Can you remember what made you want to live?

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Justhere

Justhere

Member
Feb 2, 2020
74
13
Hello. I am currently not suicidal, but I am always looking for reasons to find worthwhile. Does anyone have anything that gives them just a litle spark, however small, that makes them wanna keep going?

Here are some of mine

-I need to know the ending to my favorite manga. (This is probably my greatest insurance. They're constantly on hiatus)
-New manga
-Possiblities
-The idea that we're all going to die anyway.
-Continual self improvement
 
helpmehelpme

helpmehelpme

self and collective help
Jan 25, 2020
40
69
I did work with a medium tonight who cleared off a group of entities from me -- lower energies that can attach to us. Feel a whole lot better. Got me to not feel suicidal tonight after feeling strongly that way this morning. She also gave me exercises to do I may share.
 
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M

Moonomyth

Member
Feb 6, 2020
12
14
I got enough of a financial windfall from family support that it eliminated my immediate debts and gave me a chance of actually saving and escaping poverty.
 
randomz

randomz

Veteran
Nov 4, 2019
164
282
Well in the past it was my sense of accomplishment as I was going through law school successfully, also the idea that life is actually beautiful with all it's possibilities and also my "no fucks given" attitude towards almost any problem I faced. Now everything is completely turned upside down, I have absolutely no self-esteem ( I didn't have much before either, but didn't care about that), I fail at my job, I struggle with my anxiety and depression, I no longer think I am able to seize any possibility life would throw at me, and basically feel like shit 24/7, my brain fog is worsening by the day, my friends tell me I am not as smart as before (not as an insult, just as a concern), my family is concerned about the change in my general mood - from happy and uplifting, to grim and desperate so I have to struggle to behave like my old self at least a little so that they don't worry and.....yeah, wish I could find my old spirit again, but this seems really hard at the moment.
 
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Justhere

Justhere

Member
Feb 2, 2020
74
13
I did work with a medium tonight who cleared off a group of entities from me -- lower energies that can attach to us. Feel a whole lot better. Got me to not feel suicidal tonight after feeling strongly that way this morning. She also gave me exercises to do I may share.
Oh please do! <3

Well in the past it was my sense of accomplishment as I was going through law school successfully, also the idea that life is actually beautiful with all it's possibilities and also my "no fucks given" attitude towards almost any problem I faced. Now everything is completely turned upside down, I have absolutely no self-esteem ( I didn't have much before either, but didn't care about that), I fail at my job, I struggle with my anxiety and depression, I no longer think I am able to seize any possibility life would throw at me, and basically feel like shit 24/7, my brain fog is worsening by the day, my friends tell me I am not as smart as before (not as an insult, just as a concern), my family is concerned about the change in my general mood - from happy and uplifting, to grim and desperate so I have to struggle to behave like my old self at least a little so that they don't worry and.....yeah, wish I could find my old spirit again, but this seems really hard at the moment.
It used to pain me to compare myself from the present and how I used to be. But I think I was using that old image of myself as a crutch. And I agree. When you are in this state, you're not as smart as you are capable of--- the mind is both bogged down and not receiving the things it needs to flourish.
 
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arposandra

Member
Nov 16, 2019
14
35
Legitimately spite.
I know my current obituary would be limpdicked "at least they tried but life was too hard for them" pity bullshit.

It is definitely when and not if for me still keeping my bus ticket on me at all times, but I'm straight up only making aggressive life improvements (career change, exercising, community service, dating) as a personal fuck you so that the last chapter of my life story leaves no doubt that I really did put everything I have on the line.
When I'm dead, I'm dead, and I know in a sense it won't matter. I just want to end on my terms where I'm spitting in life's face when I exit instead of life spitting on me on my knees.


Too angry to end where I'm currently at, but I'm still resolved to not overstay my time once I feel I've achieved everything I'm striving to cross off.
 
MysticPerception

MysticPerception

I'm back and I'll still smile for you
Dec 31, 2019
929
1,768
If you mean before I'd say fun. I just wanted to enjoy as much media as possible while creating some of my own. I always wanted someone to read my writing and enjoy it even if only a little. If I could enrich even one persons' life that would be enough for me. Right now though I'm not sure I'm kind of in a weird state of I don't want to die but I'm not entirely sure where to go from here. I guess only time will tell maybe I can go back to my original goal though I'm not sure.
 
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218x

218x

A lovesick fool..
Apr 9, 2019
253
539
The one I love. He's the only reason I didn't ctb over a year ago. I just couldn't leave him here. If he ends up finding someone better than me, I'll end it as soon as possible. I will only live for love or not at all.
 
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Justhere

Justhere

Member
Feb 2, 2020
74
13
What manga are you talking about?
Noticed your killua pic. It's HunterXHunter ^_^ Things I need live for still for

-What the fudge is Ging's nen ability
-Who's Don Freeces?
-Will Gon ever resume being the main character? -I still have a theory Togashi took his ability away so he can have new ones. The manga is changing, and so the main character will have to fit into the new vision-
-I want to see a battle between the prince and a lot of people, Kurapika included. I want to see how he'll be as an antagonist, and the challenges he will present to everyone

ANd I'm sure there's a slew of other things I can't remember at the moment. Have you ever had a book that felt like a kindred spirit? Like if you can take out the best parts of yourself, and you see it in a work of fiction.

Legitimately spite.
I know my current obituary would be limpdicked "at least they tried but life was too hard for them" pity bullshit.

It is definitely when and not if for me still keeping my bus ticket on me at all times, but I'm straight up only making aggressive life improvements (career change, exercising, community service, dating) as a personal fuck you so that the last chapter of my life story leaves no doubt that I really did put everything I have on the line.
When I'm dead, I'm dead, and I know in a sense it won't matter. I just want to end on my terms where I'm spitting in life's face when I exit instead of life spitting on me on my knees.


Too angry to end where I'm currently at, but I'm still resolved to not overstay my time once I feel I've achieved everything I'm striving to cross off.
I'm sorry. I laughed. I could relate to this so much. I'm quite spiteful as well, and I use that to my advantage. =) And I see that you do as well.
If you mean before I'd say fun. I just wanted to enjoy as much media as possible while creating some of my own. I always wanted someone to read my writing and enjoy it even if only a little. If I could enrich even one persons' life that would be enough for me. Right now though I'm not sure I'm kind of in a weird state of I don't want to die but I'm not entirely sure where to go from here. I guess only time will tell maybe I can go back to my original goal though I'm not sure.
Art is a struggle -for me at least-. It's hard for me to precisely express what it is I concieve in my mind, and admire those who can and do so effectively.
 
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porfin1234

porfin1234

Specialist
Dec 26, 2019
335
773
Reconnecting with my passion for dance saved me. Also love for art, travel, and nature. I love singing as well and took first voice lessons last year. Getting to know people and enjoying my friends and throwing parties for them. Last year I also actually had moments I loved my job and students.
 
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