I'm back and I'll still smile for you
- Dec 31, 2019
Welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness, suicide, and the moral implications of the act itself. This is not a pro-suicide site. We do not encourage or aid suicide, and the information offered is for educational purposes only. Read our rules and FAQ for more information. We also offer a recovery subforum if you wish to get support.
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Stan told me it wasn’t my time and I shouldn’t follow him. People have a choice. To go with Stan, or stay here with me.No, you're not going anywhere. Sorry but you have to keep Moonicide company right now. I need you two to be in the same spot right now. Maybe I'm being stupid but this is just something I want right now. I'm talking about Stan right now to clarify.
Hi Jean, have been monitoring this thread for a while before signing up today. Can see you were quite close to Stan and I really admired him reading through his posts.Thank you for protecting @BPD Barbie . I have no doubt you pulled that one off and you helped me.
You said it wasn’t my time yet and I shouldn’t follow you. You also said under different circumstances, we would have been married and would have lived happily ever after.
Is this our purpose? To work together this way? I will take being with you any way I can, and if this is the way, I will have to get used to it.
I miss you more and more each day. It doesn’t ever get better... but I know. It isn’t my time yet. I can follow that rule for now. I can’t stop wanting to be with you every single second. But I won’t... for today.
What was Stan like.Hi Jean, have been monitoring this thread for a while before signing up today. Can see you were quite close to Stan and I really admired him reading through his posts.
What was he like as a person? Obviously its hard to tell from text on a screen, he obviously had such an impact here so really curious to know and keep this a celebration thread of his life and contribution this community.
Hugs! I didn’t realize Stan was struggling so much, he hid it very wellWhat was Stan like.
If you ever spoke with him, he would always say he was 95% logical and 5% emotional. He used to joke I was the opposite which is why we got along so well.
He was so logical because he was so damaged. Never let people here see it. We just saw his brilliance and dark sense of humor. He had difficulty showing emotions, even though he felt them very deeply. I think he was scared to feel them because he was so hurt in the past.
Stan was incredibly patient, and it took him an awful lot to lose his temper. Trust me. If there was a button to push in him, I did it. Not on purpose. Just because I didn't know what to do in a serious relationship. I never had one honestly. I became scared very easily after doing something, and he knew that. He would always calmly tell me that I could do nothing wrong, he wasn't angry and will not be ending it with me.
Always with an amused smirk on his face.
He loved my cats and quality booze (scotch, whiskey etc.) Sorry vegetarians... He was not lol.
He had a very high position as a supervisor at his job which he lost and wasn't able to find another one (part of his issues.)
He liked being in charge and have people listen to him, which is why he helped so many people here. Personally, I think the respect helped with his self-esteem.
Stan was highly educated. The UK education system is foreign to me, but he explained to me his degree in American terms would be having an advanced degree and a PHD. He absolutely loved researching as you can tell by his guide. Nothing made him happier than researching.
Stan sent me a letter after he died. It was a side of Stan I never saw. It was emotional. It was full of love, and him saying it. Almost poetic. He had those emotions in him. He just couldn't let it out or let me see it.
He would tell me over and over again, he didn't understand what I saw in him. He could offer me nothing. Most of all, he would say he was worthless.
That personally hurt me when he said it. When I told him I loved him, he would ask me why. Or say he doesn't deserve it. He told me first that he loved me. He said it to me over Skype. The first time he said it, I looked in his eyes and for the first time I saw fear. Stan was a rock. Very few things phased him. At the time, I thought he was fearful of being rejected. I knew he loved me. Had no doubt. I honestly never expected him to say it, and I was fine with that. I knew getting in touch with his emotions like that would be difficult for him. It was a huge personal breakthrough for him to do so.
I know the reasons why he CTB. To me, we could have worked on his problems together. However, he was too far gone to accept help or even try. He wrote in his goodbye letter to me if only we met sooner.
It's hard to talk about a person. There is so much. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask :)
If there is anything specific you would like to know, feel free to ask. It is hard to talk about a person. There is just so much. :)
That is so cool that you had been able to do that. The ability to be together even when miles apart.We lived on Skype. Ate our meals together and even went to sleep with it on so we would wake up to it. I’m in the USA and he was in the UK, so no. If he didn’t CTB, I would have moved there. He had kids. I don’t lol.
Late bump. I want to sleep but I can't yet. Stan sing me a lullaby please. I guess I'll get into bed anyway in a minute but I wish I was already asleep.