feeling this way, as you constantly see what others put on. As some people maybe do have more friends are more popular. But I guess there is more to life then just relationships and worrying over limited friends. I have felt so alone and like nobody cared despite I know some do as my family does to say the least. I kept going back to this girls Facebook page too, who I got turned down by around two years ago, due to her already being in a relationship. I didn't know her all that well, but we went to the same school and my friends said woah that's your writing style and something you'd put on with her pictures too. I tricked myself into believing we were compatible and I kept wishing she would message me back one day but she never did. I have Aspergers so it's hard to let go and I occasionally develop strange obsessions and lately it's been primarily to kill myself to get rid of this pain. I cried so many times even at real late hours like 1 AM. I often would see myself as having no purpose in life. But I guess in order to see things differently we have to find the right road most suited for ourselves in the journey of life. I guess in regards to myself, giving myself purpose through seeking employment and hopefully hearing back from this small IT firm, about an interview I had recently should help me feel better. But another thing which hurt me bad was, seeing people walk by and not notice you aswell killed me inside. I suppose I have my guitar and music which I love so much, as I enjoy to learn the blues and put a lot of how I feel and as you could say real life blues I feel into something to play and feel better. I also have a brilliant family that I was considering really hurting emotionally which hurts me as I can't imagine the scar I would've left them if I had done it. I wish you all peace with whatever choices you make for yourselves.